Dec 4 2008Let's Remake 'Romancing the Stone'
Fox wants to remake Romancing the Stone? Alright. In these trying economic times, we must all make sacrifices to keep Matthew McConaughey employed. From THR:
Fox is bringing "Romancing the Stone" to the big screen again, swinging into development a remake of the 1984 adventure movie and tapping Daniel McDermott to write it.The original movie helped launch Robert Zemeckis as a director, turned Michael Douglas and Danny DeVito -- then best known for their TV work -- into film stars and established Kathleen Turner as a romantic lead.
Written by Diane Thomas, "Romancing" told the story of a repressed romance novelist who travels to Colombia to find her missing sister only to meet up with an American soldier of fortune. The two embark on a cross-country adventure involving a map, a jewel and a private police force.
TELL ME this means someone will cover Eddy Grant's Romancing the Stone theme, which might be (almost certainly is) the worst song ever recorded. It's so, so bad, and it never ends. There's always another chorus, or a guitar solo, or even more chorus. You need to bring a few Nature Valley bars if you're going to listen to it in one sitting. It's not even long so much as arduous.
If you haven't heard this horrible titular song, you need to experience the music video, paying special attention to when Eddy throws a machete into the air and it turns into a guitar for him to pretend to play:
I don't know who could possibly do this song any justice, but I'm up for suggestions in the comments.
Reader Comments
1. Brian - December 4, 2008 1:16 PM
4-2+5-6st!
2. Jessica - December 4, 2008 1:50 PM
i bet Tenacious D could make the song at least somewhat better.
3. jaime - December 4, 2008 1:56 PM
haha brian #1
you're right, iws writer, i can totally see McGonagyeoweijwoejif whatever (i can never spell his name) with kate hudson again, the same two from how to lose a guy in 10 days.
some hollywood exec probably said "HEY! I'M A GENIUS! HOW ABOUT.... MATTHEW AND KATE H. TOGETHER AGAIN?!"
4. delic8 - December 4, 2008 2:13 PM
Far form the worst song ever. It has a sort of shiny, synth-y 80's charm.
Any generic pop/rock band (or dude with a keyboard, for that matter) could record it, but it would take a special caliber of artist (read: the Jonas Brothers) to really capture the heartfelt emotion and nuance.
5. jared - December 4, 2008 2:23 PM
Chromeo could make that song rad.
6. B.J. Blazkowicz - December 4, 2008 2:31 PM
The word 'unicorn' does not belong in any song, ever.
Listening to that song is like looking at a velvet painting of another more hideous velvet painting.
7. Zyclonis - December 4, 2008 3:00 PM
"NO, NOoooo!, We go in! we kill!, Kill THEM, KiiiIIILLL THEM!"
-Lord Wez
Please hollywood, don't remake this movie, it's completely unnecessary.
8. mtk - December 4, 2008 3:13 PM
That song never leaves my poor heart alone.
By the way, it doesn't appear anywhere in the film or even on the soundtrack.
9. G - December 4, 2008 3:22 PM
"I don't know who could possibly do this song any justice, but I'm up for suggestions in the comments."
Akon featuring T.I.
I can see it now...
10. Hardinhoff - December 4, 2008 3:30 PM
I think I would have to agree with the Tenacious D comment. They could even remake the video into what it should be...a joke.
11. Proteon - December 4, 2008 3:44 PM
None of you have ever seen this movie. Not that such things matter anymore.
12. Jumpin_J - December 4, 2008 3:50 PM
Good god, if there was ever a good reason for the Screen Actor's Guild to strike, I think this is it.
13. Yahoo Serious - December 4, 2008 3:56 PM
Let's hope this does get remade, so someone can then do a remake of Billy Ocean's "When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going" from Jewel of the Nile!
14. TetraShiva - December 4, 2008 4:14 PM
My honest to Jebus response:
"Noooooooooooooooooooooo..."
Except I started with a high pitch and gradually descended into a gargle. Fuck you, Hollywood, fuck you.
15. George - December 4, 2008 4:47 PM
Forget about this...Remember Croc. Dundee 3? The 80's movie that needs a sequel/remake is "The Last Starfighter"! Lance Guest isn't doing anything.
16. Brian - December 4, 2008 8:31 PM
Honestly the movie that needs remaking is The Wizard of Oz.... now hear me out... If you've ever read the book it's very different from the '39 Oz. Much darker... For example the Tin Man becomes the Tin Man because his axe is cursed and when he uses it he cuts off all his limbs. Then there's the scene where he beheads a monster. The scene in the book where Dorothy stumbled onto a miniature city populated by small porcelain people who run away in horror, falling over and smashing into pieces could be done so well. Maybe directed by Guillermo Del Toro or someone of that ilk...
Just sayin'
17. jaime - December 4, 2008 9:04 PM
celine dion.
or possibly jessica simpson.
no but now talking seriously, sting.
18. 18 - December 5, 2008 5:00 AM
For fuck's sake Hollywood – enough of the fucking remakes already. I used to have good memories of the 80s until you fuckwits came along and decided to remake every classic of that era in the shittiest way possible.
Hey cunts, here's an idea – why don't you fucking try coming up with something original???
19. Kill Hollywood Elitist Scum - December 5, 2008 12:05 PM
Hollywood has officially run out of ideas.
Next thing you know they're gonna remake Footloose......
What's gonna be funny, is that some Hollywood fucktard is gonna remake a movie that still has sequals coming out.
"Coming this summer, Mission Impossible starring Mathew McConaghey as Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, and Coming the Fall, Mission Impossible 4 starring Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt."
When two complete and utterly talentless drones like Mathew McConaghey and Kate Hudson are famous millionaire actors, it's time to nuke Hollywood and start over.
20. martinez.supercop - December 5, 2008 12:21 PM
The only artist with who could do this song justice is T-Pain. Especially if he used that totally cool, not in the least bit overused auto tune effect on every chorus. Pure genius.
21. Elmo - December 5, 2008 1:27 PM
hey man I like Tenacious D.. wait what are we talking about?
I like chickens Eddy...
22. mephesto59 - December 6, 2008 12:45 AM
I think it's obvious that only Lil Wayne featuring T-Pain could do the honors.
23. K-rex - December 8, 2008 3:02 PM
That song is screaming for some Cobra Starship. And they're already experienced in being the best part of a bad movie. Or maybe Vampire Weekend. They are probably already familiar with all of Eddie Grant's work.
24. Jocelyn - December 10, 2008 11:58 AM
lol omg i remember that song, it was burned into my head for life back in the 80s. RTS was the only "adult" movie i was allowed to watch when i was a kid. a remake would be sooo.. awful. why dont they just take the old version and cgi Mathew M and Kate Hudson's faces on top of the old actors bodies, ha.