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Michael Bay Now Rebooting 'Transformers' with New Humans, Mostly Same Robots

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After making three Transformers movies in a row, Michael Bay has himself admitted, "I'm not sure what I'm doing." His ears now constantly ring with a vaguely robotic din; his eyes are tired and strained from trying to follow so many CGI metal shards; his brain is mush, puréed by the malfunctioning blender that is a Transformers action scene; he wakes up every night to screams, Shia LaBeouf's phantom cries for "OPTIMUS!" interrupting his once-blissful, explosion-filled slumber. Michael Bay knows it's time for a change. Change like... another Transformers movie, but maybe this time with different human placeholders shouting things? Yeah, that works for Michael Bay.

So, once he shoots his long talked about, relatively low-budget, based-on-a-true-story Pain and Gain with Dwayne Johnson and Mark Wahlberg playing bodybuilders-turned-criminals, Bay will reportedly be getting straight back to making a Transformers film--but this time with a new story featuring a cast of new actors but familiar, comfortingly-racist robots. What's more, he'll apparently have this new Transformer done in a couple summers, as Paramount has already set a July 29, 2014 release date.

Speaking to MTV, producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura used the term "reboot" to describe this planned fourth Transformers, but later clarified that it's more of "an evolution"--like the evolution of cars from four-wheeled vehicle to upright, bipedal robot. Contrasting this reboot with the recently-overhauled Spider-Man franchise, di Bonaventura made clear that there will be a continuity with the original films, and we can still expect to see such popular cars and trucks as Optimus Prime and Bumblebee in the brief moments when they're recognizably static on the screen. It will, however, have "a whole new story," rather than the... uh... currently established motives for all the clanging, whatever that may be. I sort of lost track.

Despite previous reports claiming otherwise, Jason Statham is not in talks to star--nor is anyone else for that matter--and a fifth film has not yet been tacked on to the shooting schedule. According to the ever-patriotic MichaelBay.com, as of now, Bay and executive producer Steven Spielberg are finishing up what's been months of collaboration on "a whole new re imagining of Transformers," and the hunt is now beginning for a writer to realize whatever this new vision of Transforming is. I'm betting it will involve a hot babe.

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