Aug 15 2008R-Rated 'Death Race' Trailer Has Effs, CS'ers, Blood

My favorite part is when Ian McShane says, "This should be interesting." Because, no it shouldn't.

Continue Reading "R-Rated 'Death Race' Trailer Has Effs, CS'ers, Blood"

Aug 15 2008Steve Carel and Tina Fey Are Having a Terrible Date

Hey, a comedy starring Steve Carell and Tina Fey? Sounds like someone has been watching the only parts of NBC's primetime schedule that don't make you want to die. This could be good, right? Nope:

Steve Carell and Tina Fey are set to play a married couple in "Date Night," a 20th Century Fox comedy to be directed by Shawn Levy.

Josh Klausner wrote the script, based on an idea by Levy, whose 21 Laps will produce. Story follows a couple who find their routine date night becomes much more than just dinner and a movie.

Levy, who is shooting Fox's "Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian," intends the pic to be his next directing assignment.

If you didn't catch that, Date Night is being directed by the man responsible for choking the final breaths out of Steve Martin with Cheaper by the Dozen and The Pink Panther, giving us our first taste of Ashton Kutcher-married-as-comedy with Just Married, and making Night at the Museum and its upcoming sequel. In other words, Carell and Fey will be the slices of bread holding together a shit sandwich.

Carell, Fey ready for 'Date Night' [Variety]

Aug 15 2008'Punisher' Might Lose Only Thing Keeping it Mildly Watchable

Whether you thought the red-band trailer looked bad-ass or like an embarrassing straight-to-DVD knock-off with none of the usual low-budget gore charm, the overall consensus on Punisher seemed to be that if it does prove itself entertaining, that value will be based solely on the gratuitous, insane violence. I mean, if you take away all the chairs violently shoved in eye-holes, what's left? Answer: a probably awful movie without any chairs violently shoved in eye-holes. But that may be exactly what we'll get, with Lionsgate reportedly pushing for a PG-13 rating:

One of my contacts deep within the bowels of Hollywood and close to the Punisher: War Zone project (source will not be named. Sorry!) told me today that the big fight over the Punisher project is Lionsgate wants a PG-13 cut to be released.

Lionsgate can always say, "This was never intended to be PG-13. We always had an R rating in mind." but I trust Hollywood as far as I can throw it. I'm sure there's some Lionsgate exec thinking this film can do what The Dark Knight has done with a PG-13 rating.

Of course, this is all just rumor for now, but I think it's probably a bad sign that they're reportedly also changing the title from Punisher: War Zone to Punisher: Lazer Tag Adventure.

Lionsgate Wants A PG-13 Punisher: War Zone? [Latino Review]

Aug 15 2008'Dragonball' is Looking Good (If You Use a Loose Definition of Good)

I admit was a naysayer for a while, but these latest shots from Dragonball have really got me reconsidering this live-action adaptation. Mostly because I consider palpable desperation and pleading, vacant eyes that will forever haunt you, waking you from your nightly slumber with their anguished cry of "what have I done?" to be a positive in a film.

Aug 15 2008Warner Doesn't Care About Harry Potter-Lovers' Fragile Psyches

Bad news for people who like those kid wizard books that became kid wizard movies: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has been pushed back from November of this year to July 17, 2009 because Warner thinks it would make more money then.

To summarize:

Aug 15 2008Mike Myers Will Do Accent for 'Bastards'

Look, I know you promised yourself you'd never again see another Mike Myers movie after he pretended to be Indian and sang a Steve Miller Band cover for no apparent reason, but I'm afraid you might have to if you want to see Tarantino's latest. Yeah, the Love Guru is in that now:

Mike Myers has been recruited by Quentin Tarantino to join the ensemble cast of "Inglorious Bastards," the Tarantino-scripted pic that the Weinstein Co. and Universal will put into production Oct. 13 in Germany.

Myers will play British Gen. Ed Fenech, a military mastermind who takes part in hatching a plot to wipe out Nazi leaders.

Mike Myers playing a British officer? It seems like that could be really distracting if he were already known and moderately despised for playing a character with a heavy English accent that inspired a generation of amateur impressionists. But since that isn't the case, this seems fine. Actually, this answers a few questions I had when I was reading the script. All the scenes where Gen. Ed Fenech throws Mini-Gen. Ed Fenech make a lot more sense now.

Mike Myers enlists in 'Bastards' [Variety]

Aug 15 2008New 'Burn After Reading' Poster Has That 'Cowboy Leaning on a Barn' Appeal

Finally, a movie where it might make sense for a collection of commemorative yard silhouettes to come with the special edition DVD. And just in time, too, because Mule Boy is getting lonely.

New Burn After Poster [JoBlo]

Aug 14 2008'Soul Men' Clips--Starring Two Recently-Deceased Actors!

Honor the memories of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes with choppy streaming clips of a movie you wouldn't care about if its stars were alive.

Soul Men clips here.

Aug 14 2008'Watchmen' Posters Compared to Original Ads for Easier Complaining

Plasmic Studios has constructed a page where you can, at just a simple mouse-over, compare the Watchmen character posters with the original comic ads they were based on. They'll make you either say, "Wow, they went through a lot of trouble to recreate these scenes, even down to subtle props" or, "What!? His ass proportions are entirely different than the real Dr. Manhattan's ass proportions!" depending on how into freaking out you are.

Here they are.

Aug 14 2008Sandler Turned Down Chance of Being 'Inglorious Bastard'

Speaking to Irish television, Adam Sandler confirmed he will not be appearing in Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards, instead choosing to do another movie with Judd Apatow (because Don't Mess with the Zohan worked so well):

Sandler had long been rumoured to take a major role in the Tarantino-scripted movie which the director has been planning for nearly a decade.

Asked had he been in talks with Tarantino, he told RTÉ.ie: "Yeah it's true. It is, and I read the script, it's fantastic. But I'm shooting at the very same time. I won't be able to do it. I'm doing a movie with Judd Apatow at the same time so that's not going to happen, but I did read it. It is awesome."

"I know Quentin for a long time. We've been talking about doing it for years, for like five, six, seven years. Yeah, it's definitely disappointing. I'd love to do it, but I just can't."

Now where is Quentin Tarantino going to find another Jewish comedian? (There are many Jewish comedians.)

Adam Sandler Turned Down Inglorious Bastards [Flick News] (Thanks, Siobhan)

Aug 14 2008Michaels Showalter and Ian Black Getting Sketch Show

Since Daily Show and Colbert are available online, and I've lost some of my desire to see Ghostbusters II four times in one day, I don't find myself watching Comedy Central much (ever) anymore, and no amount of 3 a.m. Reno 911 reruns could bring me back. This might though: a new Michael Showalter/Michael Ian Black sketch show! From THR.

Comedy Central is moving forward with the sketch comedy "Michael and Michael Have Issues," picking up the project to pilot and adding Josh Pais to the cast.

"Michael," from Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter ("The State"), is a half-hour project with segments addressing issues that the two men have with themselves, each other and the world at large. Pais plays Jim Biederman, the executive producer for the duo's show within a show. The character takes the name from an actual exec producer on the Comedy Central project.

I haven't even seen an episode and I'm already looking forward to drunkenly explaining to people how this was prematurely cancelled.

Aug 14 2008Here's the 'Body of Lies' Trailer, Little Buddies

First I thought Russell Crowe was the bad guy because of how he lives this decadent lifestyle of smoking cigars, eating cereal, and speaking in Skipper catchphrases, and that Leonardo DiCaprio was the good guy because he looks like a bass fisherman (our greatest heroes). But then my raging xenophobia kicked in and I remembered all of the Americans must be the good guys, and the bad guys are everyone else--including director Ridley Scott, because I'm still not sure we can trust the British after all the terror of the American Revolution.

Continue Reading "Here's the 'Body of Lies' Trailer, Little Buddies"

Aug 14 2008'Madgascar', 'Kung Fu Panda' Will Keep Happening

Dreamworks has announced they have plans for at least one more Madagascar and probably another Kung Fu Panda, because that would be easier than inventing more animals-with-celebrity-voices as characters:

DreamWorks Animation CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg expects at least one additional "Madagascar" sequel, the executive said Wednesday during a preview of the upcoming "Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa."

The animation studio also has begun talks aimed at creating a sequel to its summer hit "Kung Fu Panda."

Calling ["Escape 2 Africa"] the "second chapter in one story," Katzenberg said, "there is at least one more chapter. We ultimately want to see the characters make it back to New York."

I think what he means is, "We still have the rights to Reel 2 Real's I Like to Move It, and we're confident having some African animals sing along with it will continue to sell for reasons even we aren't entirely sure of," but nice try.

Another 'Madagascar' sequel likely [THR]

Aug 13 2008Here's Some 'The Rocker' Internetty Stuff

Well, another movie is coming out, so you know what that means: viral stuff! This time, Rainn Wilson has convinced his Office costar Jenna Fisher to help him promote The Rocker by pretending she's locked in the trunk of his car. From Jenna's MySpace:

A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM JENNA’S "FRIEND", RAINN WILSON

Hey there Jenna's MySpacers!

My name is Rainn Wilson and I've kidnapped the lovely Jenna, put her, bound, in the trunk of my firebird and logged onto her MySpace to send out this bulletin.

To free America's sweetheart, Pam Beesly, one half of the magic which is 'Jam', you must attend my new movie, 'The Rocker', which opens August 20th.

As soon as the film grosses 18.7 Mil, she will be released and given a peach smoothie.

I just want to say that Jenna Fisher is one of the best co-workers ever. When I worked real jobs that required pants, I was covertly using other people's coffee mugs, trying to shimmy things out of the vending machine, and wasting time in the bathroom to avoid going back to work. Whereas she's making mediocre videos to support her coworker's other projects. But did she ever fix the toilet when the chain thingy was stuck? I didn't think so.

And there are some videos:

Continue Reading "Here's Some 'The Rocker' Internetty Stuff"

Aug 13 2008'French Women Don't Get Fat' and 'Freaky Friday 2': Two Movies I'll Never See

Hilary Swank's production company has acquired the rights to adapt the book "French Women Don't Get Fat" into a feature film, which should be good news for anyone who would ever be retarded enough to complain that French women don't get fat. From Variety:

Hilary Swank and producing partner Molly Smith have acquired the rights to adapt the bestselling book "French Women Don’t Get Fat" for the duo to produce through their Alcon Entertainment-based 2S Films.

Swank may star in the adaptation that’s being envisioned as a romantic comedy about the manager of a champagne company who learns some tough life lessons.

Heather Hach, who penned the remake of "Freaky Friday" and the "Legally Blonde" musical, will adapt the book.

First published in 2004, non-fiction tome became a bestseller for writer and former Champagne Veuve Clicquot topper Mireille Guiliano, offering insights on how French women manage to stay slim despite enjoying such calorie-rich fare as wine and pastries.

But here's the news from this story that really got me:

Hach is also working on a sequel to "Freaky Friday."

What? A sequel to Freaky Friday? A mom and teenager switched bodies because of an enchanted fortune cookie. Where do you go from there? They switch again? If my mind weren't so shaken from all the Kirk Cameron, I'd probably try to come with some other possibilities, but since it is, here's the trailer to KC's 1987 parent/child brain-swap movie, Like Father, Like Son. There's a theme today.

Continue Reading "'French Women Don't Get Fat' and 'Freaky Friday 2': Two Movies I'll Never See"

Aug 13 2008'Fireproof' Keeps Getting Better and Better

Inspired by the Fireproof poster (and really, who could not be?), IWS reader Adam looked into who actress Erin Bethea was, and why she had earned the privilege of costarring in a religious fireman movie with Kirk Cameron. As you'd suspect, Erin Bethea is no one worth knowing. BUT, finding her site did lead to the official Fireproof site, which is so, so worthwhile.

Best things about it:

- The Fireproof doomsday clock. "43 days until you can say "I do" to Fireproof!" For someone like me who's counting down the seconds until I can say, "I do! ...want two tickets to Fireproof! Fireproof. With Kirk Cameron? Oh... I see. Do you have any idea where it might be playing? Well, thanks anyway," this is a (Christian) godsend.

- There's a trailer! And, "Marriages aren't fireproof, Michael--sometimes you get burned," is an actual quote from it!

Continue Reading "'Fireproof' Keeps Getting Better and Better"

Aug 13 2008'Leprechaun' Could Get Time Machine Then Go to Old West

In Leprechaun and its sequels, star Warwick Davis has made his way to Vegas, space, the hood, and even, in an unexpected twist, back 2 tha hood. Now Saw director Darren Lynn Bousman has another destination in mind for the diminutive freak: the wild west. I know what you're thinking. Leprechaun is set in modern times. Arbitrarily sending Leprechaun to the wild west would sweep away whatever traces of logic remained after he went to space, right? Unless you gave him a time machine! From MTV:

Believe it, Darren Lynn Bousman insisted, telling MTV News that the project he most wants to do next is “Leprechaun.” No, seriously.

“I would do ‘Leprechaun’ in a second,” the amiable Bousman laughed. “If Lionsgate is listening, give me ‘Leprechaun.’”

So where would Bousman like to take the series next?

“Back to the old west,” Bousman said. “You send him in a time machine and transport him to the old west. There are gold rushes. There are gunfights. It’s awesome! I have the whole thing already worked out!”

I'm fine with sending Leprechaun to the old west, but the thing is, if we're going to start handing him advanced, science fiction-level technology, there are some better things we can be giving him before we get to a time machine. Things like...

Continue Reading "'Leprechaun' Could Get Time Machine Then Go to Old West"

Aug 13 2008Don't Let This 'Fireproof' Poster Get 'Left Behind'! (WINK!)

Does Kirk Cameron always have to be the lone voice of reason in this doomed society of ours? In short, yes. He was the only one willing to speak up and tell us bananas prove the existence of (the Christian) God. (Nice try hiding that one from us, scientists.) Now he's the only one daring enough to testify to the logic of not abandoning your spouse and letting them burn alive in a raging inferno. Moreover, you should bring flowers when pulling them from the flaming wreckage, because chivalry's not dead, y'all.

(Christian) God bless you, Kirk Cameron.

Aug 13 2008'Ghost Town' Poster Sees Dead People, Like That One Movie

Dreamworks has released a new poster for Ghost Town that, thankfully, doesn't have an insane, nonsensical slogan. It does, however, provide evidence that Greg Kinnear may have some kind of opaque head clause in his contract.

God, Sixth Sense references: so hot right now.

Ghost Town Poster [IMPA]

Aug 12 2008Jolie Replaces Cruise in 'Salt', Will Require Pronoun Overhaul

Hollywood is so progressive, man. Tom Cruise was going to star in this spy movie, but then Hollywood was all, "How about Angelina Jolie instead? Because gender does not matter, at least compared to how many adorable infants you've had on the cover of magazines, and Jolie's got that one in the bag." From Variety:

"Edwin A. Salt" is about to undergo a gender change.

Once expected to star Tom Cruise, the Columbia Pictures espionage thriller will be redrafted by screenwriter Kurt Wimmer as a star vehicle for Angelina Jolie. Philip Noyce remains attached as director and Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Sunil Perkash are producing.

Jolie is close to a deal to play the title character, a CIA officer who's accused by a defector of being a Russian sleeper spy and must elude capture long enough to establish her innocence.

Thank god someone has finally broken through the glass ceiling specific to the movie Edwin A. Salt, which will now presumably be renamed something with a woman's name.

Aug 12 2008'The Wrestler' Photos Are the Second Saddest Wrestler Photos I've Seen Today

Bad Taste has some new shots from The Wrestler, Darren Aronofsky's film about a retired pro wrestler who returns to the ring despite the risks to his health. Star Mickey Rourke's wretched mug is one of the most depressing things I've ever seen, but I still get the sense the face of an old wrestler could be more pathetic. For example, let me present Ultimate Warrior's website. See, Mickey? Undying sincerity is so, so much sadder, particularly when paired with a triumphant score juxtaposing all the lost dignity in the visuals. It's almost enough to make you cry, until you find out the Ultimate Warrior legally changed his name to Warrior, giving his kids the Warrior surname. Then you laugh.

Aug 12 2008J.J. Abrams Re-Making 'Cloverfield' with Earthquake Instead of Monster

J.J. Abrams has announced he's finally jumping on that late-'90s disaster movie bandwagon and making something about an earthquake. From THR:

[Abrams] and David Seltzer, the screenwriter of the original "Omen," are working together to shake up audiences with a disaster flick for Universal involving an earthquake. The project is untitled and not intended to be a remake of Universal's 1974 movie "Earthquake."

Details of the story are being kept in a seemingly tremor-proof vault, though as is Abrams' modus operandi, relationships will be at the core of the project. Abrams arguably rewrote the rules for disaster flicks with "Cloverfield," which thrust the big story to the background by making the audience see the bedlam through the prism of a personal relationship.

In true Abrams form, he's already started viral marketing:

Continue Reading "J.J. Abrams Re-Making 'Cloverfield' with Earthquake Instead of Monster"

Aug 12 2008'The Spirit' is Looking Really, Really Bad

Though I've still never picked it up, I always hear how Will Eisner's The Spirit is a groundbreaking, must-read comic series for anyone at all interested in the medium. That information directly contradicts what I'm seeing in this fight scene that was shown at Comic Con, which paints The Spirit as a slapstick comedy with more getting-hit-with-objects-for-comedic-reactions than Home Alone. Also, it takes place in a sewage nebula? Just watch it.

Continue Reading "'The Spirit' is Looking Really, Really Bad"

Aug 12 2008'Coraline' Featurette Further Appeases My Nerdiness

Any movie directed by stop-motion animation master Henry Selick, based on a story by Neil Gaiman story, and with music by They Might Be Giants is going to really appeal to a certain type of geek. Namely, the type who used to read Sandman, listen to Flood on a regular basis, and watch The Nightmare Before Christmas at least every Halloween. I already knew Coraline had all of these things going for it, but man, no one told me John Hodgman was doing a voice in this thing, too. It's like angsty 9th-grade me's tastes shaking hands with current, listening-to-The Areas of My Expertise-audiobook-on-the-train me. They probably shouldn't literally shake hands, because I know what 9th grade me was doing with his hand nearly to the point of it becoming a problem, but you get the idea.

Coraline featurette under the cut.

Continue Reading "'Coraline' Featurette Further Appeases My Nerdiness"

Aug 12 2008'Hawaii Five-O' 2.0? That's Seriously How They're Describing It

Here's something else we don't need: an updated version of Hawaii Five-O. The bad news starts with the executive producer describing it as "Hawaii Five-O 2.0" (so cool!) and it only goes downhill from there. From the Hollywood Reporter (particularly stupid parts marked in bold):

CBS is saying aloha to a new installment of the "Hawaii Five-O" franchise from "Criminal Minds" exec producer/showrunner Ed Bernero. Bernero is writing the project, which he describes as "'Hawaii Five-O' 2.0."

Like the original series, it is a procedural chronicling the workings of the fictional Hawaiian state police department. In the original, the unit was headed by Steve McGarrett, played by Jack Lord. In the new series, McGarrett's son Chris will be the top cop.

The famous opening music will be back but may also get a face-lift, much in the vein of the theme from the 1966-73 series "Mission: Impossible," which was rearranged for the 1990s movie franchise.

As for the staple "Book 'em, Danno" closing line, there will be a version of it in the new installment, Bernero said.

Boy, I can't wait to hear the new "Book 'em, Danno." I hope they really run with this whole "2.0" theme relate it all back to the Web 2.0 thing. Maybe go with "Un-friend him, Danno"? "Digg him down, Danno"? "Book 'em, Danno, then tweet the booking so that all my online friends can know about it right away, because, god, Twitter is so hot right now"? CBS is so in-touch.

But if you're worried that this update isn't being handled by the right person, don't be. This guy loves Hawaii Five-O as much as I love "vibrate":

Bernero is such a big "Hawaii Five-O" fan that he has the iconic theme song from the show as his ringtone.

Wow. Let's just hope that when this new, awesomized theme song comes out, Bernero updates his phone with the modern version. For anthropological reasons, I mean, since after a couple months, that will probably be the only remaining evidence the show ever existed.

Aug 12 2008Jake Gyllenhaal Makes His Way to Comic-Con

JustJared has managed to get an early look at Jake Gyllenhaal wandering the set of Prince of Persia as Dastan, the titular prince. Something about this is entirely ridiculous (the grunge/caveman hair?), but well, I guess I can't say it's inaccurate:

Aug 11 2008First Three Minutes of 'Mirrors' Clip Online--But is It Haunted, Like How Mirrors Are Haunted???

Alright, dudes, are you ready to get mirrored his weekend? By which I mean going to a theater and seeing the movie Mirrors? If you're not sure, here's a chance to dip your delicate toes into the mirrorness (mirrorocity?) with the first three minutes of the film. The clip reminds me of the locker room round of the Nickelodeon game show Think Fast, except that instead of the lockers opening to reveal matching pairs of costumed actors, the lockers are full of mirrors. And instead of ending with the awarding of a BMX bike and a Sony Walkman, it ends with a guy's reflection slitting its throat, which somehow causes the actual guy's throat to slit. Otherwise it's the same.

Continue Reading "First Three Minutes of 'Mirrors' Clip Online--But is It Haunted, Like How Mirrors Are Haunted???"

Aug 11 2008'Dark Knight' Continues Argument That No Other Movies Should Exist

Guess what movies made more or less money than other movies this weekend! I'll just tell you:

1. The Dark Knight - You have to feel bad for every other movie that isn't The Dark Knight right now. You can almost see the guys down at Swing Vote HQ: "God, Batman again!? We could've been eighth!" ($26 million.)

2. Pineapple Express - It's only fair that a stoner comedy, like an actual stoner, would fail to live up to expectations. $22.4 million.

3. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - $16.1 million.

4. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - $10.8 million, setting a new benchmark for future pant-based movie sequels.

5. Step Brothers - $8.9 million, with attendance still strong among people who don't get sick of anything.

Aug 11 2008 Isaac Hayes Dies at 65 (1942 - 2008)

I was going to try to bookend the day with tragedy, but since a few people have written in requesting my authoritative take on the matter, here's the weekend's other mournful news: Isaac Hayes was found collapsed beside a treadmill Sunday afternoon and was pronounced dead shortly after. Hayes was a prominent figure in both the worlds of funky '70s theme song-writing and sexually-preoccupied cafeteria worker voice-acting, and recently completed filming on Soul Men alongside Bernie Mac. Sad coincidence or a Soul Men curse? You decide.*

*It's the curse one.

Aug 11 2008New 'Star Trek' Character Posters Show That Cast Are Wearing Appropriate Uniforms

The new Star Trek character posters were revealed at VegasCon this weekend, finally putting together the actor-face/slight-hint-of-uniform combo we've been envisioning for months. Is it just me or does Simon Pegg look far more like Tim Conway than Scotty? (Dorf references are still relevant, right?)

High resolution here.

Aug 11 2008This 'Mall Cop' Video is Going to Go So Viral You'll Need a Once-Daily Pill to Fight It

You guys have got to see this crazy video where this dude skateboards in a mall and spraypaints the outside wall. Crazy already, right? That's just the beginning! This stodgy old security guard on a Segway--who looks suspiciously like the King of Queens with a fake mustache--tries to stop him, but this skater guy is all like, "I don't think so, K.O.Q." and starts spraypainting the security guard! And doing awkward, repetitive improv with him! If there is ever a movie called Paul Blart: Mall Cop based on this completely unplanned event that I want to show all of my internet friends, I am totally going to see it. Then kill myself.

Continue Reading "This 'Mall Cop' Video is Going to Go So Viral You'll Need a Once-Daily Pill to Fight It"

Aug 11 2008Bernie Mac Dies of Pneumonia (1957 - 2008)

Well, you've probably already heard the sad news, but Bernie Mac died of pneumonia over the weekend after being previously diagnosed with sarcoidosis, an immune deficiency disease. Mac will forever be known for his many accomplishments in the world of film and comedy, but to me he will always be remembered as the only person to ever successfully replace Bill Murray in a film, having blown my mind when he took over the role of Bosley in the Charlie's Angels series. Remember when he says, "Got any grape wax?" and inexplicably slaps the surfer on the belly? That's my favorite thing. I tried unsuccessfully to find a clip of that for like an hour this morning, so post it in the comments if you can make it happen.