Jul 17 2008John Woo Adapting Comic About This Really Rad Gun
Variety is reporting that John Woo has plans to direct an adaptation of Radical Comics' Caliber. What is Caliber, you ask? It's a comic that takes Arthurian legend and places it in the setting of the Wild West. And how have they done that? By replacing Excalibur with the stupidest gun ever. From the Radical Comics website:
Caliber itself is a tattooed six-gun, given to Arthur by the Indians and imbued with supernatural power.
I thought it was considered a bit uncouth to still refer to to Native Americans as Indians, but OK, ignoring that, a supernatural gun sounds kind of neat. So what's its power?
The secret of the gun is that it is never loaded with bullets, but when a man with Justice on his side is holding it, it can fire.
Just like only Arthur could wield the sword. OK, that makes sense.
Wait, there's more?
When it does [fire], it fires Thunder itself...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Like the sound, capitalized? Even if you mean lightning, you're seriously saying the gun shoots lightning (or Thunder)? Fine, that's pretty stupid, but still not quiet the stupidest gun ever.
and [it] never misses.
What? So the gun is supernatural, requires no bullets, only fires when "Justice" is on the side of the shooter, shoots "Thunder," and never misses. That is officially the stupidest gun ever. At least until I finish my comic about a ghost gun (literally the ghost of a dead gun) that makes wisecracks, can morph into a car, and shoots living shuriken.
Reader Comments
1. RoboSheep - July 17, 2008 2:41 PM
Your gun will be optioned by Michel Bay but he'll have to tweak the idea so that the shuriken explode.
2. Turd Ferguson - July 17, 2008 2:42 PM
Ghost Gun sounds sounds great, why can't stupid amazing shit like that get made?
Also, I work at a "Native American" library and they're pretty OK with "Indian" I think because -take me for instance- I'm totally a white dude but I was born here so I'm technically a Native American, see what I mean?
3. HoboCode - July 17, 2008 2:53 PM
The word "Indian" is still widely used by Native Americans to describe themselves so it's not that uncouth. They're brand new Smithsonian museum was self-titled as the "The National Museum of the American Indian."
4. Jumpin_J - July 17, 2008 2:58 PM
If it doesn't go PEW PEW, there's really no point to it.
5. Uncle Eccoli - July 17, 2008 3:49 PM
I thought the same thing about, "Indian." It just doesn't feel right coming out of my mouth - it sounds condescending to me. It seems that that's what they want to be called, though, so fuck it, right? Not that I'll ever meet one, anyway.
6. Uncle Eccoli - July 17, 2008 3:50 PM
Also, that's got to one of the stupidest ideas for a comic I've ever heard of. People are fucking idiots.
7. IReadBooks - July 17, 2008 4:43 PM
Actually, "Native American" is no longer the politically correct term for their demographic. They have chosen to be referred to as "American Indian" now, citing the fact that even their ancestors were not actually native to the American continents. The more you know...stupid.
8. Mike - July 17, 2008 5:10 PM
It'll only work if it's also a musical.
9. You like-a the juice? - July 17, 2008 5:38 PM
It needs its own plot line like the ship (and, well fuck, every inanimate object) in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
10. Kiloburn - July 17, 2008 11:00 PM
This sounds like a very crappy ripoff of the Dark Tower series.
11. Cutiepatootie - July 17, 2008 11:12 PM
You mean this doesn't take place in the wild west of Bangalore?
12. Tommy - July 18, 2008 1:46 PM
Makes sense. The American Indians have a gun that never misses when owner has justice on his side...and they give it to a white man. If I were an Indian in the 1800s who needed justice done, I too would have given my magical gun to the white man. Makum magic. Many moons.
13. Karl Marl - July 18, 2008 4:57 PM
***siiiiigggggggghhhhhhhh*** I miss John Woo's glory days. "The Killer" was the first HK action flick I ever watched and I never went back. As cheesily as he's curdled into, the man was one of the foremost directors to redefine action cinema and prove that characters and camera were so much more important than stupid taglines. Anyhoo, he'll at least make this crap the prettiest it could be.
Oh yeah. PS Fuck Shtar Warzh. Fuck superheroes. Fuck hobbits.
14. Karl Marl - July 18, 2008 5:14 PM
Oh yeah again. PPS THE ONLY REASON NATIVE AMERICANS ARE CALLED INDIANS IS BECAUSE CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS LANDED WHERE HE THOUGHT WAS INDIA AND WE CELEBRATE HIS CAN'T-ASK-FOR-DIRECTIONS,-I'VE-GOT-A-PENIS-TO-CONSIDER ASSCLOWNHOOD WITH A NATIONAL HOLIDAY FOR DISCOVERING THIS COUNTRY WHEN THE VIKINGS AND CHINESE WERE HERE HUNDREDS OF YEARS BEFORE HIM. THE TERM MAKES NO SENSE. AISHWARYA RAI AND SHAH RUKH KHAN ARE INDIANS. JASON SCOTT LEE AND ADAM BEACH ARE NATIVE AMERICANS.
Likewise, we call the single greatest first-world island nation on the planet Japan because Marco Polo's translator misunderstood 'Nippon'.
PPPS Do yourself a favor and rent a Bollywood musical this weekend. They're oodles of fun and the women are all drop dead gorgeous and the guys are all dorky-kewl and the songs play in your head for days and they're a hell of a lot more interesting than "Chicago" or "Grease" or "Grease Up My Chicago Nuts, Big Boy". God I hate musicals.
PPPPS And don't write back that that would cut into your Shtar Geek The Next Geekeration masturbation marathon.
15. chaz - July 18, 2008 5:23 PM
Last time I checked the only damage thunder can do is to scare my dog underneath a bed. I think bullets could do that too...also could actually kill something.
Also, how would thunder not miss in the first place?
16. Joey - July 18, 2008 6:45 PM
Why the hell would Arthur be in America? He's the once and future King of England. What, is he going to be King of America now? Stupid.
17. Victoria - July 22, 2008 5:36 PM
@17, No what more stupid then the movie concept is the fact you expect a comic book to play by the rules of history. IT'S A COMIC BOOOOOOOK. Hello. (rolls eyes)
Whats more stupid is the fact this comments mostly pertain to the definition of Native Americans and Indians. Who knew that was the bigger story. ;o)
18. WOW OMG!!! - July 25, 2008 6:14 PM
well, i dont think sound can ever really "miss" so... half-right?
19. T Woods - July 25, 2008 6:14 PM
this sounds like a really really lame knockoff of Stephen King's Dark Tower