Aug 29 2008You Can't Say 'Max Payne' Doesn't Look Enough Like a Video Game
Well, there's a new trailer for Max Payne, and with it comes more clues to exactly what's going on in this thing besides slow-motion shooting things. Things that happen: Max Payne fights the bald guy mummy from The Mummy; Max Payne fights creatures he comes to know as valkyries, after a freak tells him they're valkyries; Max Payne recreates his favorite scenes from Die Hard; Ludacris is someone dressed as "a detective" for Halloween; That '70s Show takes her top off. Together, these elements form what almost amounts to a movie:
Reader Comments
1. J - August 29, 2008 1:48 PM
sweet
2. Philster - August 29, 2008 1:55 PM
Mark Wahlberg + no use of the max payne theme + shitty director + girl from that 70s show + majorly edited story + ludacris as the previously white and old jim bravura = fail
3. fdsfdsfr4d - August 29, 2008 1:57 PM
oh nooo
it was already bad but now it looks like the guys who made the CGI 'valkyries' were the same people responsible for the UBER scary and absolutely convincingly real life zombie animations from I AM LEGEND. so they looked about as good and scary as the badies in Castlevania 1 for the NES.
4. Odysseus - August 29, 2008 2:13 PM
Mila Kunis + automatic weapons = rental on movie night.
5. Mac - August 29, 2008 2:36 PM
They might as well have just not called this Max Payne. From what I see the only thing that stayed true to the game was he's a cop and his family is dead. No mention of a frame up or copious uses of painkillers(Unless this is all a hallucination).
6. ali - August 29, 2008 2:44 PM
excuse me for this nerd moment but...i thought that the valkyries were only part of Max's dreams in the game. maybe those were dream sequences, but there seemed to be an awful lot of them.
7. Mella - August 29, 2008 3:29 PM
I'm impressed that the picture above captured Wahlberg's nostrils in maximum flare. That is awesome.
8. skeps - August 29, 2008 3:45 PM
fuck you guys it looks like it'll be fun. name one movie adapted froma video game that this couldn't potentially top? Slow-mo fighting action, walberg, and milo kunis? fuck ill c it opening day
9. Nick - August 29, 2008 4:41 PM
If I'm not mistaken, that's the bald guy from Prison Break, not Arnold Vosloo. Also, I don't think he fights the valkyries. They're probably just hallucinations(since, y'know, they kinda look like it) as he commonly has.
@ #5 Yeah, because they totally always reveal the entire story to you in trailers. Especially ones where there's very little exposition at all. And since when do they show excessive drug abuse in trailers?
I don't think they could make this look MORE like Max Payne. A lot of the environments look lifted straight from the game. I can pick out several spots and think 'Oh, I remember playing that!". Not to mention the fact that Marky Mark and Milla Kunis look very close to Max Payne and Mona Sax.
10. m00nb0y - August 29, 2008 4:44 PM
Mila Kunis Rules! :D
11. Philster - August 29, 2008 4:48 PM
#9 Mila Kunis doesn't look or sound anything like Mona Sax. Kunis sounds like she's 16 and is too cute for the role.
And yeah everyone should be smart enough to realize the valkyries are hallucinations, but they threw em everywhere which looks retarded.
Ludacris as Jim Bravura is all the proof I need. This movie will be horrible. Not only did they not cast an actor that looks like the original character... they didn't even cast an actor of the same RACE. Unbelievable. You have to make a conscious effort to screw that up.
Let's not forget the director is the genius behind masterpieces such as "Behind Enemy Lines", "The Omen" and "Flight Of The Phoenix"... How can it go wrong?
We can all feel better by knowing it could have been Uwe Boll... I guess.
12. Elmo - August 29, 2008 6:26 PM
bitchen flying dead guys
was that in the video game?
13. Beastman AIDS - August 29, 2008 10:53 PM
I downloaded a mod for this game that makes Mona Sax Naked and playable and I made her do cartwheels. Fap time.
14. Collin - August 29, 2008 11:23 PM
Clearly they tried to go "younger" with this movie. Max, Mon, and Jim should all be older and in the case of Jim...much older. Ow well. If it's not by Uwe Boll I'll give it a chance. I like his hallucinations, but I think it might be overdone.. we'll see.
15. TetraShiva - August 30, 2008 8:16 AM
My roommate's immediate reaction:
"Constatine with more bullets? Meh."
16. MOSkito - August 30, 2008 8:23 AM
its gonna be "Constantine" good so either way..
17. weh - August 31, 2008 1:19 AM
mr. mark wahlberg, you need to have more fiber in your diet.
18. Juan - August 31, 2008 7:46 PM
Looks pretty damn awesome. Of course iwatchstuff.com's group of thespians will scowl at anything that doesn't have to with The Watchmen and Ricky Gervais.
19. tom - August 31, 2008 8:55 PM
It's totally fail since it can't recapture the experience of playing a shitty video game that only a pole smoking idiot could enjoy.
20. JL - September 1, 2008 5:49 PM
#9 Nick,
You're right, that's Amaury Nolasco from Prison Break.
And the chick in the trailer we see from behind taking her top off isn't Kunis, it's Olga Kurylenko from Hitman and Quantum of Solace.
21. d - September 2, 2008 6:09 PM
olga+
kunis- because she's in family guy
walhberg always delivered=strong rental
22. Matt - October 14, 2008 1:54 AM
Granted that the movie doesn't seem to have alot to do wit the game but come on yall DOOM didn't have jack shit to do wit the game, they had to come up wit a background story and a whole list of characters and it was still bad ass, I;m a lil upset myself at some of the cast selection and the lack of characters from the game and we don't really know what the story line for the movie is, come one they got alex the nigga that gets shot, right? He's in it, and you got BB the nigga that shoots him and frames Max so obviously the story will be about him proving his innocents and they got the head bitch in it that he has to kill. As for the Valkyrie's alot of the scenes wit those are slow motion and during when shits blowin up and fading out I'll bet those only come into play when they drug max wit the Valkyr drug and he's trippin balls. either way I'm goin opening day NIGGAS!!!