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'Home Alone 5' Will Do 'Home Alone' Plot Again

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The enduring themes of a child facing his fears and burglars facing a paint can heaved off a banister will once again be struggled with in yet another entry to the ever-declining Home Alone franchise.

ABC Family and Fox TV Studios have announced a start to production on Home Alone 5: Alone in the Dark, a film that will join Jenny McCarthy's Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe in being a feature film that premieres on ABC Family's "25 Days of Christmas" before finding its way to Netflix's eighth page of holiday-themed streaming options.

This sequel stars Christian Martyn as Finn, a recently-relocated eight-year-old Californian who fears his new house in Maine is haunted. Unaware that the "ghost" is just the angry spectre of John Hughes futilely attempting to stop production, Finn sets up a series of traps in the hopes of catching the fiend, but when his parents leave him HOME ALONE (note: he's apparently with his sister, so the title isn't even apt anymore), he ends up catching something more tangible than spirits: Malcolm McDowell's career! McDowell and his droogs, Debi Mazar and Eddie Steeples, play burglars attempting to rob the house, so hopefully Finn's method of ghost entrapment involves dropping an iron on the fuckers' heads or I'm not really sure how effective that's going to be against Malcom McDowell--who, as we know, is himself pretty skilled at using what he finds in a house to mush up someone's face.

Garfield's Peter Hewitt is directing, and Ed Asner is also listing among the cast. Despite the franchise getting worse and worse in pretty much every imaginable way, somehow the "scary elderly person who ends up being kindly" role is actually a more notable actor this time. Go figure, huh, John Hughes' angry ghost?

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