May 18 2009'Humpty Dumpty' Poster: He's the Blurry Creature Under the Floorboards
Yes, Humpty Dumpty is a horror film antagonist now. Sort of. You see, this Humpty isn't quite the familiar egg-man that falls off a wall and dies after failed reassembly. Some liberties have been taken for the movie adaptation. Most notably, he's now the unholy spawn of a gang of crazed rednecks and their alien, apparently egg-like, gang rape victim. Seriously.
Look, I'm not going to ask why this exists--it's obvious someone had to capitalize on the untapped public desire to see an alien-human hybrid named after a fairy tale character--but I do wonder: how? With the brick-and-mortar video store model nearly dead, I really don't understand how these low-budget, straight-to-video genre films are surviving. Did Netflix come up with a feature where you can simulate wandering around a store with a group of people unable to agree on anything until something like Humpty Dumpty is suggested as a joke but then actually, regretfully rented? That's the only way I know of people renting the world's Humpty Dumpties. Are Walmart value bins the new video stores? Someone do the research on this and report back.
Reader Comments
1. john - May 18, 2009 3:42 PM
why does he look like Darth Vader with the mask off?
2. J - May 18, 2009 4:23 PM
So we all know that Rednecks will gang bang anything. But did the Female Alien really having it coming? Was she asking for it by being female? Or an alien?
How do you find an alien vagina, anyways?
3. another john - May 18, 2009 4:24 PM
looks more like Kuato to me...
4. Ecn - May 18, 2009 4:34 PM
As a redneck, when one of them space monkey men crash, we usually just look for any opening to gang bang. I mean... who really cares if that is what the hole was orginally used for.
But when you hit the right hole and one gets knocked up and the closest walmart carrying a plan B pill is a 12 hr walk and 3 days hitchiking... you just gotta hide that little guy under the floor boards and hope it likes bear and hunting by the time it can walk. That picture really isn't all that diffrent than my cousin jimbo. Jimbo's teeth don't look quite as sharp, thank God.
5. jimbo - May 18, 2009 4:38 PM
Them ain't my boards. I wouldn't break my boards.
Look'at hims eyes. He be stealin pops meth. Pop ain't gonna be happy.
6. whistle - May 18, 2009 4:48 PM
So I wonder, does this qualify as an original idea?
It isn't a remake, that's all I'm sayin'...
If so, no matter how unwatchable, I applaud it.
7. Baxter Pancake - May 18, 2009 4:54 PM
Anybody notice what this is based on? At the bottom of the poster...Based on Majestic Life Forms Division Case IJB3C-RDMI. This is based on MLFD files! You know it's gonna be good!
8. What?! - May 18, 2009 5:03 PM
an 'extraterestrial story', as in from outer space? then why does it say 'in the American south, in a swamp, something was born'??
9. Mark Farson - May 18, 2009 5:09 PM
This is just the beginning. This will soon lead up to a Humpty Dumpty vs Pinocchio (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117342/) movie, much like Freddy vs Jason.
10. Mark Farson - May 18, 2009 5:14 PM
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117342/
just so the link actually works this time. I'm new to this!
Sorry for double post!
11. MacMaster - May 18, 2009 6:10 PM
I suspect that this could still be found at Best Buy, they have a good sized DVD selection. Doubt Walmart would carry it. Maybe Target.
12. Freck - May 18, 2009 6:35 PM
"Did Netflix come up with a feature where you can simulate wandering around a store with a group of people unable to agree on anything until something like Humpty Dumpty is suggested as a joke but then actually, regretfully rented? " is one of the best lines that's been written on this website in a long while. Mostly because that's how I ended up with a "jack frost" movie night and wanted to kill myself during both of those movies.
And Walmart has everything, and would DEFINITELY have this movie in their giant bins of crappy movies you pray you've never heard of.
13. Hal - May 18, 2009 7:44 PM
Pretty sure this was a classic case of "idea via Scrabble match" - the words SWAMP, EGG, RAPE, REDNECK, ALIEN and HUMPTY were all on the board, one thing led to another...
14. Keithypoo - May 19, 2009 12:59 AM
Dry Humpty Dumpty.........now there is a film title!
15. Nick Flight - May 19, 2009 7:45 AM
I'm no eggspert but it looks like a crack up...
16. jose - May 19, 2009 9:03 AM
Well, I never would have heard of it unless i read it on this web site.
So, Off I go to put it on my Queue!
17. notbob - May 19, 2009 11:54 AM
Is it just me, or does that thing vaguely remind anyone else of the ood from Doctor Who?
18. Baxter Pancake - May 19, 2009 12:21 PM
I hope there's a trailer with "The Humpty Hump" in it.
19. Judy - May 19, 2009 12:34 PM
Notbob - It does sort of look like an Ood! Unfortunately, there is no way that this movie is going to be as good as any episode of Dr. Who.
How are these movies making any money? Who is buying them on DVD? I don't understand.
20. Judy - May 19, 2009 12:36 PM
I forgot to mention, that for a split second after looking at the poster, I thought that this was going to be Fables movie about Evil Humpty. I'm glad that it's not, but this movie probably won't be any better.
21. Sauron - May 19, 2009 2:42 PM
I see Darth got himself a new job! I almost didn't recognize him because of the contact lenses.
22. Darth - May 19, 2009 2:59 PM
I don't understand what's wrong with this image!? On my own demand they glued some hair on top of my head.What means that i'm not bald! I'm pretty proud!
23. Racer X - May 19, 2009 7:36 PM
In the sequel will all the king's horses and all the king's men put Humpty Dumpty together again?
/FAIL
24. Phil - May 20, 2009 10:55 AM
We need a joke in this movie about the alien being "humped and dumped."
thus setting the stage
25. AP - May 20, 2009 2:52 PM
This movie looks like fun. Video store or no video store.
26. wtf - May 20, 2009 3:01 PM
#3
totally laughed until my stomach hurt at that one...
27. TommyP - May 22, 2009 8:16 AM
#12 - Yeah, that's pretty much how I ended up watching "Razorback". My friends never let me live that one down, but I got us out of the store before it closed!
Don't remember how I ended up watching "Pooty Tang" - think it was Scary Movie 3.
28. movie man - July 3, 2009 9:02 AM
Check out myspace.com/humptydumptymovie for more on the egg man.