Oscars host Billy Crystal's forthcoming "thanks to Shame, I can tell if Michael Fassbender is a fellow Jew!" routine will NOT be cut short for some Muppets. With no songs by Randy Newman nominated--thanks to a new voting system I don't really understand, only The Muppets' "Man or Muppet" and Rio's "Real in Rio" have been nominated for Best Song this year--the Academy has decided it isn't even worth performing any of the songs. As Deadline reports, outside of whatever host Crystal surely comes out tap dancing to, there will be no musical interludes at this year's show; just four grueling hours of "thank you"s and a moment of indignation when we realize Macho Man was omitted from the memorial. Despite a public campaign to get the Muppets to host the Oscars, now we aren't even going to get the few moments of unadulterated joy that would have come with at least a performance by the group. Best we can hope for at this point is the Muppets will present--but even that dream is marred by the knowledge that it would just be Miss Piggy telling Mel Gibson, "I thought I was the pig," because that is what Bruce Vilanch will write for Miss Piggy to say. This is a bust.