Feb 13 2008Michael Bay Has Written 'Transformers 2', and Everything Else, It Turns Out
Michael Bay is not to be messed with. He's staged armageddons, forced people to walk in slow motion, spun cameras around things, blown stuff up, and all with the hair of an aging rocker. Michael Bay is not going to let some whining writers interrupt his schedule. That's why, when whoever has the torturous task of writing a two-hour toy commercial/nostalgia generator sat back down at the keyboard today, they were greeted with a little surprise: A Michael Screenbay.
Yes, as my sad amalgamation of "screenplay" and "Bay" nearly implies, Michael Bay has cranked out his own rough draft of Transformers 2, complete with such novel concepts as characters and story--new to Bay's repertoire. But what's really interesting is that it turns out he's been doing this all along:
I've been writing Transformers 2. We've got our characters all designed. I always write all my scripts, my movies anyway so at least I've got something to give the writers. It's like a template. We have a really good outline so I worked on that.
So you mean to tell me that after watching Armageddon, utterly infuriated as to how anyone could combine so many absurd plot points, ridiculous dialogue, and explosions into one film, cursing the names of Robert Roy Pool (story), Jonathan Hensleigh (story, screenplay), Tony Gilroy (adaptation), Shane Salerno (adaptation), and J.J. Abrams (screenplay, and yes, that J.J. Abrams), I should have also been cursing the name Michael Bay? All along, he's been contributing more than just the aesthetic of a car commercial? I mean, it makes sense with the consist level of idiocy he's maintained, but he could have said something earlier.
Michael Bay Says He Already Wrote Transformers 2 [Rotten Tomatoes]
Reader Comments
1. Hal - February 13, 2008 5:35 PM
YESSSSSSS!!!! *pumps fists in the air*
2. Floyd 1.3 - February 13, 2008 6:13 PM
"Screenbay" wasn't bad. Although uh, nobody on the interwebs was more excited about Transformers than you last year there uh.
3. Twist - February 13, 2008 7:10 PM
I still love Armageddon. It was fun and I didn't get lost in your plot points problem. I don't get annoyed at my friends who tells me a story because there is no plot, just him running from a monkey outside of Burger King. Either way I can still enjoy the story.
4. Herner_Wartzog - February 13, 2008 7:32 PM
Michael Bay's script must be stopped, no matter the cost. Self respecting film fans roll out ... of any cinema playing transformers 2 crying in agony about some skin disease the seats in the screen gave you. Or alternatively sacrifice yourself and watch the film, the result will be the same.
5. Caligula - February 13, 2008 8:19 PM
I hope the plot revolves a large, greased metal piston that "transforms" Megan Fox's rectum into a bloody puddle.
6. Herner_Wartzog - February 13, 2008 8:38 PM
Ah Caligula your reign of sheer horror continue.
7. Andrew - February 13, 2008 8:46 PM
Does a Michael Bay movie really need writers? Transformers was just a long string of blockbuster movie cliches one after the other. The goofy kid who finally gets the chance to prove himself to the hot girl. The crazy dead ancestor who left behind memoirs that turned out not to be so crazy after all. The military cover-up of a dark alien secret. The rebellious young hackers who help save the world in ways all the government's security people couldn't. I could keep going.
8. JagedNS - February 13, 2008 9:18 PM
bleah.
Michael Bay makes me spontaneously hurl.
9. Meg - February 13, 2008 10:10 PM
Right on, #7!
10. wendy - February 14, 2008 11:01 AM
A few years back I started a movie club, the second rule of the club was that Michael Bay sucks.
11. Chris - February 14, 2008 6:59 PM
#5 - I will stand in line for a week for tickets if need be. Sign me up.
Transformers was awful, yes, but awful in a laughably bad way. Like, super fun to watch if you're drunk.
Then again, Michael Bay still eats a dick.
12. Erik - February 15, 2008 2:09 PM
Uggghghhh. Transformers was so f'ing horrible that the best part of it was the Cloverfield trailer at the beginning. I understand he makes stupid popcorn movie, but he could at least make GOOD popcorn movie.