Jun 6 2008'My Best Friend's Girl' Poster Hurts My Eyes, Brain
Lionsgate has sent over the appropriately generic poster to the intensely unlikeable romantic-comedy My Best Friend's Girl. Only I think they made a mistake. Instead of using a photograph of Dane Cook, it appears that they've taken a picture of Matthew Perry, placed it impossibly close to Kate Hudson, and had someone paint their vague recollection of Cook over some of the features. Also, he should be doing a funny hand gesture.
Jun 6 2008Ben Kingsley Will Be 'Prince of Persia' Villainy Fellow
Earlier this week, news came that Ben Kingsley had joined the cast of Jerry Bruckheimer's attempt at making Prince of Persia: The Game into Prince of Persia: The Universally-Panned Movie, but it was unclear exactly which role the actor would later regret taking. Variety has now clarified:
Ben Kingsley will play the villain in Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer's bigscreen adapatation of the Ubisoft vidgame "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time."In the fantasy actioner, Kingsley portrays Nizam, who plots to kill his brother King Shahrman and blame it on Prince Dastan so he can take the throne.
Everyone can now rest well tonight, knowing Kingsley will be playing the stock evil-relative-after-the-throne villain.
Jun 6 2008Shove Your Eyes into This 'Visioneers' Clip
Remember the strange, possibly brilliant trailer to Visioneers, starring the funny and thickly-bearded Zach Galifianakis as a man fearing his impending spontaneous explosion? Well, regardless, there's a new clip for the film at Cinematical just begging to be watched. As a warning, it might be considered not-safe-for-work. I guess it depends on your workplace's policy for blatant euphemisms (specifically, "Betty Beaver is hungry for a log"). Your call.
Sexy Clip from 'Visioneers' [Cinematical]
Jun 6 2008'Transformers 2' Title Implies Fallen Will Enact Some Sort of Vengeance
Transformers 2 has its subtitle: Revenge of the Fallen. It subtly implies that those giant robots that were defeated in the first film will be seeking revenge, and that Michael Bay has heard of Star Wars titles.
I can't help but wish a more Fast and the Furious-style naming convention was being used. 2ransformer2 would be as much better title--as would ASCII art of Optimus Prime in the Matrix.
Jun 6 2008'The Dark Knight' Chooses Cable Over Satellite (in Featurettes!)
Comcast has hit some dire straits. How can they compete against the powerhouse of advertising that is the IO Digital Cable Reggaeton Commercial, an ad that continues to resonate even now that it's been usurped by a far less catchy replacement? With Batman shit, of course! The cable giant has set up a Flash-heavy Dark Knight page with two featurettes that contain some new footage. You'll learn how the Joker gang masks were made, why sections of the film were shot in IMAX, and why you should definitely switch to Comcast. Because Comcast will probably eventually show Dark Knight on one of its numerous cable stations?
The Dark Knight [Comcast]
Jun 6 2008'House Bunny' Poster Explains How to Party
"For the girls of ZETA house college life was no party, until Shelley showed up." Apparently you become a much more popular fixture in the college party scene if you take in a nude model as a boarder. Who woulda thought?
The House Bunny Poster [IMPA]
Jun 5 2008Meet the Vampires of 'Lost Boys 2'
Sure, you know Corey Feldman's Edgar Frog character, but do you know the new vampires of Lost Boys 2: The Tribe's vampire tribe? I know you don't. So let me introduce you to them through biographies I've invented based entirely on these photos.
Trey (above) - A sensitive artist with long, flowing hair, puppy dog eyes, and a nose with a urethra, his skills at moody poetry and simple acoustic guitar have coerced many a lady to their untimely death. Trey is often compared to James Blunt because of his similar musical sensibilities, and to Dracula because that's the only other vampire most people can easily think of.
Jun 5 2008New 'Wanted' Shots and the Art of Weaving
Think all the bullet-bending, car-flipping, fly wing-shooting stuff James McAvoy does in the Wanted trailers was cool? Wait till you see the mad shit this guy does with a loom! You haven't lived until you see textile manufacture in bullet time.
More (un-!)Wanted photos here.
Jun 5 2008'Gonzo' Trailer Contains Woefully Little Muppet Content
Gonzo is a new film by Taxi to the Dark Side's torture documentarian, Alex Gibney, that explores the life and works of gonzo journalist and every first year creative writing major's favorite author, Hunter S. Thompson. Narrated by Johnny Depp and featuring interviews with writers and politicians of various levels of nutiness (Pat Buchanan ranking highly), there's now a trailer you should probably watch. It's a pleasant reminder of a happier time, when insane drug use could lead to revolutionary writing, instead of, say, panty flashes and highly-publicized rehab stints.
Continue Reading "'Gonzo' Trailer Contains Woefully Little Muppet Content"
Jun 5 2008Anne Hathaway Dons Jersey Tan for 'Bride Wars'
In the We Network game show-titled new comedy Bride Wars, Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson discover they've scheduled their weddings for the exact same day. I know, right? So the two do what any logical people who have the brain of a sitcom would do: engage in some kind of elaborate prank war. Here's a photo of Hathaway from the New York shoot, presumably after a gag involving tanner and replacing dress straps with rope. I wonder if this somehow relates to the character listed on the IMDB as "Tanorexic"...
Anne Hathaway is Orange [Just Jared]
Jun 5 2008'Transformers 2' Set Shots (i.e. Photos of Helicopters, Explosions)
The sequel to the best movie of all movies released last year (according to MTV, so it's true) is currently shooting, a process that involves dressing a Pennsylvania town like it's China, helicopters, and blowing things up so that later, using computers, it will appear as if the helicopters are attacking an enormous cassette player that can turn into an automaton. Movie magic! Someone took pictures, and they're here.
Jun 5 2008Oliver Stone's 'W' Teaser Poster
"Here's what I'm thinking for the poster: just a 'W'. Clean, simple, elegant. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it should also have a pronunciation key, so everyone knows how funny it is how Bush pronounces 'W'--make it sort of like a dictionary entry. While we're at it, also throw something up about what an unlikely president he is. And maybe a quote--one of those goofy things Bush is known for saying. Two quotes, maybe? A dozen--let's go with a dozen. Is there still room for a picture of Bush wearing a dunce cap, and using a bomb as a pacifier? No? OK, we'll save that. I just hope this isn't too subtle."
'W' Poster [Ion Cinema]
Jun 4 2008Guy Ritchie Planning to Make Sherlock Holmes Snatchier
Frenetic director and Madonna's better half, Guy Ritchie, is working on a new take on Sherlock Holmes for Warner Bros.--but this won't be your grandpa's Sherlock! Working from a script based on an upcoming comic, the Snatch director's take will reportedly reinvent the characters, making Holmes "more adventuresome and take advantage of his skills as a boxer and swordsman." It's about time that pipe-smoking pansy dropped all that brilliant reasoning shit and started indiscriminately punching and stabbing some dudes. And would it kill Watson to drop some freestyle rapping over Holmes's violin?
Guy Ritchie on Sherlock's case [Variety]
Jun 4 2008'X-Files' Trailer, Still Snow-Search-Based but Now in English
I'm pretty sure the point of these X-Files trailers to get everyone in the audience screaming, "Look in the snow! Would you just look in the goddamn snow already? Whatever it is, I promise you it's in the snow." Only then we'll find out it's not in the snow, and we'll realize we've been X-Filed.
By the way, this is the same as the Russian trailer from yesterday, but less Russian.
Jun 4 2008Meet WALL-E's Entire Robot Servant Class
Do you have some apprehensions about Pixar's latest, WALL-E? Fear that one adorable robot isn't enough to quench your insatiable desire for a post-apocalyptic future full of cute automatons? Worry not! This newest trailer will introduce you to many other charming droids in the WALL-E universe, such as: VAQ-M, the Roomba with enough sentience that you can hate it; PR-T, the amenities of a Korean beauty salon without the guilt of degrading a people; M-O, the only robot built around Marc Summers' brain; AUTO, the only automatic driving system that can comfort you when you're relegated to sleeping in your car; and EVE, a soil-evaluation robot that you'll eventually see as an object of lust. Meet them all, below the cut.
Jun 4 2008Chopra Declares It's OK to Watch 'Love Guru'
Attention Hindus: it's OK to enjoy bland comedy! Self-help icon Deepak Chopra has gone on the record to speak out on the outcry against the film, saying everyone should lighten up and enjoy the rehashing of old jokes--and it has nothing to do with Mike Myers endorsing his books! From the Hollywood Reporter:
"The premature outcry against the movie is itself religious propaganda," Chopra wrote, noting that the protesters based their views on the film's 21⁄2-minute trailer. "As viewers will find out when the movie is released this summer, no one is more thoroughly skewered in it than I am -- you could even say that I am made to seem preposterous."Chopra, who makes a cameo appearance in the film, said he and Myers have been friends for 15 years.
The two appeared together last year in an episode of "Iconoclasts," a series of short documentaries on the Sundance Channel, and Myers wrote the foreword to Chopra's latest book, "Why is God Laughing?" -- which explores the relationship between comedy and spirituality.
If only Myers could get Warwick Davis to defend all the midget jokes, or anyone else to defend anything else about it.
Jun 4 2008'Marley & Me' Teaser Trailer Appeals to Running Puppy, Pun Fans
Many lazy Chariots of Fire parodies have been made over the years, but I'm pretty sure none have ever had such a nonexistent payoff as this one. Are we supposed to think the dog was just running joyfully along the beach, totally within the limits of his acceptable behavior? Ut! Turns out, his (surprisingly famous!) masters would not prefer he act in such a way! Is the payoff that this isn't a Cottonelle commercial? That someone found "Heel the love" to be an acceptable tagline? Honestly, someone explain this to me.
Continue Reading "'Marley & Me' Teaser Trailer Appeals to Running Puppy, Pun Fans"
Jun 4 2008'Get Smart' Trailer Has All The Classic Gags You Remember
It's nice to see some of the classic Get Smart gags have still made it into this updated version. Like the old To An Onlooker, It Looks Like He's Having Sex With A Man Even Though He Isn't gag, and the the old This Man Almost Died In A Gruesome Car Accident That Would Have Decapitated Him gag, and the old This Can't Really Be This Bad, Can It? gag. All the good ones.
Jun 4 2008'Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa' Poster Celebrates Reel 2 Real
Hmm. I wonder if there's a chance the characters will reprise their performance of "I Like to Move It." Because that was really charming and not at all annoying, and I'd like to see it again and again.
'Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]
Jun 3 2008New 'Wanted' Trailer Assumes I've Never Used the Internet
Of all the ludicrous things seen in this trailer--cars flipping and landing, bullets curving with special bullet mind control, Angelina Jolie not within arm-reach of a child--the most unbelievable and insulting is that we're supposed to swallow that a Google search for "Wesley Gibson" would turn up no results (and it's not even in quotes!). Give me a break, Wanted. I'm willing to tolerate breaking every known physical law in the name of mindless entertainment, but this is too much.
Continue Reading "New 'Wanted' Trailer Assumes I've Never Used the Internet"
Jun 3 2008'Terminator: Salvation' Ending Revealed to be Stupid
Want to know the probable ending to Terminator: Salvation long before its release? Want to be horribly disappointed in something beyond your control? Then look under the cut!
Continue Reading "'Terminator: Salvation' Ending Revealed to be Stupid"
Jun 3 2008'Hancock' is Poignant, Particularly on 'Ellen'
Hancock may be getting billed as an action-comedy about a drunk, homeless superhero, but it also has a dramatic, poignant side. So when Will Smith visited Ellen last week, he brought a dinner scene clip sure to make those dance-happy ladies in the audience personally hand him an Oscar--if they could see him through their tears! In it, Hancock explains that he's an amnesiac, how he got his name (a Which Founding Father Are You? Facebook quiz), and that he stopped aging 80 years ago, at precisely the current age of Will Smith. The previously-reserved-for-homemakers clip is under the cut.
Continue Reading "'Hancock' is Poignant, Particularly on 'Ellen'"
Jun 3 2008New 'X-Files 2' Trailer a Harsh Reminder of Cold War
This new X-Files: I Want to Believe trailer is, sadly for non-Russian-speakers, dubbed in Russian. Luckily, it also communicates itself in a far more universal language: grotesque eye bleeding. See it below the cut, compliments of Kyle.
Continue Reading "New 'X-Files 2' Trailer a Harsh Reminder of Cold War"
Jun 3 2008Best Violent Ad for a Local Channel Showing Something Sort of Old Goes to...
This blood-filled ad for an Auckland channel's screening of Kill Bill! Congratulations. Kudos also go out to the runner-up, New York channel My9's subway ads for Everybody Loves Raymond. It's hard to tell in this small representation (sorry, it's the best I could find), but if you look closely, you'll notice that Ray's thumbs-up and inviting smile betray the sentiment of the clenched, ready fist draped over his torso.
There's a hidden anger there. And a sadness.
The Greatest Movie Poster Ever? [the WVb]
Jun 3 2008Respectable People Unexpectedly Join 'Prince of Persia'
Sir Ben Kingsley and Alfred Molina have joined Jerry Bruckheimer's Prince of Persia video game adaptation, adding some unexpected credibility to the project that was already cleverly being referred to as "Prince of Turdsia" (by me).
Alfred Molina will join Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton and Ben Kingsley in Disney's "Prince of Persia," the Mike Newell-directed adaptation of the Ubisoft fantasy actioner. Jerry Bruckheimer is producing.Molina will play Sheik Amar, who becomes a mentor to the prince.
Sounds like Bruckheimer has finally figured out what separates the typical, detestable video game adaptation from the hypothetical idea of a good one: distinguished British accents. After all, what made the first two X-Men films some of the better comic book adaptations? The charming accents of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen, of course. Why was the fantasy world of Lord of the Rings so rich and immersive? Because Ian McKellen's voice told us it was. Why did we believe that we too could enter a chalk drawing and sing nonsensical songs with cartoon horse spectators? Only because of the utterly convincing Cockney accent of Dick Van Dyke. It all makes sense now. If someone can get John Hurt to play Dr. Wiley in a Mega Man adaptation, it will probably win an Oscar.
Alfred Molina joins 'Prince of Persia' [Variety]
Jun 3 2008'Death Race' Photos (Cars with Guns on Them, Plus Hot Woman and Jason Statham)
/Film has a set of 17 new photos from Paul W.S. Anderson's remake of Death Race. Or it may be the new Gone in 60 Seconds 2028. Or The Fast and the Post-Apocalyptic. It doesn't matter, really, because give or take a Diesel or a Cage, we're talking about the exact same awful film.
Jun 2 2008New 'WALL-E' Photos Leave You in an Ice-Filled Bathtub
/Film has eight new shots from Pixar's WALL-E, including the above image of the eponymous character adorably shuttling a black market kidney to parts unknown. Godspeed, WALL-E.
Jun 2 2008How to Make a Better 'Transformers 2': More Transformers
There are few plot holes that can't be filled with enough giant robots. Thus, Transformers 2 screenwriter Robert Orci has made a comment on Don Murphy's message board that hints that there may be more Transformers in the next film. Like twenty:
I'd love and think we could almost barely manage ten on each side, with some front and center and others as more supporting.
"Barely manage ten on each side"? I don't think you've given yourselves enough credit. If you avoid pesky characterization altogether, I'm certain you can get at least 50 or 60 robots on-screen--at once, even--especially if you make some of them explode as soon as they enter the frame. Never forget that even if you stack a house of cards to collapse, you're still left with a pretty impressive mess of cards, which you can then throw more cards on top of, and then exchange those cards with robots.
20 Robots in Transformers 2? [Coming Soon]
Jun 2 2008Will You Survive the 'Dolemite EXPLOSION' (Trailer)?
Things to take away from this trailer to the Dolemite and Human Tornado sequel, Dolemite Explosion:
- Dolemite is his name.
- F***in' up motherf***ers remains his game of choice.
- Dolemite! Get Dolemite! (Essentially, someone should get Dolemite.)
- Dolemite is (rightfully) sick and tired of you motherf***in' playa' hata's.
- Dolemite is back from Motherland Africa, where he learned Star Wars Emperor-like powers of shooting electricity from his hands. Yup.
- Bishop Don "Magic" Juan: present.
- Something about surviving the explosion? A tip to survival maybe? Someone help me out with this one, because I'd really like to survive the forthcoming Dolemite explosion.
Continue Reading "Will You Survive the 'Dolemite EXPLOSION' (Trailer)?"
Jun 2 2008New 'Incredible Hulk' Trailer Both Best and Most Ridiculous
According to AICN, there's currently a new Incredible Hulk trailer being handed out as a promotion at Best Buy. But don't worry, you don't need to leave the house to obtain it--it's on YouTube! This trailer really makes up for the lack of any painfully-long, nearly-laughable, narrated exposition in the previous trailers.
Also: Variety reports Lou Ferigno will be providing the voice of Hulk's primitive cries of "Hulk smash!", which makes sense, since he was the makeup-slathered body of the completely mute Hulk of the '70s show. Or maybe that makes no sense at all.
Continue Reading "New 'Incredible Hulk' Trailer Both Best and Most Ridiculous"
Jun 2 2008God Punishes Hollywood's Liberal Sins with Raging Fire
In an event long-predicted by the Bible, the flagrant sinning of Hollywood was finally punished this weekend when a just but merciless God emptied his wrath onto Universal Studios Hollywood, with a three-alarm fire overtaking the Universal Video Vault, Back to the Future sets, and the ride where you cruise past an animatronic King Kong torso. From the LA Times:
The morning fire, which burned about two city blocks, was not extinguished until about 10 p.m. This morning, 40 to 50 firefighters were still dousing hot spots and turning over charred walls as they looked for smoldering embers, said Los Angeles County Fire Capt. Mike Brown.The fire affected about three and a half acres of the 391-acre park, a Universal spokesman said this morning, with estimated damages "in the millions" of dollars.
Thankfully, from what I can tell, there only some minor injuries from the blaze, /Film has confirmed the Back to the Future clock tower was mostly spared (phew!), and the studios reopened this morning at 10 to a crowd eager to witness the devastation. ("We want to see what burned down," said 15-year-old Steven Razo.)
Firefighters are still looking into the cause of the fire, if poor water pressure could have hampered efforts to stop it, and if something similar could happen at Universal Studios Florida, thus endangering the Get the Picture video wall and the Aggro Crag.
Jun 2 2008Important: MTV Movie Awards Winners
Last night, the stars gathered in L.A. to celebrate such cinematic achievements as Will Smith fighting vampires and a couple guys fighting in Never Back Down, a movie that existed at such a high frequency that those over 18 never heard of it. It was the MTV Movie Awards, still the best and only forecast of which way the Oscars will sway in crucial categories like Best Kiss and Best Summer Movie So Far. So pay careful attention to the winners, which are unquestionably and eternally relevant:
Best Female Performance: Ellen Page - Juno
Best Fight: Sean Faris vs. Cam Gigandet - Never Back Down
Best Summer Movie So Far: Iron Man
Best Male Performance: Will Smith - I Am Legend
Best Comedic Performance: Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Breakthrough Performance: Zac Efron - Hairspray
Best Villain: Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd
Best Kiss: Briana Evigan & Robert Hoffman - Step Up 2 the Streets
Best Movie: Transformers
If you missed/intently-avoided the spectacle, you should at least watch the Tropic Thunder viral video sketch that aired--a series of testicle blows that rivals America's Funniest Home Videos's fifth and zaniest season.
Jun 2 2008Romantic New 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army' Poster
Empire has scored an exclusive new poster to Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Expect to see this image posted UK theaters, and on the cover of the Harlequin romance adaptation, Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman's Lust.
New Hellboy II Poster [Empire]
Jun 2 2008'Sex and the City' Seen by Many, Many Women
1. Sex and the City - $55.7 million--and they're spending it all on shoes! Here we go again!
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - $46 million, a drop in profit that reflects just how frightened the Indiana Jones fans were of the Sex and the City fans.
3. The Strangers - $20.7 million, falling short of the expectation that it would somehow beat two extremely well-known and popular franchises whose fans have waited years for a movie.
4. Iron Man - $14 million, with many re-watching the film to see the after-the-credits scene where Robert Downey Jr. rolls around in money laughing.
5. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - Families looking to avoid sex and violence turned to Prince Caspian, which only contains a couple scenes of an undead lion smiting non-believers, earning $13 million.
