Alright, Raja Gosnell. I know you're the director responsible for Big Momma's House, both Scooby-Doo films, and Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and therefore I should not expect a lot from a live-action adaptation of The Smurfs guided by your forceful hand on its lower back, leading into a painful hour-and-a-half experience none of us will ever want to discuss again. But would it have been so hard to at least make Smurfette look good enough for me to still feel that expected, uneasy attraction to her? (Trust me, it wouldn't have been very hard.)
How depressing is it that--just as talking pet films now need to be spiced up with even more fantastical body-switching elements--this franchise is STARTING with Smurfs Take Manhattan? The Smurfs in their mushroom village fighting Gargamel isn't enough anymore? We really needed to make sure Blue Man Group references and skateboarding could be worked in right from the start? Fine.