November 1, 2009 - November 7, 2009 Archives
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How long have we waited for a film villain to combine equal parts Tiny Tim and Nosferatu? TOO LONG. Don't wait any longer. He is risen:... / Continue →
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Specifically, the nation of Japan thought of that, opening the floodgates for Pirates vs. Predator, Zombies vs. Freddy, and Whatever Group Internet Culture Has Deemed Cool vs. Standard Versus Character. This is the plot (the plot is basically ninjas fighting aliens): Once upo... / Continue →
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If you thought the last Sherlock Holmes trailer was "wtf sherlock homes is not a cage fighter gay," wait until you see this one! You should have roughly he same reaction.... / Continue →
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Forget mobile phone-based thrillers, everyone. We've got a new ridiculous, specific brand of mysterious-agents-chasing-a-guy thriller on the way that sounds even better (stupider): the magic pill that makes you rich and powerful thriller! Finally, a film that turns Kids in the ... / Continue →
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Dan Aykroyd, Anna Faris, and Justin Timberlake!: Faris will play a nature documentarian who follows the antics of a bear in fictional Jellystone Park. Aykroyd will voice Yogi, and Timberlake could end up lending his pipes for Yogi's constant companion, Boo Boo. Aykroyd will v... / Continue →
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Mom is already asking the ticket guy to see a manager about these. "Why would anyone name a movie something so vile? Let alone print it on posters and hang it up for me to see! And children! Children could see this, when they only wanted to see a Shrek! It's offensive! It's jus... / Continue →
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Yeah, someone still thinks it's a good idea to make another movie about Nicolas Cage riding a motorcycle and sometimes having a flaming skull head. Screenwriter David Goyer recently talked to MTV about the project, and made sure to drop the superhero movie buzzword, "darker," ... / Continue →
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Joining a vocal cast that already includes most key members of the The Mask of Zorro Desperado (whups!), the always enjoyable Zach Galifanakis is negotiating to provide the voice of Humpty Dumpty in the Shrek spin-off Puss in Boots. The animated picture, as its title implies, f... / Continue →
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Don't just sit at home playing your CD-ROMs; enjoy a film this weekend. Here are some options: A Christmas Carol Director: Robert Zemeckis Starring: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Bob Hoskins, the leads from The Princess Bride Good if you want to see: disgusting near-humans acting ... / Continue →
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Titled 2013, naturally: “The plan is that it is 2013 and it’s about what happens after the disaster,” Emmerich told EW while walking the red carpet for the 2012 premiere Tuesday. “It is about the resettling of Earth. That is very, very fascinating. (2012 writer/producer) Haral... / Continue →
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Realizing there were still board games not yet arbitrarily being made into feature films, Sony announced yesterday they had purchased the movie rights to Risk. Because moving representative armies around a board and getting angry with your backstabbing friends for several hours... / Continue →
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Next summer, only one film will combine the action and thrills of a Bourne film with the girlish fun of dying your hair and dressing up in different sexy outfits: Salt! Starring Angelina Jolie as: Salt! Here's your trailer.... / Continue →
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Even the disembodied heads and winged horses scream in this thing. The script must be all vowels and exclamation points. More low-res Clash of the Titans posters here (thanks, Keno).... / Continue →
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The Guttenberg star is on the rise! Or so he claims. With a Short Circuit remake in the works sans Steve Guttenberg, the attention-hungry '80s star has come forward alleging (I'm guessing with no basis in truth) Disney is ready to take the next step in the Three Men and a Baby... / Continue →
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Remember Drive Angry, the already-crazy-sounding upcoming film in which Nicolas Cage drives around trying to kill some other driving dudes who kidnapped his infant granddaughter? Well, if you didn't know, that's a movie coming out, and it sounds crazy, right? Par for the Cage c... / Continue →
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With Robert Rodriguez every week claiming he's working on a new project (where are Sin City 2, Barbarella, and The Jetsons, Rob?) it's hard to take any film he says he'll do too seriously until there's hard evidence. Well, here's a little. Machete takes one dainty step towards ... / Continue →
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His expression is easier to read if you imagine he's on the street, and someone is shouting: "Hey! Matt! Matt Damon! I'm fucking Matt Damon! Hey! I'm fucking Matt Damon! You know, the song? I'm fucking Matt Damon! How about those apples? Hey, where's Ben? Ben Affleck. Where's B... / Continue →
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The Academy hasn't been having an easy time giving away the Oscars Ceremony hosting duties. Ignoring Billy Crystal's face desperately, expectantly pushed against their window, they pulled the blinds and asked Hugh Jackman to return to do more singing and dancing. He said no. Th... / Continue →
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Hollywood anthropologists have stumbled upon a new relic from your youth to CGI into real-world scenarios! USA Today reports Shawn Levy, the man responsible for making museum displays attack/befriend Ben Stiller, is producing a live-action/CGI adaptation of your favorite pompad... / Continue →
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Looks like my family tree! Hahahahahahah! Because my family has a long, proud history of bovid bestiality inexplicably resulting in hoofed children. (Full sizes at Cinematical.)... / Continue →
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You'd think Lucas could get James Earl Jones or anyone else for voice-over instead of this guy. But personally, I'm more upset Debbie Reynolds no longer sings the Yub Nub song at the end.... / Continue →
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Surprising absolutely no one, a brief article in the Hollywood Reporter reveals that Paramount is looking at making a sequel to Paranormal Activity, the recent shaky-cam hit that, at $85 million gross and climbing, has made roughly one billion times its $15k budget back. Have ... / Continue →
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With the future film and television rights to the Terminator franchise up for sale, geek icon Joss Whedon has put in a bid forward a bid and proposed ideas for great directions to take the dying series in this open letter. $10,000, guys. How about it? Dear Sirs/Ma'ams, I am J... / Continue →
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Because Marmaduke being a terrible, giant asshole dog who ruins every life he touches isn't enough to differentiate him from Beethoven or other large dogs not born with the ability for speech. He has to talk, also: Wilson's boarding is the last piece of the puzzle for the live... / Continue →
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Massive CGI landscapes; vague, unplaceable accents; nonstop exposition; an utter lack of any sort of chemistry between "romantic" leads; jumping. If those are things you look for in a film, you are going to love this trailer for Prince of Persia. If not, then, well... prepare t... / Continue →
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Who better to handle the delicate subject of Islam's Prophet Muhammad than a producer on The Matrix, Face/Off, and Alien Dragon vs. Vikings: The Movie? No one. He's obviously the best choice to help make something with so much potential for angry, violent responses. So let's go... / Continue →
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You know the story. Boy finds freak; boy befriends freak; men in power see freak as threat and try to capture/kill freak friend; you sit through the credits hoping the darkness will hide your tears. And this time our freak is: the dragon. Because aliens and giant robots filling... / Continue →
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With Paranormal Activity renewing the popularity of the looks-like-shit horror genre, The Blair Witch Project co-director Eduardo Sánchez has come forward to The Star to say, "Hey, remember me? I co-directed The Blair Witch Project! No, really, IMDb it," and reveal he and Danie... / Continue →
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Your weekend box office report: 1. This Is It - $21.3 million. It pays to video tape major celebrities rehearsing shortly before their unexpected deaths. I knew it would. 2. Paranormal Activity - $16.5 million. I expect this film will take a dive now that the Hallowe'en spect... / Continue →
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With Morgan Freeman's death in The Bucket List (Bucket Spoiler!) virtually eliminating any possibility of a sequel ("virtually" because I don't think the idea of a ghost Freeman can ever be entirely ruled out), Warner Bros. is attempting to get the aging duo back together for a... / Continue →
