Feb 1 2008'The Grand' Trailer Might Not Redeem David Cross
With its cast of mostly-respected actors and comedians (we'll forget that Rush Hour-director Bret Ratner is in it), I really wanted to like The Grand. I hoped it would be the definitive skewering of the sunglass-wearing, cowboy-hatted chip-stack of arrogance that is the world of professional poker. Unfortunately, from the looks of the trailer, it won't be.
You'd think Werner Herzog as a crazy German who must kill something each day would be funny enough, but somehow this and every other caricature fall flat in their over-eccentricities. They're somehow so wacky they're dull. Hopefully the full film plays out a little better, at least for the sake of David Cross. This was meant to be his post-Chipmunk redemption.
And sorry for slow posting today. I have one of those headaches from medicine commercials, where parts are pulsing with pain light.
'The Grand' Trailer [Yahoo!]
Feb 1 2008Another New 'Indiana Jones' Shot
From the upcoming issue of Empire comes another new shot from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, in which it appears Prince Valiant is nonchalantly holding the guy from Pitfall hostage. That is all.
New 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' Photo [Cinematical]
Feb 1 2008Padawan Ahsoka Tano is Your New Favorite Jedi
The redundantly-titled upcoming CG-animated series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, has a new character, and her name is just as hard to say as you'd expect--Ahsoka Tano. Described as "able to wield a lightsaber and pilot a spacecraft with great talent," she sounds like pretty much every other Jedi. At least she's hip to the popular fashion trends of today. The boots/tights/skirt combo is all the rage, particularly when paired with the cold gaze of apathy.
Full shot below the cut.
Continue Reading "Padawan Ahsoka Tano is Your New Favorite Jedi"
Feb 1 2008AM Poster Post: 'In Bruges' Poster
Any time a terrified Colin Farrell is holding an ice cream cone while attempting to crush himself with his coat, you know you're in for a good movie. Or at least an overly-clever self-aware gangster comedy.
New In Bruges Poster [Empire]
Jan 31 2008Isabella Rossellini Does 'Green Porno'
Twitch has gotten its hands on some new stills from Green Porno, a series of shorts written, starring, and co-directed by Isabella Rossellini comically studying the way insects have sex. They're reminiscent of Seinfeld's live-action Bee Movie preview, except with less ego, more Italian accents, and simulating fly humping.
I think that's enough of an endorsement, so look at the rest, below the cut.
Jan 31 2008'Superhero Movie' To Be The Marginally Better Spoof of 2008?
So beaten down the Meet the Spartans of the world destroying the spoof with its army of questionable lookalikes, I was actually half-heartedly hoping that Superhero Movie might revitalize the parody genre I loved as a kid. Despite the title's dreary reference to its awful parody brethren, Superhero was produced by Naked Gun founder David Zucker, and written by the guy who penned Scary Movie 3 (I didn't see Scary Movie 4, but 3 had at least a few memorable gags in comparison to its Wayans-based predecessors), so it seemed like it had some potential.
Unfortunately, after bemoaning the scattershot laziness of Epic/Date/Whatever Movie's any-reference-as-a-joke "humor", I fear Superhero Movie may be at the opposite end of the laziness spectrum: specific and focused to the point of near-plagiarism. Spider-Man's shots and beats are reproduced with such attention to detail that, with its obvious observations and lack of any truly winning humor, the film appears to be more on the level of immature kids recreating their favorite movie with a camcorder.
It's nice to see pop culture references being used as building points, rather than punchlines, however, I ask you, when was the last time the break-dancing-in-an-unfamiliar-situation-to-prove-how-comfortable-you've-become-in-said-situation gag was funny, and was Jaime Kennedy involved? I'm pretty sure the joke was old before dancing even broke.
Thanks to Meg, my favorite human, for the link.
Continue Reading "'Superhero Movie' To Be The Marginally Better Spoof of 2008?"
Jan 31 2008'Leatherheads' Poster Attempt #2: Big Heads & Romance
Whereas the last Leatherheads poster confusingly left out all of the love-triangle elements to make it sports-centric, this one seems to be focusing exclusively on the romance between George Clooney and Renee Zellwegger, not even mentioning that co-star John Krasinski is a third romantic lead. Believe me, I wouldn't have decried the previous one had I know that my other option was seeing overly-airbrushed smugness beside a fourth-wall-breaking attempt at adorability.
New Leatherheads Poster [Empire]
Jan 31 2008Michael Bay Re-Dreaming 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'
So, you know how A Nightmare on Elm Street exists, yet somehow hasn't been remade outside of its innumerable sequels? Well, Michael Bay apparently just noticed this glaring incongruity, and is planning to relaunch the series under his Platinum Dunes production company (named after these really awesome, really valuable dunes).
Transformers director Michael Bay and his partners at the Platinum Dunes production company have been tasked by New Line Cinema to "relaunch" the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.Wes Craven’s 1984 slasher classic gave the world the iconic Freddy Krueger, who haunted a total of nine films and two TV series. According to Variety, the new outing will represent a "complete overhaul" of the Nightmare concept.
And lest you forget, Platinum Dunes already has a restart of Friday the 13th coming in May, so soon all of your fond memories of the slasher films of the '80s will be replaced by shinier, stupider versions. Who needs original ideas when someone already came up with a scarred guy with a claw on his hand?
Thanks to some guy with a hilariously racist pseudonym for the link.
Michael Bay to relive A Nightmare on Elm Street [The Register]
Jan 31 2008Tyler Perry's 'Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns' Teaser Poster
Tyler Perry gives us a rare glimpse into his complex creative process, in which, at the last minute, he deliberately shoves Madea into something already full of other needless shit. And, hey, it's funny how this other guy dresses like a psychotic! I smell the next Madea!
Question: How long until people start using "Meet the Browns" as a euphemism for using the bathroom? And was that the intention?
Meet the Browns Teaser Poster [ComingSoon]
Jan 31 2008Farewell, Farewell, Farewell, Farewell, Montel*
Everyone's favorite ex-marine, Mr. Clean-esque talk show host, Montel Williams, has announced he is ending his popular(?) talk show. After 17 years on the air, he still leaves millions without their lost loves, estranged from their mothers who gave them up for adoption as teens, and/or without the guidance of an old lady's cold readings. As a small consolation, Montel has offered up a full year's worth of "best of" shows to slowly ween us off his sage wisdom.
You'd think, with her amazing talents and frequent appearances, psychic Sylvia Browne would have surely predicted this move. Weird!
*a poor reference to Montel opening his show with "Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome!"
Montel Williams' talk show to end [Yahoo!]
Jan 31 2008Inevitable 'Cloverfield' Sequel Looming
What did you think upon first walking out of Cloverfield? That was enjoyable enough, if gimmicky and unbelievable? What a letdown after six months of marketing? I feel incredibly nauseous? If any of these are close, you obviously aren't a Paramount executive; their reaction to your leaving the theater was pupils transforming into dollar signs and the audible ching of cash register. Yes, as you've probably already suspected (and despite a massive box office drop from its opening week, an indicator that maybe audiences don't want to see more Cloverfield), Paramount is in talks with director Matt Reeves to direct a sequel to the shaky-cam hit.
Matt Reeves is in early talks with Paramount to direct a "Cloverfield" sequel, and he has also made a deal with GreeneStreet Films to direct "The Invisible Woman."Timing of the projects will depend on how quickly Paramount can complete discussions with Reeves, producer J.J. Abrams and scribe Drew Goddard to scare up another monster tale for the "Cloverfield" sequel. There's a good chance the sequel will be Reeves' next film, in which case he will direct "The Invisible Woman" afterward.
I think there's a metaphor to be made here about something huge rising out of nowhere, creating a huge spectacle, and drawing massive crowds, only to have it mercilessly bombed to a painful oblivion. I'm not willing to piece it together, but you get the idea.
Paramount sows 'Cloverfield' sequel [Variety]
Jan 31 2008AM Poster Post: 'Prince Caspian' Makes Good Money
The good thing about Chronicles of Narnia posters are that, once the movie is done, we can replace these faces with U.S. presidents and it would make a great new currency design. Switch the castle with the Capitol Building, too, but keep the lion, for the hell of it.
Jan 30 20083D 'Coraline' Trailer, Except Not in 3D
The early HD preview released last month already provided more than enough reason to get excited about the Neil Gaiman/Henry Selick/TMBG collaboration, Coraline, but this 3D trailer raises the bar even higher. I bet it looks even better with the 3D glasses on, and if it weren't taken with someone's shitty camera phone. I mean, just listen to the man in the theater shouting at the needle heading towards him. Some of that is actual fear and the inability to distinguish film from reality, but at least part is probably excitement at how good it looks.
Jan 30 2008'Leatherheads' Poster Possesses No Rules
I'm confused as to why the marketing department for what appears to be a screwball romantic comedy set around early football decided to push the film's actual football playing as the sole selling point. Superbowl Fever? And now I'm torn which supplement would best finish the tagline: "...in love", "...until she came around", or "...actually, I guess there were still some rules."
The Leatherheads One-Sheet! [ComingSoon]
Jan 30 2008'Crash' Coming to TV, So What Else Could?
Riding off the high of a three-year-old Best Picture Oscar Win, it's been announced that the ensemble melodrama Crash will be coming to Starz as an original series. So I started thinking, what other Oscar winners could we cash in for a probably-terrible television series, and what would they be like? This is as far as I got:
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) - The king is back--and he wants the fellowship to rent an apartment! Ut oh!
Forrest Gump (1994) - It's like Quantum Leap with an idiot, with Forrest time traveling to cause famous events in history. And Bubba is Al.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991) - All of the current Hannibal-related movies are broken up into half-hour shows, and a laugh-track is added.
Dances with Wolves (1990) - A reality show in which Kevin Costner competes against other celebrities to create the best dance possible with a wolf partner.
Driving Miss Daisy (1989) - Cash Cab, but they'll only pick up white contestants.
Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) - Retitled Kramer vs. Cramer, Michael Richards and Mad Money's Jim Cramer compete in weekly verbal and physical sparring.
The French Connection (1971) - Gene Hackman joins host Chuck Woolery in the search for love abroad.
The Greatest Show on Earth (1952) - Just some people singing or dancing, maybe lifting things? I don't think it matters. With a name like The Greatest Show on Earth, who's not going to watch?
Any other Best Pictures you think would make a good television series?
Jan 30 2008'Son of Rambow' Trailer Far Better Than Actual 'Rambo'
Despite being perhaps a less-than-perfect adaptation of its source material, Garth Jennings' 2005 take on Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was a visually interesting and overlooked picture, and I've awaited what would come next from the music video director.
It's finally arrived in Son of Rambow, a look at a sheltered boy making a homemade Rambo sequel with the help of his camcorder-toting friend. It sounds kind of hokey and overly-inspiring--and it may well be--but it also looks quirky, charming and heartfelt, and far more worthwhile than the actual Rambo. And with its talented, surprisingly naturalistic child cast, it will make you question why we let Dakota Fanning and Abigail Breslin continue believing they're four-and-a-half-foot Meryl Streeps.
Continue Reading "'Son of Rambow' Trailer Far Better Than Actual 'Rambo'"
Jan 30 2008'Blonde and Blonder' Clip Invents Pornless Porn Genre
As any ardent comedy-porn fan knows, the only thing that makes the negligible plot, clichéd characters, and goofy, seemingly improvised comedy based on how hot yet oblivious the girls are tolerable is the knowledge that a graphic sex scene is sure to follow. So, I ask, if the Pamela Anderson/Denise Richards vehicle Blonde and Blonder has all of these elements except the sex, what is the point of this film, outside of nearly fulfilling some distant, decade-old fantasy of mine? If you thought unnatural aging and Hepatitis had already sapped all of Pamela Anderson's desirability, watch this clip--it turns out she had some left to lose.
Continue Reading "'Blonde and Blonder' Clip Invents Pornless Porn Genre"
Jan 30 2008Will 'Parnassus' Continue Through CGI and Internets?
Though he seems unclear on the details, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus actor Christopher Plummer has spoken out on how director Terry Gilliam may still try to save Heath Ledger's final performance:
[Gilliam is] trying to work out at this moment how to continue on. Fortunately, because the film deals with magic, there is a way, perhaps, of turning Heath into other people and then, using stills and I think they call it CGI…
It's clear by his grasp of the term CGI that Plummer has no idea of the specifics of this, and may actually be referring to the Internet, mp3s, or the auto-gyro. But if it's true, I'm curious if they're considering "morphing" him into other actors (like the rumored Johnny Depp) to finish the character's scenes or if it's more along the lines of animating a CGI-Ledger for half the film. I hope the latter, because, as experience has taught us, it's not at all creepy when you see a posthumous performance given through lifeless, computer-generated eyes.
Jan 30 2008Sean Penn as Harvey Milk/Samuel Powers
I knew Sean Penn was going to take on the role of politician and gay rights activist Harvey Milk for Gus Van Sant's Milk, but I had no idea he was going to be playing it as Dustin Diamond. I guess the gay angle would do a lot to explain Screech's willingness to join Zack's various harebrained schemes so eagerly; I just worry it could get distracting if he keeps hiding in his locker when a rival politician shows up.
Sean Penn as Harvy Milk [Ohlala Mag]
Jan 30 2008Indiana Jones with Bazooka, LaBeouf
This little film seems to be slipping under the radar, so let me remind you that this Jones fellow will be in another sequel called Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. In an effort to appeal to new American Gladiators fans, the latest chapter will apparently be much more like the Assault event, with an ending that promises a showdown between Indy and his Russian foe rolling around in giant crystal skulls.
New Indiana Jones Pic [Empire]
Jan 29 2008First Look at Pixar's Next Gift From God, 'Up'
To fully understand why it is so miraculous each time we behold a new glimpse of Pixar's film wizardry, you have to understand what goes into making a Pixar film. They make a big show of all the fun pools and air hockey tables and holograms and stuff that make up their massive compound, but that leaves out all the hard work done behind the scenes.
When you were in grade school, did you ever have to dissect owl droppings, hunting for bits of undigested rodent bones in the hopes of assembling a full specimen? That's what making a Pixar film is like, except instead of owl droppings, it's God's own shit, which the many skilled artists painstakingly shovel through in the hopes of finding enough lovable characters and heartwarming plot elements to construct a feature film. Above is a full element they excavated--a complete field mouse skull, if you will--and here is what they hope will eventually come of it:
Director Pete Docter described Up as a "coming-of-old-age story" about a seventy-something guy who lives in a house that "looks like your grandparents’ house smelled." He befriends a clueless young Wilderness Ranger and gets into lots of altercations. Says Pixar: "Our hero travels the globe, fights beasts and villains and eats dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon."
The first thing you'll probably notice is that this Pixar film is a departure from their norm, wandering into the realm of 2D animation. It asks the question, what has God been eating differently, and will it affect Toy Story 3? Only time will tell. Never mind; it's just concept art.
New Image From Disney-Pixar's 'Up' [Pixar Planet]
Jan 29 2008George Clooney in 'Burn After Reading'/Theatre Ad
I think this new shot from the upcoming Coen Brothers comedy Burn After Reading may just be a reminder to silence our electronic devices and pick up some concessions before the film starts, and that with their massive screens and stadium seating, an AMC Theatres Night feels as magical as a night with George Clooney. But that doesn't stop me from geeking out about it like a freak. With all the No Country hoopla, I'd nearly forgotten--another new Coen Brothers movie is coming, M.F'ers!
First Picture of George Clooney from 'Burn After Reading' [FilmoFilia]
Jan 29 2008'Midnight Meat Train' Trailer Isn't What You'd Think
First, despite the title, let me say this is not a porn about twilight transit gang bangs, though it would probably be better if it were. Instead, it's based on Clive Barker's 1984 short story, with Bradley Cooper starring as a disillusioned photographer who, for some reason, thinks no one has taken accurate pictures of a New York City before (yeah, and none have yet captured the subtle beauty of cigarette smoke either, Ansel). After some sharp criticism from Brooke Shields, he takes to the subway, taking candid pictures of a woman who somehow remains oblivious to him standing on front of her, then observes her brutal slaughter, still photographing her, but with a shocked expression.
Naturally, the police are somewhat disturbed to learn he continued to take pictures as a woman is being hacked apart, but not for the reasons you'd think--they apparently think he was stalking her. From there, I pretty much lost track of what was going on. I think it has something do with vigilante justice, photography, and the palpable strain of finding anything new to contribute to the horror genre.
Thanks for the tip, Graham.
Continue Reading "'Midnight Meat Train' Trailer Isn't What You'd Think"
Jan 29 2008'Hellboy II': Johann Close-Up Art as Metaphor
The Official Hellboy II Production Site has finally posted a close-up look at Johann, the new psychic character who must wear a containment suit to keep his ectoplasmic body from dissipating. The suit works the same as drinking does to keep my soul numb enough to not completely exit my body, but in a more sci-fi, steampunky, socially acceptable way.
HBII - "Johann Krauss" Online Art [Official Production Site]
Jan 29 2008Quaid Sacrificing Career to Join 'G.I. Joe'
I still predict the big screen adaptation of G.I. Joe to go down as a mess of distorted nostalgia and military propaganda told through crummy dialogue and computer effects, but that doesn't mean the casting is all that bad. Dennis Quaid has just been announced as General Hawk, the wise, battle-hardened leader of the team--a look that Quaid naturally embodies in his wizened yet dignified face. He's a great choice. I'll just feel bad for the recently-cast Channing Tatum when he inevitably falls in love with Quaid's daughter and briefly takes control of the Joe team, only to eventually realize that the older leadership of Quaid has valuable experience that his young, hotshot tactics can't compete with, leaving Tatum alone to contemplate his existence over some Peter Gabriel.
Quaid, Tatum enlist in Par's 'G.I. Joe' [Variety]
Jan 29 2008'Be Kind Rewinded' Sweded Trailer
OK, so if you've watched the original trailer to Be Kind Rewind, you know the movie tells the story of Jack black accidentally erasing a rental store's VHS tapes, forcing himself and Mos Def to recreate the films from scratch with a camcorder--a process they call sweding. Now, director Michel Gondry, always one to be postmodern, has sweded the trailer itself, recreating the scenes already being recreated in his film. The new trailer is so thickly-caked with layers of strangeness, irony, and shoddy cardboard props that it's probably nearing an approximation of what living in Gondry's brain is actually like, and it's just as creative and thickly-accented as you'd think.
Jan 29 2008AM Poster Post: No One Was Going To Tell Me About 'The Grand'?
There's an improvised poker comedy starring talent like David Cross, Cheryl Hines, and Richard Kind, and this is the first I'm finding out about it? Why has no one told me about this? Because attempt by the writer of Inspector Gadget, Elektra, and X-Men 3 to be a director? OK, that makes some sense.
Still, it could be good, right? Or at least very yellow.
The Grand Poster [IMPA]
Jan 28 2008New 'The Dark Knight' Photos Spark Obvious Comparisons
I'm probably really late to this observation, but this new shot from The Dark Knight is the first where I realized that the latest Batman mask is getting dangerously close to Bibleman territory. He's just a Willie Aames and a prayer away from a lawsuit.
If you've already noted this, I apologize for taking so long to come around.
Another new shot under the cut.
Continue Reading "New 'The Dark Knight' Photos Spark Obvious Comparisons"
Jan 28 2008Del Toro in Talks To Direct 'The Hobbit'
I'm not the biggest fan of fantasy epics and, therefore, the massive orc-driven spectacle that was The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. But at the very least, I can respect that they'll well made films worthy of the attention and special editions of Risk they're given, and I've shared the hope that New Line would choose a successor worthy of Peter Jackson to make The Hobbit. Sam Raimi had been the favorite for some time, but now, according to The Hollywood Reporter, it seems Guillermo del Toro is the frontrunner.
It's all still being negotiated, so don't get your Hobbit holes too wet yet, but del Toro at the helm could mean faithful prequels that you don't have to attempt to overlook when examining the series (see Star Wars prequels, obviously). Plus, there's never been a better chance for The Hobbit to have nightmarish creatures with misplaced eyes, and that's something even we fantasy cynics can get behind.
Del Toro doubles up for 'Hobbit' [Hollywood Reporter]
Jan 28 2008Channing Tatum Continuing Buzzcut Streak in 'G.I. Joe'
From AICN comes news that Channing Tatum is the latest to join the what-does-it-matter cast of G.I. Joe. He will reportedly be taking on the role of second-in-command, Duke, or, for those of you unfamiliar with the canon, the guy who you thought was named G.I. Joe. I speculate the young actor will take any role that allows him to wear a wifebeater and a buzzcut, a theory supported by his next role, the lead in Guy I Hated in High School.
Jan 28 2008Will Smith Wearing Leather for 'Hancock'
From the trailer, I was never clear on whether Will Smith would don a traditional costume in his hobo-superhero flick, Hancock, or if they considered it funnier to have him fight crime exclusively in filth. This shot from Ropes of Silicon has cleared that up, revealing that Smith will wear a fashion mash-up of the biker leather of X-Men and the bespectacled smugness of Kanye West. Try to figure out what equivalent line to Men in Black's "I make this look good" they'll come up with.
First Look at Will Smith's Superhero Outfit [Ropes of Silicon]
Jan 28 2008'Snow Buddies' Trailer Demands Wide Release
After watching this trailer, it's clear Disney is making a terrible, terrible mistake releasing Snow Buddies straight-to-DVD. Having let The Land Before Time XVII and Aladdin V slip between the fingers of our nation's cinemas, I can't let another masterpiece go unnoticed. The following is an open letter to Disney for the theatrical release of Snow Buddies. Hurry up and sign! (Through comments, I guess?)
Dear Disney...
Continue Reading "'Snow Buddies' Trailer Demands Wide Release"
Jan 28 2008'Meet the Spartans' Wins a Lame Parody of the Weekend Box Office
1. Meet the Spartans - I think we need to sit down and have a serious discussion about how this possibly made $18.7 million this weekend, and I think that discussion should be littered with shallow references to pop culture that might be mistaken for actual jokes.
2. Rambo - Stallone's body count easily bested 27 Dresses' dress count, earning $18.2 million.
3. 27 Dresses - $13.6 million, or almost $504,000 per dress.
4. Cloverfield - With a 68% drop to $12.7 million, it's still alive, but barely.
5. Untraceable - Your parents' combined fear and lack of understanding of this "internet" thing cost them a cumulative $11.2 million, though the mental damages could still rise as they continually ask you, "Could that really happen?"
Weekend Box Office [Box Office Mojo]
Jan 28 2008AM Poster Post: 'Dolphins and Whales', Together At Last, in 3D
Sometimes, when the violence and intensity of your Rambos and your Cloverfields get to be too much, it's nice to see someone is making a film about swimming around, having a good time, just being a dolphin or whale. I mean, come on, guys. Dolphins and whales, together? Classic combination.
