May 30 2008'The Good, the Bad, and the Weird' Trailer Replaces Ugliness with Weirdness
This Korean take on the Western genre is exactly how you'd think it would be: Koreanier. Also, it looks pretty good, and makes a pretty solid case for "throwing knifes at centipedes" to be the new "catching flies with chopsticks."
May 30 2008'Emily the Strange' Movie to be Based on Stickers
Right now, in malls and smoke-filled girls bathrooms across the country, a revolution is forming. It's leader: a sarcastic Joan of Arc, her battle cry of "I Want You (to Leave Me Alone)" rallying adolescent female troops into a mentality of droll disinterest, uniform boredom, and being weird and themselves within the strict guidelines of black apparel. Her name is Emily the Strange, and from her meager beginnings as an image on a sticker, she has risen to become a counterculture icon, her image plastered on anything Hot Topic can think of, the story of her and her army of cats fleshed out across the pages of Dark Horse comics. So, of course, the time has come for a movie:
Counterculture icon Emily the Strange is on the road to the big screen, with Dark Horse Entertainment president Mike Richardson coming on board to produce a feature film that would tell the origin of the gothic figure and her four mysterious cats.
With such an intense fan base built around what was originally just a sticker, producers are sure to be on the look out for what could be the next "big thing" in the sticker world suitable to be turned into a film. This is what I'm predicting we'll get:
Scratch 'n' Sniff - A sticker affixed to an ancient Trapper Keeper reading "Do not scratch" is ignored by a group of scratch-happy teens, releasing the monster known as Scratch 'n' Sniff. One by one, the friends start gruesomely dying, their deaths preceded by a distinct, vaguely-grapey scent. After a couple days, the ominous odor fades away to never return, and the remaining teens feel sort of ripped off.
Hello! My Name Is... - A Bourne-style thriller in which an amnesiac convention speaker forgets his identity.
Red Delicious 4015 - In the year 4015, apples have suddenly and inexplicably ceased to produce new seeds, making the remaining, rotting apples the most valuable resource on earth. That'd be weird, huh?
Gold Star - A film about someone doing a great job.
Silver Star - A film about someone doing an adequate job.
I Gave Blood - Another vampires v. Will Smith movie. Example scene: Smith (also his name in the film) is asleep; we see a vampire slowly approaching him. The vampire opens his mouth, nearing Smith's neck when--what's this???--Smith's eyes snap open. He pulls a hypodermic needle from nowhere (literally, there's no explanation given) and plunges it into the shocked vampire's heart. "No thanks, Dracula. I gave blood."
Make sure to get any I missed in the comments. I Voted: The Movie and Anthropomorphic Tooth Wearing Sunglasses and Holding a Toothbrush are going to be stolen from under us unless we jump on these.
May 30 2008'Disaster Movie' Poster Predicts More 'Meet the Spartans'-Style Belly Laughs
Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are the two mercilessly humorless writers who brought you Meet the Spartans and all of the other [Genre] Movie-titled parody films of the last decade. Now they have another one coming out titled Disaster Movie (the irony of which is too obvious to state). Since they've started coming out with at least one a year since 2006, this comes as little surprise--they're essentially a second, shorter Academy Awards, both serving as joyless ways to remind yourself of the year's films as filtered through cleavage and painful attempts at humor.
But I was a bit taken aback looking at this poster (my exact words were "f***. me.") and learning that their latest attempt is disaster-themed. Wasn't their next stab going to be Goody Two Shoes, based around Superbad and still-unreleased summer films? God, is this a second spoof film they're doing this year? Why would reason allow for that?
Thankfully, I don't think that's the case. The IMDB lists only Disaster Movie as filming, with the threat of several other projects resigned to the trivia section. More likely, Seltzer and Friedberg simply cast their parody net so broadly that a few extra shots of pop culture icons dying in natural disasters allowed for a complete shift in focal point.
I really hate these guys.
May 30 2008The Coens' 'Burn After Reading' Trailer Must be Watched
Who would have thought you could combine the talents of George Clooney and Brad Pitt yet not focus on how suave and charming they are? The Coen Brothers, that's who. And they've added John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, and J.K. Simmons into the dark spy-comedy Burn After Reading. After watching the trailer, knowing that I have to wait until September to see the full product, I'm going to hate toiling through summer more than the elderly. Note: the trailer is R-rated for language and the feeling of intense pleasure it gives you that is normally reserved for adults. Watch it below the cut or by clicking around iTunes.
Continue Reading "The Coens' 'Burn After Reading' Trailer Must be Watched"
May 30 2008Elizabeth Berkley, Her Chest Join 'S. Darko'
When I saw today that Elizabeth Berkley had joined the Richard Kelly-less sequel to Donnie Darko, I figured this sealed the film's doomed fate. Casting Elizabeth Berkley in anything means you've completely given up, and are now hoping there's someone left that didn't get their fill of Berkley's boobs in Showgirls and will, for some reason, pay to see them one more time. There's a reason she signs her contracts using her nipples as quills.
But wait... what's this? It can't be. No. No way. Really?
Berkley is playing a speed freak-turned-Jesus freak
SHE'S PLAYING A REFORMED JESSIE SPANO!
Or close enough.
'Darko' sequel adds two [THR]
May 30 2008Reinhold the Phone! Another 'Beverly Hills' Cop!?
Eddie Murphy isn't about to let Harrison Ford and Sylvester Stallone have all the fun in reviving their old roles and publicly strangling the life out of them. According to Variety, he's attached to again star as Axel Foley in a fourth Beverly Hills Cop! And Brett Ratner, of such eye-rolling sequels as Rush Hour 3 and X-Men 3, is probably directing!
Eddie Murphy is attached to reprise his role as Detroit detective Axel Foley, and Brett Ratner is negotiating to direct.Lorenzo di Bonaventura will produce. Jerry Bruckheimer, who produced the original "Beverly Hills Cop" trilogy with late partner Don Simpson, won't be actively involved in the new film.
If I cared at all about whatever remaining credibility the Beverly Hills Cops series has, I would be so pissed right now. As it stands, I'm mostly just curious why Ratner isn't remaking it from scratch with Chris Tucker. Since Judge Reinhold's name isn't mentioned, I'm already assuming Murphy will be doing that role in white-face, as well as the role of Mini-Axel (an even edgier, smaller than normal Axel, thanks to computers) and Axel's visiting cousin, Norbit Foley.
Eddie Murphy back in 'Beverly Hills' [Variety]
May 29 2008Batman is Inquiring Whether or Not You Have Milk
I really like this dark, brooding direction Christopher Nolan has taken Batman.
Oh, and before you ask, yes it's available as an AIM icon, so you can let all your online friends know the California Milk Processor Board is still running with this campaign to keep kids interested in milk.
May 29 2008'The Longshots' Trailer, from the Guy Who Brought You a Rap-Metal Cover of 'Faith'
Fred Durst made a movie about a rag-tag group of underdog athletes and their zany, unlikely rise to the championship? No, Fred Durst made a Ice Cube-supported inspirational comedy based on the true story of an adolscent girl quarterback facing discrimination based on her gender that has a title that implies it's about a rag-tag group of underdog athletes and their zany, unlikely rise to the championship. But it's still no less confusing that the leader of Limp Bizkit was given such a responsibility, or that the trailer is more like grueling Cliff Notes than a teaser.
Thanks to Kyle for the tip, and for tipping me off to Durst's next project: Screwballz! (The Jackie Robinson Story).
May 29 2008'Synecdoche, New York' Poster is Very 'Notey'
I think this poster only works if you're familiar with the plot, how Hoffman's character is planning and constructing a replica of New York within a warehouse. Or if you're that guy from my old work who would always chuckle that he was "a bit of a Post-It junky," in which case you'll probably look at it and say, "Have you seen my desk? That is so me."
Poster for Charlie Kaufman's Synecdoche, New York [Ion Cinema]
May 29 2008Guess What Mystical Board Capable of Contacting the Spirits and Asking Them Trivial Questions is Becoming a Movie!
When a partnership between Universal and Hasbro formed in February, giving the studio access to Hasbro's board game library and making a movie version of Magic: The Gathering slightly more than just a dream in a lonely 7th grade mind, I figured it was one of those things we'd hear an announcement for but never have to worry about again--like Grandparents Day, or a miscarriage. After all, if no one can even get a movie about Wonder Woman--a popular character with a long history--off the ground, what chance does a game where you move a planchette around a lettered board have?
A lot, it turns out, thanks to the usual suspect in converting childhood fun into film misery, Michael Bay. His Platinum Bay studio and writer David Berenbaum have announced plans to bring the Ouija Board to screens in a movie titled simply, beautifully, Ouija. And it sounds great:
Although the specific log line for the film is being kept under wraps, the film will be a supernatural adventure with the Ouija board playing an integral part of the story. The movie is not taking a "Jumanji"-like approach, which involved a game coming to life.
Whew! I was worried a Ouija Board movie called Ouija wouldn't prominently feature the Ouija Board, or play out enough like an extended commercial. Or that it would be like Jumanji, in that the sun, moon, and alphabet would literally emerge from the board and trample through a house. Thank you for putting those fears to bed. My only question is if they'll invent some hackneyed story about a hard-to-find antique shop and an old Gypsy woman who sells the kids the magical board, or if the kids will just pick it up for a couple dollars at a closing Kay-Bee Toys in their local mall, like how most people acquire the mystical eventual-TV-tray known as Ouija.
May 29 2008Next Spider-Man Will Probably be from a Cameron Crowe Movie
The life of the Spider-Man franchise has been a lot like the life of a fruit. It began meagerly, green but full of potential, then ripened into a delicious maturity. But sadly, by the time we got to the cafeteria and opened our lunchbox, it was already spoiled, dark, soft, and full of superfluous villains and dancing. Time to toss it out. Except Sony, the weird kid at lunch who sits by himself, approaches: "Were you gonna throw that out? 'Cause I'll totally eat it; that's how I like them. I might even stretch this thing out to tomorrow's lunch, too."
What I'm saying is that because Spider-Man 3 made the most money in a weekend of anything ever, Sony seems pretty intent on making one or two more of these things. Fourth and fifth installments of the franchise are rumored to be in the early makings, and lending credibility to these claims is the ">new rumor that some names are already being mentioned to replace the departing Tobey Maguire: Patrick Fugit and Michael Angarano, both of whom played the lead at different ages in Almost Famous. Weird, huh? More Spider-Man casting rumors to come as Sony executives finish watching the Almost Famous DVD!
UPDATE: Yikes--already refuted! From IESB:
Head of Media Relations for Sony/Columbia Pictures Steve Elzer told the IESB today that the Fugit story is 100% false and added, "No one is being considered for the role but Tobey. Period."
So even if Spider-Man 4 is bad, it will also be familiarly so, I guess.
May 29 2008New 'Star Wars: The Clone Wars of 1996' Stills
Wow. Somehow I hadn't realized quite how stylized Star Wars: The Clone Wars was going to be. And by stylized, I mean in the style of a cut-scene from a Playstation game. And to answer a question a friend recently asked me that I think a lot of people are likely asking: yes, this is seriously going to be released in theaters. More evidence here, thanks to Tytus.
May 28 2008'The Human Contract' Trailer: Experience the Varied Talents of Jada Pinkett Smith
When do you get lines as powerful as "I can love you as hard as you want"? Only when you've got Jada Pinkett Smith writing and directing, of course! Coincidentally, that's also when you get Ted Danson playing an executive and the sense of being waterboarded by semi-erotic melodrama, as you'll see if you watch this trailer for The Human Contract.
Continue Reading "'The Human Contract' Trailer: Experience the Varied Talents of Jada Pinkett Smith"
May 28 2008R-Rated 'Step Brothers' Trailer Includes Effin', Jeffin'
As is becoming the trend with raunchy comedies, there's a new R-rated trailer for Step Brothers. It's still just Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly pretending they're retarded, but now with F-words and camel penis references. Speaking as someone who has completely abandoned "Will Ferrell wacky stuff!" genre, I admit with some shame that I may have chuckled at a couple points. That's the closest I'm willing to come to an endorsement.
Continue Reading "R-Rated 'Step Brothers' Trailer Includes Effin', Jeffin'"
May 28 2008Ricky Gervais Goes Folkie for 'This Side of the Truth'
Ricky Gervais has again updated his This Side of the Truth blog, this time with an image that reveals his character eventually devolves into a chubby Devendra Banhart. I really want to see some footage from this.
May 28 2008'Death Race' Cars Have Flamethrowers and Guns and Whatnot
Paul W.S. Anderson has made a name for himself directing impossibly bad movies like Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, and Alien vs. Predator. J.F. Lawton has made his mark by writing such awfulness as Dead or Alive, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, and 88 episodes of Pamela Anderson's V.I.P. What happens when these two initialed superpowers join forces? We get Death Race, an ill-conceived remake of the 1975 Sylvester Stallone cult classic Death Race 2000! Our first peek at this can't-miss hit came in the form of Jason Statham's head photoshopped into a car; now we get a picture of some cars with flamethrowers. By South African standards, this is totally lame. By any standards, actually.
The Big Badass Battles of 'Death Race' [First Showing]
May 28 2008Robert Rodriguez Can't Do Anything Without His GF
Did you know that Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are, like, totally in love? Well, they are, and Rodriguez wants you to know that besides being the best girlfriend in the world, she's also a tremendous actress worthy of more screen time than just Charmed reruns. So in addition to casting her in Planet Terror and a planned remake of Barbarella, the cowboy-hatted director is apparently shopping around a violent women's prison TV drama starring, you guessed it, his obnoxious goth girlfriend:
Director Robert Rodriguez is shopping around "Women in Chains!" a violent drama set at a woman's prison starring his fiancee, Rose McGowan.The spec script, penned by Josh Miller and Mark Fortin, has been sent to a number of networks, including NBC and FX.
I'm beginning to think Rodriguez and Tim Burton have contest going to see who can make the largest film library that will incite weeping when watched in a few years, after the inevitable breakups. If so, they're both doing a tremendous job.
May 28 2008'He's Just Not That Into You' Trailer Informs Unlovable Women of Their Status
Women: they can never tell if we like them, hate them, or just want to see them be naked in a pool. So Greg Behrendt (consultant on Sex and the City, there to "keep it real," and one of the few comedians known who looks like more of an asshole than Dane Cook) and Liz Tuccillo (one of the sad ladies writing Sex and the City dialogue) co-authored He's Just Not That Into You, a self-help book meant to help women confused as to why men are avoiding them after initial contact. (Spoiler: it turns out it's a lack of interest.) Now the book has been turned into a movie--or, more specifically, turned into like five star-studded romantic comedies fused into one, creating the powerful beast known as the Voltrom-com. Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, and Mac Commercial Guy form the appendages of this particular Voltrom-com, and there's a trailer for the film below the cut. It looks something like Love Actually if you sucked out all of the Christmas elements and saccharine charm that made it tolerable.
Continue Reading "'He's Just Not That Into You' Trailer Informs Unlovable Women of Their Status"
May 27 2008'Plan 9 from Outer Space' to be Remade, Largely Character-Driven
In 1959, Ed Wood released Plan 9 from Outer Space, a film about aliens and the living dead that was so unspeakably awful it was destined to be publicly mocked at midnight screenings for years to come. But what would it be like if, somehow, the technologies of the late '50s had allowed for non-cardboard gravestones, or more believable electrode guns, or a less nonsensical script?
Using modern technology and his questionable talents, plucky director John Johnson hopes to answer just that question, remaking the cult classic as "a serious-minded retelling of the original story, paying homage to the spirit of Wood's film without resorting to camp or parody." Except there are few flaws in his plan to make a "largely character-driven" Plan 9: for one, his claim that this version won't be campy is largely discredited by his production company, Darkstone Entertainment, which has, from what I can tell, released only low-budget, straight-to-video horror-comedies. And Johnson (also goes by Nicoli Micelli and Sabo, but you may know him from his role in The Vampires of Zanzibar as John John the Gay Bartender) is the director of Skeleton Key, a film one IMDB user--likely one of the few who saw Skeleton Key--has dubbed the "absolute worst film (if you want to call it that) I've ever seen." So more likely, the question that will be answered is "what would it be like if a terrible director remade another terrible director's remarkably terrible movie, only with some cheesy CGI added?" Likely answer: unwatchable.
(Thanks to Paul for the lead)
Untitled Document (of course) [Official Site]
May 27 2008'G.I. Joe' Spy Shots: Baroness Over-Accessorizes
The glasses, wig, leather trenchcoat, dripping blood, machine gun, Bluetooth headset, and small metal box that indicates whether or not her belt is armed are all fine, but come on, a white purse? That's a bit much. Plus, it's going to be really hard not to lose all those parts when you buy the action figure.
Baroness Bloody Baroness [IESB]
May 27 2008Old Fashioney Photo of Minutemen from 'Watchmen'
In the world of Alan Moore's Watchmen, the main cast of the comic wasn't the first superhero team on the scene. Like New Kids on the Block to the Backstreet Boys, there was an earlier team called the Minutemen that both predicted and shaped the later costumed fighters of the comic. And, again like NKotB, their outfits are retrospectively funny to look at, as evidenced from the above shot from Zack Snyder's upcoming film adaptation. I have to say, the attention to detail is pretty impressive, as is the use of the Canon Elph's sepia setting. It's nice to know that even if this is a disaster, it will be an astoundingly accurate disaster.
The Minutemen from Watchmen [AICN]
May 27 2008'Indiana Jones' Whips Weekend Competition, Using His Famous Whip
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - A dutiful sense of responsibility combined with the subconscious desire to kill your idols brought Indiana Jones to $126 million, nestling it at #2, between Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and X-Men: The Last Stand, on the chart of Horribly Disappointing Memorial Day Weekend Sequels.
2. The Chronciles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - The substantial drop to $28.6 million is widely thought to be related to Prince Caspian's running theme of not being Indiana Jones.
3. Iron Man - $25.7 million, which is still a ton when you consider that this is its fourth week, and that the film frequently digresses into quoting Swingers.
4. What Happens in Vegas... - $11.1 million, making it the most profitable marketing slogan-based movie since Where's the Beef? 2.
5. Speed Racer - $5.2 million, which isn't that bad if you disregard that it cost $120 million to cover Earth in a pupil-wrecking CGI lacquer.
May 27 2008Sydney Pollack Dies of Cancer at 73
As The Superficial reported earlier today, actor/director/producer Sydney Pollack passed away yesterday after a ten-month battle with cancer. From Reuters:
Pollack, whose illness first came to public attention after unspecified health issues led him to withdraw last August as director of an HBO television movie, died at his home in the coastal Los Angeles suburb of Pacific Palisades at about 5 p.m. local time, surrounded by his family. The Directors Guild of America issued a statement on Monday night saluting him as "the quintessential 'actor's director"' and a gifted filmmaker who "let the dialogue and the emotion of a scene speak for itself."
As if the director of Tootsie dying isn't tragic enough, his final role as an actor will be the part of Patrick Dempsey's dad in Made of Honor.
May 27 2008'Witchblade' Has a Poster, Yet No Cast or Hopes
Seriously? If all it takes to market a movie is Photoshopping a superhero costume onto a nameless naked woman, then I've been in the movie advertising business since about age twelve. Now if only I could find a practical use for all these pencil drawings of what I imagined the hot Senior girls at my high school looked like nude...
(Thanks to everyone who sent this in. Also, there's a stupid site to go with the poster.)
Witchblade Teaser Poster and Site Revealed [Superhero Hype]
