Apr 24 2009Predator Getting Remade, Pluralized
At a news conference yesterday, Robert Rodriguez confirmed rumors he's going to relaunch the Predator series, but judging by the film's new title, sounds like there's going to be a slight change:
Director Robert Rodriguez has taken on the 20th Century Fox PREDATOR franchise and creating a newly rebooted "PREDATORS."We've heard the rumblings that this was coming via B-D, but now it's been confirmed. IESB has also confirmed it will be Rodriguez' own take on the original concept and he is in fact not only producing the reboot, he's also directing it.
Rodriguez talked to the audience of press members and revealed his upcoming film slate.
"I'm going to be able to shoot my upcoming Machete here, a sci-fi action film called Nervewrackers, a re-boot of the Predator series called Predators, and a couple of smaller movies called Sin City 2 and The Jetsons."
Wait a minute--did he just say Predators? As in more than one Predator!? What a sly change. Great work, Double R. Get to work on that after you finish all the other movies you probably aren't ever going to start. And make sure Rose McGowan plays the majority of the Predators.
UPDATE: Oh, and it will be out July 7 next year.
Apr 24 2009TREKKING YOURSELF IS GREAT
A friend sent me this over an hour ago and I've only now been able to stop playing with it long enough to post. At TrekYourself, you can upload any head-on photo and make it into a creepy, monotone, CGI Star Trek character! As you probably can tell from my handiwork above (a character I've cleverly dubbed "Spoq"), it's fucking great. Plus, nearly as great, the site has this ridiculous Cheez-Its-in-Space theme; the intro features a bevy of the snack crackers forming the Star Trek logo. Cheez-Its and warp-speed space travel have been irrevocably linked, and we're all better for it.
Hear Spoq's utterly realistic speaking voice:
Apr 24 2009Wolverine Loves a Good Convenience Store Cappuccino
Oh, thank heaven for 7-11--mostly for making my new favorite X-Men Origins: Wolverine tie-in yet. Look how X-treme this highly-sweetened cappuccino is! It's probably the most X-treme "French vanilla energy boost" on the market. Way more X-treme than Candy Cane Cocoa, that's for sure. You hand one of these to Wolverine and he can't even wait for it to cool. (Luckily, his mutant healing factor quickly soothes his burnt tongue.)
Thanks to Dekker for taking the photo.
Apr 24 2009'Hangover' Poster Has Done Years Worth of Meth
I admire that, while they could have made Bradley Cooper the handsome leading man counterpoint to Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis (to bring in those ladies), they decided, no, let's make all three of them look like they live under an overpass. With a baby. Kudos. (Also, for any studio executives reading this, "three men living under an overpass with a baby" is my pitch for another movie.)
Apr 24 2009Denzel Washington, You've Got To Stop This Out-of-Control Train Full of Hazardous Waste!
When a runaway train filled with toxic chemicals is on the loose, and another train with a rookie conductor is sent to chase it down, there's only one expert engineer who can board that second train, wrestle the controls away from the novice, and catch the original, toxic chemical-carrying train: Denzel Washington. From Variety:
Denzel Washington is negotiating to star in drama "Unstoppable," the Tony Scott-directed that 20th Century Fox has on track for a fall production start.Washington would play an experienced engineer who jumps in a locomotive with a young conductor to chase down a runaway train carrying a cargo of toxic chemicals. Mark Bomback wrote the script, which is loosely inspired by a true event.
The drama would reunite Washington and Scott for their fifth film together. Aside from "Crimson Tide," "Man on Fire" and "Deja Vu," the duo just completed another train-based thriller, "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3," which Columbia Pictures releases June 12.
So, just to make sure you caught all that, Tony Scott and Denzel Washington just made a movie where Denzel is a dispatcher stopping a subway train taken over by terrorists, and now they're doing a movie where Denzel is a conductor stopping a train full of toxic chemicals. Their next collaboration is just going to be the plot of the monorail episode of The Simpsons but with less singing.
Apr 23 2009Cyclops Will, if Necessary, Slam Bear Traps on Intruders
Home Alone for adults has its star. James Marsden has been cast as the lead in Rod Lurie's remake of the 1971 Dustin Hoffman classic Straw Dogs:
James Marsden will star in Screen Gems' reimagining of the 1971 thriller "Straw Dogs" being written and directed by Rod Lurie.The new "Straw Dogs" follows Los Angeles screenwriter David Sumner (Marsden), who moves with his wife to her hometown in the deep South. Once there, tensions build in their marriage and old conflicts re-emerge with the locals, leading to a violent confrontation.
The original, co-written and directed by Sam Peckinpah, saw Dustin Hoffman in the role of Sumner, with the story set in rural England.
Both films are based on the book "The Siege at Trencher's Farm" by Gordon Williams.
Alright, that works. Now might I suggest the Blue Collar Comedy Tour crew as the savage locals? Those guys breaking into a home, Bill Engvall violently wielding "your sign" of his "Here's your sign" bit fame, would be so terrifying. And who wouldn't want to see Larry Cable Guy get hot oil thrown across his face and exposed arms? Get THAT done, mofo! Standing ovation time.
Apr 23 2009Buy This Advertisement for Wolverine Razors; Also, Buy Wolverine Razors
So, you're a Wolverine fan. You've been ordering a Papa John's X-Men Origins X-treme Cheese Pizza every night in celebration of the new movie coming out, but there's still... an emptiness--which is strange, because your stomach is stuffed well over capacity with nearly a pound of cheese. The problem is Wolverine pizza is just too ephemeral. You need something that will last longer than the forty-eight hours it takes to digest all that mozzarella and garlic dipping butter. Something you can scrapbook, maybe. Something like this 2009 WOLVERINE Schick Quattro Razors ad on eBay!
You're probably thinking it's a photocopy. It's NOT a photocopy!:
This newspaper insert advertisement (which measures approximately 7x10.5 inches) has light wear, but is still in good shape! Not a photocopy. The images on the back are showing through some.
(Thanks, Odessa.)
That's the real deal, man: newsprint. And the light wear probably makes it even more valuable; gives it a story. BUY IT NOW for $9.95 (+$3 shipping)! With the attached coupon, that almost pays for itself.
Still not convinced? Then watch this awesome ad for the razors! I can't get it to load, but I assume it loosely connects Wolverine's three claws to the four blades of this revolutionary shaving device.
Apr 23 2009Stephen Fry Voicing Chesire Cat, Tony Blair Doing White Rabbit
Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland just got posher. Yesterday, Stephen Fry "did a Twitter," as they say, revealing he's lending his voice to the Chesire Cat in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland:
Playing Cheshire Cat. Smug, complacent, cheese-eating grin - moi? Walking off to studio in next ten minutes
And later added:
Michael S [Michael Sheen, aka Tony Blair in every movie that has Tony Blair] is the White Rabbit ...
UK readers surely know Fry from his variety of comedy, acting, and hosting duties, and while Wikipedia claims "Fry has become known to American audiences for his recurring guest role as Dr. Gordon Wyatt on the FOX crime series Bones," I'm not sure American audiences actually watch Bones, so below the cut, I've included a short clip of him speaking. Listening, you can imagine how appropriate he'll sound voicing the famous line, "Alice, it's me: the magical, grinning cat named The Chesire Cat. Welcome to Wonderland."
Continue Reading "Stephen Fry Voicing Chesire Cat, Tony Blair Doing White Rabbit"
Apr 23 2009'Twilight 3' Gets Experienced Vampire Director
30 Days of Night director David Slade has done Alaskan vampires, but can he handle the magic of value-promoting vampires that 12-year-old girls buy posters of? Let's all find that out together when he directs the third Twilight movie:
The "30 Days of Night" director will take a slightly less gory approach to the blood-sucking brood when he helms "Eclipse," the third installment of Stephenie Meyer's best-selling "Twilight" franchise. Summit Entertainment has just signed Slade to the project, which it plans to release June 30, 2010.Melissa Rosenberg, who penned the adaptations of "Twilight" and its sequel, "New Moon," will also script "Eclipse."
The third book follows heroine Bella Swan as she nears graduation while trying to navigate the dangers of the ongoing vampire-werewolf struggle. Mysterious killings turn up around Seattle, a malicious vampire looks for revenge and Bella's romantic life with Edward becomes complicated.
"I am thrilled that David Slade will be directing 'Eclipse,' " said Meyer. "He's a visionary filmmaker who has so much to offer this franchise. From the beginning, we've been blessed with wonderful directorial talent for the 'Twilight' saga, and I'm so happy that 'Eclipse' will be carrying on with that tradition."
Phew, glad that's taken care of. The Twilight message boards have been going fucking mad with outcry for a director to be named--one who would bring more nuance to the characters while adding style, vision, and a focused maturity that could broaden the series' appeal beyond its core 11 to 16-year-old female market. That's all they seem to talk about over on Twilight message boards. It's always either that or which of the Wolf Pack guys is most kissable.
Apr 23 2009'Brothers Bloom' Intro is Year's Best Mash-Up
If Paul Thomas Anderson directed a Wes Anderson script, the seven minute opening to Rian Johnson's The Brothers Bloom would inevitably be the result. The Ricky Jay narration and frequent, dramatic camera push-ins of PTA have merged with the precocious, costumed children and slow-motion walking-to-music requirements of the Wes. When the two directors get to their daily afternoon Hulu watching session, they're going to spit take in each others faces at this:
Continue Reading "'Brothers Bloom' Intro is Year's Best Mash-Up"
Apr 23 2009Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ORIGINS BEGINS
Haven't you wondered how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles got their start as mutated, nearly adult trained killers? What could have possibly happened? Oh, right, the ooze and training. I guess that was covered in the movie, the cartoon's intro, the arcade game's intro, and the back of all the toy packaging. No matter. Let's go over it one more time. From Variety:
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are making their way back to the bigscreen.The Mirage Group, which owns the property, is moving forward with a live-action film focusing on the origins of the iconic crime fighters. Project, targeted for release in 2011, would mark the fifth bigscreen outing for the sewer-dwelling heroes Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael as well as their master Splinter.
Personally, I would have kept running with the Turtles III/Turtles in Time theme and sent them into the past again. Could Hitler have been a pawn of Krang? That seems feasible. Is that Michelangelo the turtle's head suddenly on the body of Michelangelo's David? What could have happened in the past to spark that sudden, dramatic change that no one seems to notice? The possibilities are endless.
Anyway, here's the teaser trailer:
Continue Reading "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ORIGINS BEGINS"
Apr 22 2009'Ridley Scott Making Monopoly Movie' Not the Made-Up Part
From The Onion Radio News:
Funny, but also raises a good question: will the pieces be characters in the Monopoly movie? It would be ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than a Monopoly movie already is, and a tuxedo-wearing Ian Holm complaining about medical bills is probably only enough meat for half a film.
Apr 22 2009'Kick-Ass' Hit Girl Will Either Kill You or Get You Arrested
Empire has posted the first look at Hit Girl, the child assassin in Matthew Vaughn's adaptation of the Kick-Ass. I still haven't read the comic, but according to my research (looking at this image), this is not an entirely accurate reproduction of the character. In drawn form, wouldn't you say she's a little less... jailbaity? I mean, this actress is 12. I can't even joke about this photo without afterward going door-to-door under the terms of Megan's Law.
Apr 22 2009Isabella Rossellini Dressing Up as Animals and Humping Again
Green Porno, still my favorite series to feature Isabella Rossellini using the resources of an elementary school play to reenact the sex lives of animals, has a season 2, and it's available to watch NOW. This round of shorts takes a look at marine life, with the costumed Italian actress nonchalantly getting it on with whales, starfish, anglerfish, barnacles, and even: limpets! I didn't know what a limpet was prior to this, but now know their sexual ritual is basically a gender-bending game of Hatris. That's edutainment!
(via Cinematical.)
Apr 22 2009Final 'Wolverine' Trailer: Your Last Chance to Debate Bone Claws
The plan to advertise Wolverine by attaching the superhero to a massive, cheese-smothered pizza isn't doing so well in promoting the film (though I assume it's doing great in promoting artery clogging), so Fox has released one last trailer to give the film a final push before its May 1 release. Seems a bit excessive after that two-hour trailer a couple weeks back, but here you go:
Continue Reading "Final 'Wolverine' Trailer: Your Last Chance to Debate Bone Claws"
Apr 22 2009It's the Wolf Pack! (Apparently Some Sort of Shorts-Wearing 'Twilight' Werewolf Frat)
USA Today has posted the first shot of The Wolf Pack, a group of four shirtless Native American guys with airbrushed abs, from The Twilight Saga: New Moon. I wonder if the fake woods backdrop is an indication of how the production values have gone up with the larger budget for the sequel. That thing is Sears Portrait Studio quality.
Apr 22 2009Stoning Not At All Amusing Outside of Monty Python Scenes
Here's a horrible way to start the day: with the trailer for a film that tells the depressing true story of a woman being stoned in Iran. You've probably heard similarly gruesome stories on the news, but it's almost more real when the tale is being told to Jim Caviezel in a prosthetic nose.
It's time to re-examine your favorable view of misogynistic mob rule:
Continue Reading "Stoning Not At All Amusing Outside of Monty Python Scenes"
Apr 21 2009Henson's 11
Are you familiar with the video mash-ups people do? The mixing the audios and the videos of a couple things into something else? OK, good. This one is The Muppets vs. Oceans 11, giving us: Henson's 11.
Apr 21 2009'Downloading Nancy' Trailer: She's Being Sucked Into the Cyberverse!
OK, so let's say you see there's a trailer for a new Maria Bello movie, and all you know about this thing is that it's title is Downloading Nancy. Logically, wouldn't you expect the film to contain some variation of the above scene to happen? It only makes sense, right?
Well, prepared to be disappointed. It's more like a confusing semi-erotic thriller with Speed 2 playing the creepy kid from American Beauty:
Continue Reading "'Downloading Nancy' Trailer: She's Being Sucked Into the Cyberverse!"
Apr 21 2009Tom Hanks Will Find That 'Lost Symbol'
If you know anything about Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon, you know there is always another Da Vinci for him to decode or another Illuminati to stop, so, no surprise, Columbia Pictures is all prepared to capture his next Church-denounced adventure on film:
While Columbia Pictures is prepping for the May 15 release of Ron Howard’s Tom Hanks starrer "Angels and Demons," the studio will move quickly on the third pic in the franchise.Author Dan Brown has announced that his next installment in the "Da Vinci Code" series will be "The Lost Symbol," which Doubleday will publish in the U.S. and Canada on Sept. 15.
Sources said Brown has completed his manuscript. Sony has the rights to the Robert Langdon character, which gives the studio the right to negotiate a deal for the new title.
Can we get a return of the Da Vinci Haircut in this one? I'd be much more likely to pay to watch Tom Hanks chase down a lost symbol if he had that little cape of hair flapping against his skull again.
Columbia moves on 'Symbol' [Variety]
Apr 21 2009'Paper Heart' Trailer: Fine, You Charmed Me
Saccharine romance gets a sort-of-documentary twist, and I think I like it. Here's the trailer for Paper Heart, a film that follows Charlyne Yi on her quest to learn about love (largely from the Judd Apatow crowd), and her real-but-also-fictionalized romance with Michael Cera. It's kind of a Curb Your Enthusiasm by way of indie dramedy plus real interviews (I think?):
Continue Reading "'Paper Heart' Trailer: Fine, You Charmed Me"
Apr 21 2009Ice-T is a Cool Mule
In the interest of bringing forward every athletic, self-aware animal film that comes to my attention, here's the trailer for Tommy and the Cool Mule, starring Kevin Sorbo as the clichéd heavy-who-wants-to-buy-the-family-house-to-build-a-golf-course and Ice-T as Jackie A., the cool (stereotype-reinforcing, Mr. T-impersonating, farting) mule. It's a must see. Talking mules are always a cinematic goldmine.
Now that I assume you've familiarized yourself with the material, I just want to touch on a few moments:
- First off, who is this lady to attack the looks of Kevin Sorbo? If she knew he was over 50, and that he was Hercules, I bet she'd be really impressed.
- I love when the the narrator explains that Jackie A. is "hip," as illustrated by the shot of the mule slowly walking outdoors. Playing record scratching over an animal giving a boy a gentle ride does not suddenly make the activity hip. (Granted, the next shot, with the mule in the off-kilter cap and gold chain, makes him seem pretty hip.)
- I genuinely can't wait to find out why Jackie A. is momentarily wearing glasses and a fake beard. I'll accept the idea of a talking mule--between random genetic mutations and witchcraft, it could happen--but where is he getting all these costumes?
- Did you notice when the kid gets hit in the head with a board, and colorful sparkles appear? Is that a cartoon-like daze or magic? I'm not sure which would be more logical in a talking mule picture.
Otherwise, it looks pretty solid.
Apr 21 2009Two Notable On-Set Fighters Joining 'The Fighter'
Can we just figure out who is fighting who and be done with it already? The Fighter, a boxing script once attached to Darren Aronofsky with plans for Matt Damon, and then Brad Pitt, to star alongside Mark Wahlberg, is changing hands once again. Now Relativity Media is in negotiations with Christian Bale and director David O. Russell, both of whom have become famous for on-set freak outs (here and here, if you missed those), to take on the project:
Christian Bale and director David O. Russell are poised to get into the ring with Mark Wahlberg on "The Fighter."The picture is expected to begin production in July, though Relativity stressed that the principals’ deals are still being negotiated.
Pic tells the story of Boston fighter "Irish" Mickey Ward and how he was helped to the world lightweight championship by half-brother Dicky Eklund. Eklund once decked Sugar Ray Leonard and went the distance against the boxing legend before forfeiting his career to drugs and crime. He redeemed himself by training Ward through his Rocky-like run to the title.
So basically they've abandoned the film and decided to instead make a really, really pricey viral video of some adults yelling at each other. Someone should let the boys down at Relativity know that filming a cat with an empty soda box would get the same kind of attention for a lot cheaper.
Bale in ring with Wahlberg for 'Fighter' [Variety]
Apr 20 2009'H2' Teaser -- The 'H' Stands for Halloween!
Standing, staring, meandering, stabbing, suddenly being behind someone who's looking in a mirror: Michael Myers is back, and he's doing all of that in this new teaser for H2! Get ready to dig your fingers into the shoulders of the person next to you!*
*Entertainment Tonight stooge's opinion, not a human sentiment.
Continue Reading "'H2' Teaser -- The 'H' Stands for Halloween!"
Apr 20 2009'17 Again' Reestablishes Popularity of Age-Changing Fantasy Comedy
Many hard-earned money rectangles were spent this weekend, many of them going towards seeing these five films:
1. 17 Again - A respectable $24.1 million, proving Zac Efron can do more than play a singing, dancing high school basketball player. He can also play a high school basketball player who is secretly older.
2. State of Play - 14.1 million taut, thrilling dollars.
3. Monsters Vs. Aliens - $12.9 million, holding onto the third place position for the second straight week. Guess they didn't get the memo that third place is second place loser: NO FEAR.
4. Hannah Montana: The Movie - $12.7 million, giving it over $50 million in total. I'd think that would be enough profit to warrant a sequel, so here's what I'm thinking: Hannah Montana gets so popular that the character within the movie is offered her own movie. Meta! But there's a problem: the producers notice Miley on the street and demand she plays Hannah's sister! How is she going to work that out when they're the same person??? Ut-oh! Pretty good, right?
5. Fast and Furious - $12.3 million and FURIOUS.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Apr 20 2009'The State' Finally Coming to DVD for Real
After years of senseless delays, MTV's much-revered cult sketch comedy show The State is finally coming to DVD, friends. TV Shows on DVD is reporting the set will include every episode, the pilot, unaired sketches, commentary, and more.
It's about time. I haven't seen the series in so long I can barely remember the necessary catchphrases to prove my State fanship. I would like to place my testicles upon it?
Apr 20 2009Two Minutes of '9': The Ragdoll Resistance Just Got Real
Want to see some stylized, post-apocalyptic ragdolls fight an epic battle against a fabric-cocooned monster with a baby doll-terminator face? Sure you do. Otherwise, why are you here? And who are you, anyway? Don't worry about it right now. Just watch:
Continue Reading "Two Minutes of '9': The Ragdoll Resistance Just Got Real"
Apr 20 2009'Transformers 2' is a Serious Melodrama
Michael Bay heard you, critics. You wanted more character drama mixed into the explosions? Well, here's a scene from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen where Shia LaBeouf has to explain that he's decided to go to college instead of sticking around town and hanging out with his alien robot car, and the news makes the alien robot car WEEP. How about that for pathos? And if that doesn't do it for you, the scene is also intercut with shots of Megan Fox changing, because it wasn't ridiculous enough with just a robot crying:
Apr 20 2009Here's Russell Crowe as 'Robin Hood'
Oh, good, he has the exact haircut and beard of Gladiator Man. Now I can watch the two films back to back and pretend it's all one long, nonsensical narrative. Dreams are coming true.
First look: New Robin Hood on point with 'Gladiator' [USA Today]
