Your new movie releases:
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Optimus Prime
Good if you want to see: a hole-filled plot loosely slung over some exciting metal shards--much like a tattered shawl draped over a CGI robot.
Director: Tom Hanks
Starring: Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts
Good if you want to see: America's Favorite Actors falling in love! Doesn't that sound pleasant enough, Mom?
Director: Thomas Bezucha
Starring: Selena Gomez, Leighton Meester, Katie Cassidy
Good if you want to see: Selena Gomez get treated like a princess, because it turns out she looks enough like an actual princess that it causes a case of mistaken identity--which sounds like an absolute dream if you are a 10-year-old girl who wants to become a princess through chance and deception.
Director: Azazel Jacobs
Starring: Jacob Wysocki, John C. Reilly
Good if you want to see: a coming-of-age tale about an overweight youth so resigned to his outcast status that he shows up to school in pajamas every day. Should I be concerned that I just typed that sentence while in my underwear?
The Perfect Host (limited)
Director: Nick Tomnay
Starring: David Hyde Pierce, Clayne Crawford
Good if you want to see: a bank robbing con man and Frasier's brother in a deception-filled back and forth set in David Hyde Pierce's wine-filled home.
Crime After Crime (limited)
Director: Yoav Potash
Starring: Deborah Peagler
Good if you want to see: a documentary about the merciless, unjust prison sentence given to an abused woman who finally got revenge and freedom from her violent boyfriend, painting a vivid image of what's wrong with our legal system: that it's not run entirely by Law & Order's Jack McCoy.