Dec 1 2008CONTEST: Win This Awesome Monty Python Box Set

Jungle Bells - In an effort to save the sole fir tree growing in his jungle, Tarzan takes on a deforesting crew and shows them the true meaning of Christmas - Chuck Norris style!

'it's a Crossroads Christmas'-Britney Spears and her gang are on another road trip! This adventure is through the frozen tundra of the north pole to save Christmas for the the evil witch X-tina Frostbite (Christina Aguilera) and her army of trolls (Lindsay Lohan).

Ironic the "Nothing like the Holidays" ad showed up right before the comments. Anyway...

I think that "A Charlie Brown Christmas" live action movie with Michael Cera as the titular character, a CG Snoopy and Woodstock (with fart jokes and top 40 dance routine--Soldjah Boy perhaps?), some very blunt jokes about Marcie and Patty being lesbians (you can bring in the ____ Movie people to consult on that), and have Franklin played by Kenan Thompson who wears a dashiki and says "DAAAAMN" when Charlie show up with his famous sickly tree. And of course, the Judeo-Christian overtones should be completely gutted in favor of a liberal message about tolerance towards Islam.

This would be a terrible, terrible holiday movie, and will probably be in theatres in about 2 years.

Slay Ride - Santa Clause (played by Jean Claude Van Damme) must take down a drug smuggling operation AND deliver all the toys in a single night. Make sure you aren't on the naughty list this year!

edit-

'it's a Crossroads Christmas'-Britney Spears and her gang are on another road trip! This adventure 'gets musical' through the frozen tundra of the north pole to save Christmas for the the evil witch X-tina Frostbite (Christina Aguilera) and her army of trolls (Lindsay Lohan).

Get Out Claus - Santa (Huey Lewis) is jailed for having lists of both naughty and nice children. All seems lost and Santa struggles to survive in Colostomy Penitentiary run by dastardly Meldon C. Bubble Jet (Stephen Dorff) But perhaps those guys who don't know when to quit, The Elves, will have a say in his escape. *

Randy the Red-nosed Reindeer
Vince Vaughn stars as stars as a drunken were-deer who, with hilarious ramblings, convinces Santa not to commit suicide and saves Christmas. Vince Vaughn + Christmas = Gold!!!!

"Ways to Ruin the Season"
- An aspiring film maker(Chevy Chase), suffering from bankruptcy, is looking for ways to advertise his cheesy film. In order to achieve that, he must head out to the west to get his A-list friend(Patrick Dempsey) to endorse the movie.

"Not Another Christmas Movie" - A sequel/spoof on The Christmas Story in which we find an aging Ralphie suffering from fiber problems sitting in a nursing home. Instead of a Red Ryder BB gun, this year he wants a Red Dyper Colon Blow 3000, to which his nurses make fun of him and sing, "You'll shit your eye out!"

"The People's Republic of Christmas"

Because of the current global financial crisis, the jobs of Santa, and the elves have been outsourced to the only nation making any money-- China.

It is up to two Kringle Enterprises Slackers (Seth Rogan and Jon Heder) to find a way to keep Santa and the elvs' jobs.

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

A man (Rob Schneider) accidentally kisses Santa thinking it was his wife. When the lights come on and his wife and kids are standing around, he finds himself in a wacky predicament leading to endless gay jokes and zebra print thongs because his wife embraces his "new persona."

Santana Claus- This year every child in the world asked for the same thing: the greatest latin guitar solo ever performed. And by "jolly" they're going to get it. Hilarious hijinks ensue when the electrical box bursts at the enormous stage they've erected, and Santana has to learn that the true Christmas amplifier comes from the heart.

Movie name:
Feaster

Plot Highlights:
The story of Jesus, returning from the grave as a zombie to exact revenge on the people who put him there. Features nail-shooting hand wounds, a bitter, jealous Pontius Pilate, Mary Magdalen as the love interest and a trash-talking Muhammad as a take-no-shit pimp/sidekick.

Tag line(s):
This Easter, Jesus claims your soul!

Alternate Tag line (for Asian markets):
Happy time with Jesus corpse.

The Passion of the Christ II: Resurrection
The lord our savior returns. And he's actually still pretty forgiving.

Star on the Christmas Tree – Washed up singer Gabe Lubin (John Travolta) gets one chance to hit the big time again, but doing so will ruin Christmas. Will Angle Elvis (Nicolas Cage) be able to show him the true meaning of Christmas and save the Rockefeller tree lighting?

The Polar Fedexpress

In this rollicking animated feature, Tom Hanks is stranded in the North Pole and must open presents in order to survive! He plays almost all the characters, including Santa, Wilson (who apparently drifted north past the Aegean sea), and ten million little prankster elves. Helen Hunt, ironically, plays Mrs. Claus, falls in love with Tom, but ends up running away with Herbie the dentist elf.

TITLE: Snoop Ventura PI - The Search for Christmas Tree in a Bag

SYNOPSIS: See Snoop Doggy Dogg get his Private Eye on as he uses his sixth sense to find the perfect holiday marijuana, appropriately titled, Christmas Tree. Although he cannot TALK to animals, this movie does involve skunk and a girl with a donkey (or at least a guy that resembles one from the waist down). Hilarity and hijinx insue!

Homo for the Holidays - First he couldn’t lie. Then he couldn’t say “no”. Now, Jim Carey stars as the intolerant father of Brett (played by Zac Efron), an openly gay young man. During Thanksgiving dinner Brett comes out to his family and his dad is none too pleased! Hilarity ensues when Brett “wishes upon a star” (insert musical number) that his dad would know what its like to be gay for one month! Jim Carrey once again puts to use his sublime ability to act like he can’t control his actions when he inexplicably starts stroking the ‘’yule log”, taking some presents “down the chimney” and “don’s his gay apparel” (Fa la la la la la la la la)!!!!!

TITLE: Passion 2 - Resurrection

TAGLINE: F*** Holywater, Give Me a Pulse Rifle, Bit*ch!

SYNOPSIS: Directed by James Cameron, this holiday masterpiece pits Jesus against the Aliens from, well, Aliens. Signourney Weaver is back as machine gun totin Mary Magdalene and Bill Paxton is back to play Chet just like he did in aliens. GAME OVER!

Jumper 2: Santa Jumps - How Else Can One Man Travel The Whole World In One Night.

The Tale of one Jumper (Nicolas Cage) dream to make Santa real, but with Roland Cox (Samuel L. Jackson) on his tale, can one man save Christmas, and make it the holiday it should be?

'The Passion of Christmas"

Mel Gibson writes & directs this follow up to 'The Passion of the Christ' with a warm, lighthearted comedy for all the family. It's Christmas Eve 2008 and Jesus (Gerard Butler) returns to Earth only to discover everyone celebrating Hannukah! With the help of 3 guys, a shepherd and a girl called Mary (Renee Zellweger), he vows to convert them before the clock strikes 12, but will he make it? but more importantly, will he get the girl? and what presents will he get?

- Santa Dogs -

Santa (Steve Martin) adopts Air Bud & Co as pets. Santa gets in all kinds of craaaazy trouble and Air Bud must must take Santa's place to save Christmas. The other dogs help the elves.

Open Water - X-mas Edition

This time the climax won't be the guy peeing in the water - its going to be Sanata taking a dump/

I'd pay to see that

NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION

ISHTAR2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Starring: Dabney Coleman, Shelley Long, Corey Feldman, and Robin Williams as "The Beaver".

Soundtrack: Bobby McFerrin

Director: Uwe Boll

Synopsis: Does it really matter?

Santa Claude

Claude (Will Ferrell) lives in Antlerville, Alaska and works at the local mega-mart. His wacky ineptitude results in the mega-mart burning to the ground during the biggest snowstorm of the season, leaving the Antlerville residents snowed in with no place to buy toys for their children on Christmas Eve! Claude, with his friends Rudy (John C. Reilly) and Nick (Rob Schneider), decide to travel to Caribou Cove to buy toys and Save Christmas For The Kiddies, resulting in wacky hijinks involving snowmobiles, dogsleds, moose, polar bears, frozen snot, and fart jokes.

Santa Claude: Because Fart Jokes Are More Funny At 0* Fahrenheit.

Twelve Days of Christmas - The Unwrapping: Loner detective with a heart of gold Hank Briggs [Colin Farrell] is in a race against time - LITERALLY. Briggs has 12 days to track down an escaped mental patient [Keanu Reeves] before he unknowingly opens a present planted by evil mastermind [John Voight] set to destroy half of New York - for ever.

Red Christmas

An Arctic scientific base is being target by an Inuit serial killer who dresses like Santa Claus. The first victim is the grizzled veteran of Arctic science (Lance Henrickson), followed by the cocky upstart (James Marsden), and the Token Minority (Orlando Jones). This leaves the Plucky Female Character (Azura Skye) and the lab assistant with a crush on her (Zachary Levi) to defend themselves against the red-suited maniac in the darkness of an Arctic winter.

This year... Christmas is Red.

Son of Ernest Saves Christmas -- The son of Ernest P. Worrell saves Christmas. I think that pretty much says all you need to know.

O Little Town of BethleMAYHEM!

A church of people in New York is taken hostage by terrorists while putting on the traditional Christmas play. Rebel cop Samuel L. Jackson must team up with Senator Hulk Hogan, the father of one of the children in the play as well as the terrorists main target to save the day before some kind of obligatory explosion happens. Mayhem ensues.

Title: Tyler Perry's White Christmas!

Plot: Tyler Perry is at it again, with this wyld take on the Xmas classic "It's a Wonderful Life", except this time we see what what life would be like......if down-on-his-luck Tyler Perry character were WHITE! Double-fat-suit bonus of getting Tyler Perry as Madea and white counterpart Granny Gin-gin. Oh, the hilarity.

Tag Line: This Tyler Perry is "dreaming" of a White Christmas .... and it's a "nightmare"!?! (put "nightmare" and "dreaming" in different font/color so as not to miss the oh so subtlety. Brilliant)

Dad Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Sally (Dakota Fanning) sneaks downstairs late Christmas Eve and spies her mom kissing Saint Nick! Unfortunately, her father (Vin Diesel) catches her mother in the act as well. A silly Christmas situation turns into a Christmas disaster as Sally watches her father beat Santa and abuse her mother. It looks like this Christmas all Sally will get is shared custody!

KWANZAAM!

This holiday season, Shaquielle O’Neal teaches us that, sometimes, Kwanzaa wishes really do come true. Also, he raps. Terribly.

"The North Poll"

The most important election of 2008 isn't in America- it's in the North Pole! Saint Nicholas' term is up and it's time to elect a new Santa. But will frozen mudslinging keep this from being a Merry Christmas?

The Christmas Wish

When a Jaded Santa who wonders why he does it anymore, and a little girl who is questioning her belief in santa and her father recently unemloyed, all wish upon the same shooting star, they get the christmas wish of a lifetime. Santa switches places with the little girl where he learns what christmas means to kids, the dad gets the hardest job of the season becoming santa, and the little girl gets the economic lesson of her life, and learns the true meaning of christmas..... family.. but then the dad dies of cancer.

Joseph's First Christmas

Christmas is usually a night of joyful surprises, but not for Joseph. His virgin wife Mary has just given birth, and Joseph knows the kid isn't his. Mary claims that the baby came from God, but what will the blood tests say? And is God going to pay child support?

SANTA CLAUS & RUDOLPH MAKE A PORNO

Lifelong friends Santa (John Goodman) and Rudolph (Johhny Depp) are facing hard times and a mountain of debt. When the electricity and plumbing get cut off at the North Pole, they seize upon the idea of making a Christmas porno movie for some quick cash. The two vow that having sex will not ruin their friendship. But as filming begins, what started out as a business proposition between buds turns into something much more. Also starring Gary Coleman as Drippy the Elf and Scarlett Johanssen as Fluffer the Wet Nosed Reindeer. Rated G

Eating Christmas:

5 star chef William Balls (John Goodman) has a magic oven that turns any food stuffs into immaculate good stuffs, but when he accidentally brings a Christmas ham to life (voiced by Norm MacDonald) this ham's gonna' slather William Balls' Holidays with Holi-glaze (HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha). This Christmas, Willy Balls is a street walkin' cheetah with a friend who's a glazed ham!

Rated PG

Clauset:
Santa (played by Robin Williams) is ready to loose his beard, both literally (the white thing on his chin) and figuratively (Mrs. Clause played by Sally Fields). That’s right, Santa is coming out of the closet- with the help of his elves he is going to get in shape and find the man of his Christmas wishes!

Christ Mass.

He's just an ordinary guy living in Massachusetts who's about to have his world turned upside-down. While hanging up a holiday wreath, Brian Winters slips and falls only to have his mind slightly askew. Brian now has a new friend, an imaginary friend, Jesus Christ.

Holiday Movie - written by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
An hilarious parody of every single cultural reference to Christmas and Hanukkah ever. Starring Gary Coleman, some of the Wayans, some people from Mad TV, and dwarves who have no sense of dignity. Get ready for awesome jokes revolving around midgets as elves, "ho ho ho" referencing not only Santa Claus's laugh but prostitutes, the Wayans as breakdancing reindeer, and some other Wayan dressed up as Santa banging some kid's mom under the Christmas tree. Also referenced for no apparent reason: Amy Winehouse, lolcats, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson (one of the Wayans calls her Lindsay Hohan!), movies that won't premiere until 2011, and the Dark Knight (one of the Wayans flushes the Joker down a toilet - LOL). Also, someone (a black dwarf) gets a blowjob for standing under mistletoe.

Santa Claus Is Coming

This Christmas, Santa Claus (Anthony Anderson) has got a very special package, but this gift is only for the ladies on the NAUGHTY list! He's going down your chimney, and then your pants!

Tagline: It's gonna be a WHITE Christmas!

"Santa Baby"
The Grinch plots to ruin X-Mas by using his "Babifier" Laser gun to turn Saint Nick into an infant, so its up to Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Ving Rhames (as Mrs. Clause), Jon Voight and the rest of the elves to save X-Mas.

A Very Special Christmas: To land a job at a local newspaper Margot (Jeri Jewell best known as "Cousin Jeri" on the Facts of Life) sets out on a cross country trip to find out why Christmas is so special to so many people. Joining her along the way is her boyfriend Steve (Chris Burke best known as "Corky" from Life Goes On).

The True Meaning of Kwanza

Detective Anvil (Samuel L. Jackson) stumbles upon the greatest secret held by the Government today: The True Meaning of Kwanza! Now he must evade deadly assassins while trying to patch up old wounds with his ex AND reveal to the world that Kwanza isn't just a made up holiday to make the Afro-Americans happy but something so great, something so amazing, something so absolutely unbelievable that you just HAVE to go see this movie JUST to find out!

The bad list- on christmas eve, a group college girls learn exactly how santa gets his jollies.

Not Another Holiday Movie

The same old BS you've already seen in any other "Not Another" movies.

Title: Jingle Balls
Summary: Sequel to Dodgeball; Vince Vaughn has lost it all due to his poor bookkeeping and bad investments/credit crisis. Smelling blood, Ben Stiller loses the weight and makes a comeback attempt to take over his former gym in a do or die/no holds barred "holiday dodgeball tournament".

A Magickal Christmas -- Magick Johnson and his cousin, the Magic Screen, travel cross-country to get Pee-Wee Herman out of jail in time for Christmas. Hilarity ensues.

Bitemare before Christmas:
A cozy little mountain town's adults ushers in the holidays at the annual Christmas eve bar bash well the children sleep at home anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa. This year however, milk and cookies aren't on the menu!

The Santa Clause
Tim Allen stars as a divorcee who ... wait ... what? It already ... what? Oh God no.

Shlepp the Halls

Adam Sandler, in heavy makeup and fat suit, plays the one and only Santa Claus, who's world gets rocked when he finds out he's actually a Jew. The North pole is turned upside down when Santa leaves to travel to the homeland (Israel) to discover his true self. But will he return before Dec 25th? or will Hanukkah replace Christmas forever?

An Obama Christmas Carol......oh crap that won't work.

The Bitch Who Stole Christmas

Angelina Jolie stars as a vindictive second wife that sets about to ruin her husband's ex's christmas by being hotter, more caring, more fertile and more successful than the ex.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith 2: Final Clause - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are still a couple, but have now retired from the assassination business. However, their old bosses find them but instead of killing them, the agency offers them one chance to clear their names...they must save Christmas. So they dress up as Mr. & Mrs. Clause to infiltrate a giant evil mafia/gang that is making money somehow and whatever they do is slowly poisoning children. In the end the Smiths, I mean Clauses, kick butt and save Christmas for all the kids (most of which they end up adopting).

Killin & Grillin Rudolph

Enjoy this Christmas documentary where Sarah Palin heads to the North Pole to take out one our favorite Reindeer. She also shows us how to prepare our four legged friend over an open fire.

A White House Christmas......oh crap... that won't work either.

"Blood for Ice"

Santa Claus (Keanu Reeves) is firing up the toy factory this year, but most of his elves have been eaten by rogue polar bears whose sea ice froze up three weeks too late. Can Santa kill all of the polar bears in time to hire a new staff and get toys ready for Christmas? Maybe, but not after the World Wildlife Federation takes out a hit on his ass for slaughtering the endangered bears.

The Holiday

Two relationship troubled girls that live in England and California (Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz) decide to swap houses over Christmas for a change of scenery. Much non-hilarity ensues as scenarios that could never happen in real life occur that lead us to an implausible ending with everyone happy with their lives in a movie that lasts too long to really pay attention to.

Who stole Christmas? - A sneaky detective (played by Johnny Depp) is investigating what is happening to all the childrens toys. Every year the christmas trees are turning up empty. We come to find out the culpret is an evil elf (Wynona Ryder of course) who is stealing all the presents to practice for a movie role she is trying to score as a stealthy child hating ninja.

Escape from North Pole 2- Sad Feet (who says you need a first one to make a sequel?)
A post-apocalyptic North Pole is no longer the cheery place of your dreams. Elves are pitted against Polar Bears in the fight to stay alive, while Santa and Mrs. Claus are holed up in their underground bunker, slowly going mad and eating the reindeer to survive. A young penguin who doesn't like the military-issued machine guns decides to take down the opposing armies with song and dance, and bring everyone back together to pull through as a team.

"Christmas Keister" is the story of a young man who has a fetish for women's rear ends. He meets up with a big fatty when his groping hand accidentally gets stuck in her crack when she sits on a bench. Unbeknownst to her, she thinks that the young man has taken a fancy to her and begins to chat him up. Initially repulsed by her outward apprearance, flatulence and bad breath, he eventually learns it's what's inside that counts and is inspired by the spirit of Christmas. He asks her to dance to the Muzak, as she accepts and stands up - he yanks his hand out of her sweaty crack and runs away.

Wow. Not much of a movie, is it?

X-Mas Ninjas: An evil ninja master holds Santa Claus hostage at the north pole. Only three boys and one girl (not related to the boys), all trained by the brothers' wise grandfather from Japan in the arts of the ninja, have to free him. Badass (read: cheap) fighting ensues as well as comedy for all ages. A perfect movie to show the kids respect and the meaning of Christmas.

Missile Toe.
Clive Owen stars as a guy with a toe that shoots missiles. He saves Christmas by... ah forget it.

edit: note, who stole christmas should also be a musical!!

Our Gay Apparel -- Will Ferrell and Tom Cruise are on the run from the mob, so they decide to hide out posing as gay fashion designers. Dodging mob hitman Phillip Seymour Hoffman and rival designer Ben Stiller, the two learn a hilarious Christmas lesson about tolerance and friendship!

... "This little piggy went KABOOM!"
Again, forget it.

xXx-Mas

Xander Cage(Vin Diesel), Darius Stone(Ice Cube) and Augustus Gibbons(Samuel L. Jackson) are re-united in this action filled holiday thriller. When Santa's Workshop is highjacked by terrorists, only the xXx team can save the day. Xander Cage and Darius Stone team up for the first time but are shocked when Augustus Gibbons reveals a third member of the xXx team, Xenia Orie(Tera Patrick), this Christmas it's time to take Christmas to the xXx-treme.

3 UNWISE MEN

Three dudes (Two brothers and their friend) send themselves as a gift in a giant present box to the brothers' hot sister in Europe (pick a country). One brother is starting new, the other is a felon fleeing the U.S., the other is in love with the chick. They're all too broke to fly. Sub-plot enfolds while they're en route. The box is big enough for drinking games, fights, heart-to-hearts, and of course, regrets.

p.s. It's only a flesh wound.

An Inconvinient Christmas

Al Gore realizes that Christmas is not a green holiday after seeing all the trees cut down for it, all the energy used to power the lights, and all the gas used to travel. In his realization he starts a one man war against the holiday and all the people of the world that celebrate it.

Good Santa - The sequel to "Bad Santa" stars Brad Pitt as the ridiculously humbling, volunteering, do-gooder Santa who replaces his midget elf with a politically correct 'little person' and only robs from global corporations who are polluting the world. Special guest cameo from the original "Bad Santa" himself, Billy Bob Thornton, and includes a bonus scene where the two Santa's throw down to see who fucked Angelina in the freakiest place.

Aliens versus Friends; A Christmas story.

The cast of Friend reunite only to find that Ross really was gay all along, Joey is in sexual rehab after being caught boinking a 70 year old toothless, homeless woman, and Chandler and Monica realize they are just too stupid to raise kids and search for the real Santa to hopefully get one shred of common sense for Christmas. Phoebe gets hit in the head by a flying Turkey leg at Thanksgiving and awakens from a coma to find she's now a genius. In her haste to try to find Santa she opens a wormhole and allows the Aliens into our universe where they proceed to gut the entire cast unmercifully....Hilarity ensues.

Silent Knight Rider - When terrorists steal Santa's sleigh the North Pole calls on the only man they can trust, Michael Knight (David Hasselhoff). Now, Knight and his trusty sleigh KITT must race against time to defeat the terrorists and save Christmas.

Santa Claws: "Santa Claus is coming to town and he;s out for blood!"
.

Title: Fir and Loathing in The North Pole

A fictional adventure starring hollywood cash cow Johnny Depp, returning to his memorable portrayl of Hunter S. Thompson. This time around Gonzo is faced with a new writing assigment to cover Santa's annual trip around the world, hilarity ensues when he "accidently" slips mescaline into Santa's eggnog. As the two fly around the world wreaking havoc with the help of a singing cgi animated sidekick Poinsetta (a fir tree voiced by Miley Cyrus) and a magical elf named Jamal (Rob Schneider) they learn the true meaning of christmas. And promoptly forget it.

All I want for christmas is ewe
Miley Syrus stars as a disgruntled teen who is forced to spend Christmas with her only relations; a family of amish sheep farmers. What ensues is a series of hilarious and heart warming misadventures proving that the holiday spirit is something that transends social boundries and love can be found in the most unlikely places...
Also staring Billy Ray Syrus as Uncle Joeseph and That Underwear Model Famewhore as Cousin Billy

Sleep In Heavenly Piece: The "hero" dies a horrible death (cut to pieces by a gangster) but you come back to "life" as a grim reaper, exacting revenge on those that did you wrong.

A Not So White Christmas - Donald (Sir Anthony Hopkins), an awkward white man from New England, probably an investment banker or something, is about to carve into the Christmas ham with his lovely and equally-WASPy family of 5. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Donald opens it to find a vivacious young black woman (Robert Downy Jr.) who, through a genuinely hilarious and original chain of not-even-remotely-racist gags, we discover is his long-lost sister. Somehow, the black family (played entirely by Eddie Murphy) and the white family end up in the same room, and the rest of the movie is an unadulterated plagiarism of "Big Momma's House" except with snow and several short cameos of Bernie Mac's exhumed corpse reanimated by black magic to dance for money.

Run Time: 4 hours and 23 minutes (not counting the 13 minute intermission wherein Mel Gibson uses his iPhone and a bottle of Jose Cuervo to explain how the Jews are behind 9/11)

Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola's insatiable lust for antique Russian nesting dolls.

Sexy Santa does XXX-MASS. Santa has been turned into a sexy m.i.l.f. (Sarah Palin) by his nemesis Penguin the Perv. (Hayden Panetierre) Now she has to gain his penis back by fullfilling all the perversions that santa helpers had been hiding for years in a mass midget gangbang full of nonsense christmas happines, good wishes and tranny xtravagansa. But remember not everithing white that falls from the sky is snow.

I'll Be Home For Christmas (Your Home)

Tagline: You'd Better Watch Out, It's Better If You Cry.

Synop: A serial stalker/rapist/murderer played by Orlando Bloom goes on a holiday killing spree because he was touched inappropriately by a drunken Santa (John Goodman) when he was 8. The story culminates when a warm-hearted teenager played by Dakota Fanning convinces him to reform, and takes him to the home of her single, alcoholic father (Randy Quaid) where they enjoy a beautiful Christmas meal. At some point, John Goodman and Randy Quaid fight to the death, both dressed as Santa.

Cameos by Britney Spears and Will Ferrell.

Directed by Uwe Boll.

Santa's Slay

This Christmas Arnold Schwarzenegger is Chris Cringle, and is here to punish all those who have been naughty, and by naughty I mean toppling a Puerto Rican drug-lord, Luis Guzman, that has been getting his product on the streets via cocaine-laced candy canes. At Santa's disposal is a sack of high-tech weaponry, cyborg reindeer, and a jet-black sleigh of doom.

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus

A feel-good movie about the best-kept secret in all of Christendom ... the surprising sexuality of St. Nick! From a Da Vinci Code-style Vatican cover-up to a tender and triumphant gay love story a la Philadelphia, to the silly slapstick humor of Santa's elves, this movie has something for everyone. Learn the true story of Kris Kringle: from his emotional upbringing with overbearing, giftless parents, to his turbulent high-speed sleigh-racing youth, to Mrs. Claus' silent suffering as the most jolly beard in modern history (ever wonder why Santa loves toys but has no children, hmm?). Drama! Comedy! Action! Butt sex! This is a film for the ages - ALL ages.

Oh, and stay for the credits to see some of the funniest gay bloopers ever recorded! What happens when you mix reindeer, elves, a jolly red-faced bear, and vats of figgy pudding? Hint: there's some special presents in Santa's red bag!

Christmas in LazyTown:

Watch Julianna Rose Mauriello back that ass up on Lil Jon, christmas style, enjoy.

Bayou Botox

Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears star in a madcap comedy that starts when they make a quick stop at Stephon Marbury’s Bar Bee Cue and Beer Joint before going Christmas shopping in Shreveport, Louisiana. They find that Britney’s guardian has cut off her charge cards, and the fun begins as these two wacky blondes forget about gifts for their kids and just try to buy clothes, get drunk, and copulate--all without a driver’s license or credit card. Cameo appearances by P Diddy and Kevin Federline.

Dre-dle dreidl dreidl- Dr Dre turns jewish and hilarity ensues!

"All the Good Ones Die in the End": Pregnant and uninsured mother, evicted from her home, searches for hospital that will not force her into bankruptcy with their ludicrous OB/GYN bills - kindly doctor allows her to give birth in hospital's barn (patch adams is there, with a donkey). Kid dies aged 30 in bizarre accident with two wooden sticks, some angry people who don't eat pork, and a bunch of thorny bushes.

The Brokeback Mountain Christmas Special -- Ennis and Jack compete in a talent show to win a place on The Village People Tour, replacing the Cowboy. However, no one seems able to talk Jack out of his idea of a modern dance interpretation of an internal combustion engine. Meanwhile, Lureen finds a gift of land from the Vatican under her tree, wrapped up in an FBI subpena.

Five Christmases

Antics abound in this holiday saga when Brad (Vince Vaughn) and Kate's (Reese Witherspoon) Christmas celebration is crashed by four uninvited guests--their parents! Brad is tall and Kate stands on stuff to match his height, and their one year old (the talking baby from the E*Trade commercials) just can't stop saying the n-word. This new holiday classic, split into five separate acts, is helmed by five unique voices of their generation: Harmony Korine, Robert Rodriguez, Darren Aronofsky, Jim Jarmusch, and Todd Solondz. Finally, a gritty look at the stark, contemplative side of Christmas and the true meaning of family. This is so gonna kick the shit out of Rachel Getting Married. Tim Roth reprises his part as the ubiquitous bellhop, and Quentin Tarantino shows up in a totally unexpected cameo.

Tagline: "This family is totally nuts. Nuts roasting on an open fire. Like that song."

Just close the contest now. I win.

Claus-traphobic
Tagline: "I see red people"
High-strung tween boy afraid of Santa Claus is befriended by teen Goth girl. Both run away from home and the holidays, on a madcap adventure where they have to avoid malls and all popular culture lest either be challenged by their fears and loathings.

"Hellmark for the Holidays"

Eric Roberts, Judith Light, Brian Austin Greer, Urkle, 3 of the Monchichis, the undead corpse of Jim Varney, the Thundercats they added later on in the series, Big Popper, The Spin Doctors, The Olson Twins, Abe Vigoda, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, Billy Blanks, and Anderson, Buford, Wakeman and Howe star as Jesus teams up with Santa, Hannukah Harry, Kwanzaa Kareen, and Eid Enid to stop Megaconglomatron from freeing Genral Zod from the Phantopm Zone and destroying Christmakwanzakah. Special appearances include Shaquille O'Neal, Michael Phelps, The Ghost of Larry "Bud" Melvin, the Super Harlem Globetrotters, Dynomutt, Madeline Albright, and the original cast of "Miss Saigon."

I want that! damn, why can't you just buy it on ebay?

Green Christmas

Seth Rogen plays a small-time stoner who happens upon a LOT of drugs. When the bad drug lords find out where he lives, Jonah flees. He happens upon a Santa suit and disguises himself as he tries to escape with his sack of "goodies."

TAGLINE - Oh what fun it is to ride in a hot-boxed sleigh.

The Spirit of Christmas

With rampant Capitalism overshadowing the true meaning of Christmas, God sends a new plague down upon man. Shoppers become possessed and mutate into the monstrous bargain-hungry undead. Eventually, God comes to realize the errors of his ways and sends Jesus back to Earth to deal with the outbreak.

xXx-mas (Triple-X-mas) - Vin Diesel AND Ice Cube team up as extreme special agents to stop an international terrorist (Bai Ling) from infecting deadly biological microbes into America's fruitcake and eggnog supply. This Christmas the Cube's gonna have to slap a Ho! Ho! Ho!

"I'll Be Ho For Christmas" -- Julia Roberts plays a single mom undercover vice cop who, during the course of a Christmas Eve sting operation in which she's the bait, becomes aware of an awful conspiracy between the cops, the Supreme Court and the power company to destroy Christmas. How? You'll have to find out along with her in this spine-tingling-yet-heart-warming fish-out-of-water-slash-coming-of-age-slash-hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold tale!

Satan Claus

Marilyn Manson as the titular character. Courtney Love as Mrs. Claus. Tag line, "Everyone's going to have one hell of a Christmas, this year!"

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Title: "Titties for Christmas"
Director: Mel Gibson

Plot: An unwelcome guest(Andy Dick) crashes at the "Bunny Ranch", causing mayhem amongst the prostitutes. Butt fucks the pimp and slay the wife.

"A Christmas Tori"

Tori Spelling plays a mother whos kid gets a Red Ryder bb gun for
christmas and Plaxico Burress shoots the kids eye out.

The Goody and the Naughty...

About Santa's good list and the Naughty list, Paris Hilton stars in another movie...Thats it.

It's a Fruit Cake Christmas:
During hard times, a former High School football quarterback finds he has the ability to turn all food items into Fruit Cake. Only problem...he's alergic to nuts.

Who Dat Santa?
Sequel to "Who Dat Ninja?" Retired African-American, wise-cracking ninja Tracy Durden (Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan)) takes a job as a mall Santa to put a little holiday joy in his bank account. On Christmas Eve, he receives his check, and at the same time career criminal Jackson Frost (Shadrick Ware from "Fat Bitch") and his gang of ne'er-do-wells, including "Saint" Nic Coletta (Tony Fusilli from "Honkey Grandma Be Trippin'") and O'Rudolphy the Red-Nosed Drunken Irishman (Simon O'Brien from "Black Cop/White Cop") decide to rob the store. Soon they'll be asking "Who dat Santa?" Directed by Pickles Van Der Smoot, whose work includes 8 episodes of "Ray Ray's Mystery Garage."

Kung Fu Santa-When one of the Santa's elves is abducted from the workshop by the Triad, Santa, played by Chris Rock, and JingleShoes the elf, played by Jackie Chan, must battle their way to her rescue in time to save Christmas!

Reindeer Games 2-----Self Explanatory

Christmas Movie -- A spoof of all the biggest Christmas movies. A Charlie Brown-like figure tries to find the true meaning of Christmas, and with his new friend, a giant Elf, goes on crazy adventures.

Obama (or Palin) got ran over by a reindeer

A sad tragity of how Obama (or Palin)survived a close encounter with a reindeer accident

Title: Krazy Kwanza Kops
Tagline: matunda ya kwanza: MUTHER FUCKERS.
Synopsis: In the year 2025 Jaberi Nbake (Samuel L. Jackson) a black radical cop with a short fuse and an attitude has to team up with a white southern preacher Adam Smith(Kirck Camren) to travel back in time to the 1960's to stop a crazy Ku Klux Klan member (Michael Richards) from assasinating Maulana Karenga and thus eliminating Kwanza. Highlights include Jaberi sliding down a chimny as santa clause to infiltrate a Klansman rally (they think hes black because of the coal residue) and of course tons of bickering between Jaberi and Adam. Think 48 Hours meets Timecop with a twist of how the grinch stole christmas and Malcom X all rolled together.

Dashing Through The Blow - Joey (Iced T) and Rawanda (Mellisa Joan Heart) team up to become the best drug smuggling team in California. After a midget Santa Claus (Verne Troyer) becomes hell bent on destroying Joey and Rawanda's plans to distribute their cocaine disguised as candy canes, their plans takes a turn for the worse.

“The Polar Express 2.” It’s Christmas Eve 2044 and after forty years of Yuletide joy, The-Boy-With-No-Name has a problem…. he’s become cynical and can no longer hear his mystical sleigh bell. But the price of diesel fuel has mothballed the magic train, so he needs the only man who can deliver him to the North Pole for a replacement bell before Christmas morning…. The Transporter! It’s a perfect assignment for Frank Martin, the hard-driving ex-Special Forces operator, and his three rules because in this case, the package HAS NO NAME! Watch the madcap merriment as Frank (Jason Statham) and TBWNN (Kyle Eastwood) pick up a holiday hitchhiker along the way --- none other than The Little Drummer Boy (Ringo Starr as himself)! Watch for a cameo appearance by Kyle Eastwood’s father, Clint Eastwood (the original Man-With-No-Name) as The Grinch.

Title: To Grandma's House We Go

Plot: This movie follows America's favorite family, Spencer and Heidi Pratt, over the mountains and through the woods to Spencer's grandmothers house for a holiday visit. Guaranteed to be a great holiday movie for all ages.

American History X-mas

Crotchety, mean-spirited, racist, Derek Vinyard, (Edward Norton), hates Christmas! But when he's released from prison on Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits who are going to teach him the true meaning of the season.

During the night Derek is confronted by an all star cast of holiday spooks: Adolf Hitler, (Clay Aiken) as The Ghost of Racism's past; The Ghost of Racism's Present: Lindsay Lohan, (Crypt Keeper); and Sarah Palin's Down-Syndrome Baby, (Brandi), as the Ghost of Racism's Future will try their best to sing, drool, and tap-dance the Christmas spirit into Derek's heart.

This heartwarming tale is sure to have even the most bigoted Neo-Nazis saying, "Bah! Humbug!" to curb-stomping black teenagers.

Leon, Leon
A dyslexic Christmas

"I Hate My Life" a buddies comedy starring Gary Busey, Jeff Conaway, Fred Durst, and Dustin Diamond. They're all here for a crazed college reunion where each of them tries to create a fake better life to fool the others only to realize they are who they are and kill themselves. Guest Cameo by OJ Simpson.

The Satan Clause
Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) is readying for his 7th Christmas as Santa, completely unaware that his
sidekick Richard Karn (Richard Karn) has out of jealously sold his soul to the Devil in
order to obtain laser eyes and destroy Scott, thus claiming all of the fame and power of
the North Pole for himself. Unfortunately, Richard forgot to read the fine print on
the contract for his soul and is completely unaware that upon killing Scott, Scott will
be resurrected for one last Christmas during which BOTH Scott and Richard will be Santa.
Will Richard be sent to Hell while Scott is forced to wander a Santa-less Earth for all
eternity with the rest of the undead? Or will Satan's slave Richard be able to get along
with the zombie Scott long enough to save Christmas?

"A Twin Peaks Christmas - The Musical" - Leland Palmer, dressed as Santa(played with panache by Barry Manilow), wraps up three special gifts wrapped in plastic (Brittany Spears, Christina Aguilara and Jessica Simpson) to help raise money to save Josie Packard's (played by Michael Jaskson) mill by staging a ab fab musical review and demolition derby.

Specai Guest Stars include, Andy Williams as "Deputy Andy", Madonna as "Audrey Horn" and FBI Agent "Cooper" is played by Meatloaf.

Leon, Leon
A dyslexic Christmas caroler named Sam-X travels door to door butchering Christmas standards...and more! bwahahahaha

(Sorry about previous post, accidentaly hit post your comment.)

Carol of the Hells- A cult of barbershop quartets finds the perfect pitch that opens a portal to the abyss and use this newfound power to take over the world. Hark how the Hells, sweet fiery Hells, all seem to say: Eat hearts all day.

The Dark Night Before Christmas: Santa's top elf, the Joker, begins a killing spree at the North Pole. Kris Kringle in his secret identity, the Bearded Crusader, has to stop him before Christmas Eve is over!

Drum Stick: Tommy Lee goes on a killing spree after Pammy falls in love with Borat. Special appearances by Mick Mars and the ghost of Paul Newman.

"You Don't Mess With the JC" --

It's Christmas, and Jesus Christ is returning to Earth to punish the unbelievers. Unfortunately, during his descension, he is shot down by a Cruise missile for violating U.S. airspace, landing in a dumpster behind a local New Jersey high school. Now it's up to kind-hearted yet bumbling Jewish high school janitor Hezekiah Storm (played to hilarious effect by the ever-popular Adam Sandler) to return the amnesiac Jesus to the right hand of God. With the help of his best friend Smegma Lowenstein (Rob Schneider in yet another delightful role, people will be quoting his newest catchphrase "Jesus H. Christ!" for some time to come), Storm must face rabid rabbis, furious fundamentalists, and a wacky imam named Achoo as he learns the TRUE meaning of Christmas(?) A theological tour-de-FARCE and sure to be a new holiday tradition!

THE WATCHMEN HOLIDAY SPECIAL --
In which it is revealed that Ozymandias did not in fact program the teleporter to transmit waves of destruction, but rather waves of christmas cheer! Presents are distributed throughout the world through the power of dr. Manhattan, and Rorscharch shows us all that you don't need to be religious to enjoy the sweet christmas delight of the smallest finger on a man's hand.
Featuring a very special musical appearance by Panic! at the disco.

[b]____________________________________
_____?DONDE ESTA SANTA CLAUSE?_______
____________________________________[/b]

Directed by: Don Cheadle
Tagline: "Because fart's aren't funny anymore"

Plot:
10 pm, Chrismas eve and Santa Clause is nowhere to be found. All of the elves scatters around the world in search of the red fat bearded fuck.

Cast:
Santa....................................John Goodman
Mrs. Clause.........................Helen Mirren
Annoying Elf.........................Steve Buscemi
Santa's Sidekick..................Jerry Stiller

Beck - the Halls
A reality movie!
Follow Indie rocker Beck, as he visits the Halls for Xmas! The Halls are a typical american family, from Arkansas. They Drive american cars, are members of the NRA and believe joe the plumber to be a god. Yet danger is brewing! Their daughter, 15 year old Jenna, won a contest inviting beck. Be there as he sings im a loser, while Daddy cleans his gun. What fun!

Santos: The Mittens of Fate

The Christmas sequel to the classic low budget horror!

The story is about a little boy who writes a letter to Santa that mistakenly gets delivered to Torgo and 'The Master". Thinking this is a message from an evil deity they worship, Manos, they track down the family for a little holiday sacrificing. Can Santa get to the family in time and save them?

Santa Paws - When Kris Kringle gets kidnapped by the evil Muslim Rama Don, it is up to his All-American dog, a Beagle named Sleigh-Bell, who has to not only deliver toys to the children of the world, but also take down the evil Islamic terrorist that kidnapped Ol' Saint Nick.

"Santa Raped me with his Yule Log, and All I got for Christmas was this Lousy T-shirt... and Herpes"

... What? We weren't doing t-shirt slogans?

XXXMAS: THE REVENGE OF XANDER CAGE. The film follows extreme-sports enthusiast Xander Cage (Vin Diesel), who is must battle the conspiracy of ex-KGB agents who have kidnapped Santa Claus and plan on using his magic sled to deliver Anthrax-infected gifts to the citizens of the world, both naughty and nice. Traversing the arctic by elf-made snowboard and snowshoes carved from Rudolph's antlers, codename XXX uses his eXtreme athletic knowledge of ice curling and competitive ice-sculpture carving to overcome the nefarious Soviet terrorists.

Kandy Kane & the Mystery of Santa's Sweet tooth - Jennifer Aniston plays Kandy Kane a recently fired department store perfume counter worker turned detective by day, hooker by night, investigates a string of robberies by a group of Mall Santa's, (ringleader of the Santa's played by Steve Carrell.) Part comedy, part detective thriller, part erotic thriller, Kandy Kane is a new detective for a new economy.

By hook or by crook, indeed!?!

a very marry christmas - in order to save christmas, a newly ordained priest (ben stiller) is given a quest by santa (harvey keitel) to marry a couple (jessica simpson and dane cook) who are falling more in love with their careers than each other. if he fails, santa will retire, thus ending christmas for everyone.

Brad Pitt & Morgan Freeman star in Thanksgiving's feel good movie of the year...

"Seven Years with Tourettes"

Because 8 years would be way too cruel!

Hanukkop -- This December, Officer Myron Goldstein has eight special gifts...and the first seven are kicking the living halla outta you.

A White House Christmas

Tyler Perry's Black Christmas in the White House

The Obama's move into the White House and for their first Christmas they invite all of their relatives to celebrate at the White House. You have the elders playing checkers talking about past presidents, the youngsters running through the white house spilling grape kool-aid, the women all gathered in the kitchen, and Obama and his cousin smoking a joint in the oval office, and ending with a special holiday message to all the family by Aunt Sarah.

X. Mass. Time?
John C. Riley Stars as Tim, a happy go lucky goof with a great attitude and a decent job working as a High School counselor in Massachusetts when his X Girl friend tracks him down on the day before xmas break. After 10 years of on the run behavior, changing his name, his job and his moving to Mass. Tim finally has to take the time to break up with his X, rose mcgowan all over again.

Wow - I kinda want to see that.

Red Velvet

A revisioning of the sexually charged cult classic David Lynch film "Blue Velvet." returning home after a couple years, 20 year old Ben (Twilight's Robert Pattinson) discovers the bloody, severed ear of a reindeer gleaming in the tall grass near his home. Dissatisfied with the police's handling of the investigation, Pattison befriends the lead detective's daughter and together the two begin trying to crack the case themselves. Their search leads them to the home of a local midget singer's (Secretly one of Santa's elves and stable girl at the North Pole, blackmailed by the threat of Rudolph's impending death) apartment where Ben uncovers the seedy truth of Santa Claus' (Seth Rogen) non-seasonal off-time. Fisting, erotic asphyxiation and sado-masochism ensue as Ben is consumed by an underworld of murder, sex and tinsel.

Complete with a riske scene of Robert Pattinson forced to strip nude and sing "It's a Wonderful World" at gunpoint.

"A Red Christmas" It's the holiday season in Boston and a serial killer is terrorizing the city. The victims are wrapped like presents and sent back to their families with baseballs in their pockets. All victims killed by baseball bats. When the stockpiled bodies are found in the Wall at Fenway the killer is given the name "The Green Monster" by the press. Lots of twists and a grisly cop with an Irsih last name played by Ben Affleck (natch) with grey hair.

Title: The Hobbit II: It's Christmas for Some Reason.

Bilbo Baggins isn't the only sub-four-foot character in New Line Cinema's "um, what?" sequel to J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit." It's Christmas as the master of fantasy himself envisioned, featuring just billions of CGI elves (the straight kind) showing off an impressive array of crowd-behavior software. Ian McKellen's Gandalf has gained the mokier "The Red Rider" as his third incarnation in which he pilots a sleigh pulled by giant eagles. Bilbo (Trailer features Ian Holme's best "not again!" face right here) must travel to the very Northest of the Northerly Reaches of Middle Earth and cross into the hitherto unknown North Earth wherein he must find the most Northward point in order to do something seemingly small but unfathomably impacting. The film will be four hours long and feature Andy Serkis as Rudolf.

Tagline: This Christmas, Christmas comes to Christmastime. Christmas.

White Christmas:
Detective Samuel "Santa" Claus (played by Samuel L. Jackson) and his partner, Detective Red "Nose" Rudolph (played by Dane Cook), must investigate a cocaine distribution ring that has it's origins on the ice bergs of the North Pole headed by Mr. Green aka "Grinch" (played by Robert DeNiro) and his bumbling son Max (played by Ryan Reynolds).

Moniker ^

Miracle on 69th Street IV: A New Ho
Mr. MoviePhone:‘ Twas the night before Christmas, and in the midst of delivering toys to all the good girls and boys, Santa Claus’(played by George Lucas), sleigh breaks the f*ck down. Ho Ho Holy Sh*t! He wakes up in Las Vegas and starts blithering about being Santa Claus, which is amusing to those around him for a couple of days, being so near to Christmas and all, but after a week they throw Father Christmas into an insane asylum. His only hope of returning to the North Pole and Mrs. Claus is to convince the asylum security guard to let him go. Miraculously the guard has a Santa fetish and Kris Kringle chickenheads his way out of there. On the outside he realizes he has no money and no way of fixing his sleigh or taking his F'd up reindeer to the vet, so he starts ho-ing himself out. He finally macks enough dudes to fix his sleigh and starts racing back to the North Pole. Hallelujah! He pulls up to the house and to his horror, he sees a stranger(played by Mark Hamill)doing his wife. He cries and looks down at the Claus-O-Meter and realizes it is set to One Point Twenty TWO Gigawatts instead of 1.21! Someone must have sabotaged his sleigh before he left! “MRS. CLAUUUUS !” he screamed in pain, and puts his black Santa suit on and rides off into the night.

Lend Your Ear This Way:

The story of Vincent Van Gogh's last Christmas.

Rudolph the Rabid Reindeer:

Rudolph gets rabies. Bites children.

.....that's not frost on his nose, kids!

Deck The Halls -
Jack Cross (Tim Allen) and Sam Clansky (Kevin James) are two rival carpenters who are both accidently commissioned to build the same small town's yearly christmas centerpiece in the town's square. Jack wants to make an amazing nativity scene while Sam wants to build Santa's workshop.When both feel like they have a rightful claim to the project but neither is willing to back down and they are told to work together. Their egos clash and the building suffers until both Jack and Sam leading to a mess of a site and disappointed townfolk. Jack and Sam must learn to put their differences aside and work together to save cristmas.

Nicky Clause: Christmas, The Beginning.
This Holiday Season,take an insight into how life was life for young Nicky Clause (Zac Efron) before Christmas came to be, he needs to get past his addiction of partying and women to finally realise his true calling, inventing Christmas, giving kids presents, and finally killing the Grinch (Keanu Reeves).
So join us on December the 9th for this Christmas sing-along of epic proportions.

Title: The Greatest Christmas Ever...
Summary: A bunch of black people who have not seen each other in years get together for a family reunion at Christmas time. It is discovered that Jerome has turned to drugs and that BJ has wasted all of his inheritance. Through the power of family support Jerome and BJ are persuaded to change their ways and become proper, upright people. AND THEN THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER...

Jessica Mary Clause , Affairs of the heart ------ the true story of mrs clause and her deep seeded affair with the elf that stole her heart one christmas 400 years ago . and how she overcame her addiction to opium and little elfs to save her marriage to the most famous man in the world.

TITLE: Santa clAuswitch

Eddie Murphy & Arnold Schwarzenegger star as two Auschwitz prisoners who vow to bring Christmas joy to their fellow prisoners. After a fellow prisoner, Tiny Schtim (Danny DeVito), gets shot and bleeds out all over his tattered blanket, the guys use it to make a Santa outfit bringing cheer to the camp. The colonel (Carrot Top) is so impressed with their performance that he makes many more red outfits (through the deaths of other prisoners) and has the prisoners perform a hilarious play for Hitler (Tom Cruise, who else?) who is so impressed he calls the whole war off!

this is tough....hmmm i want to go with "Santa Claus is Cumming" but that doesnt suite very well so....

"The End of Faith"

The story starts out with santa (Al Pachino) flying over a bypass, of course hes in a sleigh. A dark cloud passes over head and santa dissapears into it. Suddenly all the reindeers get miss coordinated in the dense fog. Suddenly a small aircraft skins a deer (don't worry its not dead so we can still rate it a G) and now with one deer out of commision the sleigh is out of control. The scene ends with santa screaming "Pull Up! Pull Up!" Darknes wraps all the skies showing an amazing phenomina. As disaster strikes with great balls (no not what your thinking) of fire come crasing down like they did in Armeggedon. Emense heat waves roll over mid-upper to lower north america. 3 siblings (Dakota Fanning) (Some random kid) (zac efron) escape with their father to the higher part of north america, yes Canada! Eventually the father dies and the childeren are forced to move up all the way to the north pole which at this moment is in the palms of evil. As they discover the reason for all the destruction from a 'good' elf like santa claus was the 'gate keeper' and now he's....taking a showe...DEAD. Now that hes dead satan is capable to take over. So they battle through evil elves to reach the exact or 'real' north pole which is an entance to the 'underworld' and 'disarm' satan and bring more peace. (in the sequal they can bring an end to famine)

and between this zac efron's character shows that he really was a pussy all along but didn't show it. YEAY! Rated: A+

"2 Kris 2 Kringle"

Santa Claus gets held hostage at the North Pole and it's up to Paul Walker and Vin Diesel to save him by entering the seedy underground world of illegal dog sledding.

How the Muslims Stole Christmas -
Jesus comes back to our era only to find a hacker named Judas_16 has stolen all of his personal files and has mailed them to a group of Muslim terrorists. Now Jesus with the help of 12 cool nerds has to get them back before the terrorists find the secret to make evil miracles.

2 Fast 2 Generous:

Vin Diesel and Chris "Ludacris" Bridges join forces to take down an underground Yakuza drifting syndicate, only to uncover a plot to hijack Santa. The drifting duo must drift their way into Christmas drifting history!

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

A documentary in which meth addicts are interviewed and recall the glory days when they had things like jobs, money and teeth. At the end of the movie, a generous dentist picks 10 lucky people and gives them dental implants. The directors cut has an alternative ending in which Paul Wall donates Custom Grillz to 10 luck reciepients.

Staring: Lindsay Lohan, Steve-O, Robert Downey Jr., Courtney Love, Jodie Sweetin and Nick Nolte

XXX-Mas: A Vengeance Carol

Tagline: It's better to give than receive Vengeance

In this "xXx" and "A Christmas Carol" mash-up, Vin Diesel (Vin Diesel) teams up with the Spirits of Christmas (Three scantily clad skanks... insert Ho Ho Ho joke) to save the world from the terrorist know only as The Scrooge (Dane Cook)

Tiny Tim is the name of Vin's gun.... of course!!

"Jingle All the Way"
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been a let down to his son, so to prove that he can keep a promise he sets out on a wacky adventure to find an action figure. a beer drinking reindeer is ................oh.............someone just told me this already exists. apparently it's terrible.

The Mummy: X-Mas Chill

In the 10th movie in the series, Brendan Fraser is back fighting stupid mummies when he takes his son (age 5) to the mall and finds out that the mummy of a Yeti who was once the ruler of a vast kingdom was awakened during the holiday shopping season. Now, he must not only find the perfect holiday gift, but must save all of Colorado from the growing Yeti army.

Tagline: This season...get iced!

(The movie execs will pay no attention to the fact that the original mummy movies took place in the 20's, or something. This 10th version will take place in the now and there will be no reason given for the change. Fraser's hair will also be worse than ever before. Could be directed by Roland Emmerich and also include horrible special effects like those in any of his movies)

Mary Christmas: Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz are caught up in yet another wonderfully wicked adventure in which Owen & Luke Wilson become their neighbors and simultaneously try to steal her from him by Christmas day. MANY hilarious moments are packed into this wild sleigh ride of a film.

M3dagascar: White Rhino's Burden

The stars you know and tolerate return to your theatre this festive season to spread the word of the birth of Christ to the heathen animals of Africa! Introducing Sarah Palin as Trig the White Rhino, it's sure to warm your whole family's heart this winter.

"A Blue Christmas"
A young virgin writes a letter of desperation to Santa Claus
expressing his desire to have sex before Christmas. Santa, taking
pitty on the poor kid, dispatches his nastiest elf, Manfred, with
the task of helping the kid hook up before the Holiest of Holies.
What follows is a series of near misses, due to the young guy's
geekiness, thus resulting in a "blue" condition.

8 Things I Hate About Jew

A young girl raised in a conservative Christian home meets the boy of her dreams while she's away at college. After finding out they live only a couple of hours from each other, she goes to visit his family over the holiday break - only to find that his family (including his live-in grandma) is Jewish! Can she make it 8 days? Can he sum up his love for her in just one gift? Is circumcision really a sin?

Hilarity ensues as these two centuries-old religions clash and, hopefully, find a way to co-exist. A movie about love, tolerance, and the true holiday spirit.

Special guest appearance by Aishwarya Rai as the hot neighbor (who turns out to be Muslim) rounds out an all star cast.

Vlad Santa
Santa becomes a Vampire and along with his vampire elf minions, makes sure that kissing isn't the only thing happening under the mistletoe. Bruce Campbell must save Christmas the ole fashion way, maybe with a yule log cross?? HAHAHA

or better yet....

Santa Vs Satan (hehe santa is satan mixed up!)

unable to beat satan on his first try he teams up with the 'ultimates;' a ninja, a pirate, a cowboy, bomberman, Adam savage, a sexy robo cop, and the IWSW. but Satan has his own recruits; brittney spears, regis philbin........plus the awsome but traitorus :( PIRATENINJA, yes pirateninja.

"Britney Spears Saves Christmas"

- Very similar to the very popular "KISS saves Christmas". This time around, Santa is kidnapped & only Britney Spears can save him! Unfortunately, Taco Bell is having a 2 for 1 night... what will she do? Will Santa be saved in time for Christmas Eve?

"The Past waits for no one."

My story takes place in a dystopian future. A world where history is no longer relevant. Human will has been shattered by excessive global cooling, started by the revelation that ghosts walk comfortably among the living. Causing suicide rates to skyrocket through the holiday season.

The story starts:

The Ghost of Christmas Past (GoCP) is fired from his job. With a fresh ghosts arriving daily and begging for cheap work, The GoCPs job is outsourced and he is left unemployed for the holidays.

The story would cover the various jobs GoCP takes while attempting to reassert himself in a new and growing ghost world.

Holidates.

One downtrodden, lonely loser ( Paul Rudd) doesn't want to spend another Christmas alone, so he takes an add out in the paper looking for love. Hilarity ensues.
After realizing it was the wrong way to go about it, it is too late. Too many women have applied and one ( Elizabeth Banks ) has become obsessed.
Throughout the movie, Rudd has an inter struggle with the "Is this It" life questions (a la Rob Gordon "High Fidelity) and whether or not Banks may be the right girl for him. Publicity stunt or not, he has found someone who is devoted to him ( after a lengthy back story of would be tramps and two timing skanky ex-girlfriends ) Rudd finally agrees to a date with Banks,She decides to make it a double date with her sister ( Any late 20 something Face you want to throw in here. Has got to be a name with pulling power for the box office gross). While on the date Rudd unwillingly falls in love with the sister.The rest of the movie focuses around their attempts to keep Banks out of the know, and still sane (figuring she'll lose her shit and do something crazy)
Supported by cast of : anyone who was in Wet Hot American Summer/ The Ten.

deck in hell- santa, ms. clause, and the elves and reindeer are in a house with a murderer and one by one they get picked off, in gruesom, uneccisarily, insanely twisted, just plain wrong ways. but, jewman comes and kills the murderer, but alas, it is too late and all the poor, no christmas, broken-home kids starve, cry, and die.

Tickled by Elmo...When Fur Meets Flesh. The story of one boy and his naughty Christmas toy.

"Never Back Daisy"

An evil troll tries to have Christmas cancelled by claiming that it's FAKE (an obvious Photoshop job, you can tell because the shadows are all wrong.)

Bloggers everywhere rejoice when Daisy tries to fly home for the holidays and Homeland Security seizes her laptop, then blows it up.

"Holidazed and Confused"

Years after his performance in Dazed and Confused, Matthew McConaughey changes his love for red heads for a forbidden love with someone who wears red. That's right folks, A coming of age love tale between Old St Nick and Rainbow Rose of Texas.

oh.......wait he meant worst????? woops worst.....worst....worst....

"The Santa Footprint"

a documentary primarily foccused on Santas horrible effect on the environment, nature, economy, and the public mental well being. Mainly foccused on his terrible wrath on kites, bomb sites, and we-hate-santa-fan clubs.

That's mine above...not sure if I wrote my new or old email address...this is the correct one (bellsouth, not earthlink)

A Jedi Christmas

George Lucas "Fixes" "It's a Wonderful Life", except that George jumps off the bridge and is reborn as a young Jedi (Ben Afleck) who sets out to even the score with Mr.Potter ( re-envisioned by a CGI Gary Busey).

Part one of a six-part trilogy.

"A Hannah Montana Christmas Special"

Hannah Montana realises that her identity as Miley Cyrus has been discovered by none other then Santa Clause (Adam Sandler) Now Miley gets more than she was bargaining for as she races against time to sing her way to the North Pole and stop Santa from releasing her secret to the world.

Second Time of Borat: Glorious Holiday Cheer for Family Special Times.

Borat learns about American holiday traditions.

"Happy Birthday to Me"

Jesus must learn the true meaning of Christmas.

Was the night before Jacko

Micheal Jackson goes all mission imposable and steals Santa's Naughty list and all the bad little boy wake up getting their stocking's stuffed.

Git-Mas

A secret prison camp in a communist country, on land possessed by the most incredibly righteous republic in the world, is run by a terrified religious zealot who's rise to power came after his father called in a bushel of chits. In an act of beneficence, the dwarfish cowardly leader decides to bring Christmas to the detainees. Elaborate plans are made followed by an equal amount of hyjinx and comedic errors. Secretaries of defense, state and torture all drunk and lost in party fervor wake the next day in humorous costumes in the same bed, zaniness follows. The dramatic twist and tear bringing ending comes when the torturers and captors spring the Christmas surprise on the inmates only to find a small group of inmates have converted to christianity and have staged a nativity scene with fellow inmates complete with mules, camels and even the little baby jesus.

Title: Christmas in Friendship

Synopsis: A coming-of-age tale of 2 boys, Nebuchadnezzar and Balthazar,(played by Drake Bell and Josh Peck of Nickelodeon fame) trying to survive another Christmas with their over bearing and extremely religious alcoholic abusive mother (played by Kathy Griffin). During the Christmas break from the local Friendship Baptist High School, the 2 share a lifetime of experiences including love, LSD, 70's porn, and proper personal grooming. A story for the ages. A story of hope and desire. A story of the true meaning of Christmas.

Nativity Movie: A hilarious spoof of holiday movies as well as no-longer-pop culture and movies that aren't coming out for another 3 months. Three Wise Guys (played by 3 of the Wayanses) are on a race to Bethlehem to see the Dancing Baby Jesus assuming they can get there before Santa (Kevin Sorbo, who accidently kills real Santa), Mrs. Claus (Carmen Electra), and a host of elves (Verne Troyer, expect munchkin and Oompa-Loompa references) and flatulent, wise-cracking, CGI reindeer (one with a red-glowing testicle, maybe played by the Jonas Brothers)... and beat them in a dance-off! Ice-T as Fros-T the Snowman, and Steve Martin as Sledtimus Prime!

Hitler Claus

After faking his suicide at the end of WWII, Adolf Hitler and his team of highly trained Nazi special ops head to the North Pole to kill Germany's favorite son, Kris Kringle, who tricked Hitler into sparing the lives of Jewish elves to help build toys. With the North Pole held hostage, and Christmas in danger of being permanently canceled, all hope seems lost...but these Nazi's didn't count on new North Pole chef Casey Ryback (Steven Seagal), who's ready to do what it takes to make sure Santa puts Hitler on his naughty list...in blood.

--Inviting Christ to Christmas--

The Pope (Anthony Hopkins), fearing that Christmas is becoming to commercial, hires smug PR agent Rip Smith (Owen Wilson), who proceeds to convince everyone that Christ is coming back this year. Misunderstandings and hilarity ensue, everyone learns the true meaning of Christmas, and Rip gets with the Pope's daughter (Jessica Alba).

Memory Lane

A story about a dying woman, who has alzheimer's, spends her last christmas with a nurse at her home. In the end the nurse gets to learn more about her grandmother during one holiday than she did in her whole life.

Santa's XXXmas Ride
Sometimes Santa climbs chimneys with ease. Sometimes Santa needs lubricant to squeeze.

Title: Missle Toe

Plot: Rogue Elves at the North Pole are put on payroll by the North Koreans. Their mission? To build nuclear weapons quickly and cheaply using their elvish ways and ultimately launch them at key targets spread across the World. Santa catches wind and leads a counter assault with a small militia of good elves and Reindeer in the North Pole while Frosty The Snowman leads a full blown offensive against Kim Jon Ill and the North Koreans in their home country. Frosty, clearly outnumbered by the vast size of the Korean army seeks the help of an old rival, the Abominable Snowman. What happens at the end? It's a Christmas World War the likes of which have never been seen.

Earnest Saves Christmas.....Again-

Earnest gets sent back from the dead to save Christmas from evil elves who are holding Santa and Jesus captive :(

Deck the Whores

When a voodoo curse causes Santa Claus (Robin Williams) to swap bodies with hard-drinking jailbird Nails Ballsack (Vin Diesel) he gets an opportunity for some consequence-free hard living. While Nails struggles to adapt to his new responsibilities, Santa is the talk of the town with his bitch-slapping antics. Unbeknownst to Santa, however, embittered local lawman Brett Riverboat (Josh Brolin), investigating prostitution rings, is closing in. Now Santa must rediscover his love for Christmas and find his way back to his real body before the clock runs out. Based on a true story.

Name: Satan Claus

Synopsis: A heartwarming story about the night that Satan saved Christmas. You see, Satan had given Santa (they're best friends, of course) some "brownies" that didn't quite sit right with him. So now, on Christmas Eve, Santa is still sick and needs the hearts of children (literally, their bleeding, beating hearts) to get the strength to deliver presents.

"Satan with your horns so bright, won't you steal some hearts tonight?'

Santa Falls:

A movie about the adventures of Santa Clause on just an ordinary Christmas Eve night, but with a twist..This year, Santa's loosing his balance! And every one knows whenever Santa slips (show clip of Santa hanging off of a roof with one foot), hilarity is sure to ensue! (show Santa upside down in a bush with his underwear showing!). You'll be saying "hahaha" after each and every "hohoho"! Bring one, bring all, and watch Santa crawl, wiggle and fall! You never know which slippery roof or dusty chimney he will be falling from next! Santa Falls, coming this December to a theater near you! Rated PG-13.

American History X-Mas

Rudolph gets curbed and that Aflac duck saves the day for Santa in a hilarious product tie-in! Appearances by that blonde haired Verizon dude, a CGI version of the Maytag repair man, and the Hamburgler who tries to steal Christmas ala Grinch. Robble-robble your way to holiday fun!

Ho, Ho, Ho! - A woman, weary from life as a prostitute, contracts an STD and thus cannot ply her trade for a few weeks. She takes a job in the local mall as a "Santa's helper" and learns the true meaning of Christmas. Oh, and at the end her child receives the Red Ryder BB gun that he's always wanted ... mysteriously, like from Santa or somethin'. As the camera fades, she is seen walking seen walking silly, with her Norwegian Blue parrot.

Eight Maids a' Milking

A down-on-his luck nerd finds out he is the sole inheritor of an unknown great uncle's vast fortune, but with one catch: he must sleep with 8 women before Christmas, which is 8 days away!

Need a little more Holiday spice? Make it a porno!

Screw Christmas. Starring everyone.

"The Bite Before Christmas"
Santa is a vampire who delivers MORE than gifts... on Christmas Eve, he bites the children and turns them into vampires too! In the morning, the kids run to open their presents, see the sun and turn to dust in front of their startled parents. (based on a true story)

"Remnants of the Screaming Boy"

Many years in the future, an alien archeological team arrives on Earth to research the Human race, long extinct. The only video they can recover is that of one child screaming frantically over a gift in his hands. They start researching by invoking scenes from the past using advanced technology which visualizes what happened where strong emotions occurred.

"Saw XImas."
Jigsaw comes back again, this time to deliver a bunch of random people the chance to remember the true meaning of Crhistmas.. or be decapitated by a strange guy disguised as a turkey.

Napoleon's Christmas - The time is set a war, and Napoleon Bonaparte (Jon Heder) is have Christmas Dinner with his troops. Until suddenly Santa Claus comes and is jump by twenty ninjas and wolverines. Napoleon finishes of the movie with a Chuck Norris style fight between Napoleon, the ninjas, the wolverines, and a few pesky elves. After saving Santa, Napoleon, Santa, the troops, the wolverines, the elves, the ninjas, and the Irish all sit down to have a wonderful feast of giant turkey.

Hell for the Holidays-It's two weeks before Christmas in Hell, and Satan finds the woman of his dreams when she almost dies from suicide. Unfortunately for the Prince of Darkness, her near death experience transforms her into a bible-toting Christian. Can Beelzebub find a way to make her go to Hell in time for a Christmas wedding? Find out in Hell for the Holidays.

Trapped in the Chimney

A holiday hip-hopera for the entire family! When the children discover Santa Clause (played by R. Kelly) in the chimney, he pulls out his Beretta and threatens to shoot the place up. A heart-warming, musical event with cliff-hangers that are sure to please.

Christmas Carols

In the hit follow-up to Bedtime Stories, Vince Vaughn drags his old 45 LP player so that the kids can listen to the good old Christmas songs...but soon finds himself up to his neck in turtledoves, merry gentlemen, and bob-tailed nags.

Bonus: heart-warming ending where he fixes all the damage by playing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"!

Wii Wish You A Merry Christmas - Everyone wakes up with a Wii under their tree.

"Christmas democracy"

The story of unholy Axl Clause who returns every 15 years to plague humanity with his sadistic music presents. You know where you are? You're in Christmas-hell baby; you're gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!!!

The Night Before Kwanzaa - Directed by Spike Lee, this heartwarming tale is about showing people the true meaning of Kwanzaa. Poor little Jeremy is bullied by the white children for not celebrating Christmas, but his father, Robert (played by Denzel Washington), inspires him to show others that Christmas is a conspiracy, and that Kwanzaa is the true holiday of the season.

"A Very Bruno Christmas" - Bruce Willis. One harmonica. One chance to stop terrorists from ruining the children choir's holiday recital.

"Gold, Frankincense and Word (To Your Mom)"

Rivaling high school-aged dance crews meet up on campus before the holiday season to exchange slang-filled taunts and "serve" each other. Over the ensuing weeks, friendships are forged, hearts are broken, rappers make cameos, "phat" moves are made using millions of dollars of special effects.
Inevitably, the crews make amends and come together for the extra-cheesy flashy finale by presenting their school with a Christmas breakdance extravaganza. High fives all around.

i got some more ideas;

"Super sized Santa"-

a story where santa (bruce banner) reveals his secret identity, batman, to 10 people, which then of course is broadcasted over 9 radio stations, which then due to same frequencies malfunctions the 8-bit robot damson (samson) into a horibble suicidal rage, then as an attempt to deprogram the robot, batman and robin (al pachino) hop in the batmobile (roudolph) and drive 7kms to a burger joint named 'butt nuggets', then 6 miles under the ocean, only to find that the little mermaid (hitler) was in fact the evil little bitch that told medusa (yur mom) an evil plan in return for 5 of her snakes, so the 4-wheel drive batmobile flew to the center of the universe to find the only ninja fox with mental disroders, thinks brittney spears is hot, and is a robot deprogramer, to give them the meaning of life, which at that point batman realized 3 things, that he has 2 testicles, this entire paragraph was only 1 sentence and there were 0 capital letters.

tagline: "appantly the title should be changed"
alternate tagline: "this is not the sequal to 'Super Size Me' "

Last Christmas

A man discovers that he has less than a month to live and decides to spend his last Christmas with his estranged family. Over the holidays, they will learn what it means to give and forgive, and come to understand the true meaning of Christmas.

Starring: Ben Affleck, Brandon Routh (as Affleck's partner), Jon Voight, Susan Sarandon and Scott Caan (as Affleck's parents and brother)

Elves Gone Wild: See what happens the other 364 days of the year.

Santasm - When Santa has a wet dream, the whole world wakes up sticky.

Ghostbusting Christmas

The Ghostbusters return in this Christmas Carol mashup as they capture the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, & Future. Evil Scrooge misses out on his life lesson and it's up to the Ghostbusters to teach him the meaning of Christmas!

I think this could really be a movie.

"Season's Beatings"

Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson are childhood friends separated by their Jewish and Latino communities until they meet again in late December in an underground no-holds-barred fight club. Both are trying to raise money to keep his sheltered brother in private school upstate (Vin) and save a struggling orphanage in his neighborhood (The Rock). Kind of like Romeo & Juliet except with Christmas and Chaunukah overtones and Beatings.

Jingle Balls

A pre-op transexual poses as a Salvation Army bell ringing Santa to earn up enough money to become Mrs. Santa. Ho Ho Hoe!

The Second Noel: The Quickening

The Noel is back from planet Zeist to save Christmas from a depleting ozone layer. Jesus, although supposedly dead, also makes an appearance in the 21st century -- garbed in full Scottish regalia for some reason.

Quentin Tarrantino's "A Christmas Carol"

More swearing, more blood, more hookers, same 4 ghosts.

"Deck Ich Christmas Kind Stricher."

1943, Nazi Germany.

A small boy sees the plight of millions and decides to take a stand- against millions and millions of Nazi stormtroopers.

Giving of yourself...it's the best Christmas miracle of all.

Even though little Hans is crushed by tanks and made a spectacle of by Hitler himself, the whole town is merry with the thoughts of little Hans' holiday joy, spreading infectiously like the subduing tear gas the soldiers used to calm everyone down.

A Christmas story for all...show it to your mom. Show it to your grandma. Show it to your local bunch of ne'er do well hooligans. Fun and morals for the whole family!

Trauma counseling not included. Rated PG for intense music, battle scenes, graphic sex involving animals, profanity, and scenes of family tension.

Merry Christmas, and remember..."Get DICKS today!"

Step Up 2 The Holidays

A man (Taye Diggs) must prove to his girlfriend that he really loves kids before she'll agree to marry him. Feeling sorry for himself, he takes a lonely walk down a snowy road and runs into "Tiny T" (Zac Efron) the leader of a small band of orphans who are trying to win a dance competition for a Christmas dinner. Rosie O'Donnel plays the evil orphanage owner who hates smooth moves and Dane Cook plays Diggs' fast talking pal.

CHRISTMAS.COM

An all star Judd Apatow cast centers around Seth Rogan as a website host whose updated-daily website goes fucking berserk when a Christmas contest he invents goes supernova; having promised a meager prize for the best story he is inundated beyond scale to have to read two million short stories in a week! His zany friends rally to his aid - cameos by Adam Sandler, Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Will Farrell and all of their associated flunkies. Natalie Portman plays the obligatory love interest and Jonah Hill farts up a blizzard as the winning story is revealed with a twist that leaves you guffawing.

Foul Language, some nudity - drug references.

The Pole - The Pussycat Dolls join forces with Criss Angel to save Santa in this groundbreaking thriller from M. Night Shyamalan.

Santa Watch

David Hasselhoff stars in this gripping drama set during Christmas Eve. Santa and his reindeer crash into the Pacific Ocean outside L.A. and it's up to Mitch Buchanon and his trusted crew to take to their boats and search for Santa before Christmas is ruined. Right before midnight occurs Christmas is saved when Hasselhoff spots Rudolph's nose so bright acting as a beacon in the night.

Shit just got real...ly festive.

Will Smith uncovers a plot to end Christmas once and for all, but arrives just in time to initiate appropriate explosions and slow motion action sequences to entertain the whole family.

The Santa Clause - Tim Allen stars as a schlub who has to take over Santa Claus's job when he accidentally incapactitates the jolly old soul. Hijinks ensue when he fins the job's not all it's nut-cracked up to be!

Wait - they already made what?

Jason Statham. Driving Santa's sleigh. Delivering presents.

the only way to save christmas is if pop recording star 'lil wayne' tattoos a christmas tree on his face!!!

stay tuned to see tpain high five him!

"Jiggle all the Weight"

It's Christmas time at a winter fat camp called Sugarplumps. Everyone is grossly obese, eats sloppily and farts ad infinitum. After finding out that Santa's too humungous to be carried by reindeer, much less fit down a chimney, Mrs. Claus enrolls Santa at Sugarplumps with all the pudgy kids. His attemts to lose his gut are almost thwarted by the evil, gluttonous Mr. Woobins - a mysterious baker from The Marshmallow Marshes.

In the end Santa learns the meaning of love, honor and restraint. But then, in a moment of barbaric weakness, he eats all the children. The end forever.

"Elfes ont la goût du poulet!"

Two parents, both convicted sex offenders, are recruited by the CIA, FBI and IRS to retrieve a candy cane wrapper from the grave of Saddam Hussein. On it, scribbled in blood thousands of years ago, is a map to the President's fur sphincter protector; which is all that stands between humanity and a swarm of apathetic mall Santas.

All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth: Jonny Fairplay finds Danny Bonaduce under the Mistletoe, and proceeds onto dry hump him... much to his surprise when Bonaduce slams him down, breaking his two front teeth. Fairplay (sans two front teeth) hopes for a Christmas miracle to gain the affections of Bonaduce.

"Under the MistleTOES"

After losing his job before Christmas, Frankie Pederson (Adam Sandler) finds a unique way to pay the bills: by becoming the star toe model of a gay foot-fetish website. Frankie becomes a celebrity in the fetish world overnight...but what will his podophobic girlfriend Samantha (Britney Spears) think? Unfortunately for Frankie, the International Foot-Lover's Convention is scheduled for Christmas day--conveniently conflicting with his and Samantha's one year anniversary! How will Frankie rocket to toe-stardom without betraying his true love?

You'll laugh your feet off in this rollicking yet heartfelt holiday tale. "Under the MistleTOES" is the perfect film to warm your "sole," inside and out!

Jingle Hell - Assassin/rockstar Chris Mahst battles the forces of Satan in the name of the United States to save Christmas for everyone. Will his heavy metal shredding doom the earth, or is hell about to freeze over?

Santa Fraud - A horror flick. A man goes psycho, and puts on a santa claus outfit pretending to be St. Nick. He travels from house to house, breaking in and killing off people in his life that have hurt him. In the end, ends up in a stand off hostage situation with his best friend from university

A Disney/Pixar Film:

Rudolph's Christmas

After witnessing kids blissfully celebrate Christmas with their parents, a fat adorable deer (Rudolph) goes on a mission (with a stupid, wise-cracking elf) to find his family and discovers it's okay to be different along the way.

" A Muppet Iraq Christmas"

Ernie gets called to Iraq via the ROTC and writes letters to Bert about the war; the two miss each other desperately and when Ernie doesn't get a pass for the holidays, Bert smuggles himself to Baghdad in a fruit cake to Ernie and through a series of very funny comedic episodes, the two learn the true meaning of Christmas while evading the U.S. army and Taliban across Iraq's multicultural landscape. At the end, Bert enlists so he can be with Ernie and the two vow to eliminate the kind of religious intolerance that won't allow two consensual men to share a bedroom together, setting up next summer's "The Muppets Take Afghanistan!"

"The Santa Diaries" starring Anne Hathaway as a quirky art student who decides to spend her summer break as a nanny at the North Pole. There she meets a sensitive, but sexy, research scientist played by Colin Firth. Can she win his heart and keep the location of Santa's workshop a secret? Will the Prada-clad Mrs. Clause, played by Rosie O'Donnell, derail her chance of finding true love? Will she gain weight on steady a diet of milk and cookies?

An edipous X-mas

the holidays with antiquities most fucked up family

It's a Wonderful Life 2

George Bailey jumps off the bridge and the town gets a bar. Merry Christmas!

Tryptophan -- Bright young college student (Blake Lively) brings her new boyfriend (Jensen Ackles) home for Thanksgiving to meet her parents, which pretty much gets ruined by an outbreak of zombie turkeys. Loosely adaptated from J-horror classic "Bird Flu Insane."

12 Days Later

12 days after a mysterious fruit cake infects the population of the North Pole the few elf survivors struggle to find sancutary in the Artic Tundra

(screwed up my e-mail)

12 Days Later

12 days after a mysterious fruit cake infects the population of the North Pole the few elf survivors struggle to find sancutary in the Artic Tundra

Home Alone Miami: Santa Babies

Concept: romantic black comedy with all-baby cast. A bunch of babies accidentally left behind in Miami, FL by their parents learn to live, love and solve murder mysteries one festive, sunny December.

Title:
Santa Claus is coming
Tag:
Pray for coal
Synopsis:
In an attempt to control population growth, skyrocketing crime rates and the world’s economical crises the UN convinces Santa to end his selfless giving and instead spend the holidays eliminating his naughty list.

Title:
The son of God
Tag:
First he sacrificed himself, now it’s your turn
Synopsis:
A disturbed boy believing himself to be the son of God escapes his asylum and goes into hiding, only appearing every 15 years dressed as Jesus to kill anyone affiliated with his childhood captors, and anyone who tries to get in his way.

O HOLY NIGHT

a disgraced new york city cop (mickey rooney) and an an excommunicated lubavitch rabbi (david caruso) go undercover and penetrate the seamy underbelly of the christmas shopping season, to stop a plot to steal jesus' dna from the vatican to create an army of jesus christ super soldiers

A Holiday Explosion

It's a movie where there are explosions, and nothing but explosions. And it has to be directed/produced/written/co-produced/executive produced/etc... by Michael Bay (but not starred in, because it stars nothing but explosions... and titties).

SILENT (BUT DEADLY) NIGHT

Tagline: "He who smelt it, sleighed it!"

On Christmas Eve, while Santa brings goodness and joy down the chimneys of the world's children, a red-and-white clad serial killer spews death from his own chimney. Emotionally scarred as a youth when a foul-smelling department store Santa failed to follow through on the promise of a merry Christmas, this deranged killer now channels his unholy hate through his hellish bowels to brutally suffocate those who've wronged him.

On December 24, prepare to smell true evil!

Title: Snakes on a Christmas Tree

Tagline: There are motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking Christmas tree.

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson (duh)

Title: No Christmas for Old Men
Description: Gustafson and Goldman return to the big screen as brothers in-law. With the Christmas season on the horizon, the two most lovable octogenarians in Wabasha engage in a game of one-up-manship to win the love and affection of their now-married children. Which one will host the holiday festivities this Christmas? The last of the "Grumpy Old Men" trilogy!

"Nogged"

Someone drinks egg nog, then has sex with Mila Kunis. During that hot scene, the man throws up because 1) he drank too much egg nog and 2) he can't believe he's actually banging Mila Kunis and the excitement gets to him.

She then gets egg nog vomit all over her chest, which is her real-life fetish, she smiles, and the credits roll.

The movie lasts for 70 minutes and it's sure to be better than Indiana Jones.

Christmas In Prison

The Coen Brothers direct this comedy about two brothers who are bent on breaking into prison to celebrate Christmas with their incarcerated father who was sent to death row after killing a football star who played a huge part in the loss his team suffered at the championship game, a loss that bankrupted their father . The player's agent was an old high school friend of the father and the same person who won all the money because the father didn't know he was an agent and that the player was going to throw the game.

Sorry, forgot the tagline.

"A new home for the holidays."

Santa's Hos

Snoop Dogg as our favorite gift-bearing saint leads his team of Charlie's Angels-esque hos to find out who's sabotaging the Christmas party. As always, Santa's joyful HoHoHo-ing brings a smile to every face.

The Birth of Christ

Mel Gibson presents MEL GIBSON as Joseph, the not-father of Jesus Christ, during his trying times as his wife (Kirsten Dunst) is "miraculously" pregnant with the son of God. With 3 hours of violence as Joseph and Mary fight their way to Bethlehem to find a room, with a view to kill. Because they are actually mercenaries.

Title: Yule have your eye out

Description: A strange avant garde film that involves pencils, broken promises, and a frigid Norseman. Despite the festive garlands festooning the set, absolutely no mention is made of christmas. That includes the final heartbreaking scene where Lars is told over christmas dinner that his mother was a goat.

Name: Kwanzaa, Bitches!

Plot: Tyler Perry has his family over for Kwanzaa and his mom has a big butt or something.

Tagline: Oh no he di'n't!

Tis the Season-ing

A touching, yet terrifying, story about a young cannibal who lures holiday passers-by to his Korean nail salon above a very bland soup distributor in need of seasoning...

Schindler's List II: Schindler's Pissed.

After the last train leaves Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson, reprisign his Oscar nominated role) builds the first nuclear bomb to use against Hitler. However, during a test accident, he is exposed to high levels of radiation. His girlfriend/ servant (Jennifer Connelly) stands by his side as the slightest insult to any Jew causes his skin to turn green (the color of money) and he grows 12-feet tall with super strength.

Holy Movie

From two of the nineteen producers who brought you Scary Movie 4, Date Movie, and Epic Movie comes a tale of pious proportions.

John Woo's Naughty or Nice

Only one man knows the secret whereabouts of the world's naughtiest terrorist leaders... Santa Claus. It's up to the world's best assassin (Chow Yun Fat) and code breaker (Shia Labeouf) to break into Santa's Workshop, steal the list, and bring home the coal.

MISTLE2.0

Love comes quickly for a killer cyborg on Christmas morning, 2499 A.D. "Hunting" leads to "hearts" in this post-apocalyptic romantic sci-fi thriller. Featuring the voices of Sean Penn and Jodie Foster. Guest starring Academy Award winner Cate Blanchett as Santa Claus.

Title: "Wreck the Halls with Bombs in Bolly", a Bollywood production

Synopsis: Extremists have captured the city of Bombay and threatened to delay the first major Christmas celebration in the city. Enter "da Captain" (Amithab Bachan) an retired war hero, and saves the day...while saving the beautiful "da Bomb" (Aishwarya Rai).

"High School Musical 4: Christmas at Columbine"
What parent wouldn't want to take their kid to this?

An Inconvenient Christmas: Al Gore is back, and this time he's here to talk about global warmings effect on Christmas. Santa's wok shop is in danger, and it's up to us to save it.

KUNG FU CHRISTMAS:

When Rudolph is savagely beaten and Frosty melted down to runoff, Santa goes medieval on some naughty, naughty yakuza. Picture candy cane numchucks and ornaments o' death...

Dreaming of a Red Christmas: When it comes time to celebrate the holidays, what better way to do it than with ZOMBIES and EXPLOSIONS? Learn what it means to have the Christmas spirit in this delightful bloodbath that will leave you begging for more.

Farley the snowman

An old tape of now dead actor chris farley was found and shamelessly strung together with new footage and an all star cast - woops!

Let chris work his charm and warm your heart in this tale of holiday hilarity: CEO Richie Leeland (David spade) tries to shut down one of his small time gift stores on christmas day in order to save some cash! But not before Randel Mimzy (christopher walken playing a severely miscasted 16 year old) makes a christmas wish to save his dad(Philip Seymour Hoffman) from being laid off. Enter Farley, the snowman to aid in keeping the gift shop from closing, but not before enlisting the help of street wise Felix (oscar winner morgan freemen) and Wanda the prostitute (meryl streep).

Tagline:
A mans job. A boys dream. A snowmans..fart? - cue the snowman for an awkward fart scene equipped with melting snowman parts..ffaaarrlleeyyy.

Indiana Jones and the Ruby Santa Hat:

Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones' father is kidnapped and being held hostage in the North Pole by the Nazis.

In order to save his father, Indy must battle abominable snowmen trained by the SS and Wehrmacht. With the help of his elf friend Short Pudge Indy saves his father and learns that he was in the North Pole to locate the Ruby Santa hat.

The twist is that the Ruby Santa hat awakens Santa Claus when placed on Santa's head! The Nazis (of course) want to stop Christmas so Indy, Henry and Short Pudge must beat the Nazis to the hat and save Christmas!

A L'il Hitler Christmas:

Watch the lovable antics of everyone's favorite child leader as he gets ready for the best season of all: Christmas!

As the holiday season approaches Hitler and his friends can hardly wait- they've written their lists to Santa, they've decorated the classroom, but wait! There's someone in the class that isn't celebrating- little J. Ewish! Can Hitler show his classmate the proper way to celebrate the holidays? Tune in to watch the hilarity ensue with musical numbers by Whitney Houston and Hannah Montana!

Rudolph Hitler - When Rudolph stages a rise to power, his Christapo murdered Pipsy the Tiniest Elf's entire family and left him for dead. This Christmas, Hell hath no fury like a tiny, tiny elf scorned.

Yule Tide

The water is rising on this new holliday season, and in Norway, after the traditional ritual of slaughtering a boar, song breaks out the joyous singing of 'Yule-Joy' as THE BOARS TAKE REVENGE! The only ones that can save the town is the Neopagans', the leder of which is Jack (Chuck Norris), who has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

The Voldemort That Stole Christmas: A Harry Potter Holiday

Voldemort steals all the house elves at Hogwarts and forces them to manufacture evil toys at a remote arctic castle. To save Christmas, Harry must join with the archmage St. Nick and his familiar Rudoplph (whose nose shoots red lightning) to thwart the evil plan. In a surprising twist ending, it's revealed that Rudolph killed Dumbledore.

In the Name of the Christ: A Dungeon Siege Tale

A fantasy journey to Bethlehem where the evil King Herod ordered the killing of new born babies as the prophecy foretold the birth of the land's hero. Three wise men comes to the rescue...battling romans, magicians and, yes, ninjas.

Starring the same cast as 2007's hit movie, "In the name of the King":
Jason Statham...the hero
Ray Liotta...King Herod
John Rhys-Davies...wise man no.1
Ron Perlman...wise man no.2
Burt Reynolds...wise man no.3
Matthew Lillar...the drummer boy
Claire Forlani...hero's mom
Leelee Sobieski...hero's chick
Kristanna Loken...the arcangel

Silent night, holey knight

The CIAs top sniper (Jason Statham) is sent a coded Over-top secret message to kill britains top agent (Colin Ferral), who had been recently knighted by the queen, and had seemingly gone rogue. It turns out he had not defected to russia but instead a little further north! After recieving some angry hate mail from disgruntled naughty children, Santa (Sean Connery) hired a little muscle to watch his back in the down time. The CIA agent must complete his mission, but not before learning a lesson or two about the christmas spirit.

Title: "Blingle Bells"

Synopsis: 2 desperate guys set up a piercing store in the local mall at christmas time.

White Christmas.

When Santa was arrested smuggling cocaine from the North pole in his sack of toys, the FBI decides to send in two of their best agents to infiltrate the North Pole.

Enter Shawn and Marlon Wayans, disguised as Santa Claus and an elf, they make their way into the darkest depths of the North Pole to get to the bottom of the drug operation. Along the way winning the hearts and respect of the various denizens of the north pole with break dancing and wacky hijinks.

Schindler's Other list: Naughty or Nice

"Whoever saves one naughty child, Saves the World entire."

GUN'S 'N' MOSES - How The Axl rose chinese democracy recording destroyed the economy worldwide and ruined Mc Cain campaign.
Starring : Robbin Williams (because i found the name of the movie and will win half of the monty python box

Title: A Fistful of Garland

Synopsis: An unofficial remake of the classic Akira Kurosawa film Yojimbo Meets Santa Claus, A Fistful of Garland is the first film to star Clint Eastwood in his breakout role as The Man With No Name.

Shortly after arriving in the small town of El Polo Norte, The Man With No Name meets two families who each claim to own the town. One family is related to the so-called sheriff of the town, Papa Noel. The other family is headed by the three dreaded Caramelo brothers. Disgusted with each famillies' grumpiness in spite of the holiday season, The Man With No Name sees an opportunity to make this Christmas one the residents of El Polo Norte will never forget.

Starring:
Clint Eastwood as The Man With No Name
Henry Fonda as Papa Noel
Rod Steiger as Don Miguel Caramelo
Eli Wallach as Ramon Caramelo
Charles Bronson as Esteban Caramelo

And Lee Van Cleef as Himself

Tagline: A man with no name has come to town. It's time to turn this Christmas around!

Holiday Wars:

Christmas and Hanukkah battle it out Narnia style. Jesus leads the charge with the three wise men as his generals as he rushes out to meet the Maccabee legions. It's a three parter with "A New Hope", "The Empire Strikes Back", and "Return of the Christ"

Title: Snakes on a Sleigh

Terrorists sabotage Christmas by unleashing snakes on Santa's (Steven Seagal) mother f*cking sleigh. Will the wits of Samuel L. Jackson reprising his role as Neville Flynn along with the kung fu expertise of Keanu Reeves be enough to stop the snakes, and save Christmas in time?

Tagline: Delivering presents in one night isn't Santa's biggest worry.

I'll be Dead for Christmas

James McAvoy gets bitten by a zombie while traveling home for the holidays, Can he keep from turning into a mindless brain-eating ghoul long enough to play Joseph in the pageant?

Citizen Candy Kane

After the unexplained death of the beloved Saint Nicholas, it is up to investigator Rudolph to solve the mystery. Armed with the jolly red man's mysterious last word "mistletoe" and nothing else, Rudolph must sift through a puzzle as mind-boggling as life itself.

Cockpuncher Saves Christmas:

The Cockpuncher punches Santa in the Cock... What? You need more description than that? Seriously?

Slay-ver bells.

An elderly man who poses as a salvation army santa but actually selects victims based on who gives the most and tortures/torments them about what makes their life so great.

Cockpuncher Saves Christmas:

The Cockpuncher punches Santa in the Cock... What? You need more description than that? Seriously?

X. Mass. Time?
John C. Riley Stars as Tim, a happy go lucky goof with a great attitude and a decent job working as a High School counselor in Massachusetts. On the day before xmas break and the day before he planned on proposing, to his current gf, his X Girl friend tracks him down! After 10 years of running from his X, changing his name, his job and his moving to Mass. Tim finally has to take the time to break up with his X, rose mcgowan all over again.

Wow - I kinda want to see that.

Ace Ventura: When Christmas Calls

Plot: It's Ace to the rescue one more time as Santa enlist his help to find his missing deer who have been 'deer'napped by an disgruntled businessman who aims to ruin Christmas for everyone. The movie ends with Ace finding the reindeer at the last possible moment and having to play Santa and deliver the toys! Can he save Christmas or will this Christmas be ho- ho -horrible?

Kristmas With The Kardashians:

Scandal strikes the North Pole when an evil plotting elf leaks a new sex tape to the media featuring a jolly old man in a red suit and cap and a woman who looks a lot like Kim Kardashian. Hilarity ensues as Santa and Kim team up to try and prove their innocence, but the situation gets even hairier when CHLOE Kardashian tries to make a name for herself and claims live on television to be the *real* Ho-Ho-Hoe in the dirty movie!

tyleroncewrote@gmail.com

"ChrsitmaHannaKwan-SAW"--Christians, Jews and African Americans come together to be tortured in this multi-cultural, ethnic celebration of diversity and mayhem co-directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans and Uwe Boll, staring Ashton Kutcher, Jon Lovitz and Samuel L. Jackson. Its fun for the whole family!

THE NOG

At midnight on New Year's Eve... what hideous, macabre force is unfettered when Shia LaBeouf innocuously swigs egg nog... left over from Christmas Day?

Space Jam II: Escape from Kolob

When Santa Claus is discovered dead in his workshop days before Christmas Eve, his padawan apprentice Michael Jordan is summoned to replace him, but there's problem! Santa's list is securely locked up in the impenetrable Santa Safe, which Santa Claus neglected to leave the code to before he passed on. How will Michael know which girls and boys are to receive presents this year?

After the widow Claus reveals that Santa was in fact a Latter Day Saint, the new Santa Jordan calls up his pals the Looney Tunes to help him travel deep into space to the Mormon paradise planet Kolob where he must defeat Brigham Young in a slam dunk competion before finding the ethereal Santa Claus and retrieving the safe combination before it's too late!

Rudy, The Red-Nosed Rain Dear: Rudolph, an alcoholic drifter, most likely played (poorly) by Keanu Reeves shows up in a drought-infested town, to bring with him the presents of both water and life lessons. Diane Lane co-stars as the psychologist that must take Reeves on as a pro bono therapy case, but really ends up learning...about herself.

Two by Four Christmases:

This hilarious sequel to Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon's Four Christmases co-stars "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan as a long lost hillbilly relative who returns home for the holidays, bringing FOUR new families with him! This Christmas, Vince Vaughn gets hit on the head A LOT.

Gigli Bells- No Explanation Needed

Friday the Thirteenth Day of Christmas: Jason's back, and Walmart is all out of Wiis.

E.L.V.E.S.: All alone in a remote arctic military listening post a handful of Americas finest come under brutal attack from Santas maniacal henchmen when socially inept cryptographer stumbles across, and decodes, St. Nicks X-mas eve invasion plans.

Features a firey arial reindeer battle, the ghostly visage of a magical talking cod, and Angeline Jolie as Vixen.

Violent Night, Hole-y Night

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...because they were all DEAD!

Fruitcake: the movie. A holiday slice of life.

And Now For Something Completely Christmas

Featuring John Cleese as a funny-walking Santa Claus. Michael Palin plays Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeir, while his illegitimate sister Sarah tries to shoot him. Santa is worried that Christmas is in danger because of this and has cross-dressing elves (played by the other Pythons) set booby-traps to distract Sarah and save Christmas. Using his huge foot, cartoon-God kicks Sarah from the North Pole all the way to Anchorage (OK that's not so far, but at least it'sout of the way of 99.9% of humanity).

Lite Christmas-

An overweight Santa is afraid that his obesity is why people are losing their Christmas spirit, becoming obsessed with dieting and forgets about Christmas. Can Randy the elf convince Santa that it is what is in peoples hearts that matter?

Brokeback Christmas

Peewee Herman helps Richard Simmons realize that his obsession with fitness all stems from a romantic interlude with a Santa Claus as a young boy and that he was obsessed with being with fat people in hopes of finding him again someday. Their madcap adventures trying to find his long lost love has a list of b - list actor and actress cameos that even puts the Love Boat to shame.

Famous lines from the movie :
Be true to your North Pole, Richard - give it what it wants.

Richard, Santa does want a taste of your candy cane , but I can only taste it with the "Special" tastebuds implanted in the candycane holder between Santa's buttcheeks.

Peewee , I know its a law to kiss someone when you walk under mistletoe, but did you have to hang it there on you ?

From writer-director Kevin Smith

MALLRATS II: THE BLACKEST OF FRIDAYS

When all the surrounding malls close down do to a yeast infection Jason Lee finds his sacred mall overrun by jews, soccer moms and japanese business men. Meanwhile Jay tries to hook up with mall guest Hayden Pantierre and Silent Bob plays dress up.

Santa Gauze

Brendan Fraser discovers that Ol' St. Nick is really a good jinn and enlists his help to ward off an the next incarnation of the Mummy, who, natch, wants to destroy Christmas to enslave the world. Or something.

Rudolph's Red Light

A stop-motion animation Christmas special about Santa helping Rudolph get off the streets a la Pretty Woman.

Brokeback Poles
A passionate story of forbidden love between two lonely reindeer ranchers. Santa and Fredrick the elf have spent many nights under the cold arctic moon. Yet Santa must face the facts when he returns home to Missus Claus.

Santa Claus vs. Predator

It's Yuletide and it's war. An arctic expedition to lay claim to the land underneath the polar ice cap awakens the sleeping Predator who begins to lay waste to the expedition and kills its way to the North Pole where Santa's workshop is located. Santa knows he has no choice but to battle Predator so Christmas can be saved for the world.

The Bourne Nativity

Matt Damon is Bourne to a Virgin and must piece together clues to find out his true identity. He rushes through the streets of Bethlehem, while dodging would be assassins loaded with stones and riding on lighting fast donkeys. Armed with only Frankincense and Muir, Bourne is in a race against time to discover his true Nativity.

Apocalypse Christmas!

Colonel Claus has gone too far, a renegade red beret he no longer distinguishes between naughty and nice. Follow the mostly topless Captain Willard (played by will smith) as he battles insanity and elves to reach Claus's palace.

"Terminate with extreme jolliness

"Have my lists become....unsound?"
"Sir, I see no...list at all."

Parry Hotter and the missing Christmas Tree - A film of a little boy searching for a Christmas tree

A Jewish Christmas -

It's two and a half hours of a Jew watching the overexposure of Christmas on his 14 inch Magnavox TV. Filled with sighs and groans. Pick up any Jew from the Diamond District and there's your star.

OPTIONAL: chain his leg to the recliner and hand him a saw.

Silent Night in Tez County

Nicholas Cage and C. Thomas Howell are two convicts who make a clever escape from Tez County prison in order to spend Christmas with their terminally ill grandmother who resides in Big Sandy, Montana. During this adventurous pursuit, they find themselves in need of a little more than just Christmas cheer.

Soundtrack includes Rick Astley, Kenny G and Tanuk Tanuk Tun.

The Rocky Picture Christmas Show

A newly engaged couple's plane crashes flying over the arctic, forcing them to take refuge in a nearby castle. They meet the eccentric, jolly, transvestite known as SANTA who encourages them to stay a while. It would truly be an unforgettable Christmas for them all.

Paul Giamatti as SANTA

Title: Christmas Carols

Carol Burnett comes out of retirement to deliver her holiday coup de grace as she heads up an all star cast a la Nutty professor and Klumps playing several of the films titular characters herself.

In your typical holiday feel good story, Santa has lost his Christmas spirit and it's up to Carol to help restore his yuletide cheer. Starring Carol as the nagging mother of Santa claus, Mrs. Claus, and several of the children throughout the story her comedic genius shines through again as she even takes on the role of Santa Claus himself !

Starring box office gold, Shia LeBeouf as Santa's head elf, Rowan Atkinson as the Grumpus VonStilzkin and introducing Jaden Smith as the street wise, quick talking Rudy.

It's a holiday gift that everyone will be wanting to open early.

Title: MERRY HISS-MAS!!!!

PLOT: A Christmas present of killer snakes has accidently been delivered to St Patricks Church instead of the local zoo on Christmas eve mass. The Priest opens the box and they attack everyone. Luckily Steven Segal is praying that evening and one by one he brings the snakes to justice!

Captain Planet and The Kitschy Christmas Movie Nostalgia Trip Nonsense But Totally Unlike Any Christmas Movie Ever Made (okay, so the tile needs work)

A throwback to the 90’s with bad animation and green mullets as Captain Planet and the Planeteers band together with Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer and Al Gore to stop Christmas from happening, with propaganda galore. Details the tragic, yet brief lives of snowmen and their predicament, having to put up with reindeer teasing, etc. and the capitalistic excesses of this holiday. Bo-ring, but you can’t resist watching it anyway because it was part of your childhood, dammit!

Santa Nista Clause!
The elves form a collective revolutionary government at the North Pole, Santa Claus flees, is captured and exiled to Alaska, where he becomes a promoter of deer driven sled racing. A group of elves called "The Twelve" tried to implement a 12 day holiday from Dec 21 to Jan 2, but were purged by the rest of the elves, who declare war on the rest of the world. They were ignored into oblivion as was Christmas.

A Christmas Story- This classic is remade and retold by Frank "Frankie" (Will Smith) about his childhood life during Christmas. Little Frankie (Jayden Syre) and his little sister Wendy (Jada Pinkett) have run ins with local high school Bully Scum Fooker (Willard "Trey" Christopher III) and dare each other to lick frozen ice poles. All Frankie wants for Christmas is a Redniner carbine-action 9-shot range 9mm model pistol (BB pistol). This all star cast will make you remember your days in the hood as this is based off of true life events in Will Smith's life in the hood. Produced and Directed by Will Smith.

Every Which Sleigh But Loose!

Holiday fun for the whole family as Clint Eastwood reprises his role as fist-fighter Philo Beddoe in a fight to save Christmas! With Geoffery Lewis as promoter Orville, Kate Beckinsdale as the waitress he's fighting for, and Clyde the Orangutan as himself, this movie will knock your holiday spirit out at a theater near you!

From the team who brought you Crash comes:

Christmas Cracker

Tag:

At least you’ve got your ‘elf

When one of Santa’s black elves (a bravely cast Jim Carrey) gets accidentally left behind after delivering presents to a white supremacist ranch, it’s up to Tiny Tim McKracker (Shia LaBoeuf in a break-out Oscar role) to help Elfy show whitey that brown meat also deserves a place at the Xmas table. Full of heart-felt topical dialogue (“Them presents need rapping!”) this explosive drama looks deep beneath the crispy skin of America’s cultural divide and is sure to bring soul food to any racist’s table in time for the new presidency.

"It's A Wonderful Life...NOW!"

Watch the warm Holiday revelry as intrepid journalist, and Christmas lover Geraldo Rivera unearths the crypts of all your favorite stars of It's A Wonderful Life! Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed all get their unsolicited and completely unwarranted comeuppance in this soon to be Hollywood Holiday Classic!

Title: The Act of Christmas

In this film by Sam Mendes, an alcoholic, absentee and slightly gay father (Harrison Ford) returns home for Christmas in order to reconcile with the family he abandoned five years ago. His wife, a professor of anthropology and devout vegan (Brenda Blethyn), is eager for a reconciliation, having been recently dumped by her lover (Elias Koteas), an Iraqi war correspondent addicted to valproate and anagrams. However, her son, a troubled but prodigiously gifted one-footed cellist (Lukas Haas), and her Mormon parents (Clint Eastwood and Gloria Stuart) object to his return. Written by Gary Marshall and Stephen Gaghan. Cinematography by Roger Deakins. Music by Death Cab For Cutie. Co-starring Liev Schreiber, Max von Sydow, Cicely Tyson and Sean "P. Diddy" Combs.

Sandy Claus.

Santa gets short down over Afghanistan by a surface to air wielding Taliban insurgent. Santa lands safely but has to get out of Afghanistan alive, in time to save Christmas.

Highlights include a gut wrenching scene where Santa has to euthanise Rudolph by choking him with tinsel after his injuries from the SAM strike.

The white-knuckle thrill of Santa's beard allowing him to slip incognito through the caves of Osama Bin-Laden.

Santa sabotaging fields of opium by planting mistletoe.

And much, much more...

X-Mas

Rudolph Hitler is back and more evil than ever - this Christmas he will reign deer. Witness the greatest group of super powered mothers join forces to fight him and stop Nazi-pocalypse. The powerfull parentals are back in an all out mutant mayhem action adventure to stop Rudolph Hitler and his evil Circumcision-ray.

Will Mrs. Wolverine be able to adamantium-needle-knit a sweater in time? Can Ice-Woman make enough snow cones
for the christmas desert?

"Reason for the Season."

We open on Santa lying on a psychiatrist's couch. Through Santa's recollections, we find that he has struggled with his weight since he was a child (Oprah Style) and that there is two reasons why he is always giving gifts:
1. He hates himself and wants others to love him, which he achieves by the giving of gifts made by his enslaved elves.
2. He has had a very unhealthy obsession with kids, to the point of near omnipotence, because he feels like he missed out on his childhood.

AIDS.

A movie where everyone gets AIDS on chirstmas day. (SPOILER: ITS THE PLANTS!)

A HAIRY CHRISTMAS

Rob Schneider is a poor, f*cked up Little Helper at the mall, when all of a sudden Santa gets sick and chooses him to save Christmas. See how Rob Schneider not only makes the kids happy, but also their moms!

Xmass Destruction

Michael Dudikoff is chasing the terrorists again. But this time, the bloody nuclear saboteurs are on a sleigh with deers. Was Mr. Dudikoff good enough this year?

Peck The Halls

A CGI comedy funfest about three "fowl"-mouthed pigeons who hate Christmas. But, through a series of extremely unlikely and hilarious events, they eventually discover that Christmas is good. Starring the voices of Anthony Hopkins, Ben Kingsley, and Daniel Day-Lewis.

HUNTING RUDOLPH

Everyone knows the story of Rudolph the Reindeer, but does anyone know why his nose is REALLY red? Or HOW it came to be that the others wouldn't let him play their reindeer games? The TRUE story of Rudolph's red-nosed REIGN OF TERROR is brought to life in this taut CGI slasher about this innocent-acting killer as he slashes his way through Donner and Blitzen to get into Santa's good graces. Ends with an elf massacre and Mrs. Claus, who miraculously survived a hoof stomping by hiding in Santa's magical infinite bag of presents, and finding in it the weapon (a child's christmas hope magically embodied in an ancient weapon made for fighting evil throughout the centuries) she needs to destroy the demonic deer.

90 minutes, Pixar, Directed by Uwe Boll. Stars Ralph Macchio and Tina Yothers.

Zombie Snowmen

Tis the night before Christmas and snowmen everywhere become mysteriously possessed by spirits of the evil dead and turn into - zombie snowmen! These ruthless monsters murder unsuspecting families in their beds, spilling children’s brains into their stockings and splattering the Christmas dinner with blood. Only lonely bachelor Wolf (Arnold Schwarznegger) can battle the beasts with a flamethrower conveniently created from old washing machine parts in his garage.

jingle bell ROCK

Jack Black finds himself in charge of the local church choir, and tricks the snooty priest into letting them perform the most unconventional carol service EVER. meanwhile one of the kids parents sees that jack black is actually likable and romance is on the cards...

Xenu's Magic Christmas!
- Starring John Travolta and Tom Cruise in the romantic comedy of the season! Chris Mass (Travolta) is a down on his luck Mall Santa who has no direction in life, until he meets Don Blitzen (Cruise) a high ranking Scientology member. Together they bring about a Sci-Fi apocalypse with hilarious results! Based on a "true" future.

or

Merry Brismas
- A Rabbi (played by David Cross) loses his mind (and some penis) after falling on an automatic pencil sharpener and vows to make all men suffer as he has. On the night before Christmas, he sneaks into houses and performs a Bris on anyone he can. The only hope is Jack Rockshaft (Michael Ironside), an undercover cop with a steel foreskin. Can Jack stop this mad Rabbi before all is lost and more sanitary?

A Carrot Top Christmas starring Carrot Top. 'Nuff said.

A Very Merry X-mas

A dysfunctional estranged family decides to get together for the holidays for the first time in 10 years. From every walk of life, they come and differ from one another. But soon what is suppose to be a happy reunion turns into a hilarious escapade of sex with swapping of partners and sexes. Even two married men in the closet for years, reunite with their childhood best friend to find out the true feeling they have for one another (Played by Nathan Lane and Sean Hayes).
The movie turns into a romantic slapstick comedy as relatives try to hide their actions from one another. In the end, relationships are broken, new ones are formed and the family finally finds happiness with one another, guaranteeing to share Xmas forever as a family.

The Satan Claws

Twas the night before the night before Christmas and our hero's hapless vixen girlfriend (Megan Fox) is playing with witchcraft. Using a magic crystal Fox and her suple young female friend's (some playboy playmate's or tila tequila like chicks that will just be slaughtered while wearing next to nothing) unknowningly break the chains that were restraining Satan's top killing minion for the last 2,000 years. Upon being unleashed the demon must kill Fox and her friends and regain the crystal so he might travel back in time to destory Christmas before it begins. Also staring James Van Der Beek, as our heroine's boyfriend that has a car and enough gas to take 4 hot chicks across state lines, and a special appearence by a digital Marlin Brando, who will be playing God, and using Jor-El footage and audio.

Tagline:
Old Scratch is making a list and this Christmas he's coming to cross you off it.

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree: Pixar. Anthropomorphic rocks. Grinchesque creature made of paper threatens Christmas. Young rock befriends outcast pair of scissors to save Christmas. Rock, paper, and scissors live in harmony forevermore, world must rely solely on coin tosses and eenie meenie miney moe to solve serious dilemmas.

"I has a gift!"

The movie starts with a young kid opening the envelop of one of his christmas gifts. The rest is open to your imagination, let the script writters have some power over the story. Something about a(nother) hero dog? Another zombi holocaust? But a christmas one, with snow and mistletoe and such... oh, and with sluts. Lots of sluts.

Your choice.

Title: Merry Hanu-Kwanz-Mas!

In a post Obama pacified world..The worlds religions merge into one..
and create a new winter holiday. but before anyone can celebrate it,
This band of "experts" must set the ground rules and show us how it's done.
Starring:
Adam Sandler as "Shlomo the holiday Jew",
Christopher Walken as "Father noneofyourgadambusiness",
Mr. T as "Mr K-wanza",
Verne Troyer as "Mini Mr K",
Paris Hilton as "Virgin Mary 2"
and
Andy Dick as "Osama bin Lade".

Title: Egg Nog

(A Christmas comedy in the vein of hot shots, airplane etc) A Haute cuisine TV personality (ala Iron Chef) gets tricked into doing a christmas tour in afganistan or iraq. He is kidnapped during a convoy and is forced to cook for his captors. He builds an understanding with his captors through food culminating on a group conversion upon tasting stuffed christmas goat that the bd guys want to share with the american liberators. The get shot at a check point.

Tag Line: Its christmas everywhere, even if they dont know it.

Pedro Saves Christmas
The reindeer die of a virus over Mexico City, crash and burn into a barrio, undaunted by the time factor, Pedro sets out with 4 donkeys pulling a converted Chevy truck bed along dusty roads to deliver homemade gifts that he collects en route.

Pedro: Zac Efron with a moustache

Oh Ho You Dinnint!

Martin Lawrence and Raven Simone play a once-close father and daughter finding the boundaries of their evolving relationship as Raven blossoms into a massive ho-bag. What Raven does with nearly every guest at Martin's office holiday party stretches their relationship. Awkward 70's-era racial stereotyping and the trademark bug-eye mouth-twist gape at the camera that both actors constantly use add non-stop hilarity to this warming family film.

Rudolf: The red nosed rain deer - follow Rudolf on this emotional roller coaster and find out the real reason for his red nose, with terrifying never befor heard child hood which led to his future of abuse.

Doggy Christmas- Rudolph calls in sick, so mans best friend comes to the rescue. talking dogs save christmas!

The Ten Commandments 2 - Wrath of the NRA

Moses (Charlton Heston), the lonely and misterious man who once opened the red sea, is now blamed for being the ultimate cause of global warming.
Angry to be forced to celebrate holydays without snow, the ecologist Ace Ventura (Jim Carey) is out to find the cause of this disaster.
To defend himself and his stone tables from Greenpeace infidels and their leader, Moses must improve his shooting skills and, meet his nemesis, to find that the christmas spirit sometimes resides in unusual places.

"Touching." - Hollywood Herald

"Best hollyday movie ever." -Los Angeles Bard

Claustrophobia

Everybody else thinks that Santa Claus is merry and gentle... but Johnny knows different, and is about to lay a Christmas Eve trap to out Santa as the evil-doer he is once and for all.

a white christmas -
a fictional story behind the song and it's hidden meaning. starring a major a-lister (will smith) playing a struggling musician and racist african american who writes the song in a sarcastic humorous tone only to be stolen by bing crosby and eventually grew into one of america's best loved classics. WOAH! ironic

orrr...

do you hear what i hear?
not another christmas movie

a non-stop laugh fest of fart jokes and tired holiday conundrum plots.
a family planning a long awaited holiday trip, leave a child at home, get stranded in the airport, get on the wrong plane on the way to a big family reunion only to have everyone go crazy as secrets and confessions spill out in true holiday break-down form. eh ha ha ha ha...

what can be worse than that?

Kung Fu Jesus

Jesus(Charlie Murphy) battles Kris Kringle( Tony Danza) for merchandising rights to Christmas with his army of stripper angels. Hilarity Ensues.

fuck yeah, I'd vote for me.

Kawanzi!!!

After Chow Down a famous kung fu star returns from his spiritual journey in Africa he finds his family beset by an evil gang. He must put aside his newly found peaceful ways to save his family

"Polar night"

Due to global warming's impact on the North Pole the elf children have been being born with horrifying deformities and some even with mutant powers. Santa and the elf parents have cared for them secretly and securely. Until now.
"This Christmas, the elf kids are loose and only have one wish for Christmas. To kill."

A Very Mary (Hart) Christmas

Mary Hart has to save christmas for all of her 'journalist friends' when all the celebrities 'magically disappear' the week before christmas, thats right not a single blogger was blogging, not even that gay guy with the name he probably legally changed... so Mary has to do some mguyver type shit ftw.

"Moulin Scrooge"

In 19th century London, Nicole Kidman is the miserable old central character, who receives the visit of the 3 french ghosts of Christmas, and learns the joys of life through dancing,singing and the cunning use of contemporary music.

Tag Line: "Bah! Cancan!"

Eight Nights of Hell
Arik, the only Jewish guy on campus, has found he won't be returning home this holiday. How does one young man survive the Christmas cheer on his college dormitory?

Mr. Jingles

A heart warming tale of a social worker (Nicholas Cage), Sam McMann, who stumbles across and underground Christmas prostitution ring led by feared mob boss, Mr.Jingles (William Dafoe) after a chance meeting with a strung out young prostitute dressed as one of Jingle's 'elves' (Lindsay Lohan) on his nightly subway ride.

Prompted by his hope, compassion, and a helpful tip off from his neighbourhood crackhead, Rudy 'Rednose' (Samuel L. Jackson), Sam takes the law into his own hands and proceeds to bring in the holidays right. Emphasized by numerous kung fu fights (choreographed by Jet Li) and multitudes of explosions that light up the night sky, Sam frees all the imprisoned 'elves' (following a congratulatory 10 minute love scene with the subway prostitute), and kills Dafoe with an impaling upper cut and a sign off line that challenges Bruce Willis' in "Die Hard". -

"Time to unwrap your present, dirtbag."

Star Trek: The Wrath of Klaus
A prequel to the recent prequel. The Star Trek gang, represented here as adorable moppets, borrow their parents spaceship and encounter the alien leader of Planet Christmas, known as Klaus. Using a plotline too complicated to be reproduced here, they Save Planet Christmas. Awwwww.....

"Twas the night before Kwanza"
Eddie Murphy stars as all the actors in this hilarious adaptation of the white folks christmas tale. In this story, the father, played by Eddie murphy is an inventor and is working on a new town clock for Harlem that raps Kwanza carols. When his son (played by Eddie Murphy) decides to hide his drugs in the clocks mechanism all sorts of hillarity ensues...See Eddie Murphy as the fat gospel singer and Eddie murphy as the chinese tailor with a special guest appearance by Arsenio Hall as an out of work talk show host.

Joking aside, the movie I'd LIKE to see would be a big-screen reunion for Freaks & Geeks. None of the cast are dead, it would be totally doable, plus those guys are so hot right now. What? It could have a Christmas theme. Why not?

Passion of the CHRIST(mas) 2.
Jesus must rise back from the dead to fight of Zohan and The Phantom who are trying to take over the christian holidays.

"Green Christmas"

Global warming is melting the polar ice caps and threatening Santa's workshop. Santa tasks two plucky elves with spreading the message that "Going Green" means not only saving the planet, but saving Christmas.

I'm thinking Ben Stiller and Jack Black as the elves, Sean Connery as Santa, and Oprah as "Mother Nature."

Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra, Ra-ra-ra-raStarring Jackie Chan ('nuff said) - Alternately - Four ChristmasesA couple struggle to visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas Day. Hilarity ensues. (disclaimer: this one may actually exist...::shudder::)

HannuKAHHHN!!!

In Mel Brooks newest film, Jews in space (with echo effects) are up against the ever reviled Kahn in a fight to save Hannukah.

Any similarity between this stupid fictitious movie title idea and any other stupid movie title idea real or imagined is possibly completely coincidental.

Groovy Clause -
Santa is ill and the the Lead elf (Matt Roloff from little people big world) must find a replacement for the big night. Who better to fill Santa's big shoes than Shaq. Shaq is pushed to his limits trying to prepare for the big night and is about to give up when Betsy Lou (Miley Cyrus) arrives in the North Pole searching to find if Santa is really real. Do they save Christmas or does Christmas save them?

Stocking Stuffers - An out of work / down on his luck guy convinces his buddies to help him start up a Santa "escort" service in order to make enough money to help keep the orphanage he grew up in from being shut down / foreclosed by Christmas.

Think Risky Business meets Dodgeball - holiday style.

The Gang Rape Clause

According to Christmas bylaws, looks like Mrs. Kringle should have been a little nicer to the underpaid, overworked elves. At the North Pole, no one can hear you scream.

Ghostbusters IV

Sightings of a white bearded fat pedo dressed in red clothes, offering children candy to kids and then escaping in a wooden cart pulled by flying raindeers are reported by the thousands.

Adults are forced into a trance like state and raid stores everywhere to buy presents for people they don't like with money they don't have.

When all hope seems to be lost... who you gonna call ?

The Nightmare after Christmas,

A little boy named Jack opens his gifts on Christmas morning and finds, that all he got was a box labeled "don't open me" on the lid...and "i contain all your deepest wishes, just set me free" at the bottom..
a heartbreaking tale of desire and passion to do the forbidden which could mean the end of the world as we know it
(starring the vampire kid as Jack and T-Bag Bagwell as Pesti Lence)

Santa Baby!! Santa Baby is the little known story of how Santa Claus really came to be. Based on the true story, he was born as an illegitimate boy to a drug dealing hooker on Christmas Eve. Little did everyone know, this baby was born with a special twinkle in his eye that was MORE than just a sympton of prenatal heroin withdrawl- it was the sparkle of Christmas spirit!!

"Passion of the Christ"
Re-written with christmas in mind but Dennis Quaid as Jesus Christ.

Twas the night before Christmas, we're all at a loss
Not a creature was stirring, only Quaid dead on a cross.

Felix Navidad

Well to do Mexican-American family spend their vacation in a resort city in Mexico. They try to get home to Los Angles before Christmas day but a bad case of runs leaves Felix (George Lopez) stranded at the airport while his family makes the flight home. Felix gets robbed and finds out he has no id and no way to make it home. He meets a fast talking shrewd business man (Cheech) who tries to help Felix make it home in time for Christmas morning.

"North Bi-polar Santa!!!"

Santa has a little problem this year, he's out of medication! So he's out to show all those bad kids just what they should get for christmas! (crashing sleight on Sunset and yelling rants about how life suck at kids is a must for this film!) Santa to be played by- Nick Nolte or Gary Busey

Santa: The Genetic Opera

Directed by Guiermo del Toro, "Santa the Genetic Opera" follows the singing, dancing exploits of Santa and his gothic "elves" who deliver new and used organs under the Christmas tree.

"It's a Wonderful Knife"

An angel gives a depressed man a glimpse into what life would be like if he was not alive. He ponders the merits of both possibilities, life and death, and he then brutally stabs himself to death before the family in front of the tree on Christmas morning.

Jingle Hell Rock.

A rock band is playing a Christmas music festival at the North Pole, when suddenly they realize they're in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. They must escape from the zombies and defeat them before they zombify Santa Claus and ruin Christmas for all time.

00-Santa (Double "O" Santa): What Christmas May Come.
Santa is the New Bond...Christmas will never be the same again. Follow Santa as he treks across the globe on Christmas Eve delivering presents, judo-chopping bad guys, seducing the ladies and swigging martini's along the way.

Title: Rudolph 2.0

Plot: Mickey Rourke plays Rudolph, a lonely reindeer kicked out of the North Pole after he was accused of killing fellow reindeer, Prancer (with cameo by award-winning actor, Sean Penn). With the help of his exiled elf side-kick, Buttons (played by Shia LeBoeuf), he will clear his name in time to expose the yellow-nosed terrorist bastard that accused him in the first place, and got his job, before his evil ultimate plan - to explode Santa over the children's hospital - succeeds. Can Rudolph save Santa and Christmas AND clear his name? (Hint: I bet he does. It's a Christmas movie for Christ's sake.)

Tagline: Rudolph. Redemption. This time it's personal.

The Love Guru - Dreamin' of a White Pitkas

When Mrs.Claus leaves Santa for another man (Taye Diggs), it's up to the world's #2 Guru to once again help resolve trouble in the Pole....before Christmas is ruined!

“Hey Elf. Nice hat. I had a hat like that once, then my mom got a job.”

“Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle, tickle Kringle.”

"Kris, If your Uncle Jack helped you off an reindeer, would you help your Uncle jack off an reindeer?"

“When was the last time you had your stocking stuffed?”

the house bunny 2: jiggle bells-----yes that it is spelt right.

"Twas the Fight before Xmas"

Santa (Robin Williams) is in for a surprise this year! Jesus himself (Hugh Jackman) has been gearing himself with UZIs and M-16s to bullet the ass of all the people that profitted from his birthday... And Santa is on the line for some holiday carnage!
Be good this year, children! Your stocking will be filled with... BLOODSHED!

Music and Bridget Actually Two Weeks Notting Weddings and a Funeral

This Holiday seasion, if you only see one romantic comedy, you can't miss
_Music and Bridget Actually Two Weeks Notting Weddings and a Funeral_ !!!

Drew Barrymore...
Renee Zellweger...
Martine McCutcheon...
Sandra Bullock...
Julia Roberts...
Andie McDowell...

...and Hugh Grant.

Six women, one man. Fall in love this Christmas.

Nathan Claus: Vince Vaughn stars as Fred Claus' twin brother. Paul Giamatti stars as well, but not as Santa, but Santa's Uncle Barry. They start a towing company together, let the fun begin!

The Rocky Picture Christmas Show

A newly engaged couple's plane crashes flying over the arctic, forcing them to take refuge in a nearby castle. They meet the eccentric, jolly, transvestite known as SANTA who encourages them to stay a while. It would truly be an unforgettable Christmas for them all.

Paul Giamatti as SANTA

"How the Grinch Stole A-Rod"
The Grinch (Madonna, played by J Lo) sneaks into the newly completed Yankee Stadium to steal all the meat based products intended for the upcoming season. Before she can complete the task she is discovered by one A-Rod (played by Ricky Gervais or Steve Carell, (still in negotiations)) who teaches said Grinch the true spirit of Christmas by leaving his wife and daughter to spend the holidays with the Grinch in her mountain lair.

Murder on Elmo:
All was peaceful, Elmo and Santa were eating cookies, Mrs. Claus was in her room, and the elves were working. Suddenly, acrash through the cieling, and Emo was killed. Who did it? An elf, Mrs. Claus, or the Big guy himself...

Fred Claus - Santa has a brother, Fred (Vince Vaughn), who just can't get anything right in the shadow of his elder, world-famous bro ---- oh, wait, they actually made that one....

Ok, how about Four Christmases? Vince Vaughn (because you can't have a good movie w/o him, right?) and Reece Witherspoon (cause, he could totally get her) have to do, not one, not two, not three, but --- what? This also exists?

God, Christmas is awful.

Ok, ok:

Fred Will be Home for Four Christmases - Basically, it's the other two combined, but with Johnathan Taylor Thomas. Who doesn't love a little Feliz Navidad, JTT style?

Mutiny on the North Pole

The elves are fed up with Santa's high demand. They over through their brutal dictator and establish a country for the workers. Douglas the elf comes is a natural leader who comes to speak on their behalf. Follow this unforgettable horr-drama-comedic-political thriller as it takes you on a journey that will stay in your heart for a very long time.

"Just.......amazing, wonderful really" New York Times

"That movie was like waaaay out there man. It touched on some deep stuff." Joan Rivers

Black Friday:
The darkest day of the week for humanity.
Mobs gather, people run screaming, humans turn into rabid beasts.....oh wait, this is probably more of a documentary than a film.

Eye SAW VII: Curse of the Holiday Trailers
Ordinary people are held captive by a mad man and forced to watch endless streams of holiday movies. They are each handcuffed to a wall and must saw their own arm off to reach the corkscrew that can be used to gouge out their eyes.

"Breakin' 3: Boogaloo around the Christmas Tree"
Wesley Snipes plays an ex b-boy turned Walgreens Shift leader who has to assemble the old crew to save the north pole from being bought by the Russian Government.

High School Musical 4: Christmas Spirit - It's time to put on the big christmas pageant, but will the new teacher (Sarah Jessica Parker) get in the way? Introducing to the series Paris Hilton as the exchange student. Also with Jerry Seinfeld and Megan Mullally as the voices of two very troublesome cats!

X-Mas " This year Santa isn't the only one brandishing claws... Snikt"

White Trystmas...

He's making a list. He's check it twice. But did he ever think to check on his wife? Watch as the Clause home comes crashing down as it is revealed that Mrs. Clause has been having an affair with...Prancer (Jean Claude Van Damme)...

Under the MistleHoe - Starring Katie Price. A family (George Lopez, Ashton Kutcher, Sharon Stone, Dakota Fanning and that gay kid from Jerry Maguire) faces dire economic times during the 2008 Holiday season but are saved when a whore (Katie Price) shows up at their door. She proceeds to bang every male member (and one female member) of the the family and they all get herpes, AIDS and syphillis. Everyone dies before Christmas and the whore moves on to her next family - the Osmonds.

Race To Save Face
After inventing a method to rapidly make and deliver presents to all of the world's children, Santa finds himself back at the North Pole with plenty of time to spare on Christmas Eve. However things go terribly wrong when Mrs. Claus discovers that her and Santa's sex tape was accidentally sucked into the machine and given as a present. Now Santa must revisit every home in the world to find the sex tape before it is discovered in the morning by some hapless child. Strife with many follies and nail-biting suspense...

Will Santa make it in time to prevent an international scandal?!

Enter The Christmas:

As children around the world count the days to Christmas, one South Park special Christmas episode shows to all those children that there is no Santa. Only one man can save this Christmas: Pope From The Woods (Sean Connery)! Once a honorable Vatican member that was expelled by the Evil Red Cardinal (Jim Carry), now he is a Jew-Jitsu master that must confront his own demons to save the Christmas.

The Grinch Returns

Finding his lair was trashed by Billy Lou Who while hosting the Christmas festivities and catching the Mayor tagging his girlfriend, the Grinch is ready to kick some Who ass! Can Cindy Lou Who save the Grinch once again ?!?!

"Fruitcakes"... Vince Vaughn and Kevin James pretend to be gay-married in order to get double-sized Christmas bonuses. But after going to each of their families' Christmas parties, as well as visiting the north pole (SPOILER ALERT: Santa's a little light in the loafers) they discover the true meaning of the holidays...or is it the holiGAYS????

Jingle Bell Rock - Jack Black stars as an out of work loser with a heart of gold, who accidently gets a cell phone call meant for Santa Claus and decides to take Old St. Nicks place one Christmas Eve...and the hilarity ensues!

Thriller Christmas - Santa'a a zombie with eight zombie reindeer. Mrs Claus( played by Angelina Jolie) and the elves have to stop him before he turns all of the children of the world into Michael Jackson.

_Starsky & Hutch 2: Starsky Claus_

90 minutes of lame parodies and innuendo, plus a memorable scene with the reindeer! Starring Ben Stiller & Owen Wilson.

Citizen 'Cained

The stress of the holiday season drives Santa to turn to illegal drugs. As his life spins out of control, he sells his wife and reindeer to feed his habit. Will Santa be able to pull off Christmas alone or will he O.D. on snow?

Year 0

Will the world leaders know how to deal with the birth of the savior? From the producer who brought you the Day After Tomorrow.

Meet the Kringles: Has Gaylord Focker been naughty or nice?

Ben Stiller stars in this hilarious holiday sequel to 'Meet the Parents' and 'Meet the Fockers.' Because you're not sick of these movies yet.

WHITE FLAKES

This Christmas, "shake off" the holiday blues with Julia Roberts Richard Gere, and re-introducing Haley-joel Osment as the toddler everybody still wants him to be. Amidst the separation of his parents, young Ari Roth (Joel-Osment) no longer has the strength to put up with his socially debilitating case of dandruff in the snow-less state of Texas. But a chance meeting with a kooky old shopkeeper (cameo by Celine Dion in a starmaking role) may change all that, and give this volatile family a new christmas chance at love.

Directed by David Schwimmer

Candy Caned:

Steven Segal fights through the Singapore underground to save his kidnapped daughter (Jessica Alba) before christmas. But, his years of training Alba pays off as she fights her way out of her captors stronghold and comedy ensues.

Directed by Jon Favreau and Michael Bay

A Very NASCAR Christmas.
Dir: Wes Anderson

Santa (Javier Bardem) is distraught about losing his Lowes and Redbull sponsorship until a little homeless kid (Willow Smith) shows him the true meaning of Christmas.

Also Starring: Kathy Griffin, Michael Caine and Sir Ben Kingsley as the Ghost of Dale Earnhardt.
With special appearances by: Kurt Busch, Jeff Gordon and Danika Patrick as herself.

SHAQs CHRISTMAS

after injuring santa claus in their annual one-on-on b-ball match with a thrown elbow, shaq has to step up and save christmas by learning to shoot free throws and huckin presents down chimneys all around the world before time runs out. will shaq let the children of the world down? will people remember that kobe raped someone?

Deck the Mall

This Christmas, see Kenneth Branagh, Michael Clark Duncan and Scott Bakula go full retard as they play three special ed students that get locked inside a shopping mall while on a field trip. Watch as rookie night watchman Drake Shanksman (played by Frankie Muniz) learns the true meaning of Christmas as these silly bastards tear through the empty shopping mall without a teacher (or a leash) to hold their Christmas cheer back.

Five Golden Rings- Starring Pierce Brosnin

Pierce soon finds out that being engaged to five different women at once can be a real pain, especially at Christmas. As his week gets even more hectic, he will learn of the errors in his ways, and try to right them before his daughter gets back from college.

Superbad Santa

Seth & Evan accidentally kill Billy Bob Thornton with their car in the mall parking lot. In an effort to cover up their little faux pa, they convice McLovin to take Billy Bob Santa's place - making him work out, get tatoos & Piercings, dye his hair, and spout imeasurable amounts of profanity and potty humor in a deep southern accent.

"Mel Gibson's 'The Passion of the Christmas'"

In this three and half-hour epic, with authentic dialogue in what we think Aremaic may have sounded like, Gibson examines the harrowing and brutal events of the first Christmas ever, including the bloody arrival of a savior in an offal strewn barn, three men on the brink of death dragging themselves through the desert, and a 'tastefully done' yet controversial scene depicting the immaculate conception. With lots of whips for some reason and some sinister Jews thrown in for good measure, Gibson's unbiased vision is sure to remind us of the true, and moany-waily-sobby-excruciating-and-vomit-inducing, meaning of Christmas.

With Robert Pattison as The Christchild

X-Mas: A made for tv movie starring the cast of X-Men 3. Jean Grey goes missing with Rogue in the snow while patrolling, and they are saved by Cyclops and Wolverine who become friends while cooperating to save the ladies. Wolverine now played by Charlie Sheen, cameo by Robert Pattinson playing Gambit.

"Slay Ride"

The traditional Thompson family sleigh ride turns gruesome when ex-girlfriend Libby turns up to make their white Christmas red. In this horrifying night of fright, the family members must protect themselves with whatever weapons they can find- including each other?

JIGGY PUDDING

It's holiday hell when a rich, blonde daddy's girl (Christine Taylor) brings home a black guy (Will Smith) for Christmas. But he soon warms the cold hearts of his girlfriend's racist family by "gettin' jiggy wit it," teaching us all the true meaning of Christmas.

“Silent Night Fever”

Set during the downfall of disco, Tony Manero (John Travolta) is overweight, balding and struggling to keep his disco dreams alive. To make ends meet, he takes a day job as a mall Santa, but deep down inside, his passion for disco lives on.

“Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, Stayin’ Alive”

Movie Title: "34th Street"

Plot Summary: An evil mastermind and local Irish gangster kingpin (Ian McShane) and his partner (Ralph Fiennes) plot to take over a charity donation site, and implant dirty bombs into the gifts before distribution to the neighborhood. Local shut-in and war hero (Hugh Jackman) takes it upon himself, with help from a mysterious local shop owner (Jonathan Ke Quan- aka Short Round from Indiana Jones) to infiltrate the operation and take out the mob. Comic relief provided by two clerks in the donation site (Louis CK and JimNorton- from Lucky Louie).

Cheech and Chong's Eight Hazy Nights -- Through a wacky series of miscommunications, the venerable stoners have been tasked with flying a cargo plane constructed entirely out of high-density weed to Israel. After a crash-and-burn on the Gaza Strip, an international crisis is narrowly averted when the boys turn on the charm, as only they can, and unite Palestinians and Israelis in a magical Christmas wonderland you'll never forget!

Okay, my idea takes place in a post nuclear world. There we meet Jack and Susan Vompei, who are searching for some way to cheer up their grandfather who is not long for this world. So they go into the archives of his basement and come across videos of past Christmases of their grandfather.

Its up to this Brother and Sister duo to once again bring Christmas to those who may have forgotten it. Did I mention that Jack and Susan Vompei are Incest driven psychopathic cannibals? Their quest takes them all over as they learn about the spirit of giving during the holidays, slaughtering the innocents, and devouring the joy of the season.

The movie ends with Susan coming up with the perfect gift for her dear grandfather. She skewers her brother and serves him up as a Christmas feast while a montage of gruesome closeups of flesh eating is accompanied by the tune, 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas'.

The movie's title? The Tastiest Christmas Ever : A Cannibal Story

"How the French Stole Christmas"

(With a deep smokers voice) :

It's a story....... About a boy and his sister...... living in a city... A peaceful city...... filled with joyful and smiling families... preparing Christmas like every year. (long pause) But this city had a secret... a dark and terrible one.... When the eery church bell echoed throughout the town it was time to hide for a dark green and dreadfully stinking mist shadowed the streets of the city. T'was the Frenchman's, non bathing pestilence that would terrorize everyone. He lived outside the city and he hated everything about English Christmas, No croissant, No foie gras. he would not stand to this and carried out his vengeance throughout the city, shoving croissants down the poor villagers throats. It is now up to the siblings to overcome their fear and confront the French in his tormented twisted game of ruining christmas, and send him back across the Channel.

From award winning director Steven Spielberg and brought to you by the producer of Pirates of the Carribean Jerry Bruckheimer, see Gerard Depardieu as you've never seen him before as well as Mccully Culkin playing a 10 year old in a harrypotterish lordoftheringish narniaish movie the whole family can enjoy for the holiday season, even your pets.

"Frosty" - Pixar's epic "re-boot" of the classic tale of Frosty the Snowman starring a slew of celebrity voices.

"Musta Been Some Magic" - Dreamworks tale of the origin of the magic hat that brought Frosty to life. Starring a slew of celebrity voices.
Release Date: Ironically 4-6 months after Pixar's "Frosty"

Never Back Down (dir. Daisy)
Starring Max and Baja
'nuff said

"Missile-Toe" (The 'o' is in the shape of a bullseye)

Sergeant Chris (Jason Biggs) and his bumbling partner Sergeant Nicholas (Jack Black) are buddy cops who have until the stoke of midnight on Christmas Eve to stop a egg nog addicted madman (Ben Kingsley-of course) who has turned the Rockerfeller Tree into a giant missile and threatens to blow up New York City on Christmas Day if his demands are not met. (Which is a fresh idea, because come on! When is NYC EVER threatened or targeted in movies??)

the harlem globe trotters save santa:
plot:the harlem globe trotters go and have an adventure to find and save santa who has been taken hostage by the nazi zombies (with mr T as hitler) so the harlem globetrotters play the nazi zombies at basket ball and win and save santa

Jingle All The Way 2

Have a Merry X-men.

The X-men must defeat Magneto who has kidnapped Santa Claus and replaced him with the shape changing Mystique. His plan is plant Genetic Timebombs into all the Childrens stockings that will detonate Christmas morning turning all nearby Children into mutants. The Xmen Must defeat Magneto and rescue Santa before Magneto can finish his scheme or the world will be overrun with an army of mutant children under Magneto's control.

Joel Schumacher will direct

Title: Pregnant Paws

Summary: One silent and snowy Christmas Eve, an altruistic pregnant dog ventures around town, birthing a puppy--one by one--for those in need. Her two biggest challenges are a scrooge-like business man, and a melodramatic third grader who contemplates her fate high up on the ledge of an authentic art deco hotel. Can she get them puppies in time, and does she have enough to warm their hearts?

Jingo Bells:
Its Christmas eve in the white house and the President (Arnold Schwartzenaager) is busy wrapping presents and drinking various kinds of nogg when suddenly the first lady and kids are taken hostage by Islamic extremist who demand Santa cancel Christmas immediately. Can the president find Santa to get his help, rescue his family, finish wrapping the presents, save the country and learn the true meaning of nondenominational holiday celebrations? You bet, and it involves submachine guns and plastic explosive.

_Homeless for the Holidays_

A rich department store exec poses as a homeless man to avoid taxes, but his new friends on the street help him learn the true meaning of Christmas. Starring Johnny Knoxville and a dozen actual hobos.

_Alien vs Predator - Nativity_

On an expedition to the North Pole, scientists discover that Santa's Toy Factory is actually a training facility for Predators. The team is locked in a vicious battle that spirals out of control when the Alien queen claims the elves as her hosts. In a surprise ending, Santa Claus helps the last surviving Predator defeat her.

Saint Chinook

In a time, when live Christmas trees are banned in the United States of America, two Canadian opportunists become kingpins of a Noble Fir smuggling ring. But when Holly finds out that her boyfriend Colton is using her family's Montana ranch as the base camp for their illegal operations, hilarity ensues.

Starring Luke Wilson, Jemaine Clement, Kristen Wiig and Frank Vincent as Uncle Rennie.

Jingle Bell Rocks - The Rock and Chris Rock team up to save Christmas after Santa is kidnapped by terrorists.

mr claus goes to congress:

after years and years of hard times, santa claus (played by dwayne "the rock" johnson) is looking like he won't be able to make the christmas toy quota this year. consumer belief is at an all time low, and the elves keep putting ridiculous expenditures on their monthly expense reports. what's santa to do? head to washington and get one of those "bailouts" that is all the rage, of course. also starring gilbert gottfried as the plucky but lazy elf, yelly mcscratchyvoice. guest appearance by jesus. sit back and relax as we all learn a valuable lesson: when nobody believes in something, the best thing to do is throw it lots of free money.

From the same people that brought you "Kim Kardashian Superstar" - Paris Hilton in Deck His Balls.

Wanting to cash in on the success of her first amateur release, Paris (Hilton) & Benji (Madden) try to start new Christmas traditions - watch as we're introduced to various sexual "positions, techniques & accessories"*...that will keep us all revved up through the holiday season.

* Drivin' The Sleigh - Deep penetration sexual position
* Nog Dippin' - Tea baggin' with a holiday twist
* Garland - For the chic/shy female, to dressing a furry nutsack (IT'S HOT!)
* Santa's Sack - Self explanatory
* Much-much more!!!

Over 60mins of Yuletide Fun!!

It's A Wonderful Christmas Story

The newest comedy from the Wayans Brothers will have all the pimps and ho-ho-hos laughing this holiday season! Marlon Wayans stars as Ralphie-G, the gangsta with a heart that just wants a new Glock for Christmas. No Christmas movie is left untouched in this hilarious new comedy!

Attack of the Santa Clones

Slay-bells are ringing, and an army of Santa Clones are sweeping the Earth to drop bombs on all the little girls and boys. Will Rudolph be able to avenge the death of his Reindeer friends with the help of his new friend little Suzie? Will the President and Frosty be able to download a computer virus into the Santa Clones' mother ship in time? Will the 5-year-old militant atheist Timmy be convinced that Santa is real? (Spoiler: yes.)

"I am Sam-ta Claus"

When his daughter Lucy (Dakota Fanning) spends her college year abroad, Sam (Sean Penn) wakes up on Christmas morning to discover no presents under his tree. Getting by with a little help from his friends, Sam decides to take on Santa's job himself, and to fill the world with a little retarded Christmas magic.

jingle sells!
santa, forced by the high cost of elf labor, pensions, and presents, takes a job selling cars! see santa may know who is naughty and nice, but does he know how to doll those dice, and make a deal?!
staring robin williams (in the late 1990's) as santa
and every playmate as the elves. yes they wear bikinis-

Happy The Bear Saves Christmas: The Happiness Serum

A Real lIfe teddy bear (played by the Rock) has to help Santa Claus (Andre Benjamin) stop Bryan Anthony Dallas (get it ? B.A.D?) from stealing the secret formula for happiness (puppies + hugs + hi-c + america + Toby Keith) and selling it the Underground Salamander People. Also its live action. So yeah...

"Santa Paws"
An over-excited household chicuacua accidently knocks out Santa and has to save Christmas all by himself.

Nativity - The Suri Cruise Story

It's a Beautiful Life -- A remake of "It's a Wonderful Life" AND a sequel to "Life Is Beautiful" in which Roberto Benigni plays guardian angel to his son, who is inexplicably still in a concentration camp.

It’s A Wonderful Strife:

Bruce Willis reprises his role of John McClane as terrorists take hostages in New York’s Macy’s Department Store. When McClane unleashes his arsenal of blood and mayhem amid the holiday shoppers, his guardian angel unexpectedly gives him an opportunity to see the world as it might have been had he never been born. “Peace and Good Will Toward Men” would have become universal had the response to terror threats of “Die Hard” been met with an open hand of love and brotherhood. Faced with this view of a world at peace, John McClane says, “Screw it!” and echoes the words of Tiny Tim as he opens fire:

“God blast us, everyone”

TITLE: The Tastiest Christmas Ever : A Cannibal Story

SYNOPSIS: In a post-nuclear world, we meet Jack and Susan Vompei, an incest driven, psychotic cannibal brother and sister duo (Tobey Maguire and Emma Watson). They are searching for some way to cheer up their grandfather (Malcolm McDowell) who is not long for this world. A search of his basement reveals the videos of Christmases long long ago. And so, Jack and Susan are off to find the perfect gift for their aging grandfather.

SPOILER ALERT
The movie ends with Susan coming up with the perfect gift for her dear grandfather. She skewers her brother and serves him up as a Christmas feast while a montage of gruesome closeups of flesh eating is accompanied by the tune, 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas'.

TITLE: A Christmas Tail

TAGLINE: Santa's Back ....But this time it's in the dating scene!

It's been two years since his wife died from a tragic yule log incident and now Santa is finally ready to try dating again. He's checked his list and checked it twice but which woman will be Santa's tonight? Is it Janie (Scarlett Johannson) and her two special chest ornaments, Randi (Fergie Ferg) and her tight pants that showcase her Mistle-camel-toe like a Holiday extravaganza or will Santa pick Kimmy (Beyonce) and her Christmas Caboose? Santa better have some new tricks in that bag!

Title: Ornaments

A new animated adventure from Pixar!

Tina VanDarling, teenage daughter of the business savy power couple Don and Meryl VanDarling, purchases a magical christmas tree star from a mysterious gypsy lady she meets while riding horseback through the woods. The gypsy claims that the star will return the Christmas spirit to her home. When she puts the star on the family's famously massive christmas tree, she is transformed into a tiny wooden version of herself, hanging from one of the low tree branches!

From there the story follows Tina as she tries to navigate to the top of the tree in order to knock the star off the top and restore her to her normal state, along the way meeting a whacky ensemble of friends to help her. There's Nutty, the brave nutcracker ornament; Bulb, a timid glass bulb who prefers to rest on the branches below, rather than hang from the branches above like his friends. Pillsbury, a half eaten cookie ornament. Blinky, a displaced bulb who communicates through flashing morse code that only Nutty can understand.

In the meantime, a wicked angel ornament named Azrael and his minions of tinsle fiends and candy canes are bent on keeping Tina from the top of the tree and ending the tree's sentience. In additon to all of that, the family cat is growing increasingly curious about the tree, which could pose a grave danger to all of them!

Voices:
Tina VanDarling - Dakota Fanning
Nutty - Freddy Highmore
Bulb - Jason Alexander
Pillsbury - David Schwimmer
Azrael - Jeremy Irons

Christmas on Gilligan's Island

Gilligan: Mike Myers
Skipper: Bill Murray
Professor: Vince Vaughn
Howels: Christopher Walken & Barbara Streisand
Mary Ann: Cameron Diaz
Ginger: Ann Hathaway
Santa Claus: Jack Black

Santa crash lands on Gilligan's Island on Christmas Eve. Of course he's Santa and doesn't want anyone to see him but needs to get off the Island to deliver presents. His sleigh is now powered by robotic reindeer and robot Rudolph is in need of a software download. A riotous laughathon of antics is the theme of the day as Gilligan is sure he saw Santa. The Skipper reluctantly helps his "Little Buddy" look for Santa while the others try to unsuccessfully avoid being involved in harebrained schemes to trap Santa.

Warning! Spoiler:

Santa is finally caught and the Professor devises a way to bypass the problem with a coconut, some bamboo and parts out of the transistor radio. Santa takes off after promising to send help back for the marooned castaways. Little do they know that Santa doesn't have the heart to tell them that they are the only non-elves to make personal contact with him, therefore he can't help them. No need for sadness however as he secretly leaves behind presents for all which they find piled under a Christmas Palm tree.

Merry Christmas Gilligan!

Wow, there are so many wonderful entries. Unlike the Botox contest entries on The Superficial, it'll be really hard to filter out the good and the less-good ones, much less choose the winner!

Napkins for Christmas- Little Timmy only gets a napkin for Christmas. Starring Mother Teresa and Walter Cronkite.

Happy Kwanzaa, MuthaF***as-A Very Special Holiday With Shaft

LOL at 427...I'd go see that ;)

"Seasoned Greetings"

plot: Psycho on a mission to kill and eat all of Santa's reindeer.

Tagline: Try Donder and Blitzen with all the fixins'

The Bitch that Stole Christmas -

After indulging in her delicious pie, the town of Ho-ville is caught unaware as their children are carted off by a mischievous Angelina Jolie, wearing her best Santa tights.

In this, perhaps the finest acting moment of her career, Angelina Jolie seduces the town of Ho-ville, stealing all their children away for her own devious enterprises. Jolie, channeling the good-natured charms of Billy Bob Thornton's Bad Santa, takes down man and woman alike as she slyly slips their progeny into her sack.

Surprise takes hold, when despite their newfound childlessness, the residents of Ho-ville rejoice and sing around a Yule log, as they realize the freedom Jolie's actions has provided them. Jolie, soured by these events, pushes forward with her evil plan to create a children's football league (the CFL), whose games are later carried by Fox for their infamous "Children's Bowls."

"Stargate: North Pole"

SG-32 discovers an Ancient outpost at the North Pole which delivers presents to the children of the Galaxy. They break it because they always mess with things they don't understand and must race against time to fix it before Christmas.

The Nightmare Before Christmas II: Retaliation
Angry citizens of the world decide to take matters into their own hands after their holiday was nearly ruined. An A-bomb mutates Halloween town and turns its creepy friendly citizens into blood thirsty killing machines. The Great Human/Zombie/Vampire/Werewolf War begins and both sides take great loses. In the end, they understand that one of the meanings of Christmas is forgiveness!
They just didn't count on Santa and his army of elves, to come riding in laser shooting reindeers and destroying what was left of the world.

Jingle Paws - Starring Tom Cruise, Tyra Banks and Rachel Ray, with guest appearances by the Cheetah Girls. An animated adventure of three furry friends who meet up during Christmas break from obedience school. While each have gone their separate ways since puppyhood, watch this riveting and emotional story unfold as one friend announces their true gender.

Harold and Kumar : Freeze Their Asses Off

Harold and Kumar have made plans to spend their holidays relaxing on the beach but their plans take detour when a freak snow storm leaves the duo stranded in Hickville, USA. Things get hotter when they meet local hottie (Jessica Simpson) and both vie for some time with her under the mistletoe.

Being Cold has never been so hot.

"Happy Holidays in Hell" (Alternatively; "Holiday Thunder" or "Tropic Holiday")

Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. all reprise thier roles from "Tropic Thunder" in this hilarious holiday festival action comedy. They all come together in the spirit of the holidays but with each a specific view of what holiday should be celebrated (Who doesn't want to see Jack Black in a Santa outfit?)

"Jumbo Christmas"

The biggest blizzard of the century strikes on Christmas Eve, and a group of mismatched passengers are forced to spend the holiday together aboard a Boeing 747 with nowhere to land.

"Jolly's Old Taint & Dick" - Holiday Porn

TITLE: No Day For Veterans

STARS: Tim Robbins, Sean Penn, Crispin Glover, and a very special guest cameo by Barbra Streisand as "MILF #4"

CONCEPT: A man decides to protest war by locking himself in a Port-A-John with nothing but a scented candle, a g-string, and an iPod with the complete spoken word music collection of William Shatner as his company, while he is tormented continuously by visions of his brother who was killed in a tragic potato-peeling accident as an Army recruit. Scheduled to debut at Sundance, this low-budget indie protest pic is performed completely in American Sign Language and features an extended 27-minute "intermission" directed by Glover that depicts the Civil War using anthromorphic turnips and amputees dry-humping cacti.

"Sanity Clause" - Dark drama featuring James Gandolfini as an Eggnog swilling Santa who as a result of his isolation from the world, begins to lose his mind and constantly abuse Mrs. Clause (played by Dame Judy Dench). A tale of one man who carries the burden of pleasing the whole World.

The Dorf Pole. Tim Conway reprises his role as Dorf and goes to the North Pole to deliver pizza/fix plumbing for an Elf sorority house. Sexy adventures follow. For Adults Only.

"Bi-Polar Express"

Hold on to your egg nog, because when the train stops this time, it's at Bellevue! Starring Gary Busey as Santa, Britney Spears as Mrs. Claus, Tom Cruise and Michael Jackson as The Twins, and Winona Ryder as the Evil Nutjob Who Steals Christmas.

"Have A Very Merry X-mas"

It's almost Christmas and the X-men are doing some last minute Secret Santa shopping when a mysterious gift arrives at their front door..... signed anonymously

Fa la la la la, la PEW PEW PEW

"Frosty the Lawnmower Man"

A seemingly inconspicuous snowman is bestowed the gift of a magical VR headset, and at first he is content to experience places he could never visit such as the tropics, hell, or Tijuana. Eventually he learns to incorporate his physical being into the VR programing and becomes one with the nearly 5000 databases of the world.

Ho, Ho, Ho

Three New York City prostitutes discover the true meaning of Christmas when they see a bright light in the sky and follow that light to a dirty back alley where they discover a down-on-her luck heroin addict and her good-hearted but unemployed gay husband giving birth. They are touched and each delivers a gift they find in a dumpster to the new born. Together they all bond and eventually start a successful house of ill-repute. God bless us every one.

Title: Come see this poorly written Christmas-themed comedy starring Chevy Chase so that Chevy can continue to buy booze and hookers

Summary: Watch as Chevy Chase tries to keep any self respect he still has (and fails) as he and the other poor souls casted to play his family weather Christmas-style hijinks

Call of Crispmas 4: if an xmas tree falls in the woods...

The 12 Gays of christmas: An astronaut crashes on a snowy planet inhabited by all gay people. They force him to wear a loin clothe and chase him under the mistletoe.

Spike Lee presents: Kwanzaa of Solace

In this Spike Lee joint, Jamaal Freeman (Taye Diggs) has to fight a white supremacist group led by Remus White (Kevin Spacey), who are trying to remove Kwanzaa as a government holiday (it's not in real life, but it is in this joint). Chris Tucker plays Jamaal's wisecracking brother Kelvin, who makes the plot thick with potential by secretly dating Remus' daughter, Lou Anna (Kat Dennings, featuring a guest appearance by her two love cannons around 47 minutes into the movie), who doesn't know her father is a racist cracker. A tale of social commentary, the power of words, and a shitload of explosions, "Kwanzaa of Solace" will make you piss your dashiki!

"Son of a Virgin - Retail Rapture"

Mickey Rourke is Jesus like you've never seen him before. He's back, and his hands don't just have scars, they've got the latest in fire-arm technology. J.C. roams the country "persuading" executives at the mega-corporation GALL-MART that they better unionize their employees - or else. In the end there's a lot of saved souls, saved jobs, and the minimum wage gets raised to $7.42! Critics Rave "This is an uplifting spiritual action film for our down-turned economic times." - Roger DeBert

Godfather IV: Don Claus
In an effort to improve PR and overall image, the Mafia offers Santa Claus the position as head of the Five Families. In return for all those Christmas gifts over the years, all children are now indebted to him and the Mob. Since he's still kind-hearted, Don Santa decides to go after Al-Qaeda with his loyal youth army to save America!

"Six Maids-A-Milking"

Everyone's favorite DD List actresses: Denise Richards; Pam Anderson; Carmen Electra; Shannon Elizabeth; Tara Reid and Kim Kardashian, playing themselves, are together for the first time in this holiday satire. As the brilliant creators of "Disaster Movie" prepare their next opus, "Holiday Movie," the role of a lifetime is available (Sexy Elf #2, cleverly based on Angelina Jolie's Fox character from "Wanted"). Could it launch one of the girls back into the C List? Watch as the six lovely ladies find time to outdo one another, amidst divorces, custody battles, STD scares, sex tapes, drunken stupors and maybe, just maybe, learning the true meaning of Christmas!

"I'll Be Home--making Coffee--for the Holidays"

Josef Stein (Nicholas Cage) is the manager of a local coffee shop and ex-Rabbi. Will Josef's irascible new hire Jessica (Miley Cyrus) reignite his Christmas Spirit?

Deck The Halls: Todd Phillips' latest gross-out comedy about rival fraternities getting into a Christmas house-decorating contest and all the wacky pranks that ensue. Stars Sean William Scott, Jonah Hill, and Apple computer guy; Tim Allen and Billy Bob Thornton appear as Alumni returning to participate in the ongoing feud. This movie will serve as Tim Allen's attempt at getting away from family Christmas movies as well as Todd Phillips' transition into Tim Allen style family comedy.

Kringle's List:

Set during WWII, Kris Kringle, a greedy toy maker, uses Jewish labor to staff his toy factory. When he sees what is happening to the Jews under the Nazi regime, he has a change of heart and begins to secretly smuggle them out of Germany to the North Pole, where he sets them to work with a deadline! Christmas is just weeks away and he wants to be able to deliver toys to children all across the free world.

Kris Kringle ... Liam Neesom
Itzak Elfenstein ,,, Ben Kingsley

A Bill Lumberg Christmas Special: (Office Space 2)

After 6 months of the "New Life", Peter is having second thoughts about his job in construction. With Christmas right around the corner he's promised Jen a ring and a vacation but with funds low he considers going back to the corporate life for just a little while.

Michael and Samir are working at GloboTech (which incidentally purchased IniTech after the fire) and offer to help Peter get a contract job on the ID-10T Satellite Communications Project that's set to go live on Jan 2.

Meanwhile, the manager, Tim (Steve Carrel), for ID-10T gets fired and Lumberg is asked to get the project back on track and out the door on time. With the deadline looming, he starts his usual antics of hard deadlines and weekends for everyone!

With everything going on in Peter's crazy life, he gets a call from his cousin, Zach (Seth Rogan) who wants to come out and stay a while and get Peter 's programming expertise on a project that he has been working on. Peter says ok but doesn't realize it's an adult website and when he shows up he starts bringing all of these girls to Peters apartment to do photo shoots and Jen's not happy about it. Lawrence is ecstatic, however!

Tim is depressed about losing his job and ends up accidentally meeting Peter, Zach, Michael, and Samir at Chosky's and they team up to complete the website. With funds running low, Peter runs into Milton (who has lost tons of weight not to mention his speech impediment) and Milton ends up funding the rest of the project (and even helps get some of the models).

In the end, the crew ends up selling the website (at the height of the dot-com boom) for 25 million and ID-10T project is a disaster. Lawrence even gets his threesome.

Christmas Eve - She has just one night to give an orgasm to every man and woman around the world! Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a GOOD night!

Christmas Vacation: The geriatric years
Chevy Chase will reprise his role as Clark W Griswold as will Beverly D'Angelo who is his now fatass wife and Randy Quaid as the pain the ass cousin. Christmas will be spent at the Griswolds household again and Clark will do zany old guy antics and possibly break a hip, where Ellen can't move because she hasn't moved from the couch in years and Eddie has become fully retarded from years of abuse

Title: The Da Xmas Code
After Santa is found dead at the North Pole, Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts must untangle a web of deceit. They are hot on the trail of Leonardo DiCaprio, who is a very skilled con artist. Leo is working as Mrs. Santa, a dentist elf named Hermey, Yukon Cornelius, and an Adominable Snowman. To crack the case and arrive at the truth they must look to the poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.'

Andy Warhol's Flesh for Santa Claus in 3D

12 hours of footage of a Christmas Tree near a fireplace, waiting for Santa to appear. In the morning, the children (Nico, et al) come to see what presents were left by Santa, leading to ridiculous gore (that comes flying at the camera; IN 3D) and a sex scene involving far too many penises.

The Secret of A Christmas Carol Island

Guybrush Threepwood (Kenneth Branagh), having retired from a moderately successful career of pirating has accumulated a fair bit of wealth. When Elaine Marley (Amy Winehouse) expresses her desire to leave Monkey Island and spend XMAS back on Mêlée Island, Guybrush makes her pay for her own ticket. A spat ensues and Guybrush is left to spend Xmas alone on Monkey Island. On Xmas eve Guybrush is visited by Ghost Pirate Lechuck (Chef Paul Prudhomme) who warns of the impending visits by the 3 Xmas spirits; Ghost of Xmas past Herman Toothrot (Willem Dafoe), Ghosts of Xmas present (Martin Lawrence) and Ghost of Xmas present played by an incredibly CGI Purple Tentacle.

Oh, and Murray the Skull will fill in nicely for the role of Tiny Tim, watching the skull use crutches will add a delightful dash of comedic relief. Again, lots of CGI.

“Jingle Bells, Droopy Balls” – This Christmas Eve, the mischievous geriatric residents of Springfield Retirement Home overtake the dim-witted orderlies and have themselves one holly jolly, pant pissing good time. ♫ Four mobility scooters, three boner pills, two replaced hips, and one colostomyyyyyyy bag. ♫

Shop Hard.

America's favorite terrorist killing character, John McClane, finds himself without the newest Tickle-Me-Elmo on Christmas Eve. He stops by the local 24/7 Walmart JUST AS terrorists take it over. It's a musical comedy in the making.

Missle Toe - Anti-Santa Terrorists (having never recieved any presents) hijack an American nuclear missle in order blow up the North Pole. Meanwhile, retired special forces operative Steed Rowland (Joey Lawrence) is working as Santa's head security officer. He hears of this attack and is the only man who can stop it. As the missle is launched, Steed takes it upon himself to steal Santa's sleigh to stop it but the sleigh doesn't work until xmas night. As the seconds wind down until the explosion Steed asks Santa to give him magical flying abilities. Steed then grabs the missle at the last second and directs into outerspace. A year later, the terrorists are sitting around their xmas tree and see that they have been given presents. The one terrorist puts his ear to the box and hears a ticking noise. Cut to Steed walking away from their house as it blows up in the backround. Credits roll. We see the rubble of the terrorist's house. Suddenly a hand pops out of the rubble. End.

"Santa's Lap"

A heartwarming story of Santa, played by Michael Jackson, and his love of all children. A group of kids is invited to the North Pole to experience Santa's love and the magic of Christmas. Starring Dakota Fanning & the Jonas Brothers as the kids who fight for Santa's lap and his sweet-tasting "elf juice" he gives them to help them sleep.

Wow. What happened to "one or two sentences?" Some of you are getting a little excited and writing a screenplay.

Little Hummer Boy - A boy does anything, and I mean anything, to get a hummer for Christmas. Little does he know that hippies around the world are conspiring to foil his plan to obtain the "gas" guzzling trick...I mean truck.

Santa Claus is coming to Brokeback Mountain - Santa Claus discovers his true sexual identity after being rescued by two very friendly cowboys following sleigh crash into the side of a mountain.

An Untold Tale Told -

Five minutes into the film you realize this tale has been told and it was called: Home for the Holidays, Christmas with the Kranks and Bob Hope's Bag Full of Christmas Memories.

All I got for Christmas was some Shitty Shit

All Sam wanted for Christmas was an PS3 and instead he got a shitty ipod knockoff and a pair of socks. Out for revenge he decides to terriorize everyone he can at the local mall... that is until he meets Bad Santa, Willie (Billy Bob Thorton) who kicks his ass and teaches the real meaning of not getting shit for xmas.

"Silent Night, Holy Night"
A heartwarming tale about a blackout that strikes New York City for several days in the middle of Christmas and people have to disconnect from the electronic world and re-connect to each other face to face finding friendships in places they never knew and help from strangers now that we all aren't too busy to actually talk to each other anymore.

Cheer Fest
Starring Jim Breuer as an alcoholic Santa Claus. They tried to make him go to rehab, but he said Ho Ho HO!

Sleet Street Stories -

A movie highlighting one of the two BEST things about this time of the year: Every now and then, you get to see some BIG FAT-FUCKER ON A YELLOW MOPED WIPE THE FUCK OUT on a patch of ice trying to stop during shopping season. Also, that when you leave a pop with ice in your car, it's still there 3 hours later. But mostly watching the fat prick wipe out on his moped. Cheap to make too, just Candid Camera style.

Eat Shit and Die Santa!

After 5 years of not getting one single present from Santa, Tim, 14, sets out to mame, injury and inflict massive damage to all of the jolly bastards in New York . After a mafia hitman sees the boy take out a salvation army Santa he is impressed and offers the boy 100K to take out his boss, who just happens to look like the man in red.

Peas on Earth: Vegetables from outer space want to destroy Christmas (in the ways Alien Veggies do- replace stockings with rotting fruit, give kids presents with broccoli and various other vegetables kids hate). The only one who can save Christmas? The Atheist man down the street played by Hugh Laurie, and he loves vegetables.

Festivus
for the rest of us

Join George Costanza (Jason Alexander) and his parents Frank (Ben Stiller's Dad) & Estelle (Estelle Harris) as they prepare for and celebrate Festivus. Searching the city for an aluminum pole, airing grievances to everyone, and random feats of strength ensure hilarity will ensue and Festivus miracles can happen!
It'll play out like a bad made for TV movie with guest stars galore...Ben Stiller, Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Gates, Larry David, Patrick Warburton, Danny Woodburn (little people are hilarious), John O'Hurley, Bryan Cranston, Soup Nazi, Bubble boy, ok really it will mainly just be old cast members reprising their roles.

50% of the ticket sales will go to The Human Fund, Money for People.
Damn, that just wrote itself!

Friday the 13th, Part XXX: Jason Kills the Baby Jesus

It's the bloodiest, sexiest yule, ever. Watch out, little savior! You're going to Hell on a hockey mask...

Eddie Murphy in "Oh JESUS!" The heartwarming tale of the nativity with Jesus played by... Eddie Murphy! Mary played by... Eddie Murphy! Joseph played by... Arsenio Hall! (He needs the work.) Arsenio and Eddie play the three wise men and most of the manger animals (due to Shrek licensing issues, there will be no donkey.) The best part is when Jesus puts a banana in the tailpile of Herod's chariot! "YULE be sure to left in stigmatas after seeing this DIVINE comedy!", raves Roger Ebert.... played by EDDIE MURPHY!

(This summer, the bawdy sequel: "2 Marys, 1 Tomb". Guanonteed to put a communion eating smile on your face!)

A MILF-mas Story
When Santa`s away, Mrs. Claus loves to play!
Mrs. Claus checks the naughty list and has a Christmas eve orgy to end all orgies!

Wild Hogs 2: The Hogs Save Christmas

Martin Lawrence, Tim Allen, John Travolta, and Bill Macy team up again for a new trip -- this time to the North Pole! The funny foursome head their hogs north to help save Santa Claus (played by Tim Allen in a double role), who has been taken hostage by radical elves looking to unionize.

A Elvis Guantanamo Christmas with a VENGEANCE! With Nicolas Cage as Dick Cheney's crack Homeland Security Chief and Carrot Top. Santa almost makes it past Homeland security disguised as a Saudi construction engineer. That is until N. Cage (as Inspector Richard Head) spots his lists of children's names. So being a obvious Megan's law violator he is sent to Guantanamo, and met there by Dick Cheney. But when old Dick see's his secret gift, a 55 gallon drum of puppy blood bath and desert topping. He knows Santa's true identity. The day is saved! Not by Dick who is now hooking electrodes to Santa's privates, but by a typo in the script. The word "elves" was changed to "Elvis" filling the skies with 70's fat Elvis impersonators with capes and ability to fly. Since Cage has made a whole career as a poor Elvis impersonator. He is duty bound to help deliver all the gifts Santa had to give. Carrot Top has nothing to do with the plot but dies in the end.

He Only Comes Once a Year - A movie about santa's erectile dysfunctions. A very sad, but moving drama.

The Gifts of the Vagi - everyone's favorite photo friendly vagina and its host - Britney Spears - provide papparazzo's with enough NSFW photos to hock to websites to make this Christmas the best ever.

Movie Title: "Get the Fuck Out of my House"

Coming this Christmas, a dead-beat-stinky-ass-has-no-job-alcoholic-father-in-law of mine gets kicked out of the homeless shelter (again) and has nowhere to go. Somehow he gets the idea that because we're "family" we should help him, and won't leave us alone. Based on a true story.

All I Want for Christmas Is Ewe

Santa guards the flock in this down-home, holiday classic. Mullets abound -- and you'll never look at "mutton chops" the same way, again! [Rated P (for Perverse)]

We Wish Jew a Merry Christmas

- Be careful what you wish for! Rob Schneider gets more than he bargained for when a Jewish genie (voiced by Larry David) tries to show him the true meaning of Christmas.

Das Christmaser
The pretentious epic with the single scene of a nude Santa performing flagellation while a deep, monotone voice repeats the word "joy". Keep your eyes peeled at the seven hour mark when the camera angle shifts three quarters of an inch to the left before jolting back. This symbolic classic will be the toast of arts this season.

Christmas comes to Frogtown!
Reprising his role as Sam Hell, Roddy Piper must return to Frogtown and rescue children being spawned by the Frog Overlord. Hell goes in undercover as Santa Claus, but he must complete his mission by midnight on Christmas, or they'll be destroyed when the final assualt on Frogtown decimates everything!
"Hell came upon a midnight clear...."

She Woke Up Pregnant: A Christmas Story

Lifetime brings you an unforgettable story about love, friendship, and compassion in this exhilarating holiday movie. Mary Savvanah Sweeney(Jamie Lynn Spears) is your average Southern belle. She's on the honor roll, makes oatmeal raisen cookies with Nana, dates the town's quarterback star Jebediah Riley Thorton (Zac Efron), and attends church every Sunday. However, one rainy morning she wakes up and feels pain in her stomach. She goes to her local doctor, Dr. Gallagher (Robin Williams) and discovers that she's 9 months pregnant. She shyly asks how babies get made and Dr. Gallagher awkwardly tells her. Mary is freaked out because she definitely didn't do any of those things because her dad presented her with a purity ring at the Father Daughter Purity Ball. She's a good Christian girl and also Jeb won't kiss her until they are married right when they finish high school. Jeb finds out somehow and calls her a harlot. Mary doesn't know who to turn to, is afraid of what the town will think, and to protect her family name she runs away to Canada. However, on the way she befriends two kindly grandmothers Scarlet, Brooke, and Betty Sue (Hillary Rodham Clinton, Queen Latifah, and Olympia Dukakis) who tell her she has options. They trek to Canada, think things over, and Mary decides to have the baby. With the help of new friends and strength from God, Mary decides to keep the baby and they all head back to Little Rock, Arkansas where little Brice Larry Sweeney is born on Christmas Day and the hushed village welcomes them all with open arms. Jeb proposes to Mary and as it turns out Scarlet and Brooke have more CHristmas miracles in their sleeve...Special Guest Star Clay Aiken performs! Premieres Christmas Eve.

"Walkers Texas Christmas"
Chuck Norris reprises his role as "Walker: Texas Ranger" on the big screen this Christmas. After terrorists take over the mall on Christmas Eve, Walker steps in and saves the day.

Beverly Hills, 9021-Ho Ho Ho!

It’s “A Carol Christmas” meets “Sweeny Todd” as Brandon, Dylan, Donna, Kelly and the rest of the Glam-Pack return for the year’s zaniest new urban musical set entirely inside The Peach Pit.

After reuniting for a Christmas dinner at The Peach Pit, the gang finds themselves in the middle of a Holiday horror as a group of young misfits (led by Corey Feldman) hijack the diner and attempt to rob the patrons. Armed only with Christmas songs and the beat-boxing skills of Brian Austin Green, the gang eventually wears down the miscreants and convinces them all to turn themselves into the authorities.

Santa Claws

Rob Schneider is a normal mall Santa. Kids love him, and parents are creeped out by him, but just a tiny little bit. Then one night, he falls asleep watching Grizzly Man, and after a zany dream about bears, and Sarah Palin for some reason, he wakes up on his couch to find he's been turned into a bear! Now, to keep his job, he's gotta convince the kids at the mall that he's the same Santa they've always loved, just cleverly hidden behind a terrifying bear exterior, and it's a harder sell than he thought! Looks like one grizzly's gonna have to hope for a Christmas Miracle this DecemBEAR!

Rated PG-13.

The Christmas Presence

When their daughter refuses to go anywhere near the gifts under the tree, Sam and Jane (Kiefer Sutherland and Jennifer Connelly) suspect there's more than meets the eye to their new box of baubles. They find themselves battling an otherworldly entity that has taken the form of spherical shiny seasonal tree ornaments, in a fight that may consume their very souls!

Silent Night -

A movie about your typical family next door.. Trying to have a nice quite christmas dinner.. Everything seemed perfect.. The table was set, the caddles were lite, the stocking were hung.. *DING DONG* What? Huh? Who could that be? Apon opening the door... there's nothing but a note.. " I know what you did to that turkey " ( murder music ) ......

Honestly, what the fuck is up with these 1500 word essays?

SAM-X

A story about a boy who gets sucked into a parallel universe where the kids place presents for Santa in the fireplace and receive milk and cookies Christmas morning. The boy "rescues" a boy from the alternate universe named Sam X. Confusion from each as they encounter the oddities of the other worlds keeps things light and funny while a lesson on the true meaning of christmas and the joy of giving is revealed. In the end, Sam X is returned to his world and everyone enjoys the holidays.

"Deck your Balls"
Bruce Wills fights a group of terroists who try to ruin Christmas by blowing up the Rockefeller Center by using the Christmas tree as a bomb.

"Hark, the Little Boy Sings"
The heart warming story of a little boy who was born deaf and gets an ear transplant from a nun who lost her way. All she wanted was to change the World, but she ended up changing the world for one boy.

"Christmas Tree of Death"
The scary, true life story of a fat man, a family and a tree. Some said he was crazy, some said he was Jewish....one thing was for sure....he hated Christmas. Nobody knows why he picked this family, but when the cops broke into the house, the family became the ornaments.

Mistle-toad (or missile toad):

Computer animated adventure following the lore of the NES game Battle toads: it's christmas, Rash (chris rock), Zitz (clive owen), and Pimple (Jack black) have been F'ed over by the "yule frogs" for the last time. They are launching a final offensive on Dec. 25.

tagline: "Pray your not caught under the missile toads this year!"

Ben Stiller's character falls out of love with Jen played by Jennifer Aniston. But for the holidays they have to pretend they're still in love for her parents who never think anything is good enough (especially her relationships). This year spend "X-Mas" with your "EX"!

El Niño de Navidad (The Christmas Kid).

Jesús is born with a strange power: he can heal people and make miracles. But he´s not in the mood of making that kind of things. Instead he creates the greatest disaster to humanity: EL NIÑO!... Beware of the storm... December 2009

Star Trek 12.25: the wrath of Hanukkahn: Hanukkahn escapes the Planet Of Misfit Toys bent on revenge for being marooned there years before by Capt. James T. Kirk. meanwhile kirk discovers he has a son and destroys Hanukkahn to make up for the intervening 25 years of missing christmas presents

"Little Drummer Boyz"

Think "Step Up 2 the Streets" meets "Drum Line" with a Hip-Hop Christmas Twist!

This Christmas this Weller Family doesn't have money for gifts under the tree...so each brother tries to save the holiday: Younger brother, Walt, will need to enter an underground hip hop dance battle while the older brother, Tristin, struggles to win a college scholarship for his marching band skillz. Both situations give studio the oppurtunity to do re-imaginings of classic Christmas carols for a sure to be number one movie soundtrack.

Tyler Perry to star in dual rolls as both the boyz' saintly mother and also Santa.

The War on Christmas - Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly team up to literally save Christmas from all the secularists in Fake America who want retail greeters in Real America to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." On this quest, they discover a nefarious plot by Scientologists to add a mind control substance to all egg nog, a deep love for each other, and the true meaning of Christmas - or at least that the true meaning of "Happy Holidays" has always been "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year," not "Merry Christmas or Happy Hannukah, as applicable."

Title: The Last Christmas List

Hulk Hogan plays a retired football player who's a single father, when his ex-wife dies he has to raise his daughter. And you find out that his daughter is dying. So he helps her make her last Christmas list come true.

"Christmas Movie"

Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, and Paris Hilton lookalikes are home alone! AAAAAAGGHHHH! Watch as we make fun of current and outdated pop culture moments (mostly outdated) in a Christmas setting.

The Emaciated Mr. Claus - It's 6 months til the big day and Mr Claus has one too many cheetos, leading to a near fatal heart attack. It's up to his faithful elves Doink and Sproink (both played by Elijah Wood) to get him recovered, recuperated, and teach him to eat right so he can go out on Christmas Eve this year and deliver punching bags, celery, and treadmills to the obese children around the world who need his love now more than ever. A holly jolly healthy holiday experience for the whole family!

A Christmas Ferrell: Will Ferrell (Will Ferrell) is visited by three ghosts, who damn him for every part he's played since Anchorman.

"Welcome to hElf!"

Slim Santa

The holidays go into a tail spin when Santa divorces Mrs. Claus and hooks up with Susan Powder. She kicks him into high gear and his work shop goes CRAZY! STOP THE INSANITY!!!

Amy Winehouse's Let It Snow - The town is distraught with no snow for Christmas. Winehouse sets out on a mission and helps out her neighbors with her own personal collection to fill the town with the white stuff for the holidays.

Dead Celebrities Christma-Hannu-Kwanz-ika Spectacular

Synopsis: Amy Winehouse and Madonna use their voodoo powers to raise Bing Crosby, Irving Berlin, the Rat Pack (those that aren't dead as I think at least one of them is still alive but I don't want to take the time and effort right now to research it), and menagerie of other dead holiday-style celebrities back from the dead to save Christma-Hannu-Kwanz-ika from the Scrinch who wants to destroy it by superheating the earth thereby melting all of the snow and fruitcake, and also by giving all of earth's turkeys the bird flu. Somehow, they succeed through song, probably by pulverizing the Scrinch's eardrums, and Christma-hannu-kwanzika is saved for the children.

Batman: The Silent Knight

Will Batman find his Christmas spirit in time to figure out who has kidnap Santa before it is too late? Luckily he has Scooby and the gang there to help as they try to unmask the spirit of Christmas Future (played by Bob Saget). Batman, Scooby Doo, and plenty of g-g-g-ghosts, make this a Christmas treat for all. Rated R

Have A White House Christmas: 2008

As a prelude to his post-presidential activities, President Bush expands his Barney-cam to a full two-hour dogtecular, and sets the stage for sequels for every future President, starting with the new Obama dog. Obviously, the movie stars virtually every White House staffer and gives a hilarious view of the President's life.

Mary Christmas

Examine Mary Christmas's descent into madness as the stress of having to hear her name called constantly during the holiday season finally becomes unbearable! Castings include Robin Williams (Mary Christmas), Flavor Flav (Bob Christmas, Mary's husband), John Cleese (as the voice of an animated penguin named Jimmy), and Christmas compositions by Rob Zombie.

Christmas - It's a wRAP.

In this family comedy Nick Cannon has recently moved to a predominantly white neighborhood in Utah and is looked at as an outsider in his new high school. Once there he quickly learns that it's not so easy to make friends. When the school is faced with an economic crisis and the possibility of being turned into a private Jewish school, it's up to Nick to save the day. He puts together a Christmas fundraiser play, except he adds his own flavor to it. He adds the excitement of hip hop dance and the whole play is narrated in rap form. Come see the excitement as the school bonds together to deliver an epic performance. Will it be enough to save the school and Christmas? Queen Latifah co-stars as Nicks hard working mother.

ICE BREAKERS

A rouge environmentalist and her team of college students studying the melting polar Ice Capps discover a tribe of Frost Demons destroying the north-pole in order to cause a second ice age and wipe out mankind.

And she teaches them the meaning of Christmas.

VIXEN & BLITZIN

Pamela Andersen stars as "Vixen," a female bodyguard hired to protect Vic "Blitzin" Saunders (a single father and all-pro defensive end) after the mob threatens to kill him and his daughters if he doesn't throw a late December playoff game. Action, comedy, and romance ensue with Vixen making a life-saving tackle during the Superbowl!

"Elle-f"

Spoiled rich girl Hayden Panettiere,after -totally- disregarding the Christmas spirit, is magically turned into an elf. Now she has to work in Santa's workshop to earn her presents, and learn the true meaning of Christmas!

Tag line: "Gnome yourself"

~Escape Claus~
After tracing suspicious craigslist postings and a thorough investigation it is found that Santa has been harboring young boys disguised as elves. He is thrown in prison just days before Christmas and the holiday as we know it may never be the same!

Kitty Katstmas

This movie features pictures of cats (or as suggested by the title kittens) for a full two-hour run time. Directed by Jim Jarmusch this movie will pull in the average Midwestern mother audience as well as the art house crowd confused as to what ironic means. This movie will easily out-perform the others on this list.

Tagline: I can does stuff wit etc. Meow?

Five Golden Rings

Hugh Grant is dating amazing Sarah when he runs into 4 of his "serious" exes. With the holidays coming around, he's starting to feel like he should make a gesture, but will it be to Sarah, or to one of four fantastic memories?

Bill and Ted's Jolly Christmas

Since they have been deemed the greatest rockers that had ever lived, Bill and Ted decide to go back in time to rock the birth of Jesus Christ. After arriving they realize the telephone booth (now a cell phone privacy booth) has landed on and killed two of the three wise men. In an effort not to change the bible they now have to take the place and make sure the gifts arrive on time.

Hope this wins and isn't stolen by Keanu!

Little Manger Boy

Jesus was born with divine powers, and he's using them to fight the Devil's henchmen who are terrorizing Jerusalem. With his three Wise sidekicks, armed with their three extreme gifts of girls, guns and gold, they're ready to kick the shit out of the devil. Get out your crucifixes and start praying, or this little boy is going to have a birthday temper tantrum all over your face.

"O' Holy NIght"

Generic Action Hero's kid has been kidnapped on Christmas Eve by his long-thought dead, former war buddy, Generic Action Villain. Now it is up GAH to rescue his kid before GAV can have his revenge for being left behind in 'Nam, USSR, Iraq, France?!? Can GAH rescue his kid in time? Will he learn the true meaning of Christmas? Everyone knows it is better to give than to receive, especially when "it" is PAIN!!!

Heidi and Spencer's Holiday Sing-A-Long!

As Heidi and Spencer walk to Grandmother's house to deliver some warm and fuzzy Christmas cheer, they run in to several of their very best animal friends who teach them the true meaning of Christmas through merriment and song. Keep an eye out for special guest Unidentified Jew as Hal the Forrest Genie who might teach Speidi a thing or two about his own wacky holiday traditions.

Rated D for Death.

Title: Santanamo

Synopsis: Santa's (Jerry Stiller) favorite muslim helper, Khalid Al-Elf (Saïd Taghmaoui), is caught with a shitload of suicide-bomber action-figures in the NY airport and goes straight to Guantanamo where a fierce interrogator (Alan Rickman) wants to know if Santa's route passes through Osama's hideout. This year everybody's favorite old man will make one crucial stop before beginning his long awaited journey around the globe. Can he set Khalid free and save Christmas for the civilised world?

Tagline: Santa Claus is coming to... Cuba!

A Very Rambo Christmas

Yes, our very favorite renegade is back and he is taking revenge on the economy! He's breaking in to the White House and taking names for all the country's financial woes.

"The Butt Cracker"

A Christmas-themed, family-oriented sequel to Brokeback Mountain where two elves face expulsion from the North Pole for violating Santa's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. The elves then appeal to their brethren (most of whom are, let's face it, also queer) and a huge strike ensues, endangering the deadline for delivery of the world's toys. All is resolved and Santa is won over when the elves make over Mrs. Claus just enough to be do-able and both Rudolph and Cupid come out as a transexual and a leather daddy, respectfully. Features Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger reprising their roles as...oh, shit. Too soon?

The School That Hated Christmas - Maple Street Junior High is the school all the kids hate: it doesn't close for Christmas! Watch as Brad (Kieran Culkin) tries to melt the icy hearts of the stuffy faculty with his hilarious practical jokes, radical skateboarding skills and pure Christmas spirit in this totally awesome musical slapstick adventure! Star-studded supporting cast includes Verne Troyer, Dax Shepard and Dana Delaney as Principal Ratched (HA HA, GET IT). Musical appearance by the Cheetah Girls.

Single all the Way
Vince Vaughn, a confirmed bachelor party boy, learns that he stands to earn a great inheritance if he's married by Christmas. He gets his childhood best friend Rachel Weisz to help him find "the one" and after a series of hapless dates and screwups he realizes it's been her all along.

Rogen. Franco. Angels We Have Heard Are High.

Happy Holidazed -

Follow a hilarious group of 20 somethings through their holiday mis-adventures to pan handle, turn tricks, shovel snow, become Christmas elves, and do just about anything else to raise enough money to buy the new Hurricane Vaporizer and get higher than anyone has ever been before.

"Miracle on Elm Street"

When a nice old man in a striped sweater is accused of being the legendary clawed dream-murderer Freddy Krueger, a young lawyer decides to defend him by arguing in court that he is really Santa Claus.
While the defense searches frantically for a way to prove his case, Freddy
maniacally slashes a group of young carolers. Hilarity ensues!

Black Friday. A killer is on the loose on the busiest shopping day of the year. And you thought the crowds were murder.

A "Fight" Christmas - Shia LeBeouf and Jeff Daniels are in for the Christmas of their lives when they both get trapped in a mall trying to buy the last Ultra Mega Super Guy doll for their dieing son. The mall gets hijacked by Saudi Terrorists who pretend to be Iranian to try and prompt the US to go to war with Iran. It's up to Shia LeBeouf's wit and charm to buy Jeff Daniels time to alert the internet with the help of his gamer friends by sneaking into the KB Toy Store and alerting his friends via X Box Live. And there's a brand new Dodge Charger in the mall that is used in a chase scene that transforms into a hospital to help a sick girl see a mall santa.

Misanthropic Mistletoe
What happens when a few mixed signals, misunderstood words, and mutual friends, get in the way of a love connection?
Starring Michael Cerra, and introducing (any pretty girl)
-Undeterred, James, hangs a mistletoe on his fire escape.
in the off chance he can be kissed instead of missed on christmas.

ok i want to see this one too. someone make this. use chicago, since he just did that love story one in nyc that i didnt see.

Black Friday.

This would be a sequel (prequel?) to the "Friday" series of movies featuring Craig and Smokey, in which Craig and Smokey try and "procure" Christmas presents in Compton for their families.

X-Match

Wrongfully accused of killing his wife, Frank Frost (Jason Statham) bides his time until he is released from the maximum security prison, when he can go out into the world and find his wife's true killer. But when he is assigned a new inmate with which to share his cell, he gains a bit of perspective and realizes that some things are more important than revenge. After all, Santa Claus is no ordinary inmate! Now, Frost and Santa must engage in a deadly and ruthless fighting championship with the ultimate prize: their freedom. Will Frost succeed in freeing Santa in time for Christmas? Will Santa succeed in thawing Frost's frozen heart? This X-Mas, prepare for the X-Match!

TITLE: The X-mas Files: I Want to Boll Weev

SYNOPSIS: Mulder and Scully are animated, post-diapause beetles investigating a snowflake-shaped crop circle in a Central American poppy field. While exposing a fake Santa Claus sighting, they fall in love, hatch larvae and discover the true meaning of Christmas. But they never kiss.

Silent Right

Fundamentalist Christians finally read the Ten Commandments, discover the New Testament, practice what they preach -- and the world sleeps in heavenly peace! A Christmas Fantasy with a cast of billions.

Well firstly i would like to say thank you for the past couple of years i have laughed and been merry, after reading your cool post's. one of my fav's still is the perfume from Germany that smells like well you know.

my idea is called -A Very Geekie Christmas-

* the Geekologie writter NEEDZ to save Cristmas! Santa has been kidnapped by robots that are associated to the dreaded HADRON COLLINDER.! I can expaln more if you like. i kinda had this idea a while back, but with a different plot.

A Christmas Carrot

Scrooge is a miserable codger who is visited on Christmas eve by a spectral carrot who claims that he has come to show Scrooge the error of his ways. Scrooge is then locked up in an asylum because he's clearly not only a miserable old soul but also is quite, quite insane.

"Laughing All the Way"

A small group of disgruntled elves scheme revenge on Santa by making it appear that his wife has an annual affair while he's out delivering presents. But the plan backfires when Santa goes on strike, lays off all the elves, and files for divorce. It's then up to the elves to salvage Santa's marriage and save Christmas!

xXx-Mas: Gift of Death

The holiday season's most wanted toy is to die for . . .Literally. Maniacal Eastern European inventor, Slobodan Scrooge (played by Judd Nelson) plans to launch a deadly airborne toxin embedded in this year's new must-have toy. Adrenaline junkie Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) is engaged to destroy the detonator and save millions of families from a permanently silent night.

The Bi-Polar Express
A charming Christmas tale that's sure to make you laugh and cry... and laugh and cry... and laugh and cry...

Ex-Mas

A successful businesswoman, Anna, is forced to spend the holiday with her handsome and charming deadbeat ex-husband, Jack, in order to appease her rich grandfather. Due to his traditional values and eccentricity, Anna has not informed him of her divorce for fear of cutting off her inheritance and leaving it all to her snobby and shallow sister Marissa. Over the holiday Anna and Jack rekindle their romance but fail to hide their divorce. Family antic related hilarity ensues.

Christopher Nolan's "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells"

Picking up where "The Dark Knight" left off, Batman has been forced to go on the run as Gotham's new enemy. Homeless and desperate in a cold, long holiday season, he accepts refuge from a young boy, an acrobat with a curious talent: laying eggs...

"All I Want for Christmas is a New set of Teeth"

Kirsten Dunst stars as "Snaggletooth," a young, beautiful woman with a dental alignment problem. She meets Dr. Dreamtard (Patrick Dempsey) , to get a new smile, and finds love instead. And a set of ill-fitting dentures.

Santa Clause is Thumbing to Town

On Christmas Eve, Santa's sleigh breaks down and is forced to hitch-hike around the world to deliver presents. On his way, he (Owen Wilson) encounters many interesting characters (of course Vince Vaughn, Sylvester Stallone, Dakota Fanning, Robert De Nero, and if the budget allows it, a cameo by the real Santa Clause).

Rudolph's puking boughs of holly, and the sleigh's in the shop, so Santa Claus is thumbing to town.

"KangaRoo-Dolf Jack"

The stars of the funtastic Kangaroo Jack are back infact they're 'outback' when Santa himself crashes in the Aussie desert tragically killing Rudolf. Who should turn up but Kangaroo Jack who has been poking his nose in an old nuclear testing site and whoulda thunk it!...His nose glows brighter than Rudolf's ever did, bonkers! A rip-roaring hilarious trip around the world ensues. Needless to say, everyone has a very Hoppy Christmas! (R.I.P Rudolf)

Jingle Bell Rocks -- Eight year old Jimmy's parents were both rock stars, but when the band split so did they. Now with a little help from Santa's Rock 'n Roll loving elf/reindeer maybe he can get the band back together...and his family.

Claus the Ill-informed Saint

The story follows the best friend of Jesus, that rascal Judas. Long after the the... unpleasantness, all has been forgotten, or so Judas thinks. After a call to Jeebus' old pal Satan a plan is worked out to trick Judas into a lifetime of gift giving and sleigh riding... not to mention a spectacular cameo of Ludacris dressed as a worker elf. Can Judas cut it as Santa? Tune in this holiday season to dind out.

"Tis the Simian"
The plot is that Santa breaks his hand, so Mongo the gorilla gives Santa his hands for the holiday. After dropping off the presents to the children using gorilla hands, Santa finds out Mongo has been kidnapped by poachers. Santa then goes through the Congo jungle to try and rescue Mongo who can not fight back due to him having Santa's hands, which are broken. Uses poor African children to help at climactic final battle.

Highschool Musical 6: Christmas Break

Cast of highschool musical can do the same old song and dance routine with spin-offs of christmas carols incorporating pubescent highschool drama.

I think this would probably be the worst movie ever, as we know, 98% of all movies get worse and worse with each sequel, so when you start with something as low as Highschool Musical, and then by the 5th or 6th one, I've lost count, it should probably cause brain tumors or something when you watch it.

get ready for Santas new addition to the north pole: Jesus! The mismatched roommates learn the true meaning of Christmas. This holiday go see "Tis the Season" new from Pixar

It really has to be #3 Charlie Brown or #32 KWANZAAM. Regardless, here is my entry:

Divine Intervention

Tag: This holiday season, she's shoveling a different kind of snow.

Cocaine-addled pop singer Veronica (played by Cameron Diaz) just lost her jerk manager boyfriend and is on the brink of losing her recording contract. It will take wise-ass rapping angel Wings (Chris Tucker) to get her to revitalize her music career and her life.

There have been almost 500 entries since I put mine in, but I keep coming up with ideas. Most of them suck.

"Hard Candy Land"

A warning to all pedophiles masquerading as Mall Santas, Ellen Page will pretend to cut your balls off and invite call your fiancee before she makes you hang yourself.

"The Return of the Curse of the Bumble's Ghost"

Should we beware of the curse? The ghost? The return of curse? The return of the ghost? What am I supposed to be scared of?

John Carpenter's "The Thing II"

Global warming forces Santa to move his workshop to Antarctica, but when they commandeer an abandoned American Base, they uncover more than what they were expecting.

See... none of them beat #89, "Hellmark for the Holidays"

I really need to proofread my crap...

"...invite call your fiancee"...?

Balls.

It's a Festivus Miracle, Charlie Brown

Years after the original Christmas classic, a strung out adult Charlie Brown learns the true meaning of Festivus from the Penuts gang.

The Santa Clause 4: The Ninja Clause

SC is back, and so is Jack Frost! But this time, he brought along an army of ninjas, whose main weapon is one of those ninja claws that I saw in some movie. Tim Allen must team up with Jackie Chan (Asian Santa) to battle the huge army in this Holiday Buddy Comedy; Steve Carrell replaces Martin Short as Jack Frost and Brett Ratner directs to make this "Clause" edgier than the others!

Harold and Kumar go to Church: Holy Sh*t!

Our good friends Harold and Kumar get busted for possession and are forced into witness protection at their city's suffering Catholic church after ratting out their dealer. Blasphemously hilarious antics ensue with accidental desecration, inappropriate touching, and smuggled paraphernalia when the pair are tasked with bringing in new parishioners with a fresh Christmas Pageant and Nativity Scene. Neil Patrick Harris, Whoopi Goldberg, and Jesus cameo.

"The Night Before Paris"

Rick Salomon stars alongside leading lady, Paris Hilton in the romantic comedy of the year, a prequel to the hit "One Night in Paris". Based on real life events in Paris' every day life, this film has an extended "Simple Life" feel to it... with a Christmas twist.

(Movie basically consists of Rick wooing Paris (he gets her drunk when he meets her in a club) which leads to Paris Hilton flailing around wearing a crotchless elf costume while Rick Solomon has beefed up to 150 kilos for the role, wears nothing but Santa boots and hat, and says "Ho, Ho, Ho" repetitively. )

On the Eve of December 24th Get ready for ......24: Christmas Redemption

In order to find an answer with no logical explanation, you need a man who knows no limits. Jack Bauer is back this time in an even more thrilling 24 hour race against time. After Tony Almeyda visits him in a technicolor dream and informs him of strange magical occurences, Jack finds himself helping pregnant virgin Mary (Hayden Pannatierre) and her fiance Joseph (Lance Bass) escape from Nazareth to Bethlehem. Along the way they encounter many obstacles courtesy of the terrorist guerilla groups sanctioned by Caesar Augustus (Enrique Englesias) and Voldemort (Paris Hilton). With the help of CTU, his old pal Chloe, and the talking portrait of his favorite Hogwart's headmaster Albus Dumbledore (Ellen DeGeneres), Jack must pull this off and protect the baby boy (Daniel Radcliffe) when he's born in whatever means necessary. Whatever means. But...just when you think there's hope, just when you think it can't get worst, ghosts of the past come back to haunt...

All I Want For Christmas is a Green Card

In the hilarious tradition of the Harold and Kumar view of cultural politique, an Iraqi refugee tries desperately to gain American citizenship by proving his "American-ness" during the holiday season. From an aggressive light display in his taxi-cab (which he's using to pay for his medical equivalency exam), to a prayer mat cleverly disguised as a Rudolf-imprinted bath towel, to a Griswold-sized tree in the apartment he shares with 10 other illegal workers, to a dismal turkey dinner accentuated with cousin Iqbal's "special" poppyseed dressing, this tale of crazy fish-out-of-water antics is sure warm your heart.

[Spoiler alert: The case worker assigned to our hero looks suspiciously like Santa Claus. Could there a Christmas miracle for our hero so long after Eid?]

Unfaithful

When little boy Sue Ellen (Gary Coleman) spies his mother Lynette (Jocelyn Wildenstein) in a compromising with the man in the red hat (Ice T), he doesn't know what to do --tell his father Bernard (Chase Crawford) or bury his secret in the depths of his little heart. He wants to save his favorite holiday and his family. With the help of his best friend Mitch (Dakota Fanning), his favorite English teacher Dane Forrester (Kenny Rogers), and a special concert with the hottest band in town Backward Cyclops (the Beach Boys), Sue Ellen embarks on a holiday journey about love, forgiveness, and the true meaning of Christmas. Mistletoe has never looked so freakay nastay ...and vulnerable.

Twilight Christmas

More teenage brooding and forbidden love interrupted by Santa Claus being kidnapped by the Cullen family's enemy (those other vampires that are bad ass enough to kill people). Will this enemy succeed and will Bella and Edward finally just get a sex scene?

Tag line: When you can live forever what do you do on Christmas?

Cock and Balls All The Way- One rooster, two very big balls, one Christmas Eve, and a psychedelic mayhem that could change the face of Christianity forever. This December you'll jingle like you've never jingled before.

Oh! Christmas Tree!

Christmas Tree’s revenge!

Oh! Christmas Tree 2!

Sapling’s strike back!

Milk

Because Santa (Sean Penn), just like his best elf Rufus Asmeraldi (Guy Ritchie) isn't into Hot Cocoa (Madonna) anymore....

He's into Cookies'N'Cream(James Franco). With the help of his most trusted advisor Gerald Kennedy (Suri Cruise) he strategizes to create the most delicious Christmas ever. An extraordinary tale of baked goods, cows, and North Poleian political seduction.

Harold & Kumar Save Christmas
Harold and Kumar, again trying to get to amsterdam to meet up with that hot chick, end up boarding the wrong flight and end up in the North Pole. There, they get into their usual stoner hijinks, including getting Rudolf so high off Santa's supply that his nose stops working and they have to use their glowing red eyes to help Santa deliver all the presents.

Da Nutcracka'

Just in time for the holidays. Dreamworks and MTV proudly bring you Da Nutcracka'. A down-to-earth animated fantasy that's a fresh re-imagining of Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker." Keisha (voiced by China Anne McClain) and Falik (voiced by Tyler James Williams) are chillin' at their parents' Christmas party when weird uncle Hal (voiced by Samuel Jackson) shows up with a bag of stolen toys from Walmart. Keisha's favorite toys are three large life-size figurines. The first toy is a rotund and loud-mouthed pastry chef (voiced by Mo'Nique). The second toy is a flashy basketball player (voiced by LeBron James). The third toy is Da Nutcracka' who is a handsome young step-dancer voiced by (Will Smith, Jr.) Falik gets jealous of Da Nutcracka' and breaks the toy. Keisha is hearbroken until uncle Hal fixes the toy after the party is over due to a shooting outside their apartment. Keisha falls asleep and is awoken by the sound of cockroaches at midnight. There are three cockroaches (voiced by Cedric the Entertainer, Mos Def and Michael Clarke Duncan) who try kidnap Keisha. Da Nutcracka' comes to life and starts steppin' and rappin' and scares the mice away. Keisha and Da Nutcracka' are whisked away to a magical world in which Da Nutcracka' becomes a hip-hop star and she watches Da Nutcracka' compete in a steppin', rhymin' and yo mama contest in which he handily wins. Keisha and Da Nutcracka' attend a bitchin' house party hosted by Kid 'n Play's sons' crib. Da Nutcracka' convinces Keisha to move with him to Detroit to open a custom car shop. Da Nutcracka' will pimp her ride forever.

A Very Joey Christmas......

Matt LaBlanc is reunited with the monkey from Ed for a comedic romp in the typical Norman Rockwell New England town. Gary Coleman co-stars as the overly friendly neighbor. Mindy Cohn, Nancy McKeon, Kim Fields and Lisa Whechel make chameo appearences running the town funeral home "Edna's Ashes".

"Snow-Man"

In this live-action retelling of holiday favorite "Frosty the Snowman", Frosty (voiced by Vince Vaughn) is a snowman who is accidentally brought to life by Fredrick Hinkle (John Malkovich), Research Professor of Biochemistry at Columbia University. When Hinkle decides to sell his research to the highest bidder, the 'Snow-Man', with the help of a group of determined college students (Shia LeBeouf, Rachel Bilson), makes a run for the Great White North.

"O Holey Night" - It's Christmas Eve and five college friends have decided to pull their cash together to rent a cabin in rural Oregon; the only problem is that they don't know there is a psychotic serial killer (who dons a ridiculous mask and get-up, matching the holiday season, in traditional horror movie fashion) loose in the woods. They try to survive the night as he methodically kills his victims, one by one, by stabbing them repeatedly with sharpened candy canes.

Citizen Cane.

It's the original Citizen Kane, but with Santa hats CGI'ed onto everyone.

Hey, it's already got snow!

(Can also be rolled out at Easter, but with CGI bunny ears on everyone. And Halloween. And Thanksgiving...)

Shanghai Knightmare Before Christmas- Claymation Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson team up once more, using kung-fu and a little old-fashioned cowboy kickass to enforce mandatory christmas celebrations in non-christian Qing Dynasty China.

Draculaids - A vampire contracts HIV. A heartwarming tale.

Anti-ChristMAS:

Jesus descends from the heavens to get away from Daddy G, realises that people seem to be celebrating his birth, then gets killled by an Atheist's disbelief.

Starring Mel Gibson as God, and Jesus Hank Christ as himself.

St. Peter's- basically 90 minutes of the Pope giving christmas eve mass.

North Pole Chihuahua- Instead of being put on the plane with his owner to grandma's house, a Mexican stereotype talking dog is sent to the north pole. where he meets as many talking animals as possible. Oh, and he saves Christmas and gets to grandmas in time for presents.

"The Spongebob Squarepants Kwanzaa Bonanza!"
Basically 2 hours of the "lovably" annoying crew learning about, preparing for, and throwing the biggest Kwanzaa celebration ever witnessed...under the sea. It will include at least 5 musical numbers and will feature the TV show theme song with traditional African instruments, sleigh bells, and a black Captain.

The Hottie and the Naughty
In a high-powered bid to replace “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” as every critic’s best-ever holiday flick, “The Hottie and the Naughty” features America’s sweetheart Paris Hilton as a New York fashion designer that quells a North Pole rebellion by bringing haute couture to Santa’s elves. Mickey Rourke plays a surprisingly lucid Santa, who discovers the joys of bulimia under the tender care of Ms. Hilton and special guest star stylist Rachel Zoe. Watch for cameos by Eddie Mekka as Yukon Cornelius and Matt LeBlanc as Nestor, the Long-Eared Donkey.

Tagline:
" This Christmas... Santa fills your socks... With you!! "

Shia Le Beouf stars in this fright packed thriller based on Stephen King's critically acclaimed holiday book "Stocking". With Samuel L. Jackson as "Santa".

Don't miss this movie! Remember.... A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.....

COMING SOON.

Christ*M*A*S*H - A re-imagining of the classic tv series brought to the big screen by Bret Ratner. With Chris Tucker as Hawkeye, Cedric The Entertainer as Trapper John, Bow Wow as Radar, Tim Reid as Frank Burns and Mo'Nique as Hot Lips. Featuring Jackie Chan as Korean P.O.W. houseboy Ho Jon. The members of the 4077 demonstrate the spirit of the holiday to godless heathens and learn a little something about themselves in the process.

Bark in Business: An Air Bud Christmas

It has been years since his glory days, and the former athlete-phenom, free-spirited Golden Retriever "Bud" is now a 10 year old, coldhearted, millionaire businessdog. When Bud gets caught embezzling funds that were meant for the local animal shelter, no-nonsense judge (Gilbert Godfried) sentences him to community service as a referee for Spike Lee's annual two-on-two holiday charity tournament.

"HO HO HO"

Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Tara Reid team up as three naughty girls who try to ruin Christmas buy delaying Santa (Donald Sutherland) and Rudolph (Rob Schneider) by showing him the true spirit of Christmas is between their legs.

Tagline: This year, Santa's cumming down more than just a chimney!

"January Came Early"
The story of one hardened con man's gift of redemption when he realizes that he has stolen the one thing that a helpless disabled girl needs most in life... her guide dog. Starring Alex Karras and Miley Sirus

The Littlest Gingerbread Man

"This Christmas, a hero will rise and show the forces of darkness that he's ONE TOUGH COOKIE!"

And, of course, it would be handled by Pixar and Disney. It would be cute as hell. :)

"Our Special Christmas"

Selena Gomez plays Nancy a 16 year old wunderkind who boards at a prestigious all girl boarding school whose family forgets to pick her up for the Christmas holidays. Luckily her music teacher (R. Kelly) is staying at the school over the holidays as well. A touching coming of age drama as Selena learns a little bit about life, camcorders, and that the true Spirit of Christmas means keeping a secret.

Four Madea's Christmases

Brad (Vince Vaughn) and Madea (Tyler Perry) are married and get trapped in their home town and have to revisit the ghosts and skeletons hidden in the homes they each grew up in, and for the first time, for both Brad and Madea to really discover who they once were, and who they are now.
Then at the end of all the hijinks, brad wakes up from his dream. But, just when he thinks the nightmare is over, it turns out that he is Ashton Kutcher.

Black Santa
Martin Lawrence is the "Black Santa."

Deck The Stalls-

Two bathroom attendants realize the true meaning of christmas when they find a small orphan boy sleeping under a toilet.

Snow Time Like The Present-

Arnold Schwarzenegger and son Zac Efron travel to the North Pole to ask Santa Claus to make it snow in Los Angeles for one day, to make terminally ill Jake Gyllenhall's final wish come true.

Star Trek: Trekking the North Pole

Directed by JJ Abhrams

When the Enterprise malfunctions, the ships crew find themselves stranded in the barren land of the North Pole. After some searching they come upon a quaint little village and find that Santa's Reindeer got hoof-and-mouth disease and they have to rig the ship to do warp-speed Christmas delivery all while trying to defeat the klingons but end up making merry time with all.

"To Boldly Go Where No Elf Has Gone Before" "Live long and leave cookies"

Title: Twe12e (Twelve)

A holiday sequel to Se7en. Murders are taking place and they're just like a famous christmas song. Is it a psycho Kevin Spacey, or something more sinister?

Twe12e: Under the tree, WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?!?!

Dr. Diddlewarts Amazagorium

Get some used-to-be great, now over-the-hill actor, like Al Pacino or Peter O'Toole, and he's this ancient billionaire of a huge toy factory, or maybe a candy store. He's actually a grown-up kid, and he's constantly acting like an eight-year-old, annoying everyone around him, but they're his employees, so they have to take it. He decides he's gonna leave & go be with God or Santa or something, and so he leaves his entire fortune to a young, hot actress who everyone lusts over, except after she appears in this movie, everyone will hate her, like Scarlet Johanssen. She has to learn about being a child again before she can inherit the whole she-bang, and so to capture the Christmas Magic, she has to do some stupid shit like jumping on a bed, or throwing mud in people's hair. The bed-jumping scene would be worth it just to see her breasts jiggle up & down. And it will all be shot with over-saturated, glaring bright colors & other stupid 'magical' stuff like a cash-register that...

Wait, what?

Kwansa Leap

An unwilling Cuba Gooding Jr. travels through space and time to prevent Kwansa from being forgotten; with a little help from a holographic David Allen Grier.

The Last Noel

In a post-apocalyptic world, Nicky is a red-suit wearing boy on a mission to defend a small band of defenseless elves against marauding sleigh-hauling zombie reindeer. He enlists the aid of a lonely turkey with courage issues and a talking christmas cake with a drinking problem and with them, he will scale the heights of his own legacy's sainthood, ensuring that this Christmas will not be The Last Noel.

"MerrE=mc2 Christmas." It's December 1944 and Hitler (Ricky Gervais) has stolen Santa's (Jack Black) powers, forcing him to team up with Albert Einstein (Robin Williams) to somehow find a non-magical way to bend the space-time continuum to allow Santa to make all his deliveries in one night, including his most important package of all: the atom bomb that Little FDR (Sacha Baron Cohen) wished for as his final Chistmas present. But first, Rita Hayworth (Jessica Alba) has to teach Santa how to love again. With soundtrack by the Jonas Brothers. Directed by Garry Marshall.

Chirstmas with the Krankwhores

no one knows what they are really up to, delivering presents or stealing your stuff, tim allen takes down the empire with a hoho Watch it hoe your going to be in a world of pain

Title: Suck Snow Balls

Nick Clark (Seth Rogen) isnt celebating christmas this year due to low sales and possible bankruptcy at his comic book shop. While he is leaving his shop for the night he falls on a patch of ice and ends up unconscious. While in the hospital three spirits The Ghost of Christmas Past (Will Farrell), Ghost of Christmas Present (Megan Fox-Dressed Like a Stripper) and Ghost of Christmas Future (Kevin Smith) visit him to make his belief in the christmas spirt come back.

Clawz

Santa makes his rounds, but due to a slight glitch in the GPS is misguided and makes a stop at a clandestine lab, where he delivers toys, and inadvertently drinks a beaker full of what he thinks is milk. We cut to Santas hand reaching up to grab a lab table to steady himself as his leather gloved hand stretches and rips to reveal reptilian skin, and gleaming Metal Clawz.......

Cue the hot intern getting ravaged and the ruggedly good looking "Scientists" formulating a defense and subsequent defeat of our man Clawz...

Sequels to follow.

Tim Burton's first REALLY scary movie since Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

"Jungle all the way"

'Uptown' Steve Martin and 'West side' Ice Cube, star as the in-laws to be, in this hilarious Christmas comedy. When newly-engaged couple decide to break the news to their families, all hell breaks loose and hilarity ensues!

Tag Line: "They picked the wrong season"

@ 607: Heather Madej are you sure that moviews not being made already?

Christmas Sucks:

A heartwarming tale of three West Hollywood hookers with hearts of gold (Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore back together after Charlie's Angels) who change the lives of their down on their luck johns and in turn their own, by helping them experience the true spirit of Christmas.

Tag Line: "Ho Ho Ho"

monty python? called it "every sperm gets wasted". it's a mash up of MP's "the meaning of life" and the terminator franchise. a rampage about overpopulation in the first world

"BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHRISTMAS"
Rudolph the reindeer ( Danny De Vito ) witnesses the brutal "sleighing" of Santa ( K.D. Lang) therefore must enlist the help of his humerous sidekick, Prancer ( Mel Gibson) and find a replacement Santa. With the alien invasion already started, and as everyone knows........only Santa can bring down the Vorgoslymes of vornex -4 (played by the cast of Happy Days) (PG)

“Deck the halls with the balls of buddy holly”

A horror/porn film about the tragic life and death of 50’s music icon Buddy Holly. The media would have you believe that he died in a small plane crash when the truth is more sinister. A liaison between Holly, Richie Valens and Bob Crane in a small hotel in Scottsdale Arizona led to their hellish and gory end that holiday season as the snuff film to end all snuff films was made by producer “The Big Bopper”

"The Jew that Stole Christmas"

Albert Einstein & Adolph Hitler go back in time to perform a retro-active abortion on Mother Mary.

Santa: Zombie Elf Slayer

Santa's Elves are enjoying their summer break in Northern Greenland, when they discover global warming caused a formerly unknown frozen village to thaw. One of the Elf interns eats some of the ancient berries found in a clay vessel, becomes ill, and dies.

His coworker Elves begin the long trek home so they can hold Elven services for their fallen coworker, only to discover he no longer appears dead!

But when he starts to eat one of his sleeping coworkers, they panic and increase their pace to return home, and escape their zombie coworker's ravenous appetite.

But the zombie Elf follows the scent of food back to the North Pole, and now it's up to Santa to slay the increasing numbers of Elven Zombies.

"Kazaam: The christmas genie"

Shaquille O'Neal reprises his role as the genie and teams up with little orphan Andy Dick to save christmas from Santa's Elves who have gone on strike. The head elf is played by Kevin Fenderline.

"The Silent Night" - M. Night Shyamalan's latest thriller about a couple who try to celebrate Christmas but wake up one morning to realize there are no decorations anywhere, and no sales or multitudes of shoppers trying to steal last-minute gift ideas, but everyone is buying flowers and candy. In the twist ending no one could see coming except everyone watching the film, they find out they got the dates wrong and it's actually Valentine's Day instead of Christmas.

X-Man

Santa Claus, this time in spandex. Absoutley dire superhero meets Santa rip-off, with Mila Yovich as the leader of the Elves a clandestine race that are going to enslave humanity as punishment for making them build crap toys for thousands of years.

Quantum Leap, the movie: Scott Bakula travels back in time -and straight into DVD release- and confronts his greatest challenge ever: ensuring that Baby Jesus' evil twin doesn't kill Ebenezer Scrooge before he can be redeemed by the Christmas Ghosts.

The Maverick Who Saved Christmas
One fateful Christmas Eve Santa Claus (Richard Dreyfuss) rears his secular head in Alaskan airspace, only to be spotted instantly by an alert state executive keeping vigil from her porch. An intense and protracted sleigh/helicopter firefight ensues as a gun-toting Governor MILF (US Rep. Michele Bachmann) eventually prevails with her victorious proclamation “Jesus is the reason for the season, doncha know.”

Klaus Boot. A German U-boat is hell-bent on stopping Christmas and only Santa can stop the Nazis and save Christmas...and the world!

American Christmas X

Will Smith plays Vincent Vinyard a white former neo-nazi who returns home from prison to find his brother Mikey (Haley Joel Osment) who idolizes him is about to become a Nazi himself!!! Luckily when Mikey wakes up late on Dec 24 to the sound of rustling he discovers Santa (played by Tracy Morgan) is actually black forcing him to renounce his racist ways. **SPOILER ALERT** But then a black kid shoots him anyways. D-;

"Back to Christmas"

A screw-up, divorced father has his teen kids for Christmas this year and wants to do everything to make it special. Being typical teens, his kids are bored and generally make his life hell. One mishap after another occurs, culminating with a computer glitch at Amazon-like-website that means all of his Christmas gifts not only won't be delivered on time, but were never purchased. Having a small nervous-breakdown, he kidnaps Christopher Lloyd and forces him to build him a time machine out of a Ford Nova so he can go back in time and save his Christmas. Hilarity ensues as Lloyd tries to build a time machine, his kids try to find him, and he learns the real meaning of the season during a SWAT standoff.

UP YOUR CHRISTMAS!

The sordid tale of shoppers run amok in a hellish nightmare of a typical pharmacologically induced suburban mall at the edge of man’s unending struggle to find himself in the emptiness of over used credit cards, crappy merchandise and the greasy film of the FOOD COURT!!!

Four Christmasses.

Spend 90% of your budget hiring the cute it girl from last year and the obnoxious man who does only crappy sappy movies. Spend the other 10% on a script, production, and music rights from Motown and you have the feel great movie of the year*

*If you are drunk or stoned, don't understand english very well, are my stepfather who likes Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Segall movies, old and hard of hearing, younger than 13 years old, think The Three Stooges is genius, are just hiding in a dark theater to avoid police or meet mentally disabled women, praying that this is just as logical a way to see Reese Witherspoon shed some clothing as any other, are not from Earth, want to laugh hysterically and point at the screen to annoy others every time someone on screen looks shock as they slip on a banana peel, or are a screenwriting grad student and want to see just how shiny a polished turd can get.

"Return to Fighting Christmas"

A burrito dream reveals to Lorenzo Lamas that he is the actual torero-dressed Santa because of a failure in the time-space continuum, so he must travel back in time and create a multicultural wrestling contest to decide which mortal must be the true santa.

When he notices that he is going to win Bud Spencer, he fakes his own death to save christmas in a surprising twisted end, but is Spencer the true Santa? That's the final question, maybe revealed in a sequel.

Beverly Hills Chihuanukkah

A chihuahua on vacation in Israel gets dognapped by a gang of Jewish radicals (headed by Rob Schneider) and is taught the true meaning of Hanukkah.

The Re-Gifter : Crazed maniac in a Patrick Duffy mask (painted white of course) leaves gifts at the front doors of houses. When you open the gift and reveal a bloody knife, he pops out of the bushes and stabs you with it.

Santa Sleepaway Camp - Santa (Richard Grieco) opens a camp for orphans and teaches them the joys of puberty, sex, and masturbation.

"O, Christmas Tree"

Adam Sandler is walking home one night when he looks up at the first star he sees and makes a wish. The next morning, he awakens as a Christmas Tree, and it's up to him to save Christmas for a totally dysfunctional family. With Will Farrell as the dad, Patricia Healy as the mom, Vernon Troyer and Hanna Montana as the kids, Marlon Wayans (CGIed) as their adopted baby brother.

This Christmas season, Adam Sandler is ...a Christmas Tree.

The Christmas Movie

Another comedy from the same folks who brought you "Date Movie," "Epic Movie" and "Superhero Movie." Starring the same folks, too: Leslie Nielson, Fred Willard, Kal Penn, Carmen Electra, Brent Spiner, Kevin Sorbo and whoever else the producers can con into appearing in this drek.

Featuring a bizarre poster with everyone in it, and of course, plenty of commercials that have all three of the only funny jokes and sight gags in the movie.

Coming soon for a week to a theater in the bad part of town...

North-Poled School : The cast of Old School is back in a wacky new adventure. A remote college in the northern regions of Canada are trying to open a new chapter of the same fraternity from the original movie, and they only have a week until the christmas break to do it. The only problem is that this is the same college that Dean Pritchard (Jeremy Piven) now works. It up to "The Godfather" and friends (Wilson, Vaughn, Ferrell) to take a trip north and save their new brothers. Expect a little help from Blue somewhere in there?

O TannenBOMB!

The Coreys (Feldman & Haim ) are home from college on Christmas break. In order to fund their spring break trip to Cancun, the two take jobs as part-time mall security guards. Fun and hijinks ensue until the mall is taken over by a deranged terrorist posing as a mall Santa (Rob Schneider). Bombs, wrapped as presents, are hidden throughout the mall and the Coreys must use their slacker logic and party skills to outsmart Santa and save Christmas. Tagline: "This Christmas is going to be a blast!"

Uwe Boll Saves Christmas

In the grand tradition of Ernest, Uwe Boll must stop a power mad Joe Lieberman from from banning Christmas.

Santa C.L.A.U.S (Cyborg Lifeform Automated Using Science)

While delivering presents on Christmas Eve, Rudolph is shot down by a hunter who mistakes him as a "flyin' buck". As a result, Santa's sleigh crashes to the ground in a horrifying crash and a Christmas-loving scientist (Clint Howard) comes across Santa's mangled body and vows to repair him so that he can finish delivering presents. Santa then continues his journey, only now he is half-cyborg! But when he drinks his first glass of milk his circuits malfunction and he begins to go on a murderous rampage. After futile attempts by the military to stop him, they call the only man who can bring the reign of terror to an end: retired bounty hunter, "Tank" Roberts (Dolph Lundgren).

Jingle Balls - a Ron Jeremy porntastic XXXmas XXXtravaganza

The Majic of Christmas

A group of rowdy old farts steal a bus and go on a wild holiday spree of drinking, smoking, sex, and just plain good old fashioned rowdiness.

Ernest Saves Black Friday - One man, one credit card, one HUGE shopping cart.

I would have the movie poster with him driving the shopping cart from the Jackass Movies along with some sales ads flying out behind him.

INSTANT HIT!!

Not Another X Mas Story ... Starring Tim Allen, because his career can't possibly get any worse

How WOW ruined Christmas:
Santa realizes the power that World of Warcraft has over people. He elaborates an evil plan to distribute copies on Christmas day that will turn WOW players into brainwashed zombies. Santa becomes a real life Lich King, commanding his minions from his frozen throne. He buys off Blizzard and receives all profit and sends the world into poverty and sickness.

Hey it could happen.. im surrounded by enough obsessed WOW fans.....

Air Bud: North Pole Pooch

When Santa's reindeer fall ill, can Air Bud save Christmas? This year, Christmas is going to the dogs!

Jenga Bells - Washington Stone (Jean Claude Van Damme) is a christmas tree lumberjack who is just trying to make ends meet. After the death of his wife, he tries to make amends with the daughter (Demi Lovato) he left long ago. Upon their first meeting, his daughter doesn't think too highly of him, but on the advice of a long time mentor (Tommy Lee Jones) he enters the National Jenga Championship just in time for Christmas.

Deck the Halls with the Bowels of Holly
Holly (Holly Hunter) is stalked by a crazed fan (Mario VanPeebles) bent on giving her his special brand of holiday cheer. Also starring Casper VanDien in a touching role as an alcoholic transsexual mall Santa.

A Donner Family Christmas
A 2 hour extravaganza of singing , dancing and eating! Guest stars: Donnie and Marie, James Best, John Cleese, Charles Manson, Martin Short, Rachel Ray, Waylon Jennings and Madam, and the robots of Star Wars!

2 ideas, one low cost post!

The Grift of the Magi!

Three wisecracking entertainers known as the "Magic Wise Guys" roam from small town to small town singing, dancing and fleecing the locals of their savings before they realize they have skipped town. When the leader Lenny falls in love with a single pregnant girl around the holiday season in a tiny Wisconsin town, the trio reform their wacky criminal lifestyle and learn an important lesson about the meaning of Christmas. Ends with full town chorus number finale.

"Ho Ho Hotelier"

When an old, Santa-esque owner of a Christmas themed bed & breakfast dies, his two nieces, both hookers, fight to take over the hotel. In the Christmas spirit, they end up joining forces to defeat a Mormon loan shark -- the movie climaxing with the line, "We're not ho's -- we're HOTELIERS!!" as the girls kick the shark down a chimney, where he breaks his neck just like that creepy story in Gremlins.

Bastard Clause

Santa finds out he has an iligitiamate son that everyone believes is his son excetp for Santa. He comes to the North Pole and decides it's time to take over the "family" business.

A Christmas Bailout Story

Three wayward automakers make the excruciatingly long car trip to Washington in hopes of getting some much needed bailout cash. Follow along as our wayward CEO's battle high gas prices, flat tires, road closures, and the occasional deranged stoplight windshield wiper. Will they make it to Washington in time? Will Santa Senate have anything for them other than a lump of coal? And what about poor Timmy? Tune in this Christmas to find out! $3 from every ticket sold will go to a "Save The CEO Way Of Live Pension Fund" so that they won't have to live out their years driving the crap they make.

Santa Claws--St. Nick ain't so jolly.

OMG I VOTE # 516 HA DID YOU READ THAT AWESOME.

OMG I vote #516 did you read that? Awesome. Winehouse probably stole the "snow" from the town to begin with haha kudos to Kristin

Chaka Khan-ukah! The Queen of Funk-Soul gets down and gets funky for the holidays!

109, 137, and 577 are the only ones that are even funny. The rest of your movies are bad. Like bad bad, not funny bad.

"XXXmas"

Vin Diesel now ventures into the antarctic to fight off the evil organization known as S.A.N.T.A. and his minions known as elves, who are plotting to deliver toys filled with deadly neurotoxins. With his Xtreme behavior and his total disregard of authority he fights the evil squad and discovers that he himself has to become Santa so that the world with not implode on itself.

It would be more of a thriller/action type of movie that goes in his past...A harsh life as a boy, a rebel pirate as a teen into his 20s, etc... In order to make up for his past mis deeds he has the immortal life as Santa.

It obviously has more details but this not the site for a manuscript

Antonio Banderas stars as a border patrol officer working alone on Christmas Eve, waiting for the clock to tick down so he can get home to his wife and young daughter. His plans are thwarted by a group is Al Qaeda trying to cross the border into the United States with enough weapons to obliterate the entire country. Banderas is forced to call in his cousin and recently fired border patrol officer, Danny Trejo to help him put an end to what could easily become a FELIZ NAVIJIHAD.

'the 12 Gays Of Christmas"

Marty (Alan Cummins) and Joeseph (John Waters) are rival theater directors, but when a greedy buisnessman (Ted Levine) threatens the demolish the neighborhood, they must join forces to put on the best christmas show to raise the money and save the neighorhood.

Tagline: don we now our gay apperal

"Clause-t case"

In this psychological thriller, Joshua Jackson is arrested for the murders of young women done by the serial killer nicknamed "Santa". Now, attorney Ashley Judd will have to prove her client innocent, along with the help of detective Treat Williams. But will she be able to resist his charms, or is she coming closer to danger?

Tag Line: "This season she plays with fire"

oh dear god....

"A Christmas Story"

Bobb'e J. Thompson (Role Models) stars as Ralphie in this R rated remake. All he wants is a Ruff Ryda' bust-a-cap action B.B. Gun, but his parents Neciey Nash (Reno 911) and Samuel L. Jackson (evrythng else) say No, can Ralphie change there minds?

tagline: You'll Shoot your MUTHA F@#$in' Eye Out!

American Pie presents: Stocking Stuffers

Eugene Levy and a cast of hot nobodies star in this teenage sex romp.. blah blah blah penis in a fruitcake.. blah blah blah gratuitous nudity.. blah blah blah semen in egg nog..

tagline: this year, Santa comes more than just once

Big Momma's Gingerbread House

martin lawrence returns as evryone's favorite psedo-racist cross dressing granny. this time when a mafia boss puts a hit on a witness'(the white chick from Scrubs)'s baby.. it's up to Big momma to hide the baby as baby jesus in her church's pagent, pseudo-hillarity ensues

tagline: This aint gonna be a silent night

Dr. Dre witnesses a murder during an annual Christmas benefit rap concert in New York city. In order to protect him while the police take care of the case, they place him in witness protection in the care of a family of orthodox jews.

He learns judaic values and the true meaning of channakuh, whiilst sharing his own urban insite and dropping fat beats.

This winter, witness the warmth and magic of....Dr. Dreidel.

Troll: The Ancient Yuletide Carol

While singing carols in a new suburb, unfortunately built on a sacred burial ground, a young family unwittingly awakens an evil that has been sleeping for centuries. And it wakes up hungry.

Diction-anukah -- This holiday season, eight Jewish toddlers have to learn how to spell Chanukah the right way... And if they dont... They will be adopted... by Mel Gibson.

Hanukah's Bright Lite -- When little 13 year-old Hanukah Rosenbergstein gets separated from her family on their holiday vacation in big New York City, she must look within herself to survive. Lucky for Hanukah, she's got one present to offer on the mean streets of Manhattan... a lighter that stays on for eight straight nights. This holiday season, get ready for a story that will warm your hearts and bongs alike, as Hanukah's Bright Lite becomes... the only way to get high in New York!

Snow Where to Go

Premise: A man and wife plan a Christmas holiday in a cabin in the woods somewhere. En route they get stuck in a Blizzard and become trapped in their car. Using only the provisions they brought with them and their love for each other to survive, hilarity ensues as the couple grow closer together and learn more about each other than they could otherwise.

And there'll probably be a bear involved at some stage

DUCK THE HALLS

"What happens when a middle class family adopts a talking, orphaned fowl around the holidays? Hilarity. And a valuable life lesson."

Star Trek 12: The Wrath of Hanukkahn.

To Boldly Oy Where No Mensch Has Gone Before

A band of galaxy-wandering Jews encounters the crew of the Enterprise. The leader of the Jews, Moishe (played by Jon Lovitz), uses a mystical menorah to break down the fourth wall, revealing to Kirk, Spock, and Chekov that they are really Jewish actors and enlists them to stop Christmas on Earth once and for all.

Home for the holidays

Santa has lost his house at the north pole due to a bad subprime mortgage. Can congress approve a 50 billion dollar bailout loan request in time to save christmas?

Judge Dredd: The Megacity Christmas Spectacular.

It's a busy Crime filled christmas when Judge Dredd (Slyvester Stalone) catches a red suited criminal breaking and entering various houses in Megacity one. After judging the man, he realizes that the man he judged is Santa Clause and it is now up to him to Save Christmas, Dredd style.

"12 Turtle Doves" - Bruce Willis and Terry Gilliam come back from the festive future to deal with another genetic mutation gone all wrong.

Nutcracker
Simply titled, nutcracker is Tom cruise's end all take on the classic show piece. Dawning tights and inches of makeup Tom parades around the scene both subtly and not so subtly mixing in elements of scientology into what seemed like a simple an unthreatening film - WRONG. Tom is manic! And shamelessly gathered all of his friends.. see Oprah winfrey as a key player.. and whaaat.. will smith opposite Tom as a love interest! Watch out Will, the Nutcracker is a double entendre, as in Tom's Both a salted peanut tasting soda biscuit and a testicle hungry dancer ready to get his oscar on! hiyoooo

The Grinch who Stole Christmas!

Micheal Moore does a documentary on the current economy and to answer everyone's question "What the fuck is up with Christmas this year?"

KwanZAAPPED!

Get ready for wackiness as Kel Mitchell (of Goodburger fame) stars in this remake of the Scott Baio classic. Watch as our hero struggles to control his new telekinetic powers whilst learning the true meaning of Kwanzaa.

CAMISSLETOE - Rosanne Barr and Arnold Schwarzegger (as themselves) venture to the far east to spread holiday cheer, only to be captured by terrorists and held for ransom. The President calls on the stealthiest, jolly son of a bitch that can recover the pair and deliver them from evil, while raining his own serving of MISSLE TOE on the guilty and helpless alike . This Christmas Eve, Santa's going to need a bigger sled.

Written, Directed, and Produced by Brett Ratner
Soundtrack includes new Christmas songs by Nickelback, 3 Days Grace, Disturbed, and more.......available on This Is Going to Blow Big Time Records

Advent Point:

December 1st, Detective James Venimen (Keanu Reeves) gets a call that his girlfriend (Rene Zellweger) and son are missing. Then another explaining that 23 other people have mysteriously gone missing.

He races time along side his fellow detective and ex-wife Julia (Janeane Garofalo) to save the 25 missing persons as they are slowly being murdered one by one, one day at time inside a large advent calendar by a masked madman (Edward Norton).

Speed 3: Reindeer Games

Officer Jack Traven (Keanu Reeves) is back in this latest holiday atrocity. Terrorists are attempting to stop Christmas from occurring by rigging Santa's Reindeer with high explosives triggered to explode if they go under 50 MPH. It's up to Jack to Stop them, and save Santa, Christmas and Santa's little helper Annie (Sanda Bullock)

@ 610. Colombo

I acually hope it is being made! I would watch it. It sounds like a Judd Apatow movie!

Rude Dolph The Ill-Mannered Swede
This holiday season, Dolph Lundgren stars as an offensive brute from Scandanavia who learns a lesson in manners--and love-- from a retired school teacher, played by Bea Arthur.

Merry X-mas Geekologist!
Actors: Geekologie, Superficial and IWS writers as themselves. Lots of nobodies because it's that shitty of a movie.

Upset that he's always getting picked on, the geekologist runs away to teach a lesson to the superficial and IWS writers. At first they don't really notice that he's even missing but when they are told that they now have to help write the geek section they realize how important he truly is. After all, who wants to do extra work? They ask for help from all their readers and together begin a worldwide search.
Meanwhile, our little geekologist learns that it's tough to life like a hobo and that turning tricks for booze money isn't much fun. He sees a shooting star and wishes upon it (Musical act begins with song by Quincy Jones) The geekologist, thinking that all hope is lost begins to cry when suddenly Santa appears. Santa shows the geekologist all the efforts people are making to find him and how much he means to them. He makes the decision to come back home.
At the christmas party, the geekologist makes his big return! Everyone is happy and they drink egg nog, well except for the geekologist... He has to catch up with all the writing he didn't do.
----------------------------------------------------------

CHR-INCEST-MAS starring the Jolie-Pitts

One foggy December Maddox wishes upon a shooting star to get a a little piece of Zahara for Christmas. Well, this wish lands Shiloh on the extra naughty list, but that doesnt mean he gets coal in his stocking. On Christmas morning Zahara spontaneously puts Maddoxs morning wood in her mouth and starts gagging vigoursly. Maddox can hardly contain his rock hard 2 inch baby cock. Right when Maddox is about to unleash a gallon of baby jizz all over Zahara's etheopian tits Maddox walks in and is none to pleased. Shiloh pulls Maddoxs cock out of Zahara's mouth and shoves it into her tight ass. Shiloh screamsss as Maddox's cock (lubed only by Zaharas spit) tears through the title little button that is Maddox's ass. Zahara, feeling left out, starts to cry causing Angelina to storm in the room wearing her XMas Pjs. Immediatley Angelina can tell why Zahara is crying and knows how to fix the situation: She pulls down her pjs and starts rubbing her clit all over Zahara's face, needless to say the crying quickly subsides. Brad heres all the commotion and races in. He quickly follows Angelinas lead and grabs Shiloh by the back of the head and shoves Shilohs's face up against his taint with her nose gentley pushing against his asshole. Maddox, who is still inside Shiloh, has turned beet red and is beginning to sweat. Angelina knows what this means and she picks Maddox up and signals to Brad who knows what to do. Brad lays on his back as Angelina holds Maddox in the air raining his baby jizz all over Brad's willing face. That day the Pitt-Jolies learned an important lesson about what a little Christmas Spirit can do to a family.

Stayed tuned for sequels: Incest-pendence Day and Martin Incest King Day

Ho-Ho-Hoedown

Jessica and Ashley Simpson star together as orphaned sisters just trying to make enough money for their youngest sister [Dakota Fanning] to have a great Christmas. The sisters get into all sorts of crazy shennanigans and musical adventures on their quest to make a buck. In the end, Jessica's new employer, a whacky pimp {Dane Cook} teaches the girls the true meaning of Christmas isn't about gifts, it's about being true to yourself and your family. Using this new knowledge, the sisters host a good ole country western hoe-down for all of the impoverished and homeless kids in Texas.

a little pee came out when reading "rude dolp-the ill mannered Swede"

The 40 Year-Old-Virgin Mary

Mary (Catherine Keener) decides that after raising a Savior, it's time to drop the "Virgin" from her name. Hilarity ensues as her best friend Elizabeth (Jane Lynch) and slutty friend Maggie (Elizabeth Banks) convince the Virgin get a Brazilian...and Mary ends up blaspheming her own Son!

"provide a title and a very brief (one or two sentence) summary or tagline for your film idea"

Um, could you please delete #680--it's wrong on so many levels. Seriously, dude, we're all just having some good-natured fun and you gotta come on spewing that......filth. It's sick. It's not even remotely funny. You're talking about children, man. You're messed up.

"Better Not Cry" - Cross over movie where Klaus Santana, another survivor of the notorious Jigsaw, goes insane and twisted torture, murder and mayhem ensue. Culminating in a grisly Christmas Eve torture round the Christmas Tree. Sharpened Candy Canes, Pointy Holly Leaves, Candy Glass, Fireplace Torture and the constant threat to the children "nestled all snug in their beds". TAGLINE for the movie poster: "Better not shout....better not cry....better not wake the children or they die....Santa Klaus is cutting you down."

"CHIRSTMAS EVA"

Ten years after being brutally raped on Christmas eve by traveling hockey team in her home town of Point Lay Alaska, Eva sets out to get revenge!

Wait til you see whats hanging from Eva's tree...

Rated NC-17

Rape! hahaha fuck you 687

Santa's Cause
Staring Brad Pit as Santa and Angelina Jolie as Mrs. Clause as they strive to adopt as many kids from different countries as they can while still trying to run Santa's work shop

"Ho Ho Hos"

A ho chows down on a pack of ho-hos... the holiday kind.

@685

....and the talent manager leans back in his chair and says, "Well that is quite some show you have, what do you call yourselves?" and the Pitt-Jolie's all say in unison "The Aristocrats!"

Santa Koz

Smooth Jazz Giant Dave Koz makes his film debut as a down and out Jazz musician who can't get a break this Christmas, that is until Santa isn't able to make this year's holiday due to an issue with unruly elves. Dave Koz steps in and helps deliver christmas cheer to all - delivering presents and playing classic smooth jazz versions of Christmas songs.

CLAUSE-TROPHOBIC

Phrego, a German astrologist, ventures in the Arctic circle for signs of Global Warming. As he readies for his departure, a man suddenly appears to tell him that Santa indeed exists.

691---OK...then I guess that explains it. However, I turned "The Aristocrats" off after about 15 minutes. I just don't think putting kids in sexual situations is funny. Guess I'm a real douchebag.

@694 Sorry, your right its not funny, it hilarious

Now if you would excuse me im gonna go rub one out to Suri Cruise

Terminator: The Virgin Mary Chronicles

This holiday season, a virgin will become a mother, a son will become a savior, and their only ally will be a friend from the future.

A TOK715 class cyborg who looks like the weird chick from Firefly is sent from the future to protect the baby Jesus from T-888s, disguised as three wise men with no emotions. Why does SkyNet want Jesus dead? Who cares!? It's religious miracles, a cute baby, and cyborgs slicing each other up with winnowing scoops, hoes, rakes, flint-bladed sickles and ploughs.

Growing Panes (2007)
Jack Muppledot (Tim Allen) is a workaholic New York stock broker and single father whose life changes one day when a birthday presents turns out to contain a mischievious genie who hurtles him through a seemingly unending amount of plate glass.

Slashing through the Snow

Santa's elves are fed up with the jolly man eating all the cookies and not making any of the toys. The elves took the reindeer out, and Santa is stuck in a small rural town just outside of Anchorage Alaska, called Jungle falls. Santa must battle his way around Jingle Falls to make sure all the good girls and boys get their presents before the elves can stop him.

Buckshot Christmas: Buck Tucker takes gory revenge on the Kosher Nostra (Jewish Mafia) who murdered his only son while he caroled on their doorstep. Taking them out with a flurry of buckshot.

The Road to Mecca

Sick of being the town's arbitrator, Mohammad (Bob Hope) escapes to Mount Hira to get away and rethink his life. While isolated, Gabriel (Bing Crosby) reveals the Qu'ran to Mohammad on Laylat al-Qadr, which leads to a massive musical number created to cheer up a dying Shiek (Danny Kaye) to save his nightclub and prostelitize the word of God. And it snows. In the desert. Yeah.

The sequel would be called "White Jihad"
A writer of a controversial musical based off of the life of Mohammad goes on the run after a Jihad is called upon his head. He escapes to Vermont only to be captured by NYPD detective John McClane on behalf of the Feds for copyright infringement. Will he make it to the courthouse? Will you care? Probably no on both accounts.

Auschwitz: The Golden Years... errr, Year....ummm, Weeks

Because there's always room for another Spielberg movie about Nazis.

The heartwarming tale of a little nine-year old Jewish orphan, his SS Stormtrooper guard, and how Hanukkah comes despite the atrocities of a deathcamp. The old stormtrooper (Rutger Hauer) comes to respect and admire the lad's perseverance to respect his murdered parents' religious teachings in spite of the daily threats of death. Will the guard take pity on the boy, who reminds him of his own, albeit pure Aryan, son? Actually, no. The movie reaches its climactic scene with a long camera shot of Hauer closing the door on the oven from the inside looking out after little Shlomo is gassed and tossed in (at 875 degrees for 20 minutes, no basting required).

Zack and Mac make a porno

This sex comedy is anything but PC as Mac (Justin Long) stars in his first Apple Bobbing mocku-docu-cockumentary sex farce. You think that's a mouthfull, just what 'til the closing credits montage!

Mrs. Claus Goes to Washington:

The North Pole is melting due to global warming, threatening the reindeer habitat and the homes of millions of indigenous elves. When Santa is forced to turn the workshop into an emergency Elf And Reindeer Rescue Shelter (EARRS), Mrs. Clause decides to take action. With the help of some friendly beasts (CGI, natch), she travels to Washington D.C. to filibuster for green legislation on behalf of children everywhere. Can Christmas and the Earth as we know it be saved?

Point Set Tia (poinsettia)-

Be there as niece monica is picked up from tennis practice by her aunt cassandra. cassandra gets there - she picks up a tennis racket and picks up the dreams of her youth. standing with perfect form, she serves an ace in a red dress. be there she finds her youth, her self respect and perhaps her love, all while waiting to pick up her niece.
Point set tia

Attack of the Fruitcakes--Those hard, old, fruitcakes that magically resurface every year are back again, but with another motive. Not to be begged to be eaten once again, but to KILL!

Make the season bright
In collaboration with disney, Spencer Pratt stars as Ronny Wilkons in this inspirational christmas tale in which Ronny persues a new found love with Rina Falson (Heidi Montagne). This movie wants to be so cute and cuddly that intimate moments between the two are marked with many kisses during the trailer accompanied by both spencer and Heidi with their arms full of new born puppies with a backdrop of a riveting musical score. This christmas, have disney tell you a tale of a young man, who's lost so much and yet lend his heart out couragiously to a young lady. This christmas, do it pratt-montagne style!

Tagline: He was all alone, she showed him the way.

-vomit

Satan Clause, a touching and heart-warming story of dyslexic guy with a beard overpowering comfy couches and those pesky consonants in order to save a holiday season of good Teegeeack people. Played by Tom Cruise.

Fangsgiving - unimpressed by the traditions of thanksgiving, a small ragtag group of vampire turkeys go on a feast of their own. "Human anyone?"
"Yes please, can i get manberry sauce on mine please?"

Dashing Through... the BLOOD! "Santas evil twin takes over Christmas this year.... but he'll be the only one left celebrating...."

Mulchie the leafman- Young Billie doesn't believe in in the joy of Christmas after global warming prevented snowfall. But Mulchie the leafman if going to show him a few things about the holiday spirit. Staring Will Farrel as Mulchie, Rob Schneider as Billie, and Shiah Lebeuff as everyone else,

Mulchie the leafman- Young Billie doesn't believe in in the joy of Christmas after global warming prevented snowfall. But Mulchie the leafman if going to show him a few things about the holiday spirit. Staring Will Farrel as Mulchie, Rob Schneider as Billie, and Shiah Lebeuff as everyone else, you too will know how dry the well of ideas for holiday movies has become!

Hallowindows

When all the major wolrdwide companies and industries decide to rely on the new MS operating system, the starts the begining of the end as the computer system decide to reboot the humanity.

title: four cornered angelmilk

angelina jolie has to breastfeed all of her children in christmas. when she fed up with breastfeeding, she hires nanies from all over the africa, chosen carefully by examining their teeth and blood vessels among the women who has the most unhealable diseases just to prove her benevolence. and then all americans got infected from viruses brought to US by angelina. before the new years eve, a solution must be found. there comes brad pitt with a whip, punishes angelina and breastfeeds the children himself.

The X-Mas Files

Hundreds of years ago, the evil specter Santa Claus was bound to the duty of bringing joy to mankind as punishment for his attempt to overthrow the power structure of the angel army. The Christmas, his sentence is up and he has grown bitter from being mocked in modern culture.

Mulder and Scully must unravel the mystery behind hundreds of toy-related deaths of children (it's not the fault of the Chinese).

The X-Mas Files

Hundreds of years ago, the evil specter Santa Claus was bound to the duty of bringing joy to mankind as punishment for his attempt to overthrow the power structure of the angel army. The Christmas, his sentence is up and he has grown bitter from being mocked in modern culture.

Mulder and Scully must unravel the mystery behind hundreds of toy-related deaths of children (it's not the fault of the Chinese).

A Very Cosby Christmas - Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable (Tim Allen) gets caught in a bind when an evil abortion tycoon (Jason Alexander) makes plans to bulldoze his block to build a new abortion superstore. Can a sexy caroling car wash raise enough money to put a hit on him? Features 50 Cent as Theo.

Home Alone 4: Balls of Holly - When his parents (Clive Owen and Jodie Foster) accidentally leave him home alone for Christmas while they fly down to Key West, young Kevin Holly (played by Freddy Highmore) is forced to fend for himself when two bumbling, would-be child molesters (William H. Macy and Artie Lange) attempt to break into his house and have their way with him. Peyton Manning (in old age makeup) makes a cameo as Old Man Seward as the wise sagely neighbor who ultimately comes to the rescue in the nick of time.

Chanukah Movie - "I Made It Out of Clay" with Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy

Plot - Jeff and Larry are two converted Jews who travel back home to the South somewhere from NYC after being away for 20 years. They run into old school mates and family who are obviously not Jewish. Family and friends try to adjust to the change. It could be Christmas/Chanukah time. Cameo from Ron White and Bill Engvall (old school mates or brothers). Another cameo from Vince Vaughn since he has been in every Christmas movie in the past decade.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Set in Christmas, 1994: Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrolers Ed Kulbida (Stephen Baldwin), Roberto Grabemlowe (Phillip Seymour Hoffman), and Jose Imenez (Vince Vaughn), engage in zany antics while delivering novelty checks this holiday season. Frustrated by their own poverty, the three men scheme to steal $1 million from the Publishers Clearing House - but first they must overcome Ed's anger management issues, Roberto's unfit affection for children, and Jose's alcohol and drug abuse.

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

Steve Martin reprises his role as Dr. Orin Scrivello, DDS, the sadomasochistic dentist, as he tries to bring Yuletide joy to Amy Winehouse.

Under Siege 3: Winter Wonderland

The North Pole. A team of international terrorists. A holiday held hostage. Only one hero stands in the way.

When terrorists strike the softest target on the planet, during the most crucial time of the year and kill the most beloved man on the planet, they didn't count on one thing. This holiday, Casey Ryback (Steven Segal) has made his list, checked it twice and the gravy won't be the only dish served cold.

A History of Christmas - David Cronenberg directs a disturbing thriller starring Ed Harris as Jesus Christ and Viggo Mortensen as Santa Claus. When Claus' commercial operations get popular enough to draw the attention of the Messiah, Mortensen's character must grimly confront his foe, even as it makes the holiday season take on a horrible new meaning. Will Christ die for our sins, or by Mortensen's growing rage? Will Christmas ever be a family holiday again?

Jingle My Bells

Tom Sizemore plays a sex-addicted Santa who finds out that he's going to lose Santa's Workshop because he can't pay the rent. He decides to make a porno starring the oversexed Mrs. Claus (Pamela Anderson), a group of Christmas Elves (Tom Cruise, Ben Stiller, Kevin Smith and Dustin Hoffman) and eight tiny reindeer. Also cameo by Frosty the Snowman and his enormous carrot nose, played by Samuel Jackson, because every mutha knows you can't have a movie without Sam Jackson.

Beverly Hills Chiho-ho-ho-

Chloe returns from the first movie, this time stranded in the North Pole. Mistaken by Santa for Dasher's child, she must help Santa's elves rediscover their work ethic by teaching them the true meaning of Christmas, all while trying to hitch a ride back home on the very sleigh that whisked her to the magical workshop. Did I mention that the elves are all talking dogs, too?

"Ho"

Tagline:
"A new spin on the North Pole"

Twas the night before Xmas, and Santa snuck out to Manhattan and got wasted in the Champagne Room at Scores.

Ms. Claus is non too pleased as Rudi, a stripper with a heart of gold, drives the drunken elf back home in his sleigh.

Rudi, with your clothes so tight, won't you drive Santa's sleigh tonight*? Skimpy Santa suits, simpering fathers, and a sweet story of redemption ensue.

*No, that is not a euphemism.

RoboStrippers Do North Poles: A classic take on Debbie Does Dallas just in time for Christmas, except in horrifying robotic form! Starring James Earl Jones as Pimpta Claus, Tara Reid as RoboStripper DD, and Lindsay Lohan as RoboStripper 4.

Love Ackshually

Starring Jennifer Aniston as a lonely lolcats website editor, who finds herself conflicted when at a Christmas party she falls in love with a professional dog handler (Jason Schwartzman). Ultimately the two find the true meaning of Christmas through acceptance, and the hilarious employment of lolcat speak.

Christmastime at the "Fortress of Solitude"

Santa is sitting comfortably in his home at the North Pole until Superman, thinking he's at the South Pole in his Fortress of Solitude, shows up drunk with a MADS shirt on, and they argue about who owns the house.

Tagline: Sshushut.... up Jor-El! This iddn't your howse. It's mine!

"Snow for Christmas, a drama"

Keanu Reeves gives a career defining performance as Keanu Murphy, a stroppy 17 year old who no longer believes in Santa Claus, to the dismay of his widower father (Liam Neeson) and two younger siblings.

Keanu begins seeing Santa (played by Gary Busey) everywhere he looks but when Santa becomes increasingly menacing, Keanu is forced to ask himself some hard questions; Is the man in red a dangerous lunatic, a figment of Keanu's young imagination or could he really be old St. Nick? And why has Keanu's father invited nineties rap sensation Snow for the holidays? The answers to all these questions must be discovered before a nearby active volcano kills them all.

A heartwarming family holiday thriller featuring a haunting soundtrack from Sigur Ros and an award nominated performance from Karl Urban as the town cryer.

LOL @ 598

Jesus and the Eggnogstic:

A heart (and stomach) warming tale of the Lord and an eggnog loving party planner. Can Jesus prove he exists in time to save his birthday party?

Title: The super duper extraordinarily awesome, based on a true story epic Christmas Battle of the century over the holy grail between Santa Clause and a pack of angry, hungry rabid zombie doggish type creatures from a distant planet long ago in a galaxy far far away.

Tag line: This year the only thing Santa will be giving out is PAIN!!!

Plot. the year is 2050 and the world is starting to rebuild itself after WW3. Just when the surviving people of earth thought there problems were over a crash landing occurs in the region that was once known as Canada. All off a sudden people start disappearing. Can Santa (Bruce Campbell) Save the world armed with a shot gun and chainsaw. This movie will melt your heart and make you believe in santa once more.

Twas' the Reich before Christmas

Danny Glover plays a cook in a large castle outside Cologne, Germany. On December 24, 1935, the cook must play a game of cat and mouse with a Gestapo lieutenant (Johnny Depp) and his underlings, while the baron of the castle (Kevin Spacey in a fat suit) simultaneously entertains the lieutenant's superiors and helps the cook escape Germany by causing diversions and creating befuddled, outlandish stories.

Requiem for a Dreamcast

A child convinced he'll be receiving a video game console for Christmas becomes addicted to hardcore street drugs.

A Pither Christmas - Cycling his way into your heart! Trotsky as Eartha Kitt, bingo obsessed Chinamen, and damaged food items make for a holiday miracle.

Too obscure?

Merry Cheesemas! - A cheese shop filled with holiday cheer! Wensleydale and Mousebender return to discuss the availability of fermented curd in this existential holiday classic.

Meatloaf: Bat Out Of Hell III - Christmas Show

You'll love them forever!

Meatloaf sings his greatest hits while eating a holiday meatloaf. Angelina Jolie reprises her role.

"It's a Hills Wonderful Life"

Heidi and Spencer, falling into inevitable obscurity, want to kill themselves when a LC, as a paparazzo guardian angel, shows then how fucking great the world would be. In the end they do it.

"It's a Hills Wonderful Life"

Heidi and Spencer, falling into inevitable obscurity, want to kill themselves when LC, a paparazzo guardian angel, shows them how fucking great the world would be. In the end they do it.

Citizen Kwanzaa- A reporter's quest to find the meaning behind the elusive holiday.

"Slamta Claus"

A dying boy's Christmas wish is to see his favorite - but awful - state basketball team win the title. Everything looks hopeless until unknown rookie Nicholas Saint starts taking the court by storm.

Note: the kid still dies.

Village of the Ramadamned

Jeff Daniels leads an all-star cast in this year’s hottest Christmas suspense-thriller. When Christmas time (Christian season of gorging) coincides with Ramadan (Islamic season of fasting) all hell breaks loose! Dr. Santa Claus (Jeff Daniels) and his wife Professor Martha Claus (Rene Russo) have just sat down to a Boxing Day dinner when they suddenly pass out along with the rest of the inhabitants of the North Pole. A few hours later, this strange force disappears and everyone wakes up. The mystery remains unsolved for weeks, but it has a sequel. All of the androgynous elvan workers are unaccountably pregnant. And the glowing-eyed children they have will prove to be worse than what they could have feared!

“It’s a sleigh ride… from hell!” (Some Loser, NY Times)
“Forget new great movie, Think new great Genre!” (Who Cares, CBS News)

"Short Circuit The Holidays"

Johnny 5 is back!
Johnny 5 and his pal Newton Crosby (Steve Guttenburg), working as an engineering team for CERN, want to power the worlds Holiday Lights using the newly repaired Hadron Collider. (oops! Don't tell the boss!) When the massive machine breaks down, its up to Johhny 5 and Newton to fix it before the earth gets sucked into a blackhole!

Guest Starring Fisher Stevens, reprising his role as Benjamin Jahrvi.

Rain Deer

Computer animated holiday fun with the voices of Tom Cruise as Blitzen, the flashy, self-obsessed materialist forced to look after Rudolf, his lovable but challenged brother, voiced by Dustin Hoffman. Will they learn the meaning of family and acceptance in time to help Santa on Christmas? You'll have to see for yourself in this fun-filled family film.

TOTALLY SCROOGED
Danny DiVito is an embittered Ebeneezer who has lost everything after buying into the commercialization of the holidays and fattening not-so-tiny Tim with truckloads of turkeys. In the morning his house will be foreclosed, his car reposessed, and he'll fall thorugh the cracks like boiled meat thorugh British teeth, teaching everyone to be more miserly at Christmas.

"Bi-Polar". From Dreamworks animation: Santa's manic-depressive nephew Skeeter from the South (Pole, that is) plans to ruin Christmas for all the 5th grade boys and girls. Vixen and Blitzen catch wise to the scheme and set up a hilarious string of booby traps to foil the plan and help Skeeter realize the true meaning of Christmas. You might be a reindeer if you don't laugh until you cry. Starring the voice talent of Jeff Foxworthy as Skeeter Claus. Featuring the hit song "I'll Have a Blue Collar Christmas Without You".

"Holmes for the Holidays"

When a young misfit (Daniel LeJambon) discovers that his divorced parents will not be spending Christmas together, he despairs of ever finding his family's lost holiday spirit. But then--with a little Christmas magic--he summons his favorite literary hero from his grandfather's copy of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Now, with the help of his little sister (newcomer Nebraska Montana) and the girl he secretly loves (Tifhanni Hen), he must help the master of emotionless logic find that there's more to Christmas than deductive reasoning!

With Alan Rickman as Sherlock Holmes.

Tagline: This Christmas, it's time to get deductive!

Obligatory dialog:

Nonthreating black friend: Hey, homes.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage.

"raffi: the man behind the fucking genius christmas album" - a biopic following the life of raffi and how he mustered the brilliance to compile the greatest christmas album of all time. christmas time's a coming, y'all!

The Saddest Christmas Contest Since "Win a Walk-On Role in ‘Santa with Muscles’” - Nearly 800 (and counting!) Monty Python fanatics vie desperately to win the comedy troupe’s newest box set using strained jokes about what I can only assume includes Eddie Murphy in fat suits, Brett Ratner directing anything holiday-related (preferably something about Hanukkah or Kwanza because that’d be CRAZY!), Spencer Pratt, Kevin James as Santa, any Wayans brother as Santa, Spencer Pratt as Santa, and, of course, Snow Buddies. One fan attempts to cash in on the prize by jabbing the other participants’ entries only to realize he is just as bad, thus learning the true meaning of Christmas: We’re all pretty pathetic, but, dammit, we’re family.

kwest for kwanzaa - a rap group of scrooges is forced to go on a journey to discover the origins of this fake holiday. and, as usual, they misspell shit on purpose. starring ice cube, method man, and paris hilton as the ghost of kwanzaa future.

"Deck The Stalls"

Two loser bathroom attendants (Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd) find a new born baby (Jesus?) in one of there stalls, and with plenty of crazy antics and dick jokes they discover the true meaning of Christmas.

POSTER:
Paul Rudd on one side, Seth Rogan on the other both looking at the view with a funny face of concern, in the center, a bath room stall with the door wide open and a smiling naked baby sitting on the toilet with a halo on its head.

Stocking Stuffers

Santa's worst elf is forced to pose as an Immigrant Sweat shop worker in an effort to bring the joy of christmas to everyone in America. Along the way he must learn to weave knock off designer socks, outrun a tenacious immigration officer, teach a young child the joy of family, avoid the set of a soft core porn also called Stocking Stuffers, and learn to survive in New York City on 35 cents a day (If I can do it so can he). Rob Schneider is obviously the star of this one.

christmas with krank - a family orders their christmas presents online from amazon, but mistakenly receives pure heroin from the amazon rainforest after a mixup in the mail! they learn about the perils of drug addiction and the dangers of present-greed. starring tim allen.

No Cookies for Old Men

Tag: Santa? I don't think so...

Macauley Culkin's comeback begins as he returns as loveable prankster Kevin McAllister. The hilarity commences one lonely Christmas Eve after a confused, depressed, fat, almost 30 yr old Kevin passes out on his couch drunk and stoned off Pot Cookies. Little does Santa know whats in store for him as he mistakes those leftover pot cookies for his traditional Holiday Snack!

Christmas with the Klumps, Madea, and Big Momma

All black male comedians. All fatsuits. This holiday season, DRAG the whole family.

You thought snow was safe. You thought snow was fluffy. You thought wrong. This Christmas, six sexually active teens learn that when tiny supercooled cloud droplets freeze, it's a blizzard of MURDER.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

30 Days of Silent Night on a Plane.

Santa(Angelina Jolie) is pissed. A plane of naughty people left the ground without divine punishment. So she sends her elves(Michael Jackson) to destroy them, but little does she know.. IT’S THE WRONG PLANE. A hero, Samuel L. Jackson(Chuck Norris), arsises amongst the people and beats up the Motherfucking elves on the motherfucking plane. That is until that crash land in Alaska. A group of sparkly
vampires in the middle of their chirstmas roast attack the fresh meat. These fierce bloodsuckers led by Tony(Sean Connery) and Queen Latifah of the Damned(Queen Latifah) will now face off the combined forces of Humans and Chirstmas Elves. Who will survive?

Forgot the tagline in that post.

Tagline: Chirstmas. Elves. Vampires.

Hearty Chirstmas

A new cheesy romantic comedy in which a CGI robot by the name of Voltro feels he doesn't have a heart, what happens when he meets CGI Mrs. Claus and finds his heart and more? But challenges arise as CGI Mr. Claus and CGI The Geekologie Writer get in the way of their love.

Freaky Friday 2: A Christmas Story. Santa has enlisted the help of Anna Coleman (Lindsay Lohan) to help make awesome rock CD's for all the boys and girls this Christmas since her rock band has become a mega hit all around the world. But what happens when a little Christmas magic goes all wrong and Anna switches bodies with A REINDEER? Will the reindeer learn to function in a human body, can they make the switch back before Anna has to give a world broadcasted live television Christmas concert, or more importantly, can Anna learn how to fly in time to help deliver gifts to the Children?

American History X-Mas

A former neo-nazi skinhead learns the true meaning of Christmas, finally seeing the light and accepting black Jesus as his Lord and Savior. But can he stop his little brother from going down the wrong path? Using a combination of ingenuity and lively song and dance, he brings black Christmas to those he really cares about.

Rush Hour 4: Jingle Bell Rock

In Rush Hour 4: Jingle Bell Rock, Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan must go
undercover to stop a huge shipment of pure, sweet crack rock from
hitting the streets during the holiday season. Hilarity ensues when
Chan and Tucker's undercover identities force them to volunteer as
Santa and Rudolph at a local orphanage to track the drugs - but the
kids inadvertently help them catch the bad guys!

It's funny because if they make another Rush Hour, some Hollywood
producer somewhere would have to shoot himself in the face. Even they
have some shame.

An autobiography documentary on the hardships Santa Claus exprienced living in Compton and being in a gang. He also teams up with Chuck Norris and Overthrow the president. I call it "Santa Claus the true story"

Ho Ho Ho-tel Rwanda: Paul Rusesabagina, (Eddie Murphy) is forced come back to Rwanda to visit his inlaws (Murphy, Murphy) for christmas. Unfortunately he's got more than a familial feud to deal with. GENOCIDE! (Murphy).

the birth of jesus (verne troyer)! featuring a gratuitous birth scene.
musical score by nickleback

Once Good Before the Twist : This would be the next installment in a long line of M. Night Shamalan movies. A good base plot about the end of the world through the eyes of a little boy, who may or may not be an alien sent here as the catalyst to the end of the world. You get sucked in by the big event of it all, the star-studded cast (little boy from Heroes as the main character, his father is Bruce Willis, his mother Diane Lane, and a few random actors like John Leguizimo, Cate Blanchet, etc) until the plot twist in the end, where you find out the little boy hallucinated the whole thing while he lay in the hospital, in a coma, after he got hit by a car. He dies in the end.

Dude, where's my iphone?

The guys are back and ready to make you lol til new years eve. When they wake up on christmas day after having a bit too much egg nog(extra rum) only to realize that their iphones r missing they embark on a journey that leads them to none other than santa himself. So don't miss this heartwarming tale that just might teach you a valuable lesson, like that when you unwittingly puke in santas toy sack he might get pissed off and steal your phone.

My Big Fat Nazi Christmas

Circa 1953, Hitler invades the North Pole. Plot points include how Hitler is NOT dead, and a general Santa vs. Hitler deathmatch.

The Last Christmas : This would be the next installment in a long line of M. Night Shamalan movies. A good base plot about the end of the world through the eyes of a little boy, who may or may not be an alien sent here as the catalyst to the end of the world. You get sucked in by the big event of it all, the holiday love that keeps the families together although they know the end is near, the star-studded cast (little boy from Heroes as the main character, his father is Bruce Willis, his mother Diane Lane, and a few random actors like John Leguizimo, Cate Blanchet, etc) until the plot twist in the end, where you find out the little boy hallucinated the whole thing while he lay in the hospital, in a coma, after he got hit by a car on Christmas Day. He dies in the end, his present of a world Snowglobe sits unwrapped next to him by the hospital bed. You leave the theater confused and unfulfilled

Happy Hoelidays! (in 3-D!)

When Amber (Tara Reid) finds out that she hasn't been pulling enough money in to get a pass on her Christmas present -a beating from her pimp, Shawny Four Fingers (played by Perez Hilton), she decides to work day shifts. Meeting a plethora of wacky characters (including the D&D loving Darkonatron {Kip from Napoleon Dynamite}, Spicy the Mexican elf {Chuy from Chelsea Lately} and others) that are usually to "Tara"-fied to come come out at night, she discovers that she's got a lot to learn about the Christmas Spirit!

Happy Hoelidays! (in 3-D!)

Sometimes it's better to give AND receive!