Dec 19 2008Steven Seagal v. Vampires Trailer
Vampires have overrun humanity, and our only hope lies in the skilled hands of a specially-trained team led by our last remaining master swordsman, Steven Seagal. The outcome of such a match-off should be obvious, but here's the trailer for a film on the subject if you have any lingering doubts:
You know Segal only did this film to alleviate my fears that his hair is turning him into Dracula.
Reader Comments
1. wesxninja - December 19, 2008 3:35 PM
F1rst
2. wesxninja - December 19, 2008 3:37 PM
Steven Segal: the white Wesley Snipes?
3. Elmo - December 19, 2008 3:53 PM
damn I love that media player... all the time the trailer was playing, I kept clicking on the bloody drain/volume thingy...
4. Pekod - December 19, 2008 4:02 PM
Plot twist at the end: Steven is actually a vampire! That can walk around during the day. Steven is an american indian who sublimates his contempt for crackers by killing fake-monster-crackers.
5. frank - December 19, 2008 4:07 PM
The only way master swordsman Steven Seagal is protected against the vampire-attacks is that impressive ring of blubber around his neck (actually being a part of his neck). No way a bloodsucker can chew through thát.
6. K lee - December 19, 2008 4:12 PM
Movies like this make me wish Mystery Science Theater 3000 was still around.
7. santos - December 19, 2008 4:29 PM
against the dark? LAME!
if they want this movie to make money they need to change the title to "steven seaga v. vampires." instant oscar. and the sub headline will be "die hard in a crypt."
8. dnatural - December 19, 2008 4:30 PM
Steven Seagal is... Against the Dark LOL
9. Nick - December 19, 2008 4:41 PM
Steven Seagal is against darkies? Since when was he openly racist?
I know I shouldn't have been surprised by how terrible that looked, given its name, Steven Seagal's name and the concept...but come on. Seriously?
10. Scott666 - December 19, 2008 6:05 PM
That will suck so bad that it will be one of the greatest movies EVER!
11. sully - December 19, 2008 8:33 PM
@6
Mystery Science Theater is still around, in a way. www.rifftrax.com is those guys doing commentaries for movies. It's like a few bucks to buy each one, so I haven't heard any of them yet, but I bet they're funny as shit.
12. Eric - December 19, 2008 8:39 PM
They're not vampires! They're more like 28 Days Later zombies. Unfortunately I got to watch a preview of this movie. They probably changed it to vampires, because Twilight is popular. NO VAMPIRES, THEY ARE ZOMBIES. Overall it's a shite movie.
13. mpoula athanasiou - December 20, 2008 2:41 AM
i want autograph steven seagal
14. TommyP - December 20, 2008 4:09 AM
And I assume Steven will be wearing his trademark dark coat that someone has told him doesn't make him look fat.
Steven - you are fat, especially in that dark coat.
Not sure what you can do about that but please stop making movies. Course, since I lately saw one of your newer movies, I guess I am the reason you are still making movies - but I feel better about having said this, and can now move on with my life.
15. ohnohedidnt - December 20, 2008 5:59 AM
Anybody else worried by the fact that there is not one single shot of S.S. grabing someones arm and breaking it by pushing the elbow the other way. Isnt one of the signs of the Apocalypse a film where Steven Segal does not break someones arm in a ridculously painful manner? There are dark times ahead. Mark my words.
16. like butta - December 20, 2008 3:12 PM
i heard steven seagal is actually being considered by the academy for Best Actor and Best Supporting actor for this masterpiece. I also heard a rumor for Best Makeup, which i fully back, considering that its absolutely amazing that they got the troll from Fellowship of the Ring to fit into a leather jacket that small
17. ChrisL - December 21, 2008 5:16 AM
I hate you for getting my hopes up that this movie was actually called "Steven Segal Versus Vampires."
@11 don't forget Cinematic Titanic, which has a bunch of the original writers from MST3000
18. cbobgo - December 21, 2008 10:44 AM
If this was staring ANYONE else besides Segal I would actually go see it. OK, anyone except VanDamme. Or Shia Labouf. Anyone else, and it might be a fun movie to watch. As is, I would be rooting for the vampire/zombies to take him out the whole time.
19. mattk - December 22, 2008 8:54 AM
After watching that my monitor has a fine film of single malt whiskey and cholesterol. How anyone could look that lame swinging a sword is amazingz.
@ 11& 17 there is also "The Film Crew"; which is the three guys from RiffTrax doing whole movies, not just a commentary track...
20. Bobby James McGruder - December 22, 2008 11:07 AM
I also think the movie's title should be changed into "Steven Seagal vs Vampires".
21. che-che - December 22, 2008 11:45 AM
no i can finally rest in peace, (cues in the wheat feild scene from gladiator, with cut shots to this movie trailer, im floating mmmmmmmmmmmmso peaceful)
22. lchristovale01 - December 22, 2008 2:47 PM
"Were gonna make it...even if it kills us"
lol best line ever
23. matt - December 22, 2008 3:43 PM
steven seagal is an aikido master hands down, but vampires? not his fortay more like fuckin gay lol
24. i HuMan - January 11, 2009 4:56 AM
Yeah I loved this movie the first time I saw it!!! When it was called BLADE!
Steven Seagal what has become of you? My god!!! Well atleast it didn't have any crappy Rappers in it.
I think it's time for someone to bring back his first classic movies like Above the Law or Out for Justice, and bring back character he's played which don't suck.
(Pun intended since this new movie is about blood sucking vampires!)