March 28, 2006
Be a Part of Who Wants to be a Superhero?
Have you always wanted to be a superhero? Now you might have the chance, loser. SciFi is now accepting applications for Stan Lee's new reality show Who Wants to be a Superhero? (kudos to them for still trying to cash in on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?):
In nationwide open casting calls, potential heroes will arrive in costume to prove their mettle — revealing the true nature of their superhuman abilities and invoking the noble credos by which they live. Make no mistake, you don't have to love comic books to be the superhero we're looking for. If you have a great imagination, love adventure, and have a hero hiding inside of you, we want you on this show. Students, teachers, firemen, soccer moms — you're all invited to try out to see if you've got what it takes. From thousands of hopefuls, Stan Lee will choose 11 lucky finalists to move into a secret lair and compete for the opportunity to become a real-life superhero.
I have no idea what they mean by competing for the chance to "become a real-life superhero," since I don't think the SciFi Channel actually has the capabilities to do that, but I'm guessing it will involve a lot of public ridicule. This theory is further supported by original name for the show, National Wedgie.
Previous Entries
An American Haunting Trailer
The trailer for An American Haunting was released this weekend. It's looks like another shock-you-to-death horror, but this one's trying to set itself apart by bragging that it documents the true story of the only documented case of "death by spirit" in U.S. history. What takes away from the believability for me, though, is that it's set in the 1800's. They blamed almost everything on the supernatural back then. I'd imagine that attributing the death to a spirit was probably just as a substitute for witches, which had been overused to the point of suspicion. The scene in the police department probably went something like this:
Lieutenant: Detective Johnson, about this last murder...
Johnson: Yes, sir?
Lieutenant: I noticed you, again, called this one a "witching."
Johnson: Yes, sir. I'll try to get the wench drowned by sundown.
Lieutenant: Right, right. Don't get me wrong, you've been doing a great job catching witches. Your methods--the weighings, drownings, blind accusations--they're all top notch. It's just that you've been calling a lot of murders witching lately. The last 30, actually. People are beginning to talk that maybe--and I don't believe this--you're just not bothering to investigate anything. I mean, the last murder several people actually witnessed. And it appears you still blamed the death on witching, then drowned the witnesses as "accompwitches," which I acknowledge as being clever, but still. Do you see what I'm saying?
Johnson: Spirits then?
Lieutenant: I'll buy it. Carry on, Johnson.
Samuel L. Jackson to Narrate March of the Penguins Spoof
As a thematic sequel to Snakes on a Plane (the theme being "shit"), Samuel L. Jackson will narrate a parody of the film March of the Penguins, which will mix archival wildlife footage with an R-rated script written by Bob Saget. Saget went on to explain that he got the idea for the film while watching March of the Penguins at a friend's house, as he kept unwillingly doing voices for the birds:
I couldn't stop doing the voice-overs of the penguins, reminiscent of when I did those animal voices on that video show back in the day.
The moral of this story? It turns out watching a movie with Bob Saget is even worse than I could have ever imagined.
Tony Danza Show Won't Return
Tony Danza has now officially said The Tony Danza Show, the "extravadanza" that got America up each morning, will likely not return to television this fall:
Advising viewers to "enjoy the rest of the run," Mr. Danza said his personal effort to find a clearance in New York for the fall, which he discussed on the air on Monday, had failed. "We are going to finish real strong and enjoy what we have left," he said.
In memorial, I'd like to reflect on some of my favorite moments from his hit show. Such as...
...The time Mona dated a man half her age.
...Samantha covering her hickey with a scarf
...When Tony and Angela finally got together.
...The part in the intro where he's playing baseball.
That's all I can remember.
United 93 Trailer
The trailer for United 93 is now available, providing the first real look at the courageous 9/11 story writer/director Paul Greengrass has created. I was all set to hate this trailer just for it's subject matter alone (I only show my patriotism through bumper stickers and racial prejudice), but then I saw the above shot of the pilots, their hands romantically close as they push the throttle, and I was sold. I had this movie all wrong. This isn't an exploitive, hokey, thriller. This is a true romance. This will do for 9/11 what Titanic did for the Titanic disaster: help us dismiss the tragic elements and replace them with sex.
When I saw that touching moment in this trailer, I'll be honest, I shed a single tear. As it ran down my face, I looked into one of my (many) bedside mirrors. The tear, in its salty wetness, had written, "Let's Roll" across my cheek. And my clothes...they had become American flags! Suddenly, the room was full of majestic bald eagles, their calls sounding suspiciously like our National Anthem! And, somehow, I had finished an entire bottle of cold medicine.
The Notorious Bettie Page Notorious Clip
Ain't It Cool News has an exciting clip from The Notorious Bettie Page, showing some of the actresses from the movie re-enacting a Bettie Page bondage film. It doesn't really provide any feeling for what the movie is like, but it does feature women in underwear tying each other up and spanking. So don't complain, or I'll point out your wandering gaze at the urinals. That's right, I caught you, pervert.
