Jun 26 2009'Invention of Lying' Trailer: Prepare for ELO to Tell You to Feel Good
Hey, there's a trailer for the high concept, first-man-to-ever-lie comedy, The Invention of Lying. Something of a "We Are the World" of comedies, with appearances by all sort of people you don't expect to see all in one place--including Louis CK, Tina Fey, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill, Jason Bateman, Christopher Guest, Jeffrey Tambor, John Hodgman, Patrick Stewart, Stephen Merchant, Freaks & Geeks's weirdest geek, and more--the film stars Ricky Gervais as the first man to conceive of untruths in a world that's never thought to lie.
I really wanted to like this, but about halfway through, around the time I started wondering why Robin Williams wasn't the star, my worries began. Hopefully this is just a bad, really broad trailer:
Continue Reading "'Invention of Lying' Trailer: Prepare for ELO to Tell You to Feel Good"
Jun 26 2009There's More Than Transformering to See This Weekend
Looking for an incomplete list of new releases? Hey, here's one!:
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Yes, it already opened Wednesday. You got me.)
Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, CGI
Good if you want to see: giant robots; explosions; mild racism and sexism; absolutely nothing but the previously mentioned items.
My Sister's Keeper
Director: Nick Cassavetes
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Alec Baldwin, Abigail Breslin, Speed 2
Good if you want to see: a child harvested for her organs; melodrama; Cameron Diaz shave her head--so daring! Give her a Golden Globe!
Cheri (limited)
Director: Stephen Frears
Starring: Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathy Bates, Rupert Friend
Good if you want to see: period romance; an audience of weeping/applauding middle-aged women; your testicles wither and magically transform into a set of beautiful opalescent earrings (males only).
Hurt Locker (limited)
Director: Kathryn Bigelow
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Guy Pearce, Ralph Fiennes
Good if you want to see: how the military's bomb squad technicians deal with their dangerous job in some of the world's most hostile territories; possibly tips for how to diffuse your own bombs at home, giving you an impressive party trick; one of the best-reviewed movies of the year, if you care about that kind of thing.
Jun 26 2009'Daybreakers' Trailer: Even Vampires Blow at Resource Management
Look out vampire-teen-abstinence-romance, there's a new vampire crossover genre in vampire town: vampire-sci-fi-action-noir! In Daybreakers, the we're-exhausting-our-precious-resources! ecological warning is given the Twilight twist, with the vampire race--Earth circa 2019's new dominant society--finding itself on the verge of running out of humans to harvest for blood. It's something like this:
"Nowwwwwww what?", says Vampire Co. CEO Sam Neill.
"I'll work on it. I'm dead, anyway. Because I'm a vampire," explains Ethan Hawke.
"I have crossbows," warns Willem Dafoe.
It actually looks somewhat better than that horrible description. Trailer:
Continue Reading "'Daybreakers' Trailer: Even Vampires Blow at Resource Management"
Jun 26 2009Coming Soon: 'Why Did I Get Married... ALSO!'
Did Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? leave you still questioning why someone got married? Disappointed by the film's lack of a character portrayed by Tyler Perry in overweight drag? Don't worry--T.P. will definitely take care of all that in the upcoming sequel, Why Did I Get Married Too:
Janet Jackson will reprise her role in Tyler Perry's comedy sequel "Why Did I Get Married Too."The thesp will again portray a successful author and psychologist who prefers to analyze other's relationship problems rather than deal with her own marriage.
Jackson's the first announced casting for the project other than Perry. Lionsgate announced in March that it had acquired rights to "Why Did I Get Married Too" and "I Can Do Bad All by Myself" with Perry writing, directing and starring in both projects.
Tyler Perry at the helm and the brilliant sequel-naming scheme of the Teen Wolf series? Utter perfection. I feel like I'm watching Tyler Perry draw the first freehand perfect circle, and he's drawing it as the second "o" in "too." This is really something to behold.
Janet Jackson gets 'Married' again [Variety]
Jun 26 2009'Amelia' Trailer: Old Guys, Please Refrain From Shouting "I Know How It Ends!" and Chuckling
Coming soon to lists of things that will probably win Oscars, Hilary Swank and Richard Gere in the melodramatic story of the world's greatest ladypilot: Amelia. As you can see in the above screenshot, the biopic seems to support my controversial theory that Earhart's disappearance was the result of arbitrarily climbing out of her plane, standing on the wings, and waving until she fell off. I knew it:
Jun 25 2009Michael Jackson Dies at 50
As I'm sure you've seen all over your websites and your Facebooks and your Twitters already, Michael Jackson, America's strange Princess Di, has died of cardiac arrest at age 50. I'll assume you know who Michael Jackson is and why this is really crazy to hear, so let's get on with celebrating his scarce film and television appearances with some clips:
Jun 25 2009'Spread' Trailer: The Longest Ashton Kutcher Commercial Yet
You know those Nikon commercials where we follow Ashton Kutcher, playing himself, as he parades around in a scarf, enjoying his decadent, model-rich life of asshole hedonism? Here's that as a movie, now with even more unnecessary accessories! (Includes Kutchearrings and Kutchspenders!):
Continue Reading "'Spread' Trailer: The Longest Ashton Kutcher Commercial Yet"
Jun 25 2009'Transformers 2' Had a Great Wednesday, Thanks for Asking
Maybe that MTV Movies Awards preview wasn't "so lame" after all. Transformers 2, a film that is by most accounts atrocious, yesterday had the highest ever Wednesday opening for a film. By early estimates, the robot punch-'em-up grossed $60.6 million, besting the previous record, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix's $44.2 million, by a wide margin, and coming within $7 million of The Dark Knight's highest all-time opening.
Just goes to show that... making a ridiculous movie based on a cartoon made to sell toys, and then making an even stupider sequel to that movie, is a good business plan? I don't know what it goes to show. Something depressing.
Jun 25 2009Farrah Fawcett Dies at 62
Farrah Fawcett, one of the 20th century's most recognized-as-being-a-babe babes, died today at 62 after a battle with cancer.
Rising to prominence as Jill Munroe on Charlie's Angels, the actress's immense, iconic popularity would lead to millions of women emulating her hairstyle and countless teenage boys hanging her poster in their bedrooms--often in the prominent, coveted spot on the door below the miniature basketball hoop. Though Fawcett was later able to dispel some of her just-a-hot-babe image and earn critical favor for more dramatic roles, her notoriously strange appearance on a 1997 Late Show episode would sadly overshadow much of her accolades.
Her memory will live on in her work and in the countless Charlie's Angel-pose emulation photos taken by drunk high school girls.
Full obituary in the L.A. Times.
Jun 25 2009'Daybreakers' Poster: Vampires Are So Hot Right Now
I don't really know what Daybreakers is, so I'm just going to interpret this as an advertisement for a blood-filled, vampire version of Gushers Fruit Snacks.
Jun 25 2009Michael 'Turd' Bay Wants 'Transformers 2' More Event-Like, Less Lame
It should go without saying that Michael Bay is something of a turd. There's already plenty of turd evidence to support that theory, and I don't think anyone, including Bay himself, is really disputing the notion, but just in case you find yourself in a conversation where you need the additional support of a turdy email to prove that Michael Bay really is something of a turd, fellow turd TMZ has this report on a turdy email the director sent:
Michael Bay sent a scathing email to Paramount Studios before the release of "Transformers 2," complaining in effect that his famous director friends would be shocked at the way Paramount was promoting the flick.We've obtained an email dated May 4, 2009 -- from Bay to Paramount head Brad Grey, along with a bunch of other Paramount honchos. Bay complains bitterly that Paramount's ad campaign for "Transformers 2" was tepid and ineffective.
"... I have been waiting, and waiting for the anticipation of an 'event movie' to make it into the 'public zeitgeist,'" Bay writes.
Bay calls the print campaign an "abject failure," with a "pathetic presence" in the L.A. Times. He's especially pissed about the profile of the movie on the MTV Video Awards, calling it "so lame."
But here's the best part. Bay name-drops Jerry Bruckheimer, saying Jerry always told him "a studio that does not make [the opening of a movie] an event ... will get bitten in the ass." He then adds, "Besides my good friend Steven [Spielberg], Jerry has made a lot more successful movies then (sic) all of us."
Why isn't Transformers 2 in the public zeitgeist, guys!? SO LAME. If this were a Stevesy--Spielberg, heard of him?--film, it would definitely be in the public zeitgeist. That print campaign was just so lame. Everyone knows print is the way of the future, so that really should have been the focus for this public zeitgeist event, you lame-heads.
God, what a turd.
(Thanks, Elmo.)
Jun 25 2009'The Box' Trailer: Deal... or MURDER?
Exploiting America's eternal love for the simplistic mechanics of Howie Mandel's Pick-a-Box, Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly has made a new film involving idiots pressing a plunger for a million dollars. Similar to the game show in more than just its button pushing, The Box asks its players to answer a tough yes-or-no question: if Frank Langella-with-a-bite-out-of-his-face told you that a single button push would kill someone far away that you don't know, and that pushing it would make you a millionaire, and also you're Cameron Diaz, what would you do?
Personally, my policy has always been to immediately push any button put within reach before anyone can explain its function, thus exonerating me from any possible moral dilemmas, but maybe you'll come up with another plan after seeing this trailer:
Jun 24 2009'Inglourious Basterds' Theatrical Trailer: Nazi Killin' Time, Everyone
Seeing Mike Myers doing an accent in facial prostheses and not being expected to politely laugh is still more jarring than any of the graphic bloodshed:
Continue Reading "'Inglourious Basterds' Theatrical Trailer: Nazi Killin' Time, Everyone"
Jun 24 2009This Will Mess Up Our Academy Awards Gambling
Cameron Diaz will have to trudge through twice as many film titles next year! Finally catching up to the trend of critics making top ten lists, the Academy Awards will begin nominating ten films for Best Picture beginning with the 82nd Oscars next year, leaving Hollywood the burdensome task of creating nearly a dozen watchable movies before year's end.
I can only assume that, given another few decades, the Academy Awards will finally catch up to internet list trends and add nominations for "Ten Most Ridiculously Hot Aliens to Get Laid in a Sci-Fi Movie."
Oscar expands best pic noms to 10 [Variety]
Jun 24 2009Facebook Movie Has Popular Director and Generic Title
As if news of Aaron Sorkin writing Facebook: The Movie wasn't perplexing enough, Variety has put up a story that adds two more peculiarities to the mix.
The entertainment magazine is reporting David Fincher, the man responsible for Se7en, Fight Club, and the recently-acclaimed-but-also-kind-of-boring The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, is in early talks to direct the film. And, in an even more baffling move, Columbia is apparently not putting "Facebook," a word that registers in obnoxious buzz-worthiness just under "Twitter," in the title. Rather, the studio is going with the intensely-generic The Social Network.
What? Why even pay for the rights to Facebook if you're not even going to use the word? Might as well buy the Twitter story and call the film "Service Your Friends Use to Tell You How 'Yummy' Their Stupid Vegan Sandwich Was."
And, more importantly, with The Social Network taken, what kind of equally-nondescript title is the straight-to-video knock-off going to use now? The Community Nexus? The Acquaintance Lattice? Friendship Dot Com? Someone really screwed the pooch on this one.
Jun 24 2009'District 9' Level 5 Alert: Do Not Apprehend Insanely Frightening Alien Freaks
New online marketing from the alien apartheid film District 9, this one in the form of a video clearly aimed at people who don't dial 911, warning not to approach any of the terrifying, agile, bug-like aliens that have escaped from the titular sector.
I swear the voice-over guy giving us this "level 5 alert" is the same guy that delivers a similar warning during commercials alerting local news viewers to "emergency factory closeout sales in your area":
Continue Reading "'District 9' Level 5 Alert: Do Not Apprehend Insanely Frightening Alien Freaks"
Jun 24 2009'From Paris with Love' Poster: This Gun Available in the Gift Shop
My thought process looking at this: "Oh, neat, the Eiffel Tower is melded with a pistol. Wait, what? No, not neat; really, really stupid. Why did I momentarily think an Eiffel Tower/gun amalgamation that looks like a novelty lighter was neat? And since when do I describe things as 'neat'?"
Then my nose started bleeding.
Jun 24 2009'Ponyo' Trailer: Aquaman Meets Multiple Man Meets Little Freaky Dude Meets Fish
Hiyao Miyazaki is the man responsible for such animated classics as Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and My Neighbor Totoro, so he's no stranger to making freakish creatures seem endearing. This summer, he'll continue that tradition as he asks us to fall in love with a weird little sea monkey of a freak--a child-like, aquatic mutant apparently able to replicate itself and ride on magic fish--as we behold it's struggle to save this unbalanced world. I guess it's sort of an amphibious Jesus:
Continue Reading "'Ponyo' Trailer: Aquaman Meets Multiple Man Meets Little Freaky Dude Meets Fish"
Jun 23 2009'Cemetery Junction' Photos: Gervais is a Blue Collar Badass
From Ricky Gervais's blog, the first shots of the actor-comedian sporting a popped collar and dangling cigarette on the set of Cemetery Junction. In the David Brent tradition, here's hoping I will regard this character as both laugh-out-loud hilarious and deeply, gut-wrenchingly tragic. That's my favorite combination of fictional human.
Jun 23 2009'Last Airbender' Teaser: There Must Be More Impressive Applications for Airbending
Welp, the teaser trailer for Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan's live-action NickToon adaptation has been released, and my feelings are a bit mixed. On the one hand, I'm relieved Shyamalan appears to have avoided the camp and silliness that plagued fellow martial arts cartoon-turned-movie Dragonball. Or, in other words, at least it looks like an actual movie.
But on the other hand, I feel when there's a lead character with the power to manipulate the wind (or bend air, if you will), there has to be a cooler way to show that off than just showing him extinguishing candles. Putting out candles is the most rudimentary thing you can do with air manipulation. That's a skill only threatening to birthday cakes and romantic evenings in a bathtub with only the company of a romance novel. This is it?:
Jun 23 2009'Sherlock Holmes' Posters: Holmes has Twilight Hair
From the same desaturated universe as Harry Potter, here come the Sherlock Holmes character posters. I have to say, I'm pretty disappointed about the move away from advertising Holmes as a brooding Tom Petty. Which look am I supposed to wear when I'm standing in line opening night?
New Sherlock Holmes Posters [Empire]
Jun 23 2009'The Hangover' with Business Ladies!
That was clearly the entire pitch for this:
Universal Pictures has picked up the comedy pitch "Business Trip" from writer Stacey Harman.Benderspink, behind the Warner Bros. hit "The Hangover," will produce the laffer about a group of women who go on a corporate trip but wind up doing anything but business while on company time.
I'm just going to assume Tina Fey and Rashida Jones are in negotiations to star because of their respective aptitudes in wearing glasses and blazers, which, as we know, are the primary indicators that a lady holds a position in the broad field of "business." And because Diane Keaton is too old.
Jun 23 2009Ed McMahon Dies at 86
Announcer, sidekick, Star Searcher, deliverer of novelty-sized checks, and television legend Ed McMahon died early this morning at the age of 86. The longtime Tonight Show fixture, who recently ran into hard times that resulted in home foreclosure and an unfortunate Cash4Gold commercial, had reportedly been fighting bone cancer and other health issues in recent months.
MSNBC's video tribute is on The Superficial, and the L.A. Times has a nice write-up about his important role in sidekickery.
May his spirit live on in Andy Richter. Sort of like Highlander.
Jun 23 2009'Powder 2: Powder to the People' Trailer Elevates Fake Trailer Standards
Making a trailer for a fictional sequel to Powder: great idea. Naming that sequel Powder 2: Powder to the People and giving it the production values and sensibilities of a Roger Corman film: that is the best thing that can be manufactured by man. If you thought the story of a magic albino needed Jeff Goldblum to bring joy, you were wrong:
Continue Reading "'Powder 2: Powder to the People' Trailer Elevates Fake Trailer Standards"
Jun 23 2009Inside the Reflective Surface: New 'Alice in Wonderland' Images!
Elijah Wood in Eccentric Zombie Carrot Top costume says "Hello." USA Today and Yahoo have posted some new shots from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, and I think you'll be surprised how much they look like the results of a "celebrities as Alice in Wonderland characters" Photoshop contest:
Continue Reading "Inside the Reflective Surface: New 'Alice in Wonderland' Images!"
Jun 23 2009'Youth in Revolt' Poster: Michael Cera Still Perpetually a Teenager
I'm back, everyone. Sorry for the absence yesterday. The day was spent at an airport doing an extended impression of Tom Hanks in Steven Spielberg's The Terminal, but things eventually worked out, so let's look at movie things. OK?
Anyway: Youth in Revolt poster. The film, based on the C.D. Payne book, stars Michael Cera, still pretending he's an awkward teenager, as 14-year-old Nick Twisp, a pubescent child committing a variety of wacky plots to win the heart of a gal. Classic high school scheming fare.
I'm particularly excited by poster's the inclusion of the striped shirt with "Be Bad" pin. My "Vote for Pedro" shirt is getting a tad threadbare, and this looks like a excellent alternative, available mass-produced in Hot Topic stores everywhere.
'Youth in Revolt' Poster Premiere! [Cinematical]
