March 23, 2006
Daniel Craig to Continue Being Bond
Despite the protests of fans and websites, producer Barbara Broccoli has indicated that Daniel Craig will be returning to the Bond franchise to continue the story they start in Casino Royale, saying:
We are already working on the sequel. We're in the early stages of that. It will be an original story but will continue part of what the story is in Casino Royale.
This seems premature, seeing that they haven't even made the horrible movie yet, but I'll let Barbara Broccoli do whatever she wants. The critical fans still win as long as they continue to not have the name of a cartoon vegetable.
Previous Entries
The Da Vinci Code Full Trailer
Before you forget that The Da Vinci Code was popular a couple years ago, make sure you watch the trailer for Ron Howard's film version. Yahoo! Movies has posted an exclusive trailer for the upcoming movie, starring Tom Hanks as the intrepid Lou Da Vinci, great-grandson of the famous Leonardo, who inherits the famous Mona Lisa only to trade it to an albino for a pizza. Whoops! How is he going to get it back? By dressing up like a woman and sneaking into Albino College! It's Da Vinci Co-Ed!*
*This may not actually be the plot, but I think that would make a better movie that this.
X-Men: The Last Stand Images Still Goofy
A couple more X-Men 3 pictures have turned up, providing a fuller documentation of the destruction of the franchise. The images prove that Beast still looks like My Pet Monster and that no matter how well Magneto may control magnetism, old guys still don't know how to load a dishwasher. It's true--they don't!
See Beast stand awkwardly after the jump.
Little Miss Sunshine Trailer
Apple now has a high-definition trailer for Little Miss Sunshine up, telling the story of a dysfunctional family traveling to California for a child's beauty pageant. Even though it's in the all-too-familiar pseudo-subtle comedy style that seems almost required in independent movies these days, it still looks better than most things coming out any time soon, especially with Steve Carell involved. And at least watching that will keep me from staring at this photograph of an old man's testicles that someone slid under my door yesterday. Where did it come from and why can't I throw it away? These are questions I can't answer. I fear it's magic. The photograph, not the testicles. They're pretty standard, besides being very old.
Simon Pegg Begins Hot Fuzz Video Diary
Simon Pegg, one of the brilliant minds behind Shaun of the Dead, has started a video diary to record the progress of his new cop comedy, Hot Fuzz. Filming doesn't begin for another week, so there aren't any actual scenes or sets yet, but that doesn't stop you from seeing the surprising preparations being done to make the action authentic. You can see Pegg pull some exciting bicycle skids, see him shoot some guns, and if you hurry to my apartment, see a man simultaneously use the bathroom, weep, and masturbate. Nevermind, I just finished one.
Snakes on a Plane Footage is Amazing
Look at this footage for Snakes on a Plane and try not to agree that you've "had it with these snakes." You think they're just on the ground, in holes, in some high weeds, things like that, right? Not in this case. This is going to sound absolutely crazy, you might not believe it at first, but these particular snakes are actually on a plane. It's a tough issue to deal with; it's close-quarters up there, and snakes aren't traditionally found on planes. No one knows how to deal with them... except one badass fucker named Sam Jackson (this may or may not be his name in the movie).
This biggest mistake I see in this movie isn't the ridiculous plot, or even that the effects look like they're painted by Bob Ross, but that the stewardess is fighting the snakes by cutting them apart. Doesn't she know that cutting a snake in half just makes two snakes, each as deadly as the first? You need to make sure you kill them or they'll use math against you, specifically multiplication. The one exception is constrictors, which, even if they continue to multiply as you cut them apart, will eventually become small enough that they can't constrict you. Still, why leave anything to chance? Treat them like a parking lot rapist and use a Taser, like Samuel L. Jackson does.
NOTE: The website will ask you to "Sign Up Now & Add Snakes on a Plane as a Friend." Snakes on planes should not be considered friends, under any circumstances.
