Nov 17 2008'XXX 3' Using Writers to Attempt a Story
Michael Ferris and John Brancato, the minds that brought us The Net, Catwoman, Terminator 3, and one episode of Married with Children, are in talks to write the script for XXX: The Return of Xander Cage. From Variety:
The writing team, whose credits include "Terminator 3" and the upcoming Jonathan Mostow-directed "Surrogates," began talks after pitching their take last Friday for a new installment in the action series to Columbia Pictures presidents Matt Tolmach and Doug Belgrad.Producer Joe Roth got Diesel and Cohen to agree to a reteam earlier this year (Daily Variety, Sept. 15). Col moved quickly to lock up the property, getting first look because of its past relationship with "XXX" generator Revolution Studios. Diesel and Cohen teamed on the 2002 original, which starred Diesel as an extreme sports enthusiast drafted by the government for a dangerous mission.
Ferris and Brancato are clearly terrible writers. Catwoman was one of the worst things ever made, and we can only rest part of that blame on Halle Berry's meowing. But, you know, for a XXX movie, they're probably good enough. I'm fine with this. It's like when you get a Stouffer's French bread pizza, and the side of the box tells you you'll get better results if you put it in the oven, but that's going to take like 45 minutes plus pre-heating, and you didn't buy a Stouffer's French bread pizza to wait an hour to eat. You got it because you're extremely lazy, it's 2 in the morning, and that's what was at the deli as you stumbled your way home. You're going to microwave that thing, eat it, and wonder why the next morning. XXX is the French bread pizza, Ferris and Brancato is the microwave, and the deli is TBS. Combine the elements, and you're assured to get a "good enough" every time (so long as it's 2 a.m. and you're drunk). Think about it. I'm almost sure that made sense.
Reader Comments
1. Elmo - November 17, 2008 5:32 PM
eww
2. Synch G - November 17, 2008 5:34 PM
wtf man. lol
3. Sevenace - November 17, 2008 5:38 PM
If you were marketing XXX:3 (which would be XXX,XXX,XXX) anyway like I was saying...If you were marketing XXX: TRoXC (seems like they may write it this way also..I digress) wpuldn't you leave the writing credits out if the writing credits are bad!?
IT SHOULD HAVE READ:
"Michael Ferris and John Brancato, the minds that brought us..OTHER MOVIES!...movies that we swear are great! (please don't look up what movies these guys wrote) and one episode of Married with Children, are in talks to write the script for XXX: The Return of Xander Cage."
(Wow work is sloww! - 2 firsts in 1 day, and I could care less about it lol)
4. Sevenace - November 17, 2008 5:41 PM
or 3rd. haha oops
5. Ash - November 17, 2008 6:10 PM
Didn't they state Xander died in the second movie?
6. Sevenace - November 17, 2008 8:51 PM
Yes they did I assume that they arn't worried about messing with the integrity of the franchise I don't think there's many die-hard XXX fans out there.
This was the writers meeting:
Ferris: Vin Desiel isn't doing anything else and said he wants to come back as Xander Cage!!
Brancato (playing with his link-n-logs): Yippyyy!!..Wait we said he died in the second movie, what ever do we do?!
Ferris: Hmm... I got it here's the scene -
"Xander walks in during a big heist - everyone stops and gasps
Criminal: Wait your...DEAD!
Xander: .....JK BITCHES!"
Brancato: Your a genious - a writing God - I want to make love to you mind.
Ferris: Whoa what was that.
Brancato: Nothing.
(TOO MUCH THOUGHT, I KNOW ..I KNOW.)
7. J - November 17, 2008 10:39 PM
I watch stuff writer...I consider that the best analogy ever. Had me rolling.
8. jecka - November 17, 2008 11:42 PM
made PERFECT sense!
9. scarfin' usa - November 18, 2008 12:06 AM
GENIUS (you).
10. Stouffer Nerd - November 18, 2008 7:29 AM
Actually, a Stouffer french bread pizza takes between 22-23 minutes at 350 degrees. Adding pre-heating and a little cool down, you can have it down your throat right outside a half-hour.
And it's much, much better to use a standard oven instead of a toaster oven. It cooks much more evenly.
11. whistle - November 18, 2008 7:43 AM
It's a little eerie how much your french bread pizza story mirrors my experience last night. I'm paranoid now.
12. Jennie - November 18, 2008 9:37 AM
Red Baron makes a delicious french bread pizza and it only takes about 15 minutes, plus preheating time.