Oscar LiveBlogging! (Part III)
10:05 - How have they made us hold our collective breath for two hours, waiting expectantly for the winner of Best Sound Editing? A deserved win--those Bourne Ultimatum people really made those tire squeals sing.
10:07 - Something else I noticed about The Bourne Ultimatum: not only were the tire squeals awesome, they really had a great balance with the gunshots and stuff. Great mixing, in a sense.
10:09 - Did you know women have been allowed to win Oscars as well? It turns out they have for some time now.
10:15 - Marion Cotillard wins Best Actress, leaving most of America asking, "who?"
10:19 - Colin Farrell presents Best Grunge Band.
10:24 - Was it not timely enough to make Nicholson say, "You make me want to be a better presenter"? I would love to knock those f***ing glasses off his grinning face.
10:26 - Did you know this isn't the first Academy Awards ceremony? Films have existed, and won prior to this year!
10:30 - The Bourne Ultimatum wins Best Editing, continuing to take home all of the awards no one pays attention to.
10:31 - Nicole Kidman looks like she just found a pirate's treasure, and immediately covered herself in it.
10:34 - It's really uplifting whenever an award-winner has to be carried out.
10:42 - Of course they let Penelope Cruz present Best Foreign Film. Might as well give Tom Cruise Best Short. You know? Because he's short. And she's foreign. Anyway, The Counterfeiters won.
10:45 - "The versatile and handsome Patrick Dempsey"? Did he write this introduction himself?
10:48 - If John Travolta weren't still needlessly in the public eye, I'd believe he were the adult Eddie Munster.
10:51 - Once wins best song after Enchanted splits its vote three ways, with three equally terrible songs. And can you believe the female wanted to speak? Luckily, she was promptly denied.
11:00 - There Will Be Blood wins Best Cinematography; Hillary Swank wins Best Muscley Woman. Try again next year, Zellweger.
11:03 - When they showed the scene from Hook, I was terrified Rufio died.
11:05 - As usual, the obituaries was run like an episode of Kid's Court: hold your full applause until you want to crown a posthumous winner. Did I miss Roy Scheider or was he snubbed yet again?
11:06 - Oh yeah, and Brad Renfro.
11:09 - God, do they really need to point out the relevance of music? I understand that music is important to films. Everyone understand this. If you're going to do this, at least do it for editing or something that's actually overlooked. And Dario Marianelli of Atonement wins, for creating whatever that collection of notes played behind the images is all about.
11:15 - The constant threat on your life that enlisting presents has just been justified: you might get to present an Oscar!
11:18 - Taxi to the Dark Side wins Best Documentary Feature, denying Michael Moore the chance to make a long-winded political diatribe. I'm genuinely disappointed.
11:24 - Stewart's comment that Harrison Ford sounds like the name of an auto dealership may be my new favorite joke for the night. Besides Harrison Ford's earring.
11:26 - Diablo Cody wins for Best Original Screenplay and for Being Totally Awesome and Edgy, and Always Bringing Up Being a Former Stripper.
11:28 - If I'm to believe this last commercial, maybe JC Penney is actually a really great department store?
11:30 - I can't make this clear enough: this is not the first Oscars. There were previous winners!
11:35 - I mean, yeah--who else was going to win Best Actor besides Daniel Day-Lewis?
11:38 - Did I mention I'll also be liveblogging Jimmy Kimmel Live? They finally talked me into it after that last preview. (This isn't true.)
11:40 - Wait, who are these other people receiving awards? Isn't this a one time, never before occurring event?
11:43 - Wow, the Coen Brothers won Best Director. I thought What's-His-Nuts would win.
11:45 - Fair enough--No Country For Old Men wins Best Picture. Though most voters admitted they hadn't yet gotten out to see that pregnant girl one yet.
11:48 - I guess that's it. And not even an hour over schedule. Goes to show how much time you can save just by cutting an obituary or two.
Note: Oscars, from now on always close with an '80s saxophone riff.