Hasbro Making Movie About Tonka Twucks Going VROOM! KRSHHHH!
Bringing out their toy boats didn't win the attention of the adults in the room, so now Hasbro is going to try excitedly showing off their impressive Tonka collection.
In the wake of the box office disappointment of Battleship, the toy company-turned-studio has announced plans to develop its long-running line of Tonka truck toys into "a family friendly motion picture that brings the TONKA experience to life" in ways a construction guy actually using a real-life bulldozer apparently have not. Free from their former attachment to Battleship studio Universal, Hasbro is teaming with the same production cohorts they turned to for Candy Land, planning an animated venture with Sony Pictures Animation and Adam Sandler's Happy Madison--thus all but assuring Kevin James yet another blue collar role, this time as the voice of either a fat guy driving around a backhoe or just the backhoe itself.
In the official press release, Hasbro senior vice president and managing director of motion pictures Bennett Schneir went on to promise "a terrific story for audiences around the world," though he did not elaborate on what that story would be, or how it would make audiences around the world give a shit about a 18-inch-long cement mixer. That's up to Joe Dirt and Grown Ups writer Fred Wolf, who's been hired for the script, but I imagine it will be something like this (with Rob Schneider):
