February 01, 2006
Mr. & Mrs. Smith Coming to Television
ABC has ordered a television pilot based on last summer's box office hit, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, in which a bored married couple learns they're both deadly assassins when they're hired to kill each other. Doug Liman, director of the film version, will shoot the episode if his schedule allows. Sometimes a film begs for a television version, but this isn't one of those times. How many times can a married couple learn they're both deadly agents?
"You're a deadly agent, Mrs. Smith? Oh, that's right. I think I remember that yesterday when you kept trying to kill me."
"Men never listen!" says Mrs. Smith with a shrug. The audience roars with laughter and applause, knowing it's true.
Also, no matter who they cast, they're clearly going to be uglier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Do they think I'll drink diet once they've given me regular?*
*I won't.
Previous Entries
Marilyn Manson Is Lewis Carroll
To the delight of parents everywhere, Marilyn Manson is set to direct and star in Phantasmagoria, a film about Lewis Carroll, author of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland." The producer, Alain de la Mata, assures us that, "What people expect from Manson, they're going to get here," which I assume means a white latex bodysuit and prosthetic breasts.
I worry about this film. Manson's music has been known to cause teens to act irrationally, even to the point of linking it to school shootings. What if this film creates a similar effect, causing students to read Lewis Carroll, or try to be writers? The last thing we need in our public schools is more kids reading and writing. When will they do drugs, get each other pregnant and, you know, hang out at the mall with friends?
Tom Cruise Is Romantic
America's only true hero, Tom Cruise, may have his next project planned, having purchased the rights to an untitled romantic comedy from Serendipity writer Marc Klein. And why wouldn't he? Tom Cruise is a normal, heterosexual man who enjoys both romance and comedy. This sounds right up his alley. It's not like he'd prefer a movie about crazy religious ideas, aliens, and a pseudo-relationship with a hot young actress. Save that movie for a psychotic, closeted homosexual-- not my Tommy.
Tom Baker Up For Wearing Long Scarf
In a recent interview with Tom Baker, popular for his portrayal of the titular role in Doctor Who, the actor revealed that he'd be interested in returning to the series if the circumstances were right:
If they could come up with a good enough part I would consider it. It would depend what the proposition was. But I wouldn't want to make an entrance just for a cheap laugh. I've got nothing against cheap laughs but I just don't need to do that now.
I believed this speech until I saw the picture of him. Where are his eyebrows? What has this man done to himself? It looks like he's gained a couple hundred pounds. He's nothing but a cheap laugh. I'd be really interested to hear what proposition would bring him back. I'm willing to wager that a stack of sponge cakes would get him to do just about anything.
Baker also notes that he's never actually seen an episode of Doctor Who. Though he may be fat, he's no nerd.
Academy Award nominations
The nominations for the Academy Awards were just announced.
Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Goodnight and Good Luck
Munich
Achievement in Directing
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich
Best Actor in a Leading Role
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle and Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck
Best Actress in a Leading Role
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightly, Pride and Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
Matt Dillon, Crash
William Hurt, Syriana
Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adam, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Francis McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
These are just the biggies, but you can check out the complete list at the official site.
Mary Jane To Descend Staircase In Spider-Man 3
New pictures leaked from Spider-Man 3 show Kirsten Dunst wearing an elegant blue dress on an unidentified set. Many are speculating about what exactly the pictures portray, so let me offer my own theory: She's descending from a lesbian spaceship, where she, Bryce Howard, and several other still unannounced stars were having a time of it. Either that, or she's just in some kind of play or some bullshit.
