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Universal Sues 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Porn for Being Too Faithful

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Justly arguing that a ridiculous porn adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey isn't all that different than what their straight take will turn out like anyway--except for the number of vagina close-ups--Universal is reportedly filing suit against Fifty Shades of Grey: a XXX Adaptation, starring Allie Haze and Ryan Driller.

Back in March, the studio outbid Fox and Sony to pay $5 million for movie rights to the E.L. James novel, dubbed "mommy porn" because of how into the vivid bondage descriptions our mommies are. Unfortunately for them, pornographers Smash Pictures have now beaten them to the ball-gag, producing what the lawsuit alleges is not a parody but an outright ripoff, "lifting exact dialogue, characters, events, story, and style" without the rights nor the laughs masturbators have come to expect from such Smash spoofs as Bridesmaids XXX Porn Parody and Diary Of Love - A XXX Romance Adaption Of "The Notebook".

Indeed the film doesn't even purport to be a parody, the DVD's case (SFW) promising only a XXX adaptation that will look great on your 1080p television. And Smash executive Stuart Wall, in describing his vision of XXX adapting Fifty Shades of Grey, last summer gave L.A. Weekly a pretty damning quote in what I assume was their "Ask a Pornographer" section, telling the magazine, "Since they are going to make a mainstream [film] of the books, too, dabbling in the adult world we're choosing to go with a XXX adaption which will stay very true to the book and its S&M-themed romance."

Even with that admission of non-parody intent, Universal lawyers still decided to purchase and watch the porn, start to finish, just to, you know, make the case stronger or whatever, allowing them to, with certainty and an erection, say:

Beginning with the first XXX Adaptation's opening scene and continuing throughout the next 2½ hours of the film, Smash Pictures copies without reservation from the unique expressive elements of the Fifty Shades trilogy, progressing through the events of 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and into the second book, 'Fifty Shades Darker.' The first XXX adaptation is not a parody, and it does not comment on, criticize, or ridicule the originals. It is a rip-off, plain and simple."

The studio and book's rights holders are asking for monetary damages and an injunction, so if you want to see a Fifty Shades of Grey movie that delivers all the detailed thrusting the book demands, you'd better hurry up and order a DVD, mommy.

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