February 01, 2006
Britney Spears on Will & Grace
NBC announced yesterday that Britney Spears will guest star on Will & Grace and play a Christian conservative sidekick to Sean Hayes' character, Jack. The episode will premiere on April 13 which, ironically, is the same date I'll be stabbing myself in the eyes. Coincidence? You be the judge.
Previous Entries
Scary Movie 4 Trailer
Yahoo! has the new trailer for Scary Movie 4 and it looks like the typical stuff you've come to expect from movie spoofs. It's nice to see they decided to include Dr. Phil and Shaq though, because I don't think the movie was a big enough joke as it already is. Maybe for Scary Movie 5 they can cast Vanilla Ice and the guy from those Gazelle infomercials.
Coens Back to Bloody Stuff
Production is set to begin in May on The Coen Brothers' next project, an adaptation of the novel "No County for Old Men." From the description, it sounds like the film will be a return to the noir genre the duo has become best known for:
In the brothers' script Llewelyn Moss, hunting antelope near the Rio Grande, instead finds men shot dead, a lot of heroin, and more than $2 million in cash. But only after two more men are murdered does a victim's burning car lead Sheriff Bell to the carnage out in the desert, and he soon realizes how desperately Moss and his young wife need protection. One party in the failed transaction hires an ex-Special Forces officer to defend his interests against a mesmerizing freelancer, while on either side are men accustomed to spectacular violence and mayhem.
What I like about this concept is that it's very relatable. Hunting antelope, we've all been there. Finding some dead men, a lot of heroin, $2 million, right on. Some burning cars, an ex-Special Forces officer, all makes sense. If we can get someone to shoot Steve Buscemi, I think we've got ourselves a hell of a picture.
Mr. & Mrs. Smith Coming to Television
ABC has ordered a television pilot based on last summer's box office hit, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, in which a bored married couple learns they're both deadly assassins when they're hired to kill each other. Doug Liman, director of the film version, will shoot the episode if his schedule allows. Sometimes a film begs for a television version, but this isn't one of those times. How many times can a married couple learn they're both deadly agents?
"You're a deadly agent, Mrs. Smith? Oh, that's right. I think I remember that yesterday when you kept trying to kill me."
"Men never listen!" says Mrs. Smith with a shrug. The audience roars with laughter and applause, knowing it's true.
Also, no matter who they cast, they're clearly going to be uglier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Do they think I'll drink diet once they've given me regular?*
*I won't.
Marilyn Manson Is Lewis Carroll
To the delight of parents everywhere, Marilyn Manson is set to direct and star in Phantasmagoria, a film about Lewis Carroll, author of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland." The producer, Alain de la Mata, assures us that, "What people expect from Manson, they're going to get here," which I assume means a white latex bodysuit and prosthetic breasts.
I worry about this film. Manson's music has been known to cause teens to act irrationally, even to the point of linking it to school shootings. What if this film creates a similar effect, causing students to read Lewis Carroll, or try to be writers? The last thing we need in our public schools is more kids reading and writing. When will they do drugs, get each other pregnant and, you know, hang out at the mall with friends?
Tom Cruise Is Romantic
America's only true hero, Tom Cruise, may have his next project planned, having purchased the rights to an untitled romantic comedy from Serendipity writer Marc Klein. And why wouldn't he? Tom Cruise is a normal, heterosexual man who enjoys both romance and comedy. This sounds right up his alley. It's not like he'd prefer a movie about crazy religious ideas, aliens, and a pseudo-relationship with a hot young actress. Save that movie for a psychotic, closeted homosexual-- not my Tommy.
