Cameron Diaz Is a Terrible Teacher

Ut oh, someone forgot to take away Cameron Diaz's comedy card after What Happens in Vegas happened. According to Variety, the Year One writers have cooked up something new to feature her jester grin:

Cameron Diaz is heading back to school for Columbia Pictures’ raunchy comedy “Bad Teacher.”

The actress will star in the Jake Kasdan-helmed pic, which was penned by “The Office” scribes Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky.

Story centers on a foulmouthed, gold-digging middle-school teacher who, after getting dumped by her boyfriend, competes with a colleague for the affections of the school’s model teacher.

Eisenberg, Stupnitsky, I don't want to tell you guys how to write a Cameron Diaz comedy, but you know what really, really works? Put some cum in her hair. It sounds crazy, but seriously, just glob some sperm on her and you've got comedy gold. It's the red nose on the Diaz clown, except instead of being a funny big nose, it's human semen.