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Kurtzman & Orci Will Reboot 'Mummy' and 'Van Helsing', and Tom Cruise Will Go Ahead and Be Van Helsing

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Hollywood's large-scale plan to eliminate all evidence that director Stephen Sommers ever existed is finally making some ground over at Universal, where prolific blockbuster creators Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci have been hired to overwrite all the supernatural bullshit Sommers contrived with The Mummy and Van Helsing.

Though Kurtzman and Orci just made a deal with Sony to write and executive produce their next Spider-Man film, the duo has now signed a two-year first-look production deal with Universal Pictures. Sadly, as part of this deal, they have to help the studio destroy any and all legacy Stephen Sommers tried to create there.

To do this, the pair's K/O Paper Products will join in on the development process of the Brendan Fraser-less Mummy reboot Universal announced early last month. Though Prometheus screenwriter Jon Spaihts is still working on a script of "epic scale" to go "back to a franchise's roots in dark, scary source material," Kurtzman and Orci will now help him out to presumably make sure that "dark" and "scary" will remain "highly-profitable," as the two have a pretty good track record for that if you disregard The Island and Cowboys & Aliens.

Kurtzman and Orci will also take over development on Universal's long-planned Van Helsing reboot. They'll be producing alongside Tom Cruise, who is also attached to take over Hugh Jackman's title role in the film, marking the first, most obvious way this film will attempt to scribble all over Sommers' work.

Elsewhere in Hollywood, other have already been doing their part to assist in wiping clean the remaining prints of Steve Sommers. Paramount's G.I. Joe: Retaliation all but ignores Sommers ever made a G.I. Joe film at all, while their supernatural take on Huck Finn should help everyone forget Elijah Wood was ever in Sommers' 1993 Twain adaptation; various Jungle Book adaptations moving forward at several studios should similarly wash out the taste of Sommers' Jason Scott Lee film. Basically, all that's left in this grand scheme is to remake Deep Rising and pretend you don't hear if Stephen Sommers comes up to you at a party and starts talking about how he's got this Dean Koontz adaptation coming out.

  • September 25, 2012
    You got that right, Brendan Fraser. / Continue →
  • April 24, 2012
    Over the last few years, the inconsistent writing team of Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci have typed-out vivid description of explosions into a long, CGI chain-robot of blockbusters and lesser, would-be tentpoles. Since 2005, the two have shared credit on The Island, Mission: Im... / Continue →
  • April 4, 2012
    Having lost three-time franchise star Brendan Fraser to what we'll call the curse of The Mummy (weight gain, hair loss, dwindling tolerability with every Inkheart, Extraordinary Measures, or Furry Vengeance), Universal has decided to completely restart their hugely-profitable M... / Continue →
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