The Weekend in Moving Pictures
Looking for a way to break up your weekend of binge drinking away your sadness? See one of these new releases:
Saw VI
Director: Kevin Greutert
Starring: Saw, some people Saw will make chop of their foot or some garbage
Good if you want to see: Jesus, another fucking Saw movie?
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Director: Paul Weitz
Starring: Chris Massoglia, John C. Reilly, Salma Hayek, Paul Dano
Good if you want to see: a kid become a vampire, thanks to John C. Reilly the Vampire; some sort of freak show? I don't know, I'm just basing this off the commercials. It's not like I'm going to read the book or something.
Amelia
Director: Mira Nair
Starring: Hilary Swank, Richard Gere, Ewan McGregor
Good if you want to see: Hilary Swank play a somewhat masculine woman, which history tells us is a popular way to view Hilary Swank; a lady flying a plane!? Crazy!
Astro Boy
Director: David Bowers
Starring: Freddie Highmore, Nicolas Cage, Kristen Bell
Good if you want to see: a man create a robot boy for himself, but not in a creepy way.
Ong Bak 2 (limited)
Director: Tony Jaa, Panna Rittikrai
Starring: Tony Jaa, his many victims
Good if you want to see: Tony Jaa fucking destroy some people with all these awesome moves (if you've seen Ong Bak, you know how legitimately awesome that is).
Antichrist (limited)
Director: Lars von Trier
Starring: Willem Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg
Good if you want to see: just watch the trailer. If you're into that, go for it.