Feb 29 2008'Pathology' Teaser Makes a Timely Reference

Hey, remember when Napoleon Dynamite Fever swept the nation, spreading quickly from dorm rooms to workplaces until gruesomely quoting itself to death, its overly-quirky corpse torn apart and dragged to the clearance bins of Hot Topics? And how you thought that after the DVDs, the t-shirts, the quoting, the Halloween costumes, the posters, the talking dolls, and the continued casting of John Heder, there must be no way to sap more life from this now-hated product?

Wrong! The makers of the upcoming thriller Pathology have figured out one more disgusting way, and made it into a teaser. Hint: it involves cadavers, and it's exactly what you think it is.

Continue Reading "'Pathology' Teaser Makes a Timely Reference"

Feb 29 2008Do You Believe in Harvey Dent? How About Marketing Ploys?

After a brief respite in honor of Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight viral marketing train is once again rushing towards us, now asking that you provide Harvey Dent with your email and phone number at IBelieveInHarveyDent.com. Just don't blame me if he starts calling you drunk or forwarding you pictures of cats and text.

Feb 29 2008New Line Merges With Warner Bros.

In an effort to cut costs and save on distribution, Time Warner has announced the merger of Warner Bros. Entertainment and New Line Cinema. Under the merger, New Line will maintain separate marketing, production, and distribution, but it's made clear that if they drive anywhere with the Warner Brothers, New Line has to ride bitch. The press release:

New Line will maintain its own identity and will continue to produce, market, and distribute movies. But New Line will now do so as part of Warner Bros. and will probably be a much smaller operation than in the past. Time Warner hopes that operating New Line as a unit of Warner Bros. will allow New Line to focus on the creative side of movie-making, while reducing costs and taking advantage of Warner Bros.' distribution systems.

Hopefully this merger will be as seamless as when the WB Network merged with UPN, and I barely even noticed it was a different channel I was skipping past. If nothing else, maybe now we'll finally be able to order a chess set with Looney Tunes characters dressed as Lord of the Rings characters. It could only be rights issues keeping such an obvious product from existing.

New Line Folds Into Warner Bros. [Deadline Hollywood]

Feb 29 2008Jamie Foxx to Play Iron Mike?

Having already taken biopic roles as Tookie Williams, Ray Charles, and Nathaniel Ayers, and with plans to play Earl Sanders and Bob Marley, Jamie Foxx has proven himself the man to get for any and every true story about a black guy. So when word spreads of a Mike Tyson film in the works, guess whose name is coming up.

That's right, if you trust Tyson (reminder: a jury didn't), he and Foxx have been in talks to collaborate on a biopic, which may or may not be titled Cannibal Rapist. Says the pugilist:

I have a movie on the verge of happening, probably in two years from now. Me and Jamie Foxx are going to do a collaboration. He's going to play me in my life story. We've talked about it many times.

Of course, if Foxx hopes to play "Iron" Mike Tyson, he will first have to play Piston Honda, Mr. Sandman, and Super Macho Man, whose Super Spin Punch is totally tough.

Jamie Foxx is Mike Tyson? [Cinematical]

Feb 29 2008'The Love Guru' Trailer is...

I don't even know how to describe the painfulness of Mike Myers' The Love Guru trailer. "Austin Powers: new costume, same jokes" is appropriate, but doesn't really convey the way your brain shuts off around the point the midget jokes start (and never stop). At the same time, "brain Novocain in a sari" doesn't capture how sadly derivative it is, and omits the hilarity of the curly mustache. I guess the best I can do is "Mike Myers smothers your soul with the help of Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, prosthetic hair, midget jokes, and some penis references."

Thanks for the tip, Kyle.

Continue Reading "'The Love Guru' Trailer is..."

Feb 29 2008New 'Iron Man' Trailer Continues Clever Use of 'Iron Man' in Soundtrack

As much I find Iron Man and his glib alter ego Tony Stark to be intolerable characters, I have to admit that Jon Favreau looks to have made a decent adaptation of the source material. And with a non-stop barrage of hard rock (AC/DC, Audioslave, Black Sabbath's "Iron Man", of course), constant alcohol imbibing, and the flagrant use of sports cars as backdrops, Iron Man looks to be the first superhero movie to fully capture the sensibilities of Maxim Magazine. The biggest surprise isn't that this looks like a surefire hit but that they didn't put Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. Make sure to watch this if you're a male 13 to 35. Otherwise, you're totally going to look like a gay.

Continue Reading "New 'Iron Man' Trailer Continues Clever Use of 'Iron Man' in Soundtrack"

Feb 28 2008So, Gerard Butler WILL be in 'Watchmen'!

Gerard Butler, long-rumored for a part in Zack Snyder's Watchmen adaptation, has admitted that he is providing the voiceover for the Tales of the Black Freighter section of the film--the pirate part of the comic that you mostly skipped over but pretended to enjoy as a brilliant post-modern parallel. Additionally, the actor noted that the section will be done in the style of Japanese anime. In fitting with that aesthetic, instead of using the bloated corpses of his crew to form a makeshift raft, the castaway will use cat-girls to build a really sweet mech.

Gerard Butler Talks Black Freighter [Empire]

Feb 28 2008'Get Smart' Trailer Earns an Anger Downgrade

The latest offering in the Nick-At-Nite-programming-turned-broad-comedy genre, Get Smart, has a new trailer. Like in the previous trailers, it still looks bland and uninspired, relying on its impressive cast to pull off weak slapstick gags, but enough works that I'm willing to downgrade my anger level from fuming to annoyed ambivalence. My respect for the original series makes me want them to prove me wrong and make a decent film, but I'm also terribly fearful that might lead to a Green Acres movie (starring Will Ferrell and Paris Hilton?).

Continue Reading "'Get Smart' Trailer Earns an Anger Downgrade"

Feb 28 2008'Dark Matter' Trailer Reveals It's a Serial Killer Movie

At what point in the film will Dark Matter turn from a fish-out-of-water drama, following a Chinese cosmology prodigy's inability to conform to a university's political hierarchy, to a serial-killer-on-the-loose story? If the trailer gives us any indication, somewhere around the last quarter, when the rapid-fire cuts, mad flailing, and negative images start up. I have to admit, making it seem like I might see an immigrant go on a murderous rampage does make me want to see the film more, but couldn't they find a way to imply he might be a ghost too, or that he and Aidan Quinn are actually the same person? That kind of stuff really amps me up.

Continue Reading "'Dark Matter' Trailer Reveals It's a Serial Killer Movie"

Feb 28 2008Charlie (of Chocolate Factory Fame) to Voice Astro Boy

Imagi International has announced that Freddie Highmore--the kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Finding Neverland--will provide the voice for Astro Boy in the CGI adaptation of the manga. I guess the character will have an English accent now, instead of the Charlie Chan-style Engrish accent I was hoping for.

Freddie Highmore Signed for Imagi Studios' ASTRO BOY [Imagi]

Feb 28 2008'Step Brothers' Trailer Brings Back the Idiot-Man-Child Genre

The trailer to Step Brothers has arrived, with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly effectively reinventing the strange partnership of two semi-retarded man-children that keeps you half-watching Dumb and Dumber when it's on cable (assuming that replacing fart jokes with shirtless jokes counts as reinvention). Surprisingly, and despite Ferrell again hamming it up with the usual shtick--this time marrying the childish naiveté of Elf and the assholeishness of Anchorman--it looks reasonably amusing. Probably worth watching once it replaces Dumb and Dumber on cable. Thanks for the tip, Kyle.

Continue Reading "'Step Brothers' Trailer Brings Back the Idiot-Man-Child Genre"

Feb 28 2008'Green Porno' Preview: Isabella Rossellini Humps Bugs

So, remember when you saw those images of Isabella Rossellini--dressed as various insects, arachnids, and mollusks--humping prop insects, arachnids, and mollusks? And how, after you ascertained this was somehow reality--that Isabella Rosellini was truly mounting a giant cardboard fly behind a pool of vomit--you wanted nothing else from life but to see more?

Me too. So watch this short preview of Green Porno from Sundance Channel. And make sure to watch to the end, where I think she implies that bug pornography marks a watershed moment in film, equivalent to the addition of sound. I wish I could say I disagree.

Continue Reading "'Green Porno' Preview: Isabella Rossellini Humps Bugs"

Feb 28 2008Yet Another 'WALL-E' Poster

Yeah, Pixar, we get it. You've figured out how to make Johnny 5 cuter: making him smaller, and not accompanied by a racist caricature.

'WALL-E' Poster Premiere! [Cinematical]

Feb 27 2008More Images from 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull'

For today's dose of Indiana Jones, Nibenay has five new shots to indulge in, scanned from the popular French magazine "Fourth-Wall Breaking Old Ladies in Funny Hats Monthly". Check them out here.

Feb 27 2008'Hulk' Update: Bruce Banner Wears Grandpa Shorts

"Oh, I'm going to be turning into the Hulk? Let me throw on my high-waisted shorts real quick, so I don't ruin another pair of Dockers."

New Incredible Hulk Pics [Empire]

Feb 27 2008'Step Up 3-D' Denotes Third Stepping Event, Third Dimension

A couple days ago, writing up the weekend box office report, I made a pretty weak joke that the success of Step Up 2 the Streets would spawn a third film in the series: Step Up 2 the Streets 2: The Str33ts. Reality has trumped me again:

Disney will proceed with a third installment of its hit dance franchise "Step Up," tentatively titled "Step Up 3-D."

Pic will become the latest 3-D live-action film from the Mouse House, with "Step Up 2 the Streets" director Jon Chu in talks to reprise.

Even if it's tentative, I'm pretty resentful they managed to come up with a stupider title than me. Mine is more absurd, but Step Up 3-D definitely wins in sheer, laughable triteness. I thought Step Up 2 the Street was stupid, but calling the third film in the saga "3-D" takes the cake. It's equivalent of adding an "-er" suffix to a title's adverb (Step Upper?), and just slightly less ridiculous than when someone says "[Whatever] 2: Electric Boogaloo". So I really hope they keep the title.

Disney planning 'Step Up 3-D' [Variety]

Feb 27 2008How Many Jokes Can You Cram on the 'Superhero Movie' Poster?

Let's count!

1. Simon Rex's equivalent of The Human Torch has caught himself on fire. See, traditionally The Human Torch has the power to manipulate fire at will. Why would he catch himself on fire?!

2. Wolverine is using said fire to roast marshmallows--on his claws! One would normally use a device that is not part of their mutant anatomy, like a long fork that doesn't come out of your wrist.

3. Leslie Nielsen's shirt says "With great power comes hot bitches"; the actual Spider-Man quote is "With great power comes great responsibility." This is funny because it's like a BustedTee, which are always funny.

4. Wolverine's middle claw is slightly longer than the other two. Those familiar with gestural expletives will love this one.

5. Storm is surprised she's electrocuting Professor X's penis.

6. The Cerebro helmet Professor X wears to focus his psychic powers is being used as a drink hat, an established comic prop. And he's black.

7. Though not explicitly laid out, the maturity of the rest of the gags imply Dragonfly guy probably has his penis in the popcorn. And he's giving Pamela Anderson a wet willy, which is sort of a joke if you're 8 and disgusting.

8. Pamela Anderson wears a necklace that says "Dynamic Duo". This term is synonymous with fictional crimefighters Batman and Robin, but holds a lewder meaning when balanced across Anderson's un-aging cleavage.

9. The unfortunate participation of all these desperate actors.

Did I miss any? It's hard for me to see them with my eyes squinted in unending laughter.

'Superhero Movie' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]

Feb 27 2008'Shelter' Looking for Freakish Imbreds, Albinos, Mobile Mutants

Reminiscent of the Star Trek casting call, or the end of The New Colossus, the upcoming horror film Shelter is looking for some mutants to join star Julianne Moore. Specifically, the release asks for men and women of all races, so long as they have the following freakish attributes:

Extraordinarily tall or short. Unusual body shapes, even physical abnormalities as long as there is normal mobility. Unusual facial features, especially eyes.

A 9-12-year-old Caucasian girl with an other-worldly look to her. Could be an albino or something along those lines -- she's someone who is visually different and therefore has a closer contact to the gods and to magic. 'Regular-looking' children should not attend this open call.

I hadn't realized that albinos lacked pigment because of their closer contact with gods and magic--I thought it was just genetics! Guess you learn something new about the accuracy of Powder every day.

And I won't even get into the obvious irony of a Julianne Moore film looking for the ghastly pale. I think we all get it.

Thanks for the tip, Matt.

Film's casting call wants that 'inbred' look [Pittsburgh Live]

Feb 27 2008Whew! Baroness Definitely Has Black Hair

After the above shot from the set of G.I. Joe was taken last week, there was some concern that the traditionally raven-haired Baroness may have been made blonde. Naturally, there was outrage: how dare they deviate from the original, slightly altering a fading memory of our childhood. Baroness was only a believable high-ranking member of a snake-themed international terrorist organization because of her familiar dark hair. A blonde female baron? Please.

But it turns out our concerns may have been unfounded, as Sienna Miller has now confirmed to Acess Hollywood that she wears a black wig in the film:

I play this character called The Baroness. I have a black wig, and guns, and leather, and it's all fantastic.

Also, I was wrong about the G.I. Joe movie being a terrible idea made to capitalize on a current interest in blind patriotism and '80s nostalgia. It turns out it's all fantastic.

Independen Spirit Awards [Access Hollywood]

Feb 27 2008Reagan/Gorbachev Reykjavik Summit Will Make Riveting Film

As times goes on--possibly as a sign of impending dementia--Ridley Scott has been taking on projects that seem increasingly likely to be incredibly boring. The director, known for directing two of the best sci-fi films ever made (Alien and Blade Runner), announced last year that he was interested in developing a Monopoly movie, and now the director is adding the inherently exciting 1986 Reykjavik Reagan/Gorbachev summit to his list:

Scott, who has not made a final decision on whether he will direct, said he wants to be as impartial as possible in the movie. "If you do a dramatic version of an event, you have to get as close as possible to the truth. You need to make intelligent judgment call to get under the veneer of perception. It's like dramatized journalism," he said.

Though I clearly have my doubts, Alex P. Keaton insists it will be f***ing great.

Scott Free shines light on Reykjavik [Hollywood Reporter]

Feb 27 2008Wolverine Loves to Pose

I know I've said this before, but Wolverine really loves to pose. But not just any run-of-the-mill pose. Said pose must have very specific qualities, such as:

1. It must be very unlikely to occur naturally - Holding arms out and back, squatting and grimacing, crossing claws--these things don't traditionally happen during a battle for your life. They must be forced for the sake of coolness.

2. It must prominently display his claws - Anything with the claws coming at the camera is good, as is anything with them crossed. Besides looking cool, the crossing also resembles an "X", recalling that he is, in fact, an X-Man.

3. It must be really cool (i.e., imitates a drawing you made of Wolverine in junior high study hall).

New Wolverine Shot [Empire]

Feb 26 2008'Sex and the City' Extended Depression Trailer

Non-stop conversations about men, clothes, and "fairy tale endings", a mobile phone descending like a gun in a John Woo film, a Winnebago of camp, Sarah Jessica Parker--I must be watching the new Sex and the City trailer, though I'm not sure why. If you've been waiting for that special preview that would be as grandiose as Carrie's fantasy closet ("a really big closet," she explains), here it is. Plot elements revealed include: Carrie is marrying "Big", but is more about concerned with making big/"Big" puns than the actual wedding; the dark-haired one has an asian child that she grooms like a chimp; ostrich-like one's husband may have cheated on her, and she has pubic hair; and, most surprisingly, a sultry Don Henley cover is the official soundtrack of a wealthy, stylish menopause.

Thanks, Diina.

Extended Sex and the City Trailer [Jezebel]

Feb 26 2008Gervais, Merchant Reunite for 'Men at the Pru'

I'll assume you've all watched the amazing UK The Office and the uneven but satisfying Extras, and, like me, have become ardent fans of creators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. Thus, you will be excited enough to make slight wheezing sounds when you hear the two are re-teaming for The Men at the Pru, a coming-of-age tale of 20-somethings in the '70s. As Gervais told Radio 1:

They work for the building society and they're having a great time but it's about them coming of age and having to grow up. We went down to the Prudential headquarters and got all this old footage so we're really getting into it.

If this is about a group of 20-somethings, I'm assuming Gervais is out for a lead role, so who do you think they'll get to make us uncomfortably awkward to the point of laughter? Will Prudential have a sad boss convinced of his own comedic abilities?

Gervais, Merchant write 'Men at the Pru' [Digital Spy]

Feb 26 2008Pam Anderson Shows 1/3-1/2 of Breasts for 'Superhero Movie'

From Superhero Movie, an obvious parody of the superhero genre, comes the first shot of Pamela Anderson's Invisible Woman, a parody of an attractive woman.

Look below the cut for another new character for the film, who looks just as suspiciously like an old character played by a different actress.

Continue Reading "Pam Anderson Shows 1/3-1/2 of Breasts for 'Superhero Movie'"

Feb 26 2008'WALL-E' Plays With Rubik's Cubes

First he mimicked the look of Short Circuit's Johnny 5, now he's pilfering the Rubik's Cube antics of Michel Gondry. What will WALL-E steal next? Our hearts, of course (and eight to twelve dollars).

'Wall-E' featured in Total Film Magazine [ONTD]

Feb 25 2008'Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden' Poster

With a title that makes such a deliberate, untimely pop culture reference, I fully expected that the poster for Morgan Spurlock's Where in the World is Osama bin Laden would again allude to its namesake--the old PBS show, or even older video game, or The Today Show's excuse to send Matt Lauer to Iceland, or whatever it's meant to be. But, wouldn't you know it, that wily narcissist has once again pulled the wool of his ironic mustache over my eyes, coming up with a completely unexpected parody poster: a parody of an '80s comedy poster doing a parody of Raiders of the Lost Ark!

If you compare it to the original Indy poster, you'll notice the filmmaker has cleverly replaced each element of the Raiders one-sheet with something equivalent from his own film. The fearsome snake becomes a clearly-pained camel; the guy with a hat becomes a different guy with a hat; and Indiana himself becomes Spurlock, madly excited to catch you in his snare and smother you in arrogance.

'Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?' Poster Premiere! [Cinematical]

Feb 25 2008'Vantage Point' Wins Weekend Box Office

1. Vantage Point - Promising eight strangers and eight distinct points of view, the thriller earned $24 million despite stealing the concept from Jenna Jameson Does 8 Strangers with Cameras.

2. Jumper - Teenage boys flock to theaters, paying $12.7 million in the hopes of that inevitable scene where someone teleports into a girl's locker room. Only later do they remember it's invisibility where you do that.

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles - A requisite $12.6 million to whatever children's fantasy placeholder is there this week.

4. Step Up 2 the Streets - After earning another $9.8 million this weekend, I can't wait for the sequel, Step Up 2 the Streets 2: The Str33ts.

5. Fool's Gold - $6.3 million, mostly repeat viewers who didn't quite get it the first time.

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

Feb 25 2008Images from Scorsese's Stones Doc, 'Shine a Light'

"So, this will be like the fourth film I've made to feature your song 'Gimme Shelter', and since this is a documentary entirely about your band, think you could toss me one this time--gratis?"

"Not a chance in the world, old man."

More here.

Feb 25 2008'X-Files 2' Teaser Trailer from WonderCon

The X-Files 2 teaser premiered at WonderCon this weekend (as did, surely, several costumes of that anime guy with the giant cross), and some tireless bootleggier was on-hand to make sure we get to enjoy a blurry facsimile of it. I can barely tell what's going on, but the crowd seems to be loving it. Not since the last time Arvid and Dennis got into an unlikely predicament have I witnessed anyone so excited by the unexpected appearance of Billy Connolly.

Continue Reading "'X-Files 2' Teaser Trailer from WonderCon"

Feb 25 2008Full Academy Awards Winners List

Like a cold compress for your still-raging Oscar Fever, here's the complete winner list from last night. Settle your bets and rejoin society.

Continue Reading "Full Academy Awards Winners List"

Feb 24 2008Oscar LiveBlogging! (Part III)

10:05 - How have they made us hold our collective breath for two hours, waiting expectantly for the winner of Best Sound Editing? A deserved win--those Bourne Ultimatum people really made those tire squeals sing.

10:07 - Something else I noticed about The Bourne Ultimatum: not only were the tire squeals awesome, they really had a great balance with the gunshots and stuff. Great mixing, in a sense.

10:09 - Did you know women have been allowed to win Oscars as well? It turns out they have for some time now.

10:15 - Marion Cotillard wins Best Actress, leaving most of America asking, "who?"

10:19 - Colin Farrell presents Best Grunge Band.

10:24 - Was it not timely enough to make Nicholson say, "You make me want to be a better presenter"? I would love to knock those f***ing glasses off his grinning face.

10:26 - Did you know this isn't the first Academy Awards ceremony? Films have existed, and won prior to this year!

10:30 - The Bourne Ultimatum wins Best Editing, continuing to take home all of the awards no one pays attention to.

10:31 - Nicole Kidman looks like she just found a pirate's treasure, and immediately covered herself in it.

10:34 - It's really uplifting whenever an award-winner has to be carried out.

10:42 - Of course they let Penelope Cruz present Best Foreign Film. Might as well give Tom Cruise Best Short. You know? Because he's short. And she's foreign. Anyway, The Counterfeiters won.

10:45 - "The versatile and handsome Patrick Dempsey"? Did he write this introduction himself?

10:48 - If John Travolta weren't still needlessly in the public eye, I'd believe he were the adult Eddie Munster.

10:51 - Once wins best song after Enchanted splits its vote three ways, with three equally terrible songs. And can you believe the female wanted to speak? Luckily, she was promptly denied.

11:00 - There Will Be Blood wins Best Cinematography; Hillary Swank wins Best Muscley Woman. Try again next year, Zellweger.

11:03 - When they showed the scene from Hook, I was terrified Rufio died.

11:05 - As usual, the obituaries was run like an episode of Kid's Court: hold your full applause until you want to crown a posthumous winner. Did I miss Roy Scheider or was he snubbed yet again?

11:06 - Oh yeah, and Brad Renfro.

11:09 - God, do they really need to point out the relevance of music? I understand that music is important to films. Everyone understand this. If you're going to do this, at least do it for editing or something that's actually overlooked. And Dario Marianelli of Atonement wins, for creating whatever that collection of notes played behind the images is all about.

11:15 - The constant threat on your life that enlisting presents has just been justified: you might get to present an Oscar!

11:18 - Taxi to the Dark Side wins Best Documentary Feature, denying Michael Moore the chance to make a long-winded political diatribe. I'm genuinely disappointed.

11:24 - Stewart's comment that Harrison Ford sounds like the name of an auto dealership may be my new favorite joke for the night. Besides Harrison Ford's earring.

11:26 - Diablo Cody wins for Best Original Screenplay and for Being Totally Awesome and Edgy, and Always Bringing Up Being a Former Stripper.

11:28 - If I'm to believe this last commercial, maybe JC Penney is actually a really great department store?

11:30 - I can't make this clear enough: this is not the first Oscars. There were previous winners!

11:35 - I mean, yeah--who else was going to win Best Actor besides Daniel Day-Lewis?

11:38 - Did I mention I'll also be liveblogging Jimmy Kimmel Live? They finally talked me into it after that last preview. (This isn't true.)

11:40 - Wait, who are these other people receiving awards? Isn't this a one time, never before occurring event?

11:43 - Wow, the Coen Brothers won Best Director. I thought What's-His-Nuts would win.

11:45 - Fair enough--No Country For Old Men wins Best Picture. Though most voters admitted they hadn't yet gotten out to see that pregnant girl one yet.

11:48 - I guess that's it. And not even an hour over schedule. Goes to show how much time you can save just by cutting an obituary or two.

Note: Oscars, from now on always close with an '80s saxophone riff.

Feb 24 2008Oscar LiveBlogging! (Part II)

9:03 - It was torturous how they made Amy Adams go out there, alone, in the middle of the stage, to sing this cheerful song. That made it sort of enjoyable.

9:09 - The Golden Compass winning over Pirates of the Caribbean and Transformers: an organized atheist conspiracy?

9:12 - Sweeney Todd won art direction, because none of the voters had seen a Tim Burton movie before. And how about this plastic woman?

9:16 - That was a Designing Woman, right? In the audience.

9:19 - Jarvier Bardem wins an expected but deserved victory, which he sullies with another joke about the Prince Valiant haircut. And what was that jibberish he said at the end?!

9:24 - These joke montages would be going over a lot better if the actual joke montages weren't so grossly similar.

9:29 - The Mozart of Pickpockets wins, but the real winner is presenter Owen Wilson--for surviving. Seriously though, did anyone else feel a palpable discomfort when he went up there?

9:31 - Nothing--even theatrical release--will stop Jerry Seinfeld from advertising for Bee Movie. When he dies, he will be buried in a bee costume.

9:33 - When this guy walked into the auditorium with a doll of a boy cradled under his arm, do you think anyone questioned that?

9:39 - Tilda Swindon wins, dressed as half a wizard. Or possibly as an art piece: "Woman Emerging From Satin."

9:48 - I stepped out for a moment, but apparently the Coen Brothers won Best Adapted Screenplay.

9:50 - Did you know it's really hard to run the Oscars? You might think it's just watching some free movies, deciding your favorite stuff, and giving the ballots to an accounting firm, but its actually...

It's basically that.

9:52 - "Wow, that was amazing!" - The best thing Jon Stewart has and probably will say all night. And is this really Miley Cyrus, or is this Hannah Montana?

9:55 - OK, I'll admit I didn't see Enchanted. This was seriously a song, and it's now being considered for an award? This is really terrible, and increasingly confusing as more costumed characters enter.

Continued in Part III! (And the Designing Woman was definitely Dixie Carter.)

Feb 24 2008Oscar LiveBlogging! (Part I)

8:00 - Now that I'm actually sitting down to watch this, I'm having some second thoughts. Catching the tail-end of the Barbara Walters Oscars special was a harsh reminder of the three-hour marathon of self-indulgent I've signed up for. And how long has Harrison Ford (her interviewee) worn an earring? Why?

8:03 - I'm glad they've started the show with Regis Philbin. Going right to Jon Stewart would probably be too jarring for older viewers. Best to start them off easy.

8:05 - Marion Cotillard was dressed as an albino mermaid then?

8:07 - God, I knew they'd have to make some cute joke about Javier Bardem's hair in No Country For Old Men. I can't wait until they ask Daniel Day-Lewis if he's going to be drinking a milkshake tonight.

8:12 - Mickey Rooney, still alive! And apparently decorated by the military.

8:14 - It was really sad when Jennifer Garner revealed Juno was the first time anyone had given her praise for a movie. Funny, but sad.

8:16 - Cameron Diaz once again proves she's the go-to-girl for the dissection of dark, complex characters.

8:17 - What was with the world's oldest fan (with home-decorated shirt) and the kids? Are they trying to work in elements of The Price is Right?

8:22 - I wish I'd been writing down all the times a shot made me think "they're still around?" I've already missed too many to start now.

8:26 - Regis clearly has a bet that he can find the least relevant people to talk to. His latest find: the stage.

8:27 - I'm so sick of Jack Nicholson's sunglasses. Either he's lost his eyes or he's constantly in a poker tournament. I guess we'll find out if he starts wearing a cowboy hat, too.

8:31 - What better way to introduce the Oscars than with an apocalyptic vision of a war-torn Hollywood, dominated by the very icons we once revered. Smart thinking giving Terminator the statuettes.

8:32 - Jon Stewart appeared to be delivered to the stage by a pneumatic tube, or some sort of giant cryo-chamber. I hope they keep that up throughout the night.

8:37 - Man. When the writer's strike ended, did Leno's writers immediately start on this material? The Norbit joke was pretty good though.

8:42 - Thank god Elizabeth won for Costume Design. I was starting to worry no one would ever recognize the brilliance in recreating old, giant dresses.

8:48 - This Oscars retrospective presents a pretty compelling thesis: if this is what we give you, why do you keep watching?

8:53 - I love stilted banter! (This won't be the last time I say this.)

8:54 - No surprise that Ratatouille won Best Animated Picture. Sort of a surprise when director Brad Bird started doing a long anecdote with voices.

8:58 - Once again, an obscure foreign film (La Vie en Rose) beats an American classic (Norbit). I guess the DVD box will just say "nominated" for an Oscar now.

Continued on Part II!

Feb 22 2008Oscar Liveblogging Sunday Night at 8!

In the interest of keeping up with the trendiest blogging trends, I'll be liveblogging the Oscars this Sunday, 8pm Eastern to god-knows-when, pummeling you with my every thought on winners, losers, obituaries, and song and dance numbers. Why go to a social gathering when you can stay home, glancing back and forth between televised dresses and a computer screen, alone if not for a wine bottle and a stranger's incremental written critique? See you Sunday!

Feb 22 2008'G.I. Joe' Set Shots! Baroness is Blonde?! Duke is Primitive?!

From the set of G.I. Joe, JFX managed to sneak some first looks at Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller in-costume as Duke and Baroness. Someone will have to remind me: has Duke always been so flagrantly vain despite having the cretinous look of a proto-human? And was Baroness ever blonde?

Begin the complaining. (Note: the Baroness photo under the cut may have "spoiler" qualities.)

Continue Reading "'G.I. Joe' Set Shots! Baroness is Blonde?! Duke is Primitive?!"

Feb 22 2008'The Ruins' R(uins)-Rated Ruins Trailer

Continuing today's theme, how about an R-rated trailer to The Ruins (compliments of Kyle) that doesn't seem all that different from what I remember of the standard trailer: some 20-somethings investigate some ruins, get attacked by natives, some bugs crawl under their skin, and I'm left feeling unnaturally attracted to Jena Malone and her massive forehead.

Next up, my awesome The Ruins tattoo.

Continue Reading "'The Ruins' R(uins)-Rated Ruins Trailer"

Feb 22 2008'The Ruins' Poster #2!

JoBlo has found another poster for The Ruins, this one focusing on the scene where you think the ruins have killed Shredder, but then he pushes his hand out and you realize there might be a sequel.

Ruins Poster

Feb 21 2008'The Ruins' Poster Merges Woman and Twig

Thanks to /Film for cleaning up this low-quality poster for the upcoming horror The Ruins, finally allowing me to realize Swamp Thing's ideal mate. And Swamp thanks you as well.

The Ruins Movie Poster [/Film]

Feb 21 2008Monaghan Joins 'Wolverine' as Beak

When it was announced earlier this week that Wolverine's solo film wouldn't be quite so solo, featuring a cast that includes Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, Taylor Kitsch as Gambit, will.i.am as John Wraith, Liev Schreiber as Sabretooth, Danny Huston as Stryker, and Lynn Collins as Silver Fox, most people had the same reaction: couldn't they squeeze in some more characters? Heck yeah they can! Just Jared reports Lost's Dominic Monaghan will join the cast as Beak, another b-side of a character who's been mutated into a somewhat bird-like form.

This addition to the cast should help those who might have otherwise been overwhelmed by so many more obscure Marvel characters. Now they have a real classic character to latch on to: Beak. Classic character, Beak. Classic.

Dominic Monaghan is Beak [Just Jared]

Feb 21 2008New '10,000 B.C. (or so)' Trailer

I have to wonder, was the "a world lost in time" tagline conceived before or after it was realized that 10,000 B.C. was completely and hopelessly lost in its own twisted chronology? Roland Emmerich's latest blockbuster epic looks like one of those Discovery Channel shows where, out of ideas for programming, they start disproving crazy hypotheses under the guise that some scientists actually believe them. "Could saber-toothed tigers have existed alongside the Mayans? If so, might they have been bus-sized? Maybe Ancient Egyptians had lasers, too? Watch how we spent our year's entire effects budget to find out."

Truthfully, those shows are usually pretty great, and if Emmerich had stuck with that format, only breaking up the action for a scientist to explain why it would never happen, he may have had something. Unfortunately, he had to add a plot and some dreadlocks, and that will be its downfall.

Continue Reading "New '10,000 B.C. (or so)' Trailer"

Feb 21 20083D 'Coraline' Trailer, Only Not in 3D, and Now Not From Phone Camera

Remember when you saw a short teaser to the Henry Selick/Neil Gaiman 3D stop-motion collaboration, Coraline, and how you wished it were a little less recorded-on-a-cell-phoney? Me too. So here it is.

It's still suffering from the whole "look, this is 3D, so here's something comin' atcha!" affliction, but earns points for looking otherwise great, and for not allowing Brendan Fraser to shove a book at you.

Continue Reading "3D 'Coraline' Trailer, Only Not in 3D, and Now Not From Phone Camera"

Feb 21 2008Michel Gondry's 'Be Kind, Amanda Bynes'

Michel Gondry is often praised for his unique vision and quirky ideas, but is it possible his newest film, Be Kind Rewind, stole the notion of video store employees remaking films from Nickelodeon's The Amanda Show. Probably not, but this video of the 8-year-old show does show some astounding similarities to Gondry's comedy.

The director will hopefully move past these claims of plagiarism with his next original film, in which a slimy green substance descends on anyone who expresses verbal uncertainty.

Thanks, Richard.

Continue Reading "Michel Gondry's 'Be Kind, Amanda Bynes'"

Feb 21 2008DiCaprio, Gordon-Levitt Join Drastically-Altered 'Akira'

Weekly, when I write down a list of Leonardo DiCaprio's interests, it generally includes the same items: acting, the environment, supermodels, Martin Scorsese, never quite growing out of a scrunched baby face. Never would I have dreamed "anime" would make the list, particularly over "idiotic facial hair." But apparently it has, with Leo announcing plans to bring the classic '80s manga/anime Akira to the big screen, with himself in the lead as Kaneda and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tetsuo.

Of course, since the film will take place in Neo Manhattan instead of Neo Tokyo, the names will probably be changed to something moms can more easily pronounce. And since DiCaprio is in his mid-30s, the whole teenage thing will have to be altered a bit, maybe adding some references to mortgages. And with his views on environmentalism, the signature motorcycle will probably be changed to hybrid mass transit, or maybe a community-shared bicycle. But ignoring all of the massive changes, it sounds like it will be a very faithful adaptation that should please all of the original's rabid, obsessive fans.

Is this as bad an idea as I think it is? All I can remember from the anime is the constant screaming.

Live-Action Akira Moves Forward [AICN]

Feb 21 2008'Step Brothers' Poster Would Have Once Been Exciting

Does this image make anyone else feel as empty as it does me? As much as I genuinely like Ferrell, Reilly, and writer/director Adam McKay, I just can't force any enthusiasm for this thing. It's like staring at a Happy Meal: I know at one point I'd have been really excited for what awaited me, but now all I can see is blandness, uniformity, and what appears to be pubic hair.

'Step Brothers' Poster Premiere! [Cinematical]

Feb 21 2008'Where the Wild Things Are' Getting Massive Reshoot?

Some bad news is coming from the Where the Wild Things Are camp. Remember how you watched what ended up being early test footage, and you thought the cold, impenetrable slab you call a heart might just feel again? How the warmth and charm of the clip, combined with the talent of Spike Jonze, Dave Eggers, and the original book, had you, your group's official movie guy, telling all your friends that this was the one to look forward to in 2009 (and that you were still sorry for building up Cloverfield so much)? Maybe it was just me.

Anyway, according to CHUD, it might be totally scrapped:

I'm hearing that just such a massive reshoot is what is on the table right now. And it's not because of technical issues, unless you want to consider the lead kid actor and the script technical issues. Sources tell me that the suits at Legendary and Warner Bros are not happy with Max Records, the actor playing Max, the mischievous boy who is crowned King of the Wild Things. Worse than that, they don't like the film's tone and want to go back to the script drawing board, possibly losing the Spike Jonze/Dave Eggers script when they do it. Apparently the film is too weird and 'too scary,' and the character of Max is being seen as not likable.

Of course, it only makes sense. All indications were that this was going to be a fun, unique, slightly scary movie--following the path of Labyrinth, The Neverending Story, and other films that still hold up as great, memorable children's entertainment. Why let that out of the gate, especially when another $20 million could probably get a shirtless Will Ferrell playing all the monsters?

Thanks, Becky.

Where the WIld Things Are... Being Completely Reshot? [CHUD]

Feb 20 2008Owen Wilson Tragedy Ends in More Tragedy

The Hollywood Reporter notes that Owen Wilson, having recovered from his tragic suicide attempt, has returned to work on his equally-tragic movie, Marley & Me. Thankfully, no, it's not a sequel to You, Me and Dupree; sadly, it is a hybrid of Beethoven and a sitcom plot in which baby-desiring teens learn a lesson from a school-assigned robot infant.

Someone, please give this poor guy something less miserable to work on. How about it, Wes Anderson?

Owen Wilson goes back to work [Hollywood Reporter]

Feb 20 2008Universal, Hasbro Announce Bad Idea Partnership

Universal Pictures and Hasbro have announced a six-year partnership that will produce at least four films based on the following games: Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong. Aside from Ridely Scott's inexplicable involvement in the Monopoly project, very little is known about how the properties would be developed into feature films. So how about I pitch some ideas?

Ouija - A group of gullible teenagers attribute a string of recent murders to a ghost, only to find out it was just their asshole friend doing it. (Note: This should be made in Asia first, then remade here.)

Clue - A wealthy mansion-owner invites a group of similarly affluent guests over to watch Clue.

Battleship - A hotshot naval commander attempts a daring new formation of lining up his fleet in a row along the border. This fails, but the young leader still finds victory after the enemy can't find his f***ing destroyer.

Monopoly - A light-hearted gathering erupts in argument; the film ends abruptly.

Stretch Armstrong - This movie (and toy) should never be made, but will star Jim Carrey and a lot of low-budget CGI.

Candy Land - A band of outcast teenagers find themselves in a colorful, candy-coated world where their movements are dictated by color. It turns out they're just really, really high.

Magic: The Gathering - An exciting battle between a powerful orc shaman and a dwarf paladin suddenly becomes dull when someone realizes it's a card game.

Any other/better ideas? It seems like the Magic movie should work in woeful virginity, but I'm not sure how.

Universal rolls dice with Hasbro [Variety]

Feb 20 2008Let's Hope You Like 'Witless Protection' Clips As Much As I do

I think I've become obsessed with Larry Cable Guy's Witless Protection. For some reason, and despite any outside encouragement (outside of the echoing laughter from our nation's small town bars), I can't help but follow the adventures of this sleeveless buffoon. So I don't know if it was the idea of knowing the enemy, the sick self-empowerment I derive from intense hatred, or just pure self-loathing that led me to watch another clip from the film, but I did. And it was awful.

I don't expect anyone else to subject themselves to such blue collared misery, but if you do, try your best to answer some of my earnest questions.

1. Does Larry Cable Guy have a new catchphrase, or was "Boy, it's a good'n!" created exclusively for this clip to hurl me into abject rage?

2. Hasn't this "beat someone up to prove they're dead when they actually aren't" joke been done in a Naked Gun or something before (albeit with fewer undertones of spousal abuse)?

3. Why does LCG continue to talk to her as if she's unconscious when she's obviously waving her fingers in his face?

4. Why is Larry Cable Guy wearing a comedic tuxedo t-shirt, rather than an actual tuxedo, to a funeral? Answered: Larry Cable Guy is funny.

Exclusive Witless Protection Clip [Coming Soon]

Feb 20 2008'Wolverine' Adds Reynolds, Kitsch, Black Eyed Pea

It's starting to sound like Wolverine may be the latest superhero movie to fall victim to a classic case of "too many spices in the stew." And while I don't think that's an actual saying, I think you get the point: there's a f***ing ton of characters being added to this movie, making it more and more likely this will turn into a Batman and Robin scenario (i.e., a terrible movie).

Fox has added three more superheroes to "X-Men Origins: Wolverine," with Ryan Reynolds set to play Deadpool, "Friday Night Lights" regular Taylor Kitsch to star as Gambit and hip-hop artist will.i.am joining the cast as John Wraith.

Liev Schreiber, Danny Huston and Lynn Collins round out the cast as Victor Creed/Sabretooth, Col. William Stryker and Kayla Silver Fox, respectively.

Admittedly, Reynolds as the wise-cracking Deadpool is spot-on casting, Kitsch at least looks the part of Gambit, and will.i.am will surely come in handy when the film needs an inspirational theme song that mixes celebrity endorsement with an unlistenable quality. But really, are they just filling out the toy line at this point? At this rate, I fully expect a scene where Wolverine jumps in a manhole, justifying the "Sewer Swimmin' Wolvie" action figure.

Reynolds, will.i.am join 'Wolverine' [Variety]

Feb 20 2008First Look at Two-Face! (as a Toy, and Blurry)

Tommy Lee Jones requests that you look at the new, first image of The Dark Knight's Two-Face, despite that it's actually the blurry image of a six-inch piece of plastic. See if Aaron Eckhart's version will have exactly half his face scarred, and if he'll wear Dilbert's tie, under the cut. (No and yes, by the way.)

Thanks, Joshua.

Continue Reading "First Look at Two-Face! (as a Toy, and Blurry)"

Feb 20 2008New 'Watchmen' Image: Disfiguring Burns

Last month, Watchmen director gave some comic frame-to-storyboard comparisons to show how similar his vision was to the original comic. Now, on the official blog, Snyzer has offered up a final shot from that sequence from the film. It's like watching a child grow up from birth to adulthood, only the child is constantly burning people with a match and an aerosol can.

That's a wrap! [Official Blog]

Feb 19 2008'Street Fighter' Adds Duncan, Klein, Black Eyed Pea

After the worthless 1994 effort and every other awful video game movie to come out since, I didn't know it was possible to make me care less about a Street Fighter movie. Yet, somehow, they've found away: casting the incredible blandness of Chris Klein, Michael Clarke Duncan, and one of the Black Eyed Peas (also Rick Yune, whom I'm not familiar enough with to consider boring).

Kreuk, who plays Lana Lang in the CW's "Smallville," will star as martial artist Chun-Li. Duncan will play Balrog, while Klein is stepping into the role of Nash. Yune is taking on the mystical Gen.

Rounding out the cast are Moon Bloodgood, Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas, Singapore's Edmund Chen and Hong Kong film star Cheng Pei Pei.

In a sense, it's genius casting. Dimensionless video game characters played by vaguely similar-looking dimensionless actors. And a Black Eyed Pea.

Kreuk, Duncan cruise 'Street' [Variety]

Feb 19 2008'Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D' Lives Up to Claims

When I'm watching a movie that goes so far with the 3D gimmick as to mention it in its title, I expect a certain amount of ridiculousness for the sake of optical depth: stuff flying at the camera, some deep holes, or anything else that makes you acutely aware of your binocular vision. What I don't expect is a sink drain POV giving me the full experience of Brendan Fraser's gargled spit. It's a rare film moment--commonplace in the Saw series--that's equal parts stupid and disgusting.

But that somehow isn't the worst part. That comes at the point in the trailer pictured above. Is this the laziest, most blatant attempt at depth ever, or is Fraser's face covered by the book simply to mask his eye rolling? That would make sense, except that he was also in multiple Mummy movies, and manages to deliver "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the center of the earth" with a straight face, so I'm tempted to say it's just lazy. Then again, with a family film so daringly post-modern as to acknowledge its own source material (Fraser's character proves the Verne novel to be fact-based), it's not so crazy to think this is another meta-wink at the audience, letting us know that the characters are acutely aware of the third dimension. I'm not sure if this is really stupid or borderline brilliant.

Continue Reading "'Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D' Lives Up to Claims"

Feb 19 2008DVD Format Wars Over: Blu-ray Wins

Well, the so-called format wars are over. Despite holding the more culturally significant name, HD DVD has lost the battle against Sony's Blu-ray technology, with Toshiba formally announcing their resignation from the battle today. Early adopters of new technology, half of you have been f***ed yet again.

Now HD DVD faces another uphill struggle: winning the crown of most-comedically-referenced dead format from Betamax, the title-holder for over 20 years. Just as Warner's support proved crucial in the success of Blu-ray, HD DVD will need Family Guy on their side if they hope to win this one.

Toshiba bows out of HD DVD fight [Variety]

Feb 19 2008New 'G.I. Joe' Logo Looks Great on Tailgates

Found on a banner in Toy Fair this weekend, could this be the logo to the new G.I. Joe film? If so, did someone really design this, or do you think they just took the Chevy Tahoe logo and fixed a couple letters? Is the resemblance to a truck logo intentional, and this is director Stephen Sommer's sly way of admitting his movie will probably resemble a car commercial more than an actual film?

With all the pro-America patriotism in recent years, it seems weird they'd intentionally eliminate the distinct red, white, and blue stripes in the original G.I. Joe logo. Did GM finally get the national colors changed to chrome and mud-splatter? Why did no one tell me?

Is This The Official 'G.I. Joe' Movie Logo [MTV]

Feb 19 2008'Star Wars: The Clone Wars' Reveals 'Crazy Eyes' Obi-Wan

If you're excited about the new Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated series, enjoy this first look at Obi-Wan. If you're not, just enjoy the mad look in his eyes.

Expect The Clone Wars in theaters August 15, followed by a series on Cartoon Network and TNT, followed by complaining.

George Lucas Bringing 3D Star Wars to Theaters [Rotten Tomatoes]

Feb 19 2008'Jumper', Lincoln Win President's Day Weekend

1. Jumper - $31.7 million, making it the biggest opening ever for a Third Eye Blind video.

2. The Spiderwick Chronicles - A $24.5 million opening has filmmakers scrambling to put together Spiderwick 2, and to find a way to work Venom in.

3. Step Up 2 the Streets - The competitive dance trend makes a successful, terrifying leap from something lazily watched because it's on after something else to something you leave the house and actually pay for, making $21.5 million.

4. Fool's Gold - Another $15 million, finally covering the film's bronzer budget.

5. Definitely, Maybe - There's no 'maybes' that this $11.4 million opening showed America needed a lighthearted rom-com to get their minds off this war. Y'know what I mean, man?

4-Day Weekend Box Office [Box Office Mojo]

Feb 19 2008Smurfs Dying at Cold Metal Hands of Unseen Robot Foe

Have you ever wanted to see the world through the cold, emotionless eyes of a robot warrior programmed and trained specifically to destroy the Smurfs? I sure have. And though it's unclear whether this image is an unfinished 3D scene or the final moments before a Smurf genocide, it at least gives me some idea.

So what do you think? They seem to look like Smurfs. I don't know what else could be asked, outside of not making a Smurfs movie.

First Look: The Smurf Movie [/Film]

Feb 15 2008'Where the Wild Things Are' Clip Impossible to Frown At

It's like my childhood giving me a fuzzy handshake, or maybe just the best episode of Sesame Street ever: a short clip from the Dave Eggers-written, Spike Jonze-directed (NPR surprisingly not involved) adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are, sure to bring about the kind of warm, smile-inducing nostalgia you wish you got from the Indiana Jones trailer.

Huge thanks to Steve for starting off my weekend with this.

Update: Once again functional here, though it's being called everything from test footage to an outright fraud. Regardless, it's pretty good.

Continue Reading "'Where the Wild Things Are' Clip Impossible to Frown At"

Feb 15 2008'Batman: Gotham Knights' Preview

This preview to Batman: Gotham Knight--a collection of six anime-style Batman shorts--would be a lot more interesting if two-thirds of it wasn't spent explaining who Batman is. This fella's some sort of vigilante? You don't say! Dresses like a bat, too? Seems a bit far-fetched, but I'll give it a shot.

But despite the superfluous interviews, my general cynicism towards anime, and Bruce Wayne looking suspiciously like a wood nymph, I found myself surprisingly intrigued by this vision of the superhero. It has to be at least as good as Joel Schumacher's interpretation, right?

Continue Reading "'Batman: Gotham Knights' Preview"

Feb 15 2008'The Love Guru' Poster Has Huge Nonsensical Euphemism

Nothing sells a comedy like the knowledge Mike Myers will wear funny hairpieces--except maybe an groundless dick joke. Honestly, "karma"? I don't even know what that's referencing; it's only the huge part tipping me off that it may be a penis.

The Love Guru's Karma is Huge! [Coming Soon]

Feb 15 2008Depp, Farrell, and Law Stepping Into 'Imaginarium'

After Heath Ledger's untimely death, there was some speculation as to who, if anyone, would take his place in Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. (Also, who's getting his apartment???) AICN claims to have the answer, and it's a surprisingly long list: Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell. According to the site, all three actors will play the character at different points in the film.

I wonder if they're doing this pro bono in honor of Ledger. If it's inflating the budget too much, Gilliam should know he could probably get Frank Caliendo to play fat versions of all four of them for a fraction of the cost.

Feb 15 2008First Look at Quaid as Hawk in 'G.I. Joe'

"Shut UP! Destro said WHAT? What-evs. Text me later."

First Look at Dennis Quaid as General Hawk [IESB]

Feb 15 2008'The Happening' Trailer Has Disappointing Twist Ending

Another trailer to M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening--this one showing off more of the build-up to the inevitable twist ending. Like the malaise of daily life unavoidably leading to empty tears, the film's payoff apparently has equally unfulfilling results: Kyle, who sent the link, has read the script, and assures us that the reason for the unexplained suicides is "f***ing retarded." I never would have guessed.

'The Happening' Trailer [Cineplex]

Feb 15 2008'Far Cry' Trailer Meets Uwe Boll Standard

I've never played Far Cry the game, so I can't say how faithful Uwe Boll's adaptation is. But I will say that it's terrible. Really, really terrible.

How terrible? Well, I'll assume by the credits stating "music by _______" that this is unfinished (or possibly that no composer was willing to be openly associated with it), so for now I'll ignore the abysmal editing and the bizarre two-second inclusion of The Usual Suspects score. Perhaps this is just an early cut.

But the dialogue. My god, the dialogue. It's so unabashedly awful, it can't even follow the conventions of bad dialogue. Woman says, "You're a sick, egotistical maniac!" The bad dialogue rulebook dictates the madman's smug, calm reply should be something like, "I'm not that sick," or, "You forgot sadistic." But come on, "Let's not go over the top"? That's all you have to say? If you're going to write something this bad, at least make it less boring.

As far as the first line being spoken in a thick lisp, and the seemingly-post-coital erection joke, I have no idea.

Thanks, Greg.

Continue Reading "'Far Cry' Trailer Meets Uwe Boll Standard"

Feb 14 2008'Star Trek' Pushed Back Four Months

Those hoping to wait in line Christmas Eve night and get the first glimpse of Zachary Quinto doing an impression of Leonard Nimoy may have to wait a bit longer than expected (and finally devote a holiday to your family, rather than a nerdy obsession). Variety is reporting J.J. Abrams' Star Trek prequel is being pushed back from Christmas Day to May 8 of next year, with Paramount realizing the sci-fi film could be more profitable competing against the outdoors than other films.

'Star Trek' pushed back to 2009 [Variety]

Feb 14 2008'Priceless' Poster Exploits My Love of Amelie

With its iconic poster still adorning the walls of countless young women's rooms, Breakfast at Tiffany's still remains outside the vicious world of remakes for now--at least until Gap needs someone new to shill pants. Pierre Salvadori has, however, made a "fresh re-imagining" of the story, alluding to as much with a Tiffany Blue poster and a fresh, new, black-dressed Audrey. Tautou's overwhelming cuteness forbids me from pre-judging this too much, but if they hope to compare to the original, they'd better have a mighty powerful racist stereotype to compete with Mickey Rooney.

'Priceless' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]

Feb 14 2008'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2' Trailer is a Perfect Fit!

As far as communicable-jeans-as-storytelling-device productions go, the offerings have been tragically slim in recent years. Outside of Levi's commercials, where's a man to go to follow pants around a series of eye-roll-inducing romances? Sensing my plight, Ugly Betty, Gilmore Girl, Gossip Girl, and Joan of Arcadia have re-teamed to take their shape-shifting jeans on even more giggling adventures in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. This trailer will hopefully satiate my desire to experience girls doing stuff until the film's release--or at least until the next Babysitters Club book arrives.

Thanks, Kyle.

Continue Reading "'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2' Trailer is a Perfect Fit!"

Feb 14 2008'Wolverine' Strikes a Familiar Pose

I get the same sense from this first still from Wolverine that I did from most of the X-Men promotions that came out: aside from being a brutal killer, Wolverine is like a glamor model that never wants to be caught without a pose. But rather than sucking in his cheeks and turning coyly to the camera, Wolverine deals in crossed claws, grimaces, and feral crouches. Even when he's wandering the smokey caged enclosures where Circuit City keeps their most expensive electronics, there is no question this man is a badass.

Thanks, Jeff.

Prequel gets its claws into Wolverine [USA Today]

Feb 14 2008'Street Kings' Poster is Really Street-Arty

Way to go, Street Kings, capitalizing on the same vomiting splash of pseudo-graffiti that Comedy Central tried to exploit a few years back. Street Kings will definitely be the edgiest drag king prostitute movie in years.

Street Kings Poster [IMPA]

Feb 14 2008'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' Trailer

Well, it's finally here: the trailer to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. If you like adventure, nostalgia, explosions, soundstages as exteriors, long inexplicable pauses in action for joke delivery, or any combination thereof, you're going to be excited as shit. And let's be honest, even if you hate the trailer, you'll be excited anyway--it's Indiana Jones, for god's sake.

Continue Reading "'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' Trailer"

Feb 13 2008'Dark Matters' Poster is Very Blue

Nice to see Aidan Quinn and Asian Bobby Fischer getting some work.

Feb 13 2008'The Mighty Boosh' Movie is Coming (But Probably Nowhere Near Me)

The surreal British comedy series The Mighty Boosh has a movie is in the works? Yes! (exclamation point here to denote actual excitement.)

Stars Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt have signed a deal with BBC Films to bring the cult series to the big screen.

The show focuses on friends Vince Noir (Fielding) and Howard Moon (Barratt), who embark on a series of magical adventures.

The pair are currently working on a script for the movie, which is likely to begin filming early next year.

If you haven't watched this show, you probably should. And no using the fact that it's only aired in Britain and unavailable in the U.S. as an excuse. Haven't you heard of illegal downloading? Get with it, Luddites. You can start here.

'Mighty Boosh' movie confirmed [Digital Spy]

Feb 13 2008Michael Bay Has Written 'Transformers 2', and Everything Else, It Turns Out

Michael Bay is not to be messed with. He's staged armageddons, forced people to walk in slow motion, spun cameras around things, blown stuff up, and all with the hair of an aging rocker. Michael Bay is not going to let some whining writers interrupt his schedule. That's why, when whoever has the torturous task of writing a two-hour toy commercial/nostalgia generator sat back down at the keyboard today, they were greeted with a little surprise: A Michael Screenbay.

Yes, as my sad amalgamation of "screenplay" and "Bay" nearly implies, Michael Bay has cranked out his own rough draft of Transformers 2, complete with such novel concepts as characters and story--new to Bay's repertoire. But what's really interesting is that it turns out he's been doing this all along:

I've been writing Transformers 2. We've got our characters all designed. I always write all my scripts, my movies anyway so at least I've got something to give the writers. It's like a template. We have a really good outline so I worked on that.

So you mean to tell me that after watching Armageddon, utterly infuriated as to how anyone could combine so many absurd plot points, ridiculous dialogue, and explosions into one film, cursing the names of Robert Roy Pool (story), Jonathan Hensleigh (story, screenplay), Tony Gilroy (adaptation), Shane Salerno (adaptation), and J.J. Abrams (screenplay, and yes, that J.J. Abrams), I should have also been cursing the name Michael Bay? All along, he's been contributing more than just the aesthetic of a car commercial? I mean, it makes sense with the consist level of idiocy he's maintained, but he could have said something earlier.

Michael Bay Says He Already Wrote Transformers 2 [Rotten Tomatoes]

Feb 13 2008Kutch and JJL Ready to 'Spread'! Like How Legs Do! During Sex!

In a no-brainer casting decision that could have just as easily gone the way of Josh Hartnett, Matthew McConaughey, or a convincingly handsome primate, Ashton Kutcher (above, doing something hilarious) has been cast as serial womanizer in a new indie sex comedy, Spread, alongside Jennifer Jason Leigh. It seems obvious enough why Kutch would take the part--otherwise Dane Cook would--but why is Leigh leaving the art house for a sex comedy? Was the irreverent allusion to parting thighs in the title too clever to resist? Or was it simply the chance to meet Kutch, greatly increasing the chance of future freelance Punk'ng?

Well, maybe since they tacked an "indie" on the description this could at least be a fresh and unique take on the genre, right? Probably not:

"Spread," which was put together quickly, beats out of the gate a similarly themed project that Katalyst is developing for Columbia Pictures as a Kutcher starring vehicle.

Unoriginal, rushed, and Kutch'd? I'm there!

Note: Title has been fixed. I have no idea why I typed RLL.

Duo to star in MacKenzie's indie sex satire [Variety]

Feb 13 2008First Look at Emile Hirsch in 'Milk'

From the set of Milk, the Sean Penn-starring biopic on politician/activist Harvey Milk, come the first images of co-star Emile Hirsch in-character, apparently as the young bombardier Gene Shalit.

Lucas Grabeel and Emile Hirsch Get Milked [JustJared]

Feb 13 2008'Pineapple Express' R-Rated Trailer Good Even Non-Stoned

The stoner-buddy-action-comedy genre is not, inherently, a good one. When someone likes weed enough to write an entire movie about being stoned, there's an implication that they were most likely stoned while writing it, meaning there's a good chance the jokes are only funny when stoned. (e.g., in stoned reality, it's f***ed up how birds can fly! In reality reality, birds: not f***ed up.)

I have no evidence whether or not Superbad writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg were stoned while writing Pineapple Express, but after seeing this trailer, I can safely say it doesn't matter. It pretty much looks really, really good--funny, action-filled, and includes that laugh where you just make a noise. Along with producer Judd Apatow, these guys had already proven their talent, but bringing along indie-favorite David Gordon Green for directorial duties has added a level of naturalism reminiscent of vintage Ivan Reitman.

Highly recommended for viewing, and it's below the cut. (Thanks to everyone who sent this.)

Continue Reading "'Pineapple Express' R-Rated Trailer Good Even Non-Stoned"

Feb 13 2008Writer's Guild Strike Officially Over

With networks straining to come up with absolutely anything that doesn't require writing, an agreement was finally reached with the Writer's Guild yesterday, officially ending the 100-day strike. So, writers of Two and a Half Men, get back to making me laugh my ass off.

Official release under the cut.

Continue Reading "Writer's Guild Strike Officially Over"

Feb 13 2008Indiana Jones Doing More Hunting for Crystal Skulls, L'espresso

I've discovered a fun way to enjoy these new, otherwise pretty boring Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull photos. First, pretend L'esresso is some kind of Italian coffee brand, then imagine a ludicrous scenario in which Indiana Jones has to do crazy things in search of his favorite coffee brand, L'espresso. (Think Mentos and early Diet Coke commercials.) The only catch is, your commercial has to end on one of these freeze frames, followed by a baritone Italian's booming voice shouting, "L'espresso!"*

It's as good a way as any to waste ten minutes

*Bonus points if your commercial includes a shot of Indy replacing a cup of L'espresso on a pedestal with an equivalently weighted bag, or anything with whipping.

Indiana Jones: tre foto dall'Espresso [Bad Taste]

Feb 12 2008Some Other Crap That Happened...

- In further lawsuit news, now that production on Watchmen has begun, Fox is suing Warner over rights issues on the graphic novel adaptation. Fox claims they hold exclusive copyright and contract right; Warner says they own, like, all the original issues, and Fox only started liking it after liking comics became cool. [Hollywood Reporter]

- After doing what most critics admit was a serviceable job with Cormac McCarthy's No Country For Old Men, the Coen Brothers are set to adapt Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policemen's Union for screens. Needless to say, it will be almost definitely be really, really good. [Variety]

- My One and Only, a comedy based on the childhood of George Hamilton, has nabbed Renne Zellwegger to play a glamorous mother searching for a wealthy father to raise her sons. Casting is still looking for young males between 8 and 14 who are also strangely orange. [Variety]

Feb 12 2008'Kung Fu Panda' Trailer is Big, Clumsy

Like pretty much all of Dreamworks Animation's efforts, Kung Fu Panda must have began with the great idea of getting big name voice cast to take on the roles of goofy animated animals. They succeeded in this noble effort, getting Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan, and Angelina Jolie to star, but it seems like that's all there is to it.

Outside of hearing stars' disembodied voices, the film relies entirely on the premise that it's hilarious how fat and clumsy this schlub is. It might be moderately funny the first time, but how many times can you watch a cartoon panda fall over and laugh? I hope your answer is at least seven times, twice in slow motion, because that's pretty much all the content you're going to find here.

I watched this thing several times, and I've determined it's impossible not to roll your eyes when "Kung Fu Fighting" starts playing. And remember the end of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (and Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze), when Master Splinter finally breaks his solemn facade to give the audience a long-awaited "cowabunga"? Well, I don't want to ruin anything, but get ready to laugh--again!

Continue Reading "'Kung Fu Panda' Trailer is Big, Clumsy"

Feb 12 2008NBC Finds New Way To Make TV Stupider

There is a dilemma right not facing all soulless television executives. Now that reality TV has explored everything from You'll Listen to Whatever Crap We Feed You (American Idol), to You're a F***ing Liar: The Series (Moment of Truth), to My Dad Can Kill Your Dad (I think that's actually what it's called), where do you go from there? NBC, falling quickly behind Fox in terms of depravity entertainment, think they have the answer: comedically boring sports.

The network has confirmed that they have rights to a 10-episode curling competition, Rockstar Curling, in which winners get a shot at competing in the national championship. Curling, like the thing with rocks and brooms that no one seriously watches? That's the one.

"This show is all about the opportunity to expose American viewers to curling," said Colin Campbell, Canadian president of mktgpartners and one of the creators of the show. "We feel there might be some great athletes out there who might develop into good curlers given the chance."

I know what you're thinking. When even the best curlers--whoever they might be--are complete unknowns in the U.S., where does the "Rockstar" aspect come in? I'm glad you asked. NBC hopes to get rumored "closet curlers" Bruce Springsteen or Jon Bon Jovi in on the action, possibly as the host. Whether or not they succeed in this mission, "Wanted Dead or Alive" will forever be tainted by the knowledge that Bon Jovi may have been riding his steel horse to a curling tournament.

Rock stars courted for curling reality show [The Star]

Feb 12 2008Former Dr. Who Steals 'G.I. Joe' Role as Destro

David Murray and Chris Eccleston are, respectively, damning and praising immigration services this week, as unforeseen problems in getting in the U.S. have cost Murray the role of G.I. Joe's Destro, a guy with a silver head.

Murray had been announced as the G.I. Joe villain with a silver head in earlier weeks, but his inability to secure a work visa in time meant that Eccleston, former star of Dr. Who, was given the great opportunity to fill-in, taking on the role of a metal-headed man.

It's a huge part for Eccleston, who recently played Claude on Heroes, but had yet to secure a role as anyone with a polished, ornamental head. On the same token, it's a devastating blow to Murray, who may never have the chance to have a smooth chrome skull--at least on film.

G.I. Joe's Destro Has Been Re-Cast [IESB]

Feb 12 2008Hugh Jackman Poses with Some People, Possibly In-Costume for 'Wolverine'

What were you expecting?

The site of origin also notes that the fellow on the right is named Hugh as well, so just imagine the stirring conversation that was had about that.

First Image of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine?! [Cinematical]

Feb 12 2008Marisa Tomei Stripping for 'The Wrestler'

Variety reports Marisa Tomei has signed on to star opposite Mickey Rourke in Darren Aronofsky's The Wrestler. In the film, Rourke plays a retired, over-the-hill wrestler who moves in with a stripper (Tomei) and her son. Yet another serious role as a stripper pried from the lacquered nails of Pamela Anderson. Don't worry, baby; you'll get your chance one day. Maybe in a direct-to-video sequel with Hulk Hogan, or is that too appropriate?

Tomei joins Aronofsky's 'Wrestler' [Variety]

Feb 12 2008'Star Wars: The Clone Wars' Reveals Nearly Sleek New Anakin

Lucasfilm has released the first shots of Anakin Skywalker from the new animated Clone Wars series, and like many hoped for in the prequel films, the animators have stripped nearly all elements of Hayden Christensen from the character. He's become stylized to the point that he's nothing but a sleek, chiseled, ultimately forgettable jawline with hair--like how you'd describe Casper Van Dien. With the pictures came the announcement that Star Wars: The Clone Wars will be coming to theaters August 15, preceding the series that will run on Cartoon Network and TNT.

Now, if you're like me, you're getting worried. Not that George Lucas has stretched the Star Wars franchise to the point that he's making video games based on toys based on the movies (Lego Star Wars made perfect sense), nor that the sheer number of Star Wars products has turned the hum of a lightsaber into the horrific screams of your dying childhood. No, if you're like me, your concern is simply this: can the epic thrills of a Star Wars movie possibly be contained in a traditional, 30-minute television episode? Thankfully, Lucasfilm has pacified those fears, explaining that, although Clone Wars will be televised with brief, regular commercial interruptions, they are not episodes. Rather, "Each week, viewers will see a thrilling, 30-minute 'mini-movie'". Phew!

One more image below the cut. Thanks, Joshua.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars in Theaters and on Television in 2008 [Official Site]

Continue Reading "'Star Wars: The Clone Wars' Reveals Nearly Sleek New Anakin"

Feb 12 2008AM Poster Post: 'Clive Barker's Book of Blood' Poster

It's tempting to compare any writing-on-skin poster to those that have already been done--like when Lou Reed and Jim Carrey found their faces similarly covered in ink--but in the case of Cliver Barker's Book of Blood, I'll have to let it slide. Looking at the source material (Clive Barker's Book of Blood, obviously), it turns out the story actually involves ghosts carving ghost stories into a man's flesh, making both the poster and its tagline stupidly appropriate. The bigger issue is that there isn't a ghost with a penknife standing behind him, writing in giant letters, "THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENS."

Large Look at Book of Blood Teaser Art [Shock Till You Drop]

Feb 11 2008First Look at 'Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus'

This first official look at Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus has been posted on the official site. I like to imagine these actors are waving goodbye to Heath Ledger, who died tragically while shooting the film, and that maybe he's seeing them as he flies by, riding a comet like a horse, and he's doing that Arsenio Hall hand pump thing.

Click for high resolution.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus [Official Site]

Feb 11 2008Actor Roy Scheider Dies at 75

Roy Scheider, the actor known for his work in Jaws, A French Connection, All That Jazz, and, of course, SeaQuest DSV, died Sunday afternoon. His wife reports he had been suffering from multiple myeloma for years, and died from complications from a staph infection.

In tribute, I'd like to post his superlative-filled IMDB mini-biography, as written by user firehouse44. I found this a couple years ago, and it quickly becomes apparent that Scheider himself must be firehouse44. It's great.

Lean, angular-faced and authoritatively spoken lead / supporting actor Roy Scheider obviously never heard the old actor's axiom about "never appearing with kids or animals" lest they overshadow your performance. Breaking that rule did him no harm, though, as he achieved pop cult status by finding, fighting and blowing up a 25-foot-long Great White shark (nicknamed "Bruce") in the mega-hit Jaws (1975) and then electrocuting an even bigger Great White in the vastly inferior Jaws 2 (1978).

And there's more!

Continue Reading "Actor Roy Scheider Dies at 75"

Feb 11 2008'Fool's Gold' Wins Weekend, Tanned Ab Award

Given the choice of a loose treasure hunting premise constructed solely as a background to an even looser comedy-romance, a joint concert performed by a fictional television character and an actual human, and something with Martin Lawrence where at least one joke is based on how unsightly fat women are, what would America choose? Despite what you might think, the answer is not death.

1. Fool's Gold - Took in $22 million, and created the most excitement for tans, blonde hair, and abs since Hulkamania.

2. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - A powerful $17.1 million weekend proved this is indeed Martin Lawrence's Garden State.

3. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour - A $10.5 million weekend inspired father Billy Ray to put together a Clint 'Doc' Cassidy/Billy Ray Cyrus: Curing That Achy-Breaky Heart Tour.

4. The Eye - Though many theaters, due to a lack of prints, showed The Grudge instead, the film still made $6.6 million and no one seemed to notice or care.

5. Juno - $5.7 million--honest to blog! Get it? Like that line in the movie.

Weekend Box Office Estimates [Box Office Mojo]

Feb 11 2008'Street Kings' Trailer is 'Straight Nightmare,' Says Common

Here's how to make your very own Street Kings trailer: for every time Keanu Reeves says something ridiculously clichéd and completely predictable ("[Your nickname is] Quicks? Not quick enough," for example), add about ten to twenty shots of guns. Using this simple technique, you'll be surprised how easily you're able to pull together a minute-and-a-half of something that resembles a movie.

Also, Common is no longer allowed to act. Ever.

(Thanks Joe and Kyle)

Continue Reading "'Street Kings' Trailer is 'Straight Nightmare,' Says Common"

Feb 11 2008Uwe Boll's Latest Masterwork: 'Tunnel Rats' Trailer

If you're at all familiar with the Uwe Boll catalog, you know that the director's films are pretty much the equivalent of a conversation with an 8-year-old boy--nonsensical, full of video game references, often inscrutable, and requiring of the abandonment of personal desire to get through. So you may be surprised, watching this trailer to his latest directorial effort, that it seems so... not "good"--definitely not good--but maybe... restrained?

Whereas my usual response to a Boll trailer is screaming at the screen, agonizing over the idea that this man has been given the chance to direct nearly 20 unwatchable films, I instead felt an incredible numbness. So tame; so boring; so few unintentionally hilarious, inexplicable moments. Just some terrible actors dressed like army guys. Could this mean the end of the Uwe Boll we all know and love?

No. It turns out that's not the case. In actuality, the entire trailer was just an extended joke, numbing you with poorly-paced but reasonable footage until the big punchline at the end (look at this dude gettin' stabbed in the f***in' throat, bros!) reassures you that Uwe Boll does still plan to make it as gratuitous as possible in as many ways possible. It's good to know some things won't change.

Continue Reading "Uwe Boll's Latest Masterwork: 'Tunnel Rats' Trailer"

Feb 11 2008AM Poster Post: 'Smart People' Continues Trend

I really thought I was kidding a few months ago when, following the posters for Knocked Up and Strange Wilderness, I declared white text on sickly green with a diffused spotlight point as the new trend in comedy posters. Besides being nauseating to look at, it seemed far too specific to be a legitimate trend. Well, as you can see above, it turns out it's very real and very, very green. Now what?

Smart People Poster [IMPA]

Feb 8 2008'WALL-E' International Trailer is Infatuating

As much as this trailer would have you believe it's a horrible tragedy when WALL-E's first and only love is taken from him, it's time to face the facts: WALL-E is old, dirty, and desperate; she's a slick young model, way out of his league. We all knew it couldn't last (unless WALL-E was also rich). And if ol' WALL did some self-examination, he'd probably realize it was just infatuation, birthed from the wretched loneliness of his solitary life. Seriously, what are the chances his one true love happens to be the only lady-bot he's ever met? It's that mentality that gets you a miserable marriage right out of high school.

Continue Reading "'WALL-E' International Trailer is Infatuating"

Feb 8 2008Another Shot from 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull'

Blanchett will be the first Indy villain to communicate entirely in Princess Bride quotes, with the actress here requesting that Shia LaBeouf drop his sword. Or maybe holding swords to throats is just her thing, like pulling hearts out was for Temple of Doom guy.

New 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Photo [The Raider]

Feb 8 2008Mickey Rourke Looking Healthy as 'The Wrestler'

My first thought was, "Man, Kim Basinger is looking busted," then, "Oh, it's just Bret Michaels wrestling for something VH1 must be sponsoring, and he's on meth." As it turns out, both instincts were wrong; it's just Mickey Rourke playing the down-and-out titular character on the set of Darren Aronofsky's The Wrestler. Knowing that, he actually looks pretty good for Mickey Rourke.

Thanks, Kevin.

WXW Show for Darren Aronofsky's 'The Wrestler' [WXW Wrestling]

Feb 8 2008Scorsese Planning Bob Marley Doc, Mon

Following up his documentaries on Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones, Martin Scorsese will reportedly direct a film on the late Bob Marley:

Martin Scorsese, Steve Bing's Shangri-La Entertainment and international sales agent Fortissimo Films will reteam for the helmer's next musically themed effort -- a yet-to-be-titled documentary about legendary reggae star Bob Marley.

Trio were behind the helmer's Rolling Stones docu "Shine a Light," which opened the Berlin Film Festival on Thursday. Tuff Gong Pictures and Shangri-La are producing the pic, which has been authorized by Marley's family. Docu is set for release on Feb. 6, 2010, on what would have been Marley's 65th birthday.

This news nearly confirms my theory that Scorsese has been using dorm room posters as his documentary inspiration. If his next film covers Dave Matthews Band, Scarface, or a really hot girl in a bikini, then we'll know for certain.

Scorsese sings Bob Marley's praises [Variety]

Feb 8 2008Rob Zombie to Zombify Conan the Barbarian?

There was a time when Rob Zombie was content in making intolerable noise metal that served as a standardized test for identifying the troubled youths of middle school. They were happier times, when his pseudo-Satanic messages were streamed through headphones and black t-shirts, making them easy enough to ignore. Now, with Zombie intent on proving himself a serious director, it's becoming harder and harder to overlook his efforts at bringing the same mentality to screens, particularly with latest news that he's in talks to direct a Conan movie.

As much of my brain as his lazy Halloween remake killed, certain regions still function, and I couldn't help but ponder what Rob Zombie's Conan the Barbarian might be like. Then, magically, my vision somehow manifested itself on YouTube. I think it will be just like that, except with Tyler Bane as Conan, and probably with some white trash rape.

Rob Zombie to Conquer an Empire [Bloody Disgusting]

Feb 8 2008'Chaos Theory' Trailer Has Hilariously Red Lettering!

In a movie you'd swear has already been made, Ryan Reynolds lives an absurdly structured life full of specific lists and unchanging schedules--that is, until he misses a ferry and does something with a baby. Then he starts doing anything that would create slapstick comedy or appeal to males 18-35 (bar fighting, interacting with boobs).

I commend the director for attempting to make this a slightly mature film (more naturalistic lighting, not casting Jim Carrey in the lead), but any script that assumes streaking and bar brawls are hilarious only allows for so much dignity. And when the graphics department decides to stick on the same over-inflated crimson lettering used to title every awful comedy from License to Wed to Alvin and the Chipmunks to whatever Eddie Murphy is wearing a fat suit for, it's like a big, puffy red flag of text warning you to stay away.

Thanks to Kyle for inviting us to yet another low-brow, high-concept Ryan Reynolds vehicle.

'Chaos Theory' Trailer [WB]

Feb 8 2008AM Poster Post: 'Shutter' At How Terrible This Tagline Is

From the executive producers of The Grudge and The Ring comes one of the worst taglines I've ever had the misfortune of reading. "The most terrifying images are the ones that are real"? Yeah, I guess that's true. I suppose real images usually are more terrifying than illusory ones. So your horror film is unique in that everything is real? No? Then what the hell are you talking about?

Shutter Poster [IMPA]

Feb 7 2008Why Val Kilmer is a Bad Car Voice for 'Knight Rider'

Val Kilmer has signed on to replace Will Arnett as the voice of KITT in NBC's veiled Ford Mustang commercial, Knight Rider. Problems with Arnett came about when GMC--whom the Arrested Development star has worked with as the less-literal voice of their trucks--realized he would be schilling Ford products through a weak action plot.

So why is Val Kilmer such a poor replacement? Do you not remember his work in Batman Forever? (It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out how to embed this, so please listen.)

Dreth? Thircuth? Thircuth?!

Val Kilmer voices 'Knight Rider' [Variety]

Feb 7 2008Jamie Foxx, Will Smith Compete for Hobo Savant Title

The Oscar race is sure to be tight next year, with two serious actors (assuming you ignore all the stupid shit they've done) waging a war of simulated homelessness, each playing a variation of the popular "hobo with a hidden talent" archetype.

Will Smith thought he had a lock on the Best Hobo title with his booze-swigging, superpowered bum in Hancock, particularly with his famously mismatched ski-hat and Hawaiian shirt combo (the homeless can never properly dress for a single season). But now a dark horse has emerged, with Jamie Foxx playing a homeless piano prodigy--and he's schizophrenic! In this shot from The Soloist set, Foxx answers Smith's clashing seasonal attire with several layers of jackets and an outer layer of graffiti-stained day-glo vest, plus the hair of a madman.

Who will win in the end? Probably Foxx, since I just noticed he was dedicated enough to shave his eyebrows off. You know, like homeless schizophrenics do.

On Location: The Soloist [JFX]

Feb 7 2008Larry David, Woody Allen Uniting, Forming Voltron of Neuroses

Woody Allen has found a new solution to his constant struggle of finding someone to essentially play himself: cast another old, neurotic Jewish comedian. EW is reporting that Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David will take the lead in Allen's latest film, starring alongside Across the Universe's Evan Rachel Wood. Clearly David can play the type, and Curb revealed he can at least fictionally work with big name directors, so the only question remaining is if Woody will be able to write the part of an old Jewish guy fixated on a much younger, beautiful woman. We can only hope.

Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood to star in Woody Allen's next movie [EW]

Feb 7 2008Bond's 'Quantum of Solace' Poster as Wallpaper

In an effort to make the character more relatable to middle-America, this outing will see Bond go out to an empty parking lot and recreationally unload a few rounds, then drive his pick-up around hitting shopping carts until he finishes his 12-pack.

Thanks, Kyle.

Quantum of Solace Poster Wallpaper [007.com]

Feb 7 2008'Married Life' Trailer Critiques 1940s Wife Murder

Chris Cooper, Pierce Brosnan, Patricia Clarkson, and Rachel McAdams (playing, apparently, Gwen Stefani) star in Married Life, a film that takes the '40s/'50s social critique of Far from Heaven and presents it like a long, schlocky play.

The hardest part to understand is that they're marketing this as a straight-up drama, though the trailer paints it as a satire mixed with a comedy of "who's cheating with who?!" We're not supposed to think it's funny how he's planning to replace his wife's medicine with poison? That's such a ridiculous murder cliché, how is it not meant to be funny? He might as well drop an anvil on her. Then again, maybe it's just the Django Reinhardt(-inspired?) soundtrack making me assume Woody Allen is going to pop out from behind a bannister, or that the title already makes it sound like a seldom-watched CBS sitcom.

Continue Reading "'Married Life' Trailer Critiques 1940s Wife Murder"

Feb 6 2008Model-Cum-Actress To Play Model-Cum-Militant

Like passengers boarding a sinking ship, yet another performer has joined the roster of the big screen G.I. Joe, in a role we didn't even know was being cast. Supermodel Karolína Kurková is rumored to be filling the role of Cover Girl in the coming film adaptation of the popular toy/comic/cartoon/veiled-jingoist-propaganda franchise. For the uninitiated, Cover Girl is apparently a former model that--in an effort to eschew being dismissed as "just another pretty face"--joined the decidedly unfeminine ranks of the military and eventually G.I. Joe (similar to how Kurková herself, to show she's more than just a pretty face, is totally getting into acting, and probably singing).

With this increasingly expansive cast--now adding obscure model characters--are the writers just throwing darts at the "COLLECT THEM ALL!" guide on the back of the old G.I. Joe toy cards to decide who to include? It's only a matter of time before we see The Fridge, Sgt. Slaughter, or that guy that for some reason has a crocodile.

Such a large cast for a movie based on toys... Good thing this is being handled by the director of The Mummy Returns or I'd worry the characters might appear woefully underwritten.

Thanks to Kevin for this one.

G.I. Joe's Cover Girl Revealed! [IESB]

Feb 6 2008'Night Watchman' Now Titled 'Street Kings'!

Attention! Amend your plans to see the Keanu Reeves cop drama, The Night Watchman! Reportedly out of concern it would be confused with Zack Snyder's Watchmen comic adaptation (personally, I'd be more worried it sounds like a Night at the Museum sequel), the film has been retitled Street Kings. This way people will just think it's a drag king prostitute movie.

Watchman Gets Renamed [/Film]

Feb 6 2008Kate Hudson Joining 'Big Eyes'

America's Second Sweetheart (after Drew Barrymore), Kate Hudson, has signed on to star in Big Eyes, playing the role of Margaret Keane. The painter, famous for her images of Olson-esque waifs with absurdly-large eyes, originally allowed her husband to take credit for her work, eventually leading to a court case over ownership.

I can see this working, actually, so long as they get Matthew McConaughey to play husband Walter Keane. During the trial, the two opposing personalities (Hudson is cute and responsible, McConaughey is a wild slacker) can't stop arguing--or keep their hands off each other's swimsuit-clad bodies! (The trial will take place on a beach or something.) In the end, like in reality, the court finds for Margaret, but to make things more interesting, also nullifies their divorce, sentencing them to "a lifetime of love." Here's some sample dialogue:

Sexy female juror: You know, some people say my eyes are like your paintings.

Matthew McConaughey: You certainly do have some big eyes...

Sexy female juror: Those aren't my eyes you're looking at!

Kate Hudson to star in 'Big Eyes' [Variety]

Feb 6 2008Watch the 'Second Skin' Trailer, Then We'll Raid a Guild

A documentary focusing on a group of people (nerds) obsessed with the world of massively-multiplayer online gaming, Second Skin appears to present the subjects in an examining, unbiased light that isn't half as condescending as it could be. The approach provides the unique chance to see the ways, both positive and negative, that online gaming has changed the lives of those who participate. Unfortunately, it also means that you feel far more guilt at mocking their lifestyles, with the subjects fulfilling most of the nerdy images and scenarios you've probably already conjured up (I honestly expected more guys with ponytails).

Continue Reading "Watch the 'Second Skin' Trailer, Then We'll Raid a Guild"

Feb 6 2008'Sex and Death 101' Trailer Has Naked Winona Ryd... Wait, Is That Natalie?

A comedy that explores what would happen if a guy got a list of every woman he ever has and ever would sleep with, how jarring it is to see Natalie from Facts of Life in anything outside of a Fact of Life reunion, and how hysterical it is when a large black woman wants to sleep with a white man. I assume it's aimed at the niche market of aging, pathetic Gen-X'ers that still long to see a brief glimpse of Winona Ryder's nipple, but otherwise want to watch a rejected Patrick Dempsey vehicle.

Thanks for the link, Kyle.

Continue Reading "'Sex and Death 101' Trailer Has Naked Winona Ryd... Wait, Is That Natalie?"

Feb 6 2008Brolin To Be a Learning Computer?

For as stupid as his pseudonym is, Charlie's Angels-director McG seems to be making pretty good decisions when it comes to casting his upcoming Terminator sequel. First he cast Christian Bale as the new John Connor, and now, responding to the question of who his dream Terminator would be, he's hinted that No County For Old Men's Josh Brolin may be up for the part, saying:

There's really a masculine component to the role. And there's guys out there like Russell Crowe and Eric Bana, bring a good physicality, they do what they do, but I don't know if they're exactly right at the end of the day. (Smiles) Josh Brolin is a very exciting actor - we'll see.

McG mentions Crowe and Bana as other masculine options, but I think he's forgetting the raw physicality and eagerness to jump back into old action series of Sylvester Stallone. Sure, Sly's been worrying about his own dead franchises thus far, but I see no reason he wouldn't take over Arnold's too. Lock him in for the role now, before he signs on to Elementary School Cop.

McG talks Terminator [213]

Feb 6 2008AM Poster Post: 'Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer'?

Someone's seen Army of Darkness, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Mario Bros.! Then, sadly, tried to merge them all on a housewife's monthly grocery budget.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer Poster [IMPA]

Feb 5 2008Jim Henson Biopic Might Not Be Half Bad

Do you like Jim Henson? If you said no, you're most likely evil or unreasonably afraid of felt puppets. Who doesn't like Jim Henson, besides evils and puppet-fearers? That being said, I'm not entirely sure how interesting of a biopic his life will make, but Empire Film Group has plans to do it anyway:

The company's press release says they have a screenplay by Robert D. Slane and that they're hoping to secure a high profile director "like Penny Marshall".

I'm curious to see how this develops, but as Empire notes, it would definitely be more interesting of a concept with someone like Michel Gondry at the helm--who would likely skew the lines of reality and Muppetdom--rather than, say, Penny Marshall. Seriously, they're hoping for Penny Marshall? It's like praying for a Ford Taurus--reasonably reliable and able to get you where you need to go, but pretty sad if that's your highest aspiration.

Jim Henson Biopic In The Works [Empire]

Feb 5 2008'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' Dirty Stuff Trailer

I'm not a Judd-Apatow-as-Possible-Comedy-God believer, but as I've said before, Forgetting Sarah Marshall looks really good, and this R-rated trailer makes it look even better in that special way only athletic intercourse and ass-shots can.

Watch it here, but only away from bosses and the elderly.

Feb 5 2008Either Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana Wins Weekend

1. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour - Wait, so are the two worlds the real world and the fictional world of Hannah Montana, finally converging in a post-modern fusion of crappy pop and nepotism? Is this like the Garth Brooks/Chris Gaines thing mixed with Bratz? I don't know how this made $31.1 million, but then again, I'm not a 12-year-old girl or Billy Ray Cyrus.

2. The Eye - $12.4 million, sending a clear message that any Asian movie about pale, eyelinered ghosts will be attended as long as there's someone attractive in it.

3. 27 Dresses - $8.5 million, or about $460k per dress.

4. Meet the Spartans - $7.3 million, paid by largely the same people that will be voting today.

5. Rambo - $7.1 million and countless dead.

Weekend Box Office [Box Office Mojo]

Feb 5 2008'Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden' Trailer, Music By Rockapella

I want to admit right now, I really hate Morgan Spurlock. I hated his essay-on-the-obvious, Hey, It Turns Out McDonald's Isn't That Good For You, and from the trailer, I'd say I'll hate Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? even more.

Invoking the same witty reference The Today Show uses when they send Matt Lauer to god-knows-where, Spurlock is once again arrogant enough to think that he and his ironic mustache are a fitting subject for a documentary, as the film follows him in his preparation and search for bin Laden. Of course, from everything I've heard, Spurlock does not find bin Laden, making this self-indulgent thesis even more obvious than the last. Hey, it turns out it is hard to find Osama bin Laden!

Admittedly, I commend him and his crew for their bravery in embarking on such a task, and their search surely does merit some coverage, but if seeing Spurlock's travels means tolerating his cocky-highschooler-who-found-a-camera filmmaking and comedy, (asking random mall patrons if they've seen Osama?! Crazy!) I don't think it's worth it.

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Feb 5 2008Actual Crystal Skull from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Thereof

So you know how the title of the new Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, makes reference to a crystal skull, right? Well, here it is: the crystal skull. Apparently Indy wants it to be in a museum, while the Soviets would prefer to have a really awesome hood ornament, like the one Dracula has in Monster Squad.

First Look at the Actual Crystal Skull [MovieWeb]

Feb 5 2008AM Poster Post: Nicolas Cage's Flowing, 'Bangkok Dangerous' Mane

The film world's first cautionary tale about responding to the playground question of, "Have you ever been to Bangkok?"

Bangkok Dangerous Poster [IMPA]

Feb 4 2008Some Other Crap That Happened...

- How will Across the Universe writers Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais follow up their cinematic literal interpretation of Beatles songs? With Ruby Tuesday, a literal interpretation of Rolling Stones songs (duh!), and this time it will be animated. More specifically, according to La Frenais, "It will be some pretty hip animation." But the question remains, will it be groovy?

- Joe Johnston has taken over Mark Romanek's Benicio Del Toro-starring Wolf Man project. No need to worry with the director of Hidalgo and Jumanji at the helm.

Feb 4 2008'WALL-E' Superbowl Spot by Pixar, the 'Toy Story' Guys

When Jurassic Park was coming out, I don't remember the trailers beginning with E.T. entering a movie theater, and, likewise, the commercials to Schindler's List didn't begin with Indiana Jones thoughtfully gazing into the distance as he recalled the atrocities of Nazi Germany. Besides not making any sense, it would have been completely unnecessary given the brand power inherent in the name Steven Spielberg. Similarly, I would have thought that after the huge success of Toy Story, Toy Story 2, A Bug's Life, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles Cars, and Ratatouille, the Pixar name would be enough of an endorsement without whipping out Buzz Lightyear and Woody for the Superbowl WALL-E commercial. I guess it's sort of cute in a "Wink-wink! Remember Toy Story?! That was us!" sort of way.

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Feb 4 2008First Shot from 'Synecdoche New York' Representative of Whole

There are few films I'm anticipating more than Charlie Kaufman's directorial debut Synecdoche New York, starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as a playwright attempting to create a life-size replicate of New York for one of his works. In less capable hands it could turn into a quirky Field of Dreams, but Kaufman's writing resumé (Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind) has shown his rare talent at grounding the absurd in reality, a skill that will likely carry through into his direction, and with PSH in the lead, I mean, come on. It has to be good.

IonCinema agrees with my enthusiasm, and has posted the above first shot from the film. I have no idea what is being examined, but it will probably end up being clever enough to earn a Best Screenplay nomination.

Synecdoche New York Image [Ion Cinema]

Feb 4 2008'The Happening' Teaser Trailer Finds Self-Awareness

I'll assume that, as he was writing The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan must have realized that making a film about people inexplicably committing suicide would lead to critics citing watching Lady in the Water as the likely cause. So thank you, M. Night, for finally reaching the point of self-awareness that you're willing to make it easy for us asshole bloggers. And thanks to Kyle for the tip.

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Feb 4 2008Venom Stand-Alone Movie Heading to X-Treme Theatres

In the same way Spider-Man is the epitome of the radiation-centric superheroes of the '60s, the hero's villainous counterpart, Venom, is an embodiment of everything that was wrong with comics in the late-'80s/early-'90s. It was an era of parachute pants and painfully-acceptable neon, a time when most ideas involved taking something that existed and injecting a shot of "totally xtreme". And so, Spider-Man's greatest foe became, obviously, this really awesome Spider-Man with giant teeth, more muscles, excessive tongue, and crazy black shit flying off him. He was already a pointless addition to the last Spider-Man film, and a movie focusing on the character is about as necessary as the Vanilla Ice movie was, but less timely. But when has that ever stopped Hollywood? From IESB:

Venom fans rejoice, Marvel is moving forward with a new stand alone film, yep you heard right, Venom is coming back to the big screen.

We've confirmed that "the studio" has met recently with several "A list writers" about a spin-off film.

Don't forget to wear your sweetest Rollerblades to opening night. And feel free to adamantly agree/disagree in the comments.

Venom Stand Alone Film Moving Forward [IESB]

Feb 4 2008'Arrested Development' Movie Becoming More Likely

It's been talked about before, but now Jason Bateman and Jeffrey Tambor have both confirmed that contact has been made regarding a much-desired Arrested Development feature. Quoth the Bateman:

I can confirm that a round of sniffing has started. Any talk is targeting a poststrike situation, of course. I think, as always, that it's a question of whether the people with the money are willing to give our leader, Mitch Hurwitz, what he deserves for his participation. And I can speak for the cast when I say our fingers are crossed.

This made my day. Not only is it a possible revival of one of television's best comedies, it's one more television-to-film adaptation that won't be beaten senseless and covered in "white face" by the Wayans Brothers. We've reached the sad point where that alone deserves some applause.

Jason Bateman Confirms Arrested Development Movie Talks [E!]

Feb 4 2008'Iron Man' Superbowl Spot Totally Flies

The superhero origin story is the typical kickstart to any attempt at a movie franchise, and I can understand its necessity--it can be hard to grasp that a man fights crime in an iron suit unless you see an hour of its construction and testing. But do we really need to be bombarded with the typical "whoa, these new powers are awesome!" scenes? The only things missing are Will Smith shouting, "Damn, I gotta get me one a'these!" and the Human Torch quipping, "Didn't I already do this scene in my terrible movie?"

The Iron Man preview plays out like a bad commercial for a video game peripheral, determined to show us what a modern miracle the Iron Man suit is, and how much scream-out-loud fun is had when using it. And after the glory of the new accessory is aptly proclaimed, we're finally treated to what I assume is footage of the Iron Man video game (packaged with the Iron Man Suit Peripheral). Because only a video game cut-scene would have such cheap graphics and ridiculously nonchalant action, right?

But despite my criticisms, by the end I realized that marketing this like a video game accessory is probably completely appropriate; it will make the massive hype and inevitable letdown much easier to compare to the Power Glove.

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Feb 4 2008'Son of Rambow' Poster Reminiscent of Real Terror

I really like what I've seen thus far from Son of Rambow, but this poster--the overtly-militant boy, stringy brown hair, strangely pouty lips--reminds me a little too much of that movie-reviewing, porn addict-crticizing, snowman fighting feral child making the viral video rounds right now. If you hadn't seen these yet, prepare for several uncomfortable, two-minute stares into the emotionless face of a child psychopath. And he really hates Seinfeld.

Son of Rambow Poster [IMPA]

Feb 1 2008'The Grand' Trailer Might Not Redeem David Cross

With its cast of mostly-respected actors and comedians (we'll forget that Rush Hour-director Bret Ratner is in it), I really wanted to like The Grand. I hoped it would be the definitive skewering of the sunglass-wearing, cowboy-hatted chip-stack of arrogance that is the world of professional poker. Unfortunately, from the looks of the trailer, it won't be.

You'd think Werner Herzog as a crazy German who must kill something each day would be funny enough, but somehow this and every other caricature fall flat in their over-eccentricities. They're somehow so wacky they're dull. Hopefully the full film plays out a little better, at least for the sake of David Cross. This was meant to be his post-Chipmunk redemption.

And sorry for slow posting today. I have one of those headaches from medicine commercials, where parts are pulsing with pain light.

'The Grand' Trailer [Yahoo!]

Feb 1 2008Another New 'Indiana Jones' Shot

From the upcoming issue of Empire comes another new shot from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, in which it appears Prince Valiant is nonchalantly holding the guy from Pitfall hostage. That is all.

New 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' Photo [Cinematical]

Feb 1 2008Padawan Ahsoka Tano is Your New Favorite Jedi

The redundantly-titled upcoming CG-animated series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, has a new character, and her name is just as hard to say as you'd expect--Ahsoka Tano. Described as "able to wield a lightsaber and pilot a spacecraft with great talent," she sounds like pretty much every other Jedi. At least she's hip to the popular fashion trends of today. The boots/tights/skirt combo is all the rage, particularly when paired with the cold gaze of apathy.

Full shot below the cut.

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Feb 1 2008AM Poster Post: 'In Bruges' Poster

Any time a terrified Colin Farrell is holding an ice cream cone while attempting to crush himself with his coat, you know you're in for a good movie. Or at least an overly-clever self-aware gangster comedy.

New In Bruges Poster [Empire]