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Oscar Statuette Going on Nationwide Tour of Being Manhandled

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Those wanting footage of themselves inexplicably grasping an Academy Award no longer must meet the prerequisite of being Cuba Gooding Jr. Starting next month, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is reportedly taking a real Oscar statuette on a road trip to give fans the chance to get their greasy fingers on the esteemed trophy without actually doing anything to earn it. The journey started in New York on February 4th, where Oscar will in all likelihood pick up the flu virus and become a glittering, asymptomatic scourge over a 21-day epidemic journey that ends in Hollywood just in time to be used in the ceremony.

Here's a list of the locations and dates of the planned stops. Attend, and feel the honor of knowing that when Daniel Day-Lewis receives his Oscar, you can think, "Hah! That might be the one I groped, you dumbass!"

February 4 - New York
February 6 - Philadelphia
February 7 - Washington, D.C.
February 8 - Baltimore
February 11 - Chicago
February 13 - St. Louis
February 14 - Kansas City
February 17 - Houston
February 18 - Dallas
February 21 - Phoenix
February 24 - Hollywood

More details to come at OscarRoadTrip.com.

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