February 23, 2006
Pan's Labyrinth Looks Gross
Ain't-It-Cool-News was sent some scans from a European magazine showing some images from Guillermo del Torro's new horror, Pan's Labyrinth, and man are they terrifying. The film tells the story of a young girl who travels with her family to rural Northern Spain, where her imaginary world begins to take over. Besides revealing how amazing the grotesqueness of this film looks to be, I'm pleased that there's finally proof that other kids had imaginary pale scrotum men that ate big novelty peanuts for them. I told you, mom.
More after the jump.
Previous Entries
Thornton to Get Stuck in Cave
Billy Bob Thornton is on-board to write, direct, and star in a drama telling the true story of Floyd Collins, an explorer who became trapped in Kentucky's Sand Cave in 1925, creating a 13-day media circus that ultimately ended in his death. As soon as I heard this movie involved exploring a cave, I said, "Come on, haven't we all seen The Goonies?" Then I read on and realized it was nothing at all like The Goonies, except possibly that it involves a cavern, so I had to start going around asking people if they really had seen The Goonies, so it wouldn't seem like I thought this movie sounded like that.
Grey Gardens Gets Fictionalized
Grey Gardens, the documentary chronicling the home life of Jackie O's cousin and aunt, whose squalid estate made headlines when the health department threatened to raid the premises, is set to be made into a motion picture starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange:
Barrymore will play Little Edie, and Lange will play her mother, Big Edie Bouvier Beale, the socialite cousin and aunt, respectively, of Kennedy Onassis. The Edies made headlines around the world when Jackie O herself materialized to rescue her family from public disgrace.
What made the original Grey Gardens so interesting was more than the actual story of the affluent socialites; it was the raw exposure of the characters. This production will have a lot to live up to in portraying these personalities. Luckily, they've got Drew Barrymore on board, ensuring a completely inappropriate mix of cute, bubbly optimism, goofy comic pratfalls, and probably visible nipples.
Friday the 13th has Director
The upcoming prequel to Friday the 13th, focusing on the origins of Jason Voorhees, is now attached to horror director Jonathan Liebesman:
Liebesman, who's in final negotiations, has already worked with the studio and Platinum Dunes on "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning," due out in October. His debut feature was 2003's "Darkness Falls" for Revolution.
I can't even describe how low my hopes for this project are. After the Friday the 13th prequel, I hope Liebesman works on inventing invisible poop, because then he'll officially be an expert at creating unnecessary crap I won't see.
Sam Jackson Makes Casting Call
Samuel L. Jackson has announced his grand idea for a new film. He doesn't have a plot or anything, but he has figured out the cast: every A-list black male he can think of.
I think it would be something that people would want to go out and see - if it were me, Denzel [Washington], Eddie [Murphy], Morgan [Freeman], Will [Smith], Don Cheadle, all of us in the same place at the same time.
I'm glad someone finally has the bravery to segregate black actors. Next, he should work on an all-black-actor drinking fountain, or section of a bus. Really, though, I guess this idea isn't any more ridiculous than Ocean's Eleven is for white A-listers, though it's strange that Don Cheadle is somehow in both crowds.
Incidentally, upon hearing Jackson's dream cast, Laurence Fishburne couldn't stop crying.
Those Crazy Chinese
In a recent demand by China's State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, content depicting human actors with animated characters is no longer allowed in the country. Those pieces that have already been approved, luckily, will continue to be aired, allowing another generation of Chinese boys to secretly masturbate to Jessica Rabbit and Cool World.
"These human live-action, so-called animation pieces will not receive distribution or distribution licenses," read the order, issued Feb. 15. However, films and shows that have already received permits will continue to air. CGI and 2-D characters alongside human actors jeopardize "the broadcast order of homemade animation and mislead their development," according to a report from the state-run Xinhua News Agency.
Well, goddammit. How are we going to disseminate our capitalist agenda without sending another Space Jam to China? You've won again, Commies.
