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Vin Diesel Will Play Kojak, Because Just Think About Their Similar Heads

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Using the same casting strategy that led Ving Rhames to play the title role in USA's short-lived revival of Kojak, Universal Pictures has decided the similarly already-bald Vin Diesel is just the conveniently shorn guy to assume the part in a feature film. It just seemed easiest.

Deadline reports the studio is "getting serious" about rebooting the '70s cop, attaching Diesel as the man to play the part and signing the writers of the last several Bond films to pen a script modernizing the lollipop-loving character with new, contemporary hard candies.

Originally played by Telly Savalas over a five-year run on CBS, Kojak was a tough New York cop noted for making characters question who would ever show them affection with his signature catchphrase, "Who loves ya, baby?" Isn't that just the kind of thing you want Vin Diesel's tunnel voice droning? Universal thought so, too. Plus, you know, there's the already-bald thing. They are going to save so much of their CGI scalp budget.

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