Apr 24 2008Here Comes 'Bad, Bad Leroy Brown: The Movie'! I'm Serious.

35 years ago, "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" was at the top of the charts. Its performer, Jim Croce, died in a plane crash the same year. It was tragic he wouldn't live to fully enjoy his fame, but perhaps more tragic that he'll never get to see the "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" action-comedy franchise being developed by the producer of Final Destination. It's true.

But how will this fondly-remembered song become the next Rush Hour? What will this vision of bad badness look like? Let me offer a treatment...

FADE IN:

South side of Chicago. Pushing in, we see crime: shootings, drug deals, all the stuff you've heard about the south side of Chicago. Push further in... a man stands alone on a (dangerous) street corner. He stands 'bout six-foot-four; wears fancy clothes, diamond rings; is bad, bad. He is Leroy Brown.

A group of downtown women, looking typically downtown, pass by whispering to each other. The phrase "treetop lover" is uttered among the chatter, followed by a brief explanation that it's not racist, just a reference to Leroy Brown's height. Some mens walk by and call him "sir".

Suddenly: GROWLING. It's a junkyard dog. Brown appears unfazed, meaner even, slowly drawing the .32 gun he keeps in his pocket for fun. Another looming figure emerges from the shadows. It's King Kong.

MUSIC: Jim Croce's "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" (the song) kicks in... then abruptly stops with a record screech. A phat beat begins: it's Kanye West's version.

TITLE: Samuel L. Jackson is... BAD, BAD LEROY BROWN

After this, there's an awesome fight, Brown vs. Kong, that lasts pretty much the rest of the movie. We'll save the part in the song where Leroy gets beat up by some girl's boyfriend for the last five or ten minutes, since it's a relative let down after the whole battle with King Kong.

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