'The Artist' Actually 'A Rapist,' Says 'Vertigo' Star

Bravely coming forward rather than letting a repurposed film score shame and victimize her, Vertigo star Kim Novak has come forward to accuse the critically-acclaimed film The Artist of being a rapist.

In a statement that, mayyyyybe crossing a line in its use of a key term, opens with "I want to report a rape," Novak claims that The Artist's use of the Love Theme from Vertigo was more than just a distracting music choice to anyone familiar with the Hitchcock score; "I feel as if my body -- or, at least my body of work -- has been violated by the movie," Novak said in a full-page ad in Variety, taking care to note the razor-thin line between the appropriation of sound and violent, forceful sexual assault.

Speaking perhaps at this point for all the silent victims of silent films, Novak continued...

Novak went on to say that "The Artist" could and should have been able to stand on its own. "There was no reason for them to depend on Bernard Herrmann's score from 'Vertigo' to provide more drama. 'Vertigo's' music was written during the filming. Hitchcock wanted the theme woven musically in the puzzle pieces of the storyline. Even though they did given Bernard Herrmann a small credit at the end, I believe this kind of filmmaking trick to be cheating. Shame on them!"

This kind of "borrowing" could portend a dangerous future for all artists in film. "It is morally wrong of people in our industry to use and abuse famous pieces of work to gain attention and applause for other than what the original work was intended. It is essential that all artists safeguard our special bodies of work for posterity, with their individual identities intact and protected.

The Weinsteins have refused to comment on the matter, and they're probably back at their frat house right now playing XBOX as if none of this even happened, but The Artist director Michel Hazanavicius has managed to work up a sheepish, "but it was for love, baby," saying:

"The Artist was made as a love letter to cinema, and grew out of my (and all of my cast and crew's) admiration and respect for movies throughout history. It was inspired by the work of Hitchcock, Lang, Ford, Lubitsch, Murnau and Wilder. I love Bernard Herrmann and his music has been used in many different films and I'm very pleased to have it in mine. I respect Kim Novak greatly and I'm sorry to hear she disagrees."

"Yay! A different director is being labeled an actual rapist for once!", said Roman Polanski.