Jul 24 2009'Cabin in the Woods' Posters: Horror Gets Self-Aware... Again

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MGM has debuted the Cabin in the Woods on Coming Soon, and judging by the irreverent wit of the taglines, it looks like writers Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard might be going for some calling-out of slasher conventions à la Scream, except probably much better than Scream.

Below the cut, two more cliché-identifying slogans, though they somehow forgot to include "if your first movie makes some money, make at least seven more":

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Reader Comments

If something is chasing you..... run in a straight line (so the axe, machete, arrow can kill you)

hmm, lets see...

If your friends are captured but you can escape.....save your friends

(or something to that effect)

Similar to the second one, but:

If you hear a noise, always investigate

Evil Dead?

If you're about to queef...... make macaroni and cheese.

If at least one of your friends has already been found dead...
its shower time.

If you hear a noise and go to investigate, it's always a cat jumping onto something...

Then in relief you turn around to get an axe/knife to the head.

/classic

if you're looking into a mirror and you look away
when you look back ..........arghh!

not very catchy!.....oh well.

ha!

If you hear a strange noise...Quick! Announce that you're about to go investigate!

Or "Quick! Ask "who's there?"

This can just keep going, and going...

If you're hiding and can see the killer who's looking for you


take your eyes of him and notice the dead body in the cupboard then scream as loud as you can alerting the killer to your presence and I hope he kills you you muppet you deserve to die.

Hahahahaha Queef!! lol

I think...I think I'm gonna...I'm gonna.....make mac n cheese. Want some? lol

"Since they are not making Evil Dead 4... We will do it for you!! Mhahaawaah!"

IF SOMETHING IS CHASING YOU... run into the nearest dead end.

3O5! queefnation.

If your suspicious of anything

Don't call the police or inform the correct authorities.


Except for scream, does anyone ever call the police?

@15, when a stranger calls

If you find your self at a strange house

Go in but leave the lights off

If you're going to shoot the killer with a gun... Aim for his chest or stomach and only shoot once. Don't bother investigating the body and/or shooting him again because one shot ALWAYS kills people.

Must See!!

http://tinyurl.com/qk8gdb

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Ladies all like to join kisscougar. com . I really do not know why? Just cuz many wealthy men and celebrities there? or the men there are all handsome?

Probably better than Scream? I'd like to see you write a better movie than the first two entries of the Scream series, Superficial man. I would expect better movie criticism from a real-life Randy Meeks like yourself

If you find your girlfriend with a machete stuck in her head...

Get in the fucking car and leave. Leave everyone there.
Your best friend you have known since childhood.....leave
His whorish girlfriend that likes anal sex with a pine cone....leave
The bookwormish girl rockin' the pornstar body with DD's that just wants to be part of the crowd......leave
The hitchhiker you picked up that looks like a supermodel.....leave

The killer will be destracted by them enabling you to make a clean break.
Go home and make some new friends. They probably owed you money anyway.

If you see a rabid animal snarling and bearing down to attack you...try to pet it.

If your signifcant other recieves visons from beyond...don't believe them.

If you have a battery powered flashlight...it will not fail you.

If you have sex on the rickety wrought-iron bed that someone may or may not have died on...you're safe.

If you hear a noise and you go to investigate...say, "I'll be right back."

While the ihatemovieposters guy sleeps off his weekend heres the teaser for the new Tron movie:

http://www.firstshowing.net/2009/07/24/must-watch-high-def-test-teaser-trailer-for-tron-legacy/

If you manage to knock the serial killer/attacker/monster unconscious don't finish the job off and kill them but walk away without looking back only to be shocked when your stabbed as you turn the next corner.

If you're the lone black guy/girl.....don't worry you're safe.

When your boyfriend suddenly goes missing, go down into the dark basement and take off all your clothes.

if there's a murderer in the house... go upstairs.

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