'Star Wars with Thumbs' Idiot Doing Stretching Freak Movie
Steve Oedekerk, the genius behind Kung Pow and all those parodies where thumbs re-enact famous movies, is writing a film adaptation of Stretch Armstrong, that stretchable, brief-wearing toy. What a miserable thing:
Universal Pictures has set "Bruce Almighty" scribe Steve Oedekerk to write "Stretch Armstrong," a superhero comedy based on the Hasbro-owned toy.The project marks the latest Hasbro property to find its way onto the Universal development slate since the toymaker made an overall deal at the studio. U and Hasbro are readying movie transformations of Monopoly (a potential Ridley Scott directing vehicle), Candyland (with Etan Cohen scripting and Kevin Lima directing), and Ouija (being developed by Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes).
The toy, a 13-inch, blond-haired muscled figure whose limbs could be stretched to nearly four feet, was launched by Kenner in the '70s. He had a dog named Fetch Armstrong, and a sibling, Evil X-Ray Wretch Armstrong. Attempts to turn him into a movie stretch back to 1998, when Disney tried to make the film with Danny DeVito and later Jackie Chan.
If this thing doesn't start with ten minutes of bored stretching and end ten minutes later with amateur, child scientists dissecting him for his secrets, they are not being true to the character. That's The Dark Knight version of the character people want. Though I think what I'm more curious about are these other misguided Stretch Armstrongs Variety mentions. Jackie Chan's CGI arms coiling around a criminal would have made a great double-feature with The Tuxedo.