December 08, 2005
Jason Statham gets "Cranked"
I don't want to tell Hollywood how to do their job, but maybe they should put a little more effort into the scripts they back.
IN "Speed," Keanu Reeves had to keep driving a booby-trapped bus at 50 mph at least or it would explode. In "Crank," Jason Statham is a hitman who's been shot up with a Chinese poison that will kill him if his adrenaline level drops. Amy Smart (above), who plays his girlfriend, told the Chicago Sun Times: "What Jason must do to keep his adrenaline up is insane. He has to hammer nails into his legs, snort coke and have crazy sex in public."
Don't get me wrong, I love Jason Statham because he's one of the baddest ass badasses in the world, but the premise of this movie sounds like a joke. How about instead of having to hammer nails into his legs, he instead single-handedly beats up the Yakuza and then the Italian mob with only his fists? The story would be just as lame, but at least we'd get to see Jason Statham doing what he does best.
Previous Entries
X3 Teaser Trailer
Apple has the brand new teaser trailer for X3 out and in HD no less. I wish I was excited about this, but after seeing it I felt totally underwhelmed. Juggernaut is 800 lbs too small, Beast looks like a blue troll, and we're all getting sick of Magneto manipulating Wolverine's skeleton. Plus, I was really hoping we'd have some Sentinels this time around.
If I was in charge of this thing, it would have just been a closeup on a Sentinel face with the eyes lighting up, and in a monotone robotic voice, "Destroy all mutants." It doesn't even matter if there are Sentinels in the movie, because it'd be so damn sweet.
The Fountain Trailer
Apple has an exclusive trailer for Darren Aronofsky's The Fountain. You can't really make much sense of what the plot is about, but considering this guy made Pi and Requiem for a Dream, it's a pretty solid bet that the movie will be good. It's also a pretty solid bet that I have muscles the size of a spaceship!
- The Fountain Trailer [Apple]
Tyra Banks gets fat
The next time you take a drunken stroll through the streets and decide to urinate on the nearest fat woman you see, watch out - that fat woman could be Tyra Banks. She recently went undercover as a 350-pound woman to see what it's like to be obese.
It was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life. I started walking down the street and within 10 seconds, a trio of people looked at me, snickered, looked me right in my eye and started pointing and laughing in my face."
Well I'm sure this is a shocking revelation to all of us. Fat people...are made fun of?! Oh my God?! Since when?! I can't wait for the episode where she discovers that child molesters aren't welcome as preschool teachers and quadriplegics don't win the 100 meter gold.
Jennifer Love Hewitt gets hookery
Jennifer Love Hewitt is getting down and dirty, by starring as a hooker housewife from Texas in a feature based on an article titled "She Had Brains, a Body, and the Ability to Make Men Love Her" that appeared in Texas Monthly magazine. I'm not even sure what that means, but as long as they play up the hooker part and put Jennifer in a bunch of saucy looking outfits, I'm sure this will be the best movie of the year.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt sells her body for sex [Monsters and Critics]
Saw - Rebirth Animated Comic
The official Saw 2 site has an animated comic explaining the Jigsaw Killer's origin and all that fun jazz. Considering the first movie was pretty terrible, I don't know why anybody would even care about this sort of thing. Admirable for the movie company to go the lengths of this, but really nobody's interested. Except for, like, the twelve people that actually did enjoy the first Saw.
- Saw - Rebirth Animated Comic [Official Site]
