Happy Valentine's Day from Chocolate Bruce Willis and Japanese John McClane
Never to be outdone in the technology of human facsimile--be that a hyper-realistic android or a meltable simulacrum of Bruce Willis--already Japan has managed to top our sculpted John McCLAY with their own, superior Willis fabrication. Meet Chocolate John McClane, reluctant edible hero and best friend of Japanese '80s John McClane (who looks about equally as much like Bruce Willis). Together, along with Japanese Russian Motorcycle Lady, they livened up a recent Japanese press conference for A Good Day to Die Hard, and made every other press conference that did not involve a monochrome effigy look stupid.
See some more photos and video below, including a touching showing of solidarity between faux McClanes, J-J. McClane carefully wheeling in his delicious successor without a hint of resentment. He ain't heavy. He's his milk chocolate brother.
Somehow biting the whole head off in one chomp would pretty much be the most gratifying moment in Die Hard history. Even more than when that prick gets killed in the first one.
Here's some video of the proceedings. The best part is that they make Japanese John McClane walk on some fake glass. The worst part is that Motorcycle Babe doesn't even unzip her catsuit to reveal a bikini, even though every piece of promotional material has suggested that as her sole utility in the film.