In Times Like These, We Need a 'Three Stooges' Movie
World economies are failing, stock markets are plummeting, bank systems are collapsing in on themselves, and the government is either too corrupt or too inept to do anything about it. So today, on Election Day, I'm going to take this opportunity to get on my soapbox here and say something I think is of dire importance: what this nation--no, this world--needs is modern actors doing impressions of the Three Stooges in a feature-length family comedy. From Variety:
MGM has revived the long-gestating Peter and Bobby Farrelly Three Stooges project."It’s not a biopic. It takes place in present day, and they look, dress and sound exactly like the Stooges," Peter Farrelly told Daily Variety. "When the economy started turning, we felt like the world could use a Stooges slapfest. Bobby and I haven’t done a real physical comedy in a while, and it’s the most exciting thing we could think of now, to have people go to the movie, see some great slapstick fun family humor."
If the doorway to your mind is lodged with the image of a Will Ferrell, a bowl-cutted Ben Stiller, and Jack Black in a bald cap, you probably aren't far off from what we'll get. Well, except for the Jack Black part. Curly, "the most physically gifted member of the trio," will be cast the way all of our most gifted entertainers are found: American Idol-style competition, of course.
Farrelly said that an "American Idol"-like search will be conducted to find Curly, the most physically gifted member of the trio. Auditions will be held in three or four cities and a finalist will be chosen in Los Angeles.
Do you think you have the goods to play Curly? Could an I Watch Stuff reader be the co-star of an ill-fated Three Stooges revival? I would love nothing more. So, to help out any prospective Curlies out there, I've prepared a line-up of what kind of competition you might be facing, noting their strengths and weaknesses. Can you beat these rivals?
1. Curly Impersonator (Brian) - Brian has long been doing Curly impersonations for corporate events, trade shows, private parties, clubs, fundraisers, & advertising, making him tough competition. Unfortunately for him, his agency will only book him along with Larry (Jeffrey) and Moe (Chris), so you still have a shot.
2. Guy in a Curly Mask - Has the advantage that he's really nailed Curly's classic moronic expression. Has the disadvantage that that is his only expression.
3. Cartoon Curly - Isn't really in the running because he's animated, but in case of a Cool World/Who Framed Roger Rabbit scenario, you're screwed.
4. Bedridden Curly - Pros: Has the look. Cons: Bedridden.
5. Baby Curly - Awww! Baby Curly, the cutest Curly, would easily sway any parents or cuteness sympathizers on the decision panel--if only child labor laws and nap schedules would allow it. You'd better hope this kid doesn't have a twin.
6. Dr. Phil - Pray to god Dr. Phil never shaves his mustache, or the role is his to take.
Good luck!
