October 06, 2005
Dane Cook kisses Charlize Theron's ass
And leave it to Jay Leno to make a totally inappropriate comment about how he wanted to switch places with Dane Cook. Why hasn't anybody slapped that big-chinned bastard in the face yet for being a total pervert? The guy does all his interviews while staring at his guests' breasts, and yet when I do it women can't wait to punch me in the face. What an unfair world we live in.
Previous Entries
Lost is taking the easy way out
The more they reveal about the hatch, the more it seems like the writers actually have an explanation for everything that's going on. Unfortunately, it looks like the explanation is going to suck horrible ass. Using a research facility that's a combination of polar bears, electromagnetic research, and other weird psychological experiments seems like the easy way out. I know it would be impossible for the final explanation to satisfy me, but I was hoping for something at least a little more interesting than "the whole thing was a huge science project." Make it a little more interesting, like they're actually stranded in the San Diego Zoo and they've just been too stupid to realize it this whole time. It might not be ground-breaking, but at least it'd be funny.
Peter Jackson produces Halo movie
Peter Jackson is set to produce the upcoming Halo movie.
The director, who is reported to be an avid fan of Halo, will use his Weta production facilities in Wellington, New Zealand where the film will also be shot. Alex Garland, author of popular novel The Beach, has written the script.
Considering how fantastic Lord of the Rings turned out, it should be safe to say that Halo will be an orgasmic experience for gamers everywhere. It's hard to imagine Peter Jackson getting involved in garbage, so I'm pretty confident Halo will turn out okay. It's not like Uwe Boll is directing or anything.
King Kong Teaser Poster
Good lord that's an awesome looking poster. The trailer was disappointing, but at least their marketing group had the good sense to make the poster look like 20 tons of amazing. The only thing I might change would be King Kong having blood run down his mouth and only half of Naomi Watts in his hand. Get it? Because he took a bite out of her. That's Kong-alicious baby.
Rhona Mitra is on Nip/Tuck
It's hard to imagine that they could actually make Nip/Tuck an even greater show than it already is, but putting in the super hot Rhona Mitra really did the trick. There's something about gorgeous half naked women that really makes for good TV. The only problem with the addition of Rhona is that she makes Kelly Carlson look like a man. To be fair though, pretty much all women look like men when they're standing next to Rhona. Get it? Because she's sexy.
And if you watched tonight, then you'll agree with me that Matt totally had the punch in the face coming. You don't throw your mom around and expect not to get punched in the face. It just comes with the territory, man.
I Watch Stuff
Do you know what happens when you spend your entire life sitting in front of a screen watching movies and television? Not only do you become ruggedly handsome like me, you also meet lots of pretty women in fancy bars and learn to seduce them with a simple wink of the eye. Plus, your brain grows to be the size of a car and you become smarter than Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking combined. Yes that's right, a healthy addiction to the moving pictures is the perfect way to get handsome, get women, and get smart.
So sit back, relax, and learn everything about movies and television that I know. Which, ironically, is absolutely nothing.
