Jan 2 2008So, What's Cute Enough to Animate in 2008?
People magazine is reporting that Knut, the fame-whore of a polar bear born in the Berlin Zoo, may be headed for an animated treatment if the producers of Garfield get their way. The Animation Picture Company has offered the zoo $5 million for right to the bear's story, which it would set in an alternate universe in which Knut speaks English, and has the voice of Suri Cruise.
With another arctic beast, the penguin, dominating cuteness markets in the last couple years, it seems now as if their natural enemy, the polar bear, may be their successor. But it also has to make you wonder...
What Else is Cute Enough to Animate in 2008?
Squirrels - Building off the recent popularity of animated chipmunks, Squirrelin' Around will promise twice the strange innuendo, horrible songs, and shit eating as its predecessor. Voices by George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon, but with their pitch raised beyond recognition.
LOLcats - They were surely one of the largest internet phenomena of 2007, and they're already completely played-out and totally annoying, now relegated to the inboxes of your over-50 relatives. This makes them the perfect candidate for an unwanted, out-of-touch Hollywood adaptation. Voices by on-screen text, Frank Oz. Songs by Tay Zonday, Randy Newman.
Shoes - As Pixar proved with Cars, even boring, inanimate objects can be adorable animated characters if they're given giant eyes; for years, women have praised each other's wardrobes, saying their shoes look "cute." Let's put the two together and see if it can hold up for 90 minutes. Voices by Sarah Jessica Parker, Vh1's Ant.
Dennis Kucinich - Too liberal and oddball for the presidency? Maybe. Perfectly cute and impish for an animated tale about a single gnome trying to stop his destructive society from wiping out all of their magic berry bushes? Definitely. Voice by Barack Obama, whose voice tests more accessible to conservative audiences.
That's all I can think of, so now I ask you: What Else is Cute Enough to Animate in 2008?
Reader Comments
1. mgroves - January 2, 2008 4:25 PM
I think Kucinich and Ron Paul could do an animated buddy movie. Less than 5% of the population isn't enough to get either elected, but it's enough to make some money on a movie! Plus they could sing a duet of Souljah Boy or My Humps or something, just to make it as unpalatable as possible.
2. Sexton - January 2, 2008 4:26 PM
Kim Kardashian's butt!
3. The Moat - January 2, 2008 4:59 PM
Dust Bunnies.
They're bunnies, so they're cute and fluffy (think merchandizing!)
But get this... they're DUST! Isn't that edgy?
4. cecilia - January 2, 2008 8:09 PM
Delurking to add to The Moat's comment...
In the old days, dust bunnies were called "slut's wool."
I don't really have anything more to say. I just thought that was interesting in the context of "things to animate."
5. WHISTLE - January 3, 2008 8:33 AM
What about a computer animated film about a lonely pencil, who is no longer appreciated because everything is now typed or animated on computers. He or she somehow creates relevance for pencils and becomes a hero to all non-virtual writing instruments.
6. The Moat - January 3, 2008 9:32 AM
"He or she somehow creates relevance for pencils and becomes a hero to all non-virtual writing instruments. "
How about discovering OTB? What would all the degenerate drunks use to fill out their racing forms if not for pencils?
You could have other endearing characters like Champ, the racing horse with a heart of gold (whose injury leads to his heart-breaking execution in the second act) and Abe, the gambler (also with requisite heart of gold) who just cashed in his kids' college savings in hopes of hitting it big at the OTB.
And don't worry about his son, Eric (who, because of his heart of gold, is able to communicate with anthropomorphic pencils). He's the star of his pee-wee football team, so odds are he'll get a scholarship and won't need the money his dad just blew on the third race.
Hid daughter Julie won't need the money either, although for an entirely different reason. She'll get pregnant and drop out midway through Junior year and won't even graduate High School, so college tuition isn't really an issue.
I want Albert Finney as the drunken dad, Dennis Quaid for the Horse, Justin Long as the pencil, and one of the Jonas Brothers for Eric. That way we can do a tie in with the soundtrack and get more ad time on Nickelodeon.
7. Wendy - January 3, 2008 9:33 AM
trash. i'd like to see them make trash cute.
8. Mella - January 3, 2008 11:25 AM
@7- they've already made Wall*E, in theatres June 2008!
I for one would lie to see Emos animated. They're played the eff out, right? It would be adorable, as their angular haircuts and over-accentuated eye makeup are already reminiscent of anime.
9. Connor - January 3, 2008 8:03 PM
Rapists.
10. Meg - January 4, 2008 1:19 PM
Damn, this article made me throw up in my mouth a little. It's just incredible to me that a medium that can create virtually anything is being used to make cheap crap like this. I hate you, Hollywood!
(Oh, and nice one, Conner!)
11. ron_paul - January 4, 2008 9:50 PM
I would totally watch a Longcat movie. Hours of the camera panning down and down and down...
12. Interweb Elizabeth - January 5, 2008 3:25 PM
Herpes.
13. Jaunus - January 6, 2008 12:04 AM
So lemme guess... the shoe idea is like a Finding Nemo, only it's a running shoe of say, Micheal Jordan, looking for the other in it's pair, so you end up with a Finding Nemo and Cars mix? Isn't that the crappy Brave Little Toaster idea all over again?
14. Amy - January 8, 2008 1:56 AM
Pixar's probably already got Shoes in the works.. It has kind of been done before. I'm thinking of the super cute shoes from way back in Who Framed Roger Rabbit here. Then they got melted. In cartoon acid. Good times.
15. Marg - January 9, 2008 10:54 AM
Please, natural enemy? Polar Bears = Northern Hemisphere, Penguins = Southern. Damn, got to get me some of that slut wool.
16. Mark - January 9, 2008 1:17 PM
You're right, Marg. I should have remembered that from the Encyclopedia Brown where that's the answer. And I wish I were kidding about that.