God, Don't Remake 'The Toxic Avenger'

Fine, remake The Toxic Avenger:

Get ready for a movie makeover for The Toxic Avenger, the anti-hero who became the beachhead mutant in a Troma Films schlock heyday that included such 1980s classics as Surf Nazis Must Die, Rabid Grannies and Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator. Toxie, as the mop-wielding character is affectionately called, is at the center of a remake deal for a film that will be produced by Akiva Goldsman, Richard Saperstein and Charlie Corwin.

The group intends to turn Toxie into a green superhero for these environmentally conscious times.

The remake will be mounted as a family friendly PG-13 action comedy akin to The Mask...

I've sat here for a while trying to think of some witty way to decry this transformation of a low-budget cult icon into a hideously-deformed Captain Planet for the (13 and over!) family, but all I can think is, regardless of the sanctity of the original (which could be argued after several sequels, a cartoon, a musical, an NES game, and a toy line with a ridiculous catchy jingle), Christ this sounds like a piece of shit.

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