Feb 15 2008'Far Cry' Trailer Meets Uwe Boll Standard
I've never played Far Cry the game, so I can't say how faithful Uwe Boll's adaptation is. But I will say that it's terrible. Really, really terrible.
How terrible? Well, I'll assume by the credits stating "music by _______" that this is unfinished (or possibly that no composer was willing to be openly associated with it), so for now I'll ignore the abysmal editing and the bizarre two-second inclusion of The Usual Suspects score. Perhaps this is just an early cut.
But the dialogue. My god, the dialogue. It's so unabashedly awful, it can't even follow the conventions of bad dialogue. Woman says, "You're a sick, egotistical maniac!" The bad dialogue rulebook dictates the madman's smug, calm reply should be something like, "I'm not that sick," or, "You forgot sadistic." But come on, "Let's not go over the top"? That's all you have to say? If you're going to write something this bad, at least make it less boring.
As far as the first line being spoken in a thick lisp, and the seemingly-post-coital erection joke, I have no idea.
Thanks, Greg.
Reader Comments
1. James - February 15, 2008 12:03 PM
I'm all for the crazy german from SLC Punk getting roles, but... damn... poor guy had to stoop to an Uwe Boll movie?
2. PB&J - February 15, 2008 12:13 PM
This trailer was so awesome I just had a boll movement...in my pants.
3. Matt - February 15, 2008 12:25 PM
That's so upsetting.
How does this crap keep happening and my "Attack of the Space Kittens" script keep getting rejected?
4. Oakhurst - February 15, 2008 12:45 PM
Its like movies my kid brother would make if he had mad German funding. Her'es a tidbit you might not know. Last year when he was shooting BloodRayne 2 up in Canada, one of the "controlled" fires got out of control and hit a bunch of gas tanks... Burnt down like three buildings.
Smart guy.
5. TetraShiva - February 15, 2008 12:45 PM
@ #1
Til Schweiger is huge in Germany, and is doing very well. His last romantic comedy Keinohrhasen did great at the box office. I have no idea why great talent does Uwe Bowl movies, so I can't say what he was thinking when he took this.
/shrug/
6. Bean - February 15, 2008 12:50 PM
It's like the actors are doing a dry read with the first draft of "action movie" script.
And, in the credits, what the hell does "non-contractual billing block" mean?
7. whistle - February 15, 2008 12:57 PM
Wonder why everything is suddenly centered here in the comments?
8. James - February 15, 2008 1:01 PM
Tetra - no way! Good for him! Although this obviously isn't a prob in German films, every time I hear his accent I think of his not-terribly-heroic character in SLC Punk or his role in King Arthur. It's weird to see him in a leading action role...
9. jeanclaude - February 15, 2008 1:05 PM
Is it 1989 again?
10. tmhs - February 15, 2008 1:49 PM
As awesome as Far Cry was to play, it's story was to the point where I think this movie might actually do a better job at making it entertaining.
From what I can see from the trailer, it actually looks pretty faithful to the game. Too bad it's not in the tropics. Probablly has to do with money.
11. nrgspike - February 15, 2008 2:10 PM
Having endured the horror of that trailer, I can confidently say that Far Cry, has yet to be adapted for film. I have no idea what hat was meant to be?! Jack with a German Accent, Val is neither hot, nor CIA, no sign of the Trigens and I hope to god those slightly pastey looking guys aren't supposed to be the 'Fat Boys'...
Not that I really care, I'd rather watch the entire back catalogue of The Asylum's output that sit through this abomination.
12. deportivo - February 15, 2008 2:39 PM
they could've made a better movie if they stuck to the game's exact storyline..
13. Herner_Wartzog - February 15, 2008 3:18 PM
Why is it bringing in Batman Begins' score ? Grrrr.
14. Sarah - February 15, 2008 4:03 PM
"Is that your gun?"
Really?
Any woman that can't tell a dick from a gun is retarded. Or sleeping with Terminator.
15. Wayne - February 15, 2008 4:44 PM
super-soldier in the backround of the picture looks like Killface from Frisky Dingo, neat.
16. Deeb - February 15, 2008 5:47 PM
I feel bad for Udo.
17. ZenKimchi - February 15, 2008 6:14 PM
This is the movie that Anthony Bourdain has a short cameo in--as a scientist who gets shot up.
18. Nick - February 16, 2008 4:03 PM
This looks like a trailer for a bad TV show.
19. George - February 16, 2008 4:19 PM
Does the 'is that your gun?' question imply that Jack Carver's penis is cold and metallic? I like to think it is.
20. Mike - February 17, 2008 1:27 PM
I could barely make it through the trailer.. I already pity the dozen people who are going to pay to see this movie..
21. dude - February 18, 2008 1:40 PM
This trailer is so horrible it looks like a trailer for a porno. A LAME porno.
"Is that your gun?"
Damn. This is stupid.