February 07, 2006
Bateman Joins Emporium
Jason Bateman now is set to star alongside Natalie Portman and Dustin Hoffman in Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. The film, written and directed by Zach Helm, focused on a depressed toy store employee (Portman) who is left the store upon the owner's death, with Bateman playing an accountant hired to appraise the establishment. This is the first feature role for Bateman since Fox failed to renew Arrested Development, opening up his schedule for other projects. With Bateman taking on larger roles, it has improved the chances for me to see the trilogy-ending sequel I've been waiting nearly twenty years for: Adult Wolf.
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Steve Buscemi is a Miller
Steve Buscemi is in final negotiations with New Line to star in the comedy We're the Millers:
The story centers on a drug dealer (Buscemi) who realizes on his birthday that he wants out of the business. He decides to do one more job, which forces him to travel to Mexico and create a make-believe family, the Millers, in order to bring 1,400 pounds of marijuana into the U.S.
I'm not sure how making a fake family allows you to bring more drugs into the country, unless it's just more large intestines to shove drugs into. If that's the case, I propose they instead make it about a guy who gets extra intestines added to his body, but it turns out each has a different personality, so they keep getting in arguments while going through customs and things. Chris Rock does the voice of the sassy one, they're animated by Pixar, and we call it My Four Colons. How about it, New Line?
Nacho Libre Trailer
Ain't It Cool News has scored the Internet exclusive trailer for the new Jack Black comedy, Nacho Libre, in which he plays a Mexican wrestler. Black was actually more toned down than I thought he'd be, and the presentation seemed like it may only marginally offend the Mexican people.
I did notice that it seemed like a lot of the jokes centered around being fat, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's for that very reason that I've chosen obesity as this year's Funniest Physical Problem for the fifth consecutive year. Try again next year, hare-lip.
Cromwell Is Captain Stacy
In further inconsequential Spider-Man casting news, James Cromwell has been cast as Captain Stacy, the father of Bryce Dallas Howard's Gwen Stacy. This is almost twice as exciting as other recent news of the casting of the Sandman's wife.
Despite Cromwell's casting, to me there will only ever be one Captain Stacy, and that's the 11-year-old girl who patrols my block in a home-knit cape. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have any friends, so say "Hi" to her, okay?
Batman Eavesdropping News
Someone named "Alexander" tells SuperHeroHype that he's a grip on the set of Christopher Nolan's The Prestige and has overheard some secret Batman meetings between Nolan, Christian Bale, and Michael Caine. And what did "Alexander" hear? Apparently, "Alexander" claims to have heard the name Paul Bettany followed by Joker, and Jake Gyllenhaal followed by Dent. Let's not get too excited here, "Alexander." Hearing a name and a role doesn't necessarily mean they're connected. I mean, my name is often mentioned with "strange pervert" and "sex offender," but that doesn't mean it's true. At least until my court case.
Gyllenhaal seems a bit young for Dent, doesn't he? Still, I hope he's cast, because when someone says something about "Broke-Bat Mountain" I'm going to punch them blind. Even if it's "Alexander."
V for Vendetta Super Bowl Spot
In case you missed it, the Official V for Vendetta site has posted the Super Bowl trailer from Sunday night. It isn't too long, but it does show some new stuff, like Natalie Portman in a cute little outfit practically tailored for perverts. Plus, it proves once and for all that the "page boy" is the haircut of the future. Bruce Vilanch was right again.
