'Snow Buddies' Trailer Demands Wide Release
After watching this trailer, it's clear Disney is making a terrible, terrible mistake releasing Snow Buddies straight-to-DVD. Having let The Land Before Time XVII and Aladdin V slip between the fingers of our nation's cinemas, I can't let another masterpiece go unnoticed. The following is an open letter to Disney for the theatrical release of Snow Buddies. Hurry up and sign! (Through comments, I guess?)
Dear Disney...
I apologize for the tardiness of this plea, but it was only just exposed, as you describe it in the trailer, to "something incredible." I refer, of course, to Snow Buddies, the inspirational tale of a kid reading a story about a mythological arctic dog that talks, then praying for his own snow dogs, then getting an inexplicable of delivery of talking, costumed golden retrievers, then becoming the first boy to race the Iditarod using a team of puppies, and finally winning his father's reluctant love. With this letter, I ask that you release this miraculous film to theaters.
Snow Buddies really speaks to me and my BFFs, all of us part of the "Air Bud Generation" who have fervently longed for hyper-intelligent golden retrievers to compete in sporting events with us. With Snow Buddies you've given us not one but five ill-prepared yet delightfully-characterized dogs--one is apparently a cartoon football player, one has gangsta "bling", one has an ascot (the gay one), one is of an Eastern faith (Buddha), and a necessary girl (with a ribbon)--to drop from the sky and compete in a dangerous sled race. It is no overstatement to say that, to us, this is manna from puppy heaven.
Educated audiences appreciate a family movie that doesn't pander to them. Snow Buddies clearly does not, accurately demonstrating a child's ability to use arc welding to assemble his own sled (thankfully the dogs are wearing specially designed doggy welding goggles in that scene, or I'd be calling PETA on you guys!) and then beating adult Russians in a dog race, successfully defeating two of the most hated demographics of the '80s--those Cold War bastards and old people.
Thank you, Disney, for hearing me out, and for making quality family entertainment about competitive sentient pets. Please give this charming film the theatrical release it deserves.
Sincerely,
The General Public