Feb 10 2009Awful Acting, Writing, Action Confirmed in Case of Seagal v. Vampires
The Steven Seagal versus vampire freaks movie, Against the Dark, was released on DVD today. You probably bought it on your lunch break and have been staring at it all day just dying to get it home. You should have taken a sick day for it. So here's a little Seagal snack to help you out: a clip in which people casually deliver eye-rolling dialogue, then Seagal shoots a freak with a shotgun. I get the impression it was meant to be a chase scene until Seagal went off script by refusing to show any weakness. "I know you wanted me to run here, but my acting instincts were telling me to mutter something indecipherable and fire a weapon."
You might have made a horrible purchase today.
Reader Comments
1. Nick - February 10, 2009 5:25 PM
Steven Seagal can always be counted on for quality entertainment.
2. Elmo - February 10, 2009 5:53 PM
He's on team Edward
3. Eric - February 10, 2009 6:04 PM
Actually the "vampires" are more like zombies. But it doesn't matter because Steven Seagal fighting any kind of supernatural creatures makes me LMAO!!! Seagal Vs. Bigfoot.
4. ahha - February 10, 2009 7:00 PM
Steven Seagal vs. Chris Brown
5. Atrides - February 10, 2009 7:31 PM
I refuse to participate in this Seagal vs... commenter diatribe, and I'm cutting it off before it even gets a chance to breathe. Highly unsportsmanlike of me. I don't care.
6. What? - February 10, 2009 8:27 PM
Steven Seagal vs. Atrides
7. Richard Lester - February 10, 2009 9:20 PM
The funniest thing about this film is how Seagal is barely even in it. I almost looks like the film was made when he decided to join it. Most of the film is about a group of people that run around an abandoned hospital, trying to avoid zombies. Every few minutes, a short clip of Seagal walking down the street is cut in. His total time on screen is about 15 minutes. It's a very suspect bit of
marketing.
8. brian - February 11, 2009 2:35 AM
I don't know what makes a steven seagal movie so entertaining
Sure the actin g is horrable but You put steven seagal in any movie and I will watch it Not in theaters or dvd but right where he belongs on USA oh and starz encore and hbo will do fine
movies I would watch Steven seagal vs stuff
vs zombies
vs Nazis
Vs Zombie Nazies
vs robots
vs chuck norris
vs patrick swayze in roadhouse
9. brian - February 11, 2009 3:24 AM
oh yah cant forget
vs zombie strippers female ones (not the george romero zomies but the ones from that one episode of Psi Factor abot the zombies who try to convert that one girl by making her drink blood of their leader
vs zombies in bikinis again female and psi factor style
10. Nick - February 11, 2009 9:06 AM
Steven Seagal vs. Tyler Perry
That's a monster movie that will leave you with nightmares.
11. Mr. Jones - February 11, 2009 10:01 AM
Steven Seagal vs. the Mariah and Sydney girlz dolls (formerly the sasha and malia obama dolls)
12. Jeremy - February 11, 2009 12:10 PM
That wasn't a vampire or a zombie. It was just a goth. A noob goth too. You can tell because he's still wearing regular clothes and hasn't started shopping at Hot Topic. If he hadn't been focused on trying to scare normal girls and actually spoke up when he saw the shotgun, he may still be alive today.Maybe he believed he could be immortal if he just wanted it bad enough.
13. Matt - February 11, 2009 12:57 PM
Steven Seagal vs Rihanna
14. Momboelitist - February 11, 2009 1:59 PM
Steven Seagal vs The Bizarro World Steven Seagal, which brings up the question: If Steven kills Bizzaro Steven would Steven cease to exist? Like Steven would judo chop Bizarro Steven but his hand would then start to disappear like on BTTF1...Or was it 2?....3? Actually he could just do BTTF4-Steven Seagal vs Doc Brown.
Who's the Doctor now Emmit? Wham! Bam! BaBam!
15. rhatik - April 5, 2009 6:14 PM
give steven seagal fireballs and put him in dragonball z or give him wings than steven seagal versus satan
or steven seagal is the terminater
bad guy ask's seagal "what are you tough guy" steven seagal replies "no i am a machine"