October 18, 2005

Sylvester Stallone is still alive

I wish I was making this up, but Sylvester Stallone is set to star in a sixth Rocky movie, despite being a billion years old.

Stallone told the Daily Variety trade magazine the movie will focus on an aging, widowed Rocky who is reluctant to get back in the ring but ends up doing it "just to compete, not to win." "I am drawing on a lot of my feelings that are in sync with many people's feelings about facing the last chapter of their lives and how they want it to be written," Stallone said.

I think in this one, Rocky loses his old-person medication and then has to enter an underground boxing tournament to win pill money. I don't want to ruin anything, but let's just say that at the end of the movie Rocky has a heart attack and is declared 1 billion years old by a doctor.

Charlize Theron is lame

During a taping of Ellen, Charlize Theron started talking about her boyfriend Stuart Townsend and began to jump on the couch in a Tom Cruise imitation. This could have been funny three months ago when it was relevant, but it's a bit late for any sort of couch jumping to topical. At least she's hot enough to melt my penis. That usually makes up for when women are idiots.

October 17, 2005

Weekend Box Office

1. The Fog - $11.8 million ($11.8)
I don't think anybody could have predicted this. Considering it looks like it has no plot and the guy from Smallville is in it, there's really no reason that this should have been number one. I would have said number 8 tops, but that's just me.

2. Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - $11.5 million ($33.1)
Those crazy clay characters sure are chugging away. And so is my awesome use of alliteration.

3. Elizabethtown - $10.6 million ($10.6)
Kirsten Dunst is a decent actress but painfully ugly to look at. I'm not sure I could sit through another one of her movies, having to stare at that horrible mouth of hers.