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'Conan the Barbarian' Trailer Provides Clanging, Animal Sounds, Explosions

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When you hire Marcus Nispel, the director of the reboots of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th, to remake something, you shouldn't be too surprised when the result is a dimly-lit recreation that neither does justice to the original nor particularly offends it. He is the film world's middle-aged lounge band, thanklessly performing uneven, forgettable covers to a bored and inattentive crowd. With that in mind, this Conan remake looks about right.


KABLOOEY! Of course he still runs from explosions. Might as well carry that action trope over to the swords & sorcery genre. And while you're at it, get Julie Taymor in here to shoot a few scenes with some mud-caked dudes. She loves that shit.

  • July 6, 2011
    "Run from me, and I will tear apart the mountains to find you," Conan the Barbarian promises Stephen Lang, the man who killed his father. Well, in this latest trailer for the film, the Cimmerian doesn't really tear apart any mountains, but man, he sure fucks up a thin, decorati... / Continue →
  • June 17, 2011
    While the first Conan the Barbarian trailer was all CLANG!, ROAR!, KABLOOEY!, this one is like SPLAT!, GUITAR!, MY NAME'S CONAN! I guess that's a little better.... / Continue →
  • June 7, 2011
    Conan sure isn't going to let Harry Potter have the final word on needlessly ember-filled poster design. Following yesterday's reveal of a primitive, post-meth-addiction Ron Perlman, Lionsgate has flooded us with four more one-sheet designs introducing us to the rest of the fil... / Continue →
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